I know there are mixed feelings about the last chapter… some loved it…some hated it. This is how I wanted it to be…it had to be a traumatic event so Bella would have seizures. It couldn't be calm and planned…but this will work out, I have the whole storyboard in front of me and this completely fits into the plan. Thank you to everyone that reviewed! And by the way… The fact that Jacob was the one that did this to Bella… KILLS me. I just thought it would be so much more realistic for Bella to push Jacob's buttons than someone else's.

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

Chapter 18: What I Never Did Is Done

Bella POV

Fire. That's all I could feel… intense heat swallowing me whole. I could hear them too… somewhere…in the distance. I wasn't really sure where I was…or who all was with me…it was hard to remember why this was happening. I remember…Jacob. He was him… and then he wasn't. I remember a bear…no. No…it wasn't a bear. It was a wolf…but how did I know it was a wolf? My memories were getting fuzzy and it was so hard… why was it so hard? What was happening to me? Why was I on fire… did I get into an accident? ACCIDENT! I remembered James… and Victoria and Laurent. And the wolves… the wolves saved me in the woods. So did the Cullen's. My dad…he…was he ok? The fire became too much to maintain my thought process though and I held back screams. I couldn't scream…I couldn't move. I was frozen in fire… though I could feel myself occasionally convulse. Right…epilepsy. That had to be why I couldn't move or scream. Which reminded me… I was hit by a car…but that felt like it was a long time ago. I wasn't too sure though.

"Bella I'm so sorry…" Who was that? They felt very close to me…but almost like their words were hitting a wall.

"Charlie it isn't you're fault." Charlie? My dad was here? I felt frantic instantly. Where was he? Was he ok? Why couldn't I move… why wasn't I completely coherent? Was I in a coma? I felt someone touch my left arm.

"But Jasper said she is in so much pain… I did that. I told you to do this…" My dad! My dad was here… he was touching me! Good. He is ok. That means though…this isn't from James in the forest. I then remembered visiting my dad in the hospital every day…I remembered being mad at the Cullen's. But I also remembered making up with the Cullen's. Alice…Carlisle…Esme…Jasper…Emmett. Emmett. Oh my God…Emmett and I kissed! I-

"Guy's calm down she's gone frantic!" I heard a pained voice from my right cut off my thoughts. I felt myself convulse again and the person on my right gripped my arm hard and I felt small waves of calm in the distance… almost hitting the same wall as the voices. That had to be Jasper! He was trying to keep me calm. Where am I? I was so frustrated…what the fuck happened to me?

"Now she is frustrated… what is going on here?" Wait a minute. Jasper can- but I was cut off by my own pain… horrible…scolding flames licking my whole body. I heard Jasper hiss in pain and I felt terrible once the pain went back down to almost tolerable.

"Oh Bella…don't feel bad. Please don't feel bad…" Jasper told me.

"She feels bad?" Someone said in the distance…Alice? Maybe? Right! That's what I was thinking. I can reach Jasper through my emotions and let him know I can hear them! This way if I'm in a coma it might help them to help me. But what should I feel?

"Yea…she…wait. Why would she feel bad?" They were close! OH! I want to know what is going on… maybe some confusion…

"She's…confused? Alright. Either she is having the craziest dream ever or she can hear us guys." Yes! Yes thank God. He gets it!

"Now she's excited! Guys! She can hear us! Bella we are all here…this is Jasper. You're dad is on your left, Alice is here…so is Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Angela." Angela? No…no…no…why is she here! Jasper shut up or she will know you have a gift! Oh God…their secret is going to come out…I felt myself convulsing again. When will it end? Was I going to die?

"Shhh it's ok Bella…it's ok. Why are you panicked?" I wish I could tell him… I wish I could do anything… why can't I just wake up? Why is the pain so bad? What did I look like… why couldn't I stop having seizures? What was my dad thinking? Was Emmett alright?

"Shhh… Bella don't be scared it's alright. You're ok…just let me help you Bella. Let me give you some calm…" I wish I could! It just wasn't getting to me…it was almost like it was bouncing off of me. I felt very confused. Jasper has never had difficulty helping me before…

"Maybe you should go out for a hunt Jasper…take a break…and come back strong and maybe you will be able to help her." That was Carlisle…I could tell by his smooth, paternal voice.

"I want a few minutes alone with Bella." I heard a small voice say. She sounded so far away… much farther than anyone else. I then felt intense pain again and couldn't focus on what anyone was saying. I started to convulse again…even though it went without saying that I was having convulsions almost every 5 minutes. Why wasn't anyone freaking out? Why weren't they making it stop?

"Bella… can you hear me?...Jasper says you can…" That was Angela. I wish I could reach out and let her know I was here! How are they keeping their secret in front of her?

"Bella…I just want you to know I'm not upset that you didn't tell me…you know…about the Cullen's." Woah…what?

"The vampire thing…Bella it's so strange. I thought that stuff only existed in books and movies…but it's been in our town…in our school…and the wolves…God Bella…why did this have to happen?" How the fuck did she know all of this?

"When you are…one of them. Bella just please know I never want to stop being your friend." One of them? What does she mean…

"I'm just scared Bella…what will everyone say tomorrow when you aren't at school? What are they going to think when they get told you died…" Died? I'm dying? Why? What happened to me? My dad! Oh God… oh God! I felt the worst convulsions yet… I just couldn't stop this time… I tried…so hard. It just wouldn't stop. I could hear Angela screaming in the distance…but the pain was too much. I started to shut off. This was it… I was going to die. I was going to leave my dad here with no one…leave Alice…when she finally found a real blood relative. Leave Emmett…before I could confess how much I love him. I hid inside myself…not wanting to hear anymore. I was dying…I'd never see the ones I love again. I never thought I would be one of those people that would die young…I never thought it would be me. There was so much I wanted to do…so much I wanted to experience. I just wanted to shut off…what I never did…is done.

After what felt like forever I could feel someone rubbing my right arm and I could feel that calm bouncing off of me again. Jasper? I felt the need to open up for a second…I was still coherent.

"Bella relax honey…don't be afraid alright? You're going to be ok." How could he say that? I was dying. I wouldn't be ok. I could feel myself falling into a pit of despair and depression.

"What happened to do this to her?" That's what I'd like to know. How did I get here?

"I was just talking to her…" I heard Angela say.

"About?"

"Just about people having to be told that she had died…what people at school going to think…that I know about vampires and wolves…"

"Okay well there's the problem." Yea…problem. I'm sure her talking is the problem. I'm dying here. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Wait…do you think she knows…what's happening to her?" That was my dad once again on my left. Silence.

"Bella…can you hear me?" That was…Emmett!

"Oh she can hear you alright." Jasper said and I realized he must have felt my feelings for Emmett when he spoke. I then felt someone grab my right hand. It was Emmett. He sighed.

"Oh Bella…sweetheart you are in the process of becoming a vampire."…what. I was what? I told them I did not want this.

"Explain! She is pissed Em." Jasper told him. I then felt Emmett rubbing my forehead…which felt amazing. His cold hand on my face helped the sway the flames.

"Bella relax…you're dad asked us for this. We knew you weren't going to survive the attack…he didn't want to lose you." My dad? Attack? What was going on? Why was my world being flipped upside down?

"She is still confused Emmett." Jasper said quietly. I just wanted answers. Emmett sighed and I could feel his cool hands on my arm and my head.

"Bella…do you remember getting into the fight with Jacob?" Fight…what fight? Why would Jacob and I fight?...then it started clicking. His transformation. He blamed the Cullen's. I defended them…the woods…I hit him…

"Hold on… hold on she is going to lose it…" I could hear Jasper…but I didn't care about his words. Jacob attacked me. Jacob ripped me to shreds…Jacob killed me. I started convulsing and I didn't care. I just wanted to move. I just wanted to hit something and make a mess. I wanted to trash anything in my path…and if convulsing was the only way I could move then so be it.

"Bella…Bella relax…please just try to stay calm." I could hear Emmett…and hearing his despair made me want to try…I wanted to. But I couldn't. Jacob ripped me apart. My dad begged for me to live…and I was becoming a vampire. Angela knew about the supernatural world…I could never seen my friends or family again. I wasn't going to graduate as a human girl… oh my God…I'm going to be 17 forever…

I would never lose my virginity…I would never have kids…I would never dream again…I'd never cry again…and I wanted to cry so badly right now.

"Jasper…you have tears in your eyes…what's wrong?" Jasper was crying?

"She…she is so sad…" I felt Emmett trying to sooth me again and I just had no idea what to do with myself. I felt so lost…nothing would ever be the same…ever. My world was tossed upside down and I had no idea how to deal with it.

"Bella…if there is anything I can tell you…just please. Remember every memory. Go through it all…I don't want you to miss out. I don't want your human life to be a mystery." I heard Emmett tell me sadly. I then realized that was why my head was so fuzzy. I felt frantic. I needed to remember every little thing… every laugh…every tear…every memory…

I felt myself closing up…inside my own little bubble. I could no longer hear them and I was no longer aware of their presence. I went through every memory from the first memory I could remember…my mom and I in the park…she was pushing me on the swings for the first time…the sun was shining…the air was heavy with heat. I remember laughing as she pushed me…the sensation of swinging back and forth…the warm air on my face and flowing through my curls…I had curly hair as a child. The joy in my mom's beautiful green eyes…she was so happy. She loved spending time with me…I'd miss her…so much. I kept going…remembering and storing everything I could…while I laid here in silence…in pain…in my own little world…cut off from everyone else.

Emmett POV

"What happened to her?" Jasper asked suddenly. I didn't know what he meant…I couldn't even be bothered to turn and face him. I was too busy watching Bella. She seemed so peaceful…but I knew she wasn't. I remembered the transformation like it was yesterday. It was the most horrific…painful…excruciating thing anyone could ever go through…or so I thought. This…this was harder. I could see her wounds slowly healing…I could hear her heart weakening…the blood in her veins slowing. I would hear her heart's final beat…it wouldn't take longer than another two days. I never wanted this for her…I never wanted her to not have human experiences…I never wanted her to stop breathing.

"What do you mean Jas?"

"I don't know Alice…she…it's like she just shut off. I can't feel anything…not even the pain." This made me pay attention. She wasn't feeling?

"But…I can hear her heart and her blood…she isn't dead…she sounds like she sound for the first day of the transformation." I said easing Charlie's terrified demeanor. He looked afraid to touch her too tightly…it was hard to find a part of her that didn't have open sores on her. Carlisle had wrapped her in gauze but Charlie was afraid that he might hurt her. He didn't realize that Bella probably had no idea she even had cuts on her. The pain of the venom was worse…plus the wounds couldn't be made worse…the venom was already fixing them. When the gauze was off…she'd be a new person.

"Well that is very interesting. We will monitor her and make sure her vitals are responding accordingly. This could be apart of something we can't explain until the change is complete." Carlisle told us. That seemed to settle it as she began convulsing again. It hurt so much to see her like this…one seizure after another. I don't even know if I could be mad at Jacob for this…the look in his eyes in her yard…he would never forgive himself. He just turned the woman he loves into the one thing he hates. I shouldn't have left her with him for so long. I never thought he would… I just thought…she needed the opportunity to live out a more normal life. Jacob could give her things that I never can. A real life…children…he could go out with her in the sun….

Now… looking at Bella I knew…she would miss so much of her human life. Angela was right…how would people at school react? How would her mom react? I looked at Charlie and I couldn't be more happy that he knew about us. She wouldn't have to say goodbye to her dad at least…and he would still have her. He looked so lost though.

"Charlie…you didn't do anything wrong…" I told him. He looked at me as tears fell down his cheeks.

"But…what if she didn't want this? Was that a selfish decision? How could I do this to her…" I shook my head.

"Charlie all she wants is for you to be happy. She just wants to be in your life…I can guarantee you the thought of leaving you behind in this world was worse for her." He looked at me sadly and put his head down on the bed and sighed. He needed to get some sleep, but I was not going to be the one to suggest he go lie down. I don't think anything could tear him away from his daughter right now… and there wasn't much that could take me away either. I would need to hunt on occasion… but I couldn't leave her alone. Not after what I let myself feel for her…

Bella is…more than I ever…I never thought I could feel like this. Yes, I loved Rosalie…but it was never like this. I physically needed her. Charlie said it best…was I selfish because part of me wanted her to be a vampire as well so I wouldn't have to live without her?

"Why am I feeling so much guilt in the room?" We all turned to Jasper and I noticed people hanging their heads. I sighed.

"Because we want her to make the change…for our own selfish reasons." Even Angela was hanging her head. She didn't want Bella to die as much as we didn't.

"I can't lose her Jas… I just can't…I finally found her…I just wanted the best for my niece…" Poor Alice…I knew how frustrated she got when she wanted to cry.

"Your niece?" Angela asked in disbelief. Alice nodded.

"Wait… how is that possible? How old are you guys?" Carlisle started to explain the story to Angela because Alice was in no condition to.

"I just can't live without her…" Jasper hugged his distraught wife.

"I don't think any of us can Alice…Bella has made quite the impression on our family…there is no point in feeling guilty though. What's done is done… we just need to focus on the positive…we need to be happy for Bella. When she wakes up…she is going to be terrified." I nodded looked to Charlie…who looked scared.

"What do you mean…what happens when she wakes up?" I looked to Jasper. He shouldn't have said anything…there was no reason to worry Charlie with this right now.

"She…won't be herself Charlie."

"Jasper don't do this right now." I told him and he shook his head.

"No, Emmett. He needs to prepare for this. Charlie…she will be what we call a newborn. She won't look quite like we do... and she won't act like we do. Angela you should pay attention to this too if you want to be apart of Bella's life still." Angela walked over to the foot of the bed and showed Jasper her undivided attention.

"Look. It takes a lot of strength and discipline to maintain such a composed lifestyle. Vampires by nature are hunters. We are nomadic creatures that don't typically enjoy the confines of a home. They may travel with a few members of a coven…but they don't usually appear as we do. We are like the outcasts of the vampire world because we prefer to maintain a permanent residence and sustain ourselves with the blood of animals. But…newborns have the cravings of a normal vampire. Human blood will call out to her…it will be the sweetest thing she has ever smelled…her body will ache for it. She will wake up so thirsty…" Jasper had to cut himself off because his eyes were getting darker with every word.

"Jasper is our newest vegetarian. Out of all of us…he knows the struggle and discipline it takes to refuse human blood." Carlisle told Charlie and Angela. They both looked hesitant but Alice quickly comforted them.

"Don't worry…he would never hurt you guys. He just needs a moment." She then walked over to Jasper and kissing him lovingly on the cheek. He opened his eyes, which were once again golden.

"I'm sorry…she will wake up very thirsty and she won't know why. She won't know how to control her new strength and speed. It will take a while to adjust to her new senses as well."

"New senses?" Angela asked quietly. Jasper nodded.

"Yes. Vampires have super hearing, super sense of smell…we can see the finest details…every movement… nothing gets past a vampire." Angela began asking more questions so Jasper decided to just give her an example.

"This is the ability of a vampire. Alice…" She nodded and began racing around the room at top speed. I could see her just fine but she would have been invisible to the human eye…at the most a blur. Alice and Jasper also held a steady conversation during this time. Within 15 seconds Alice was back beside Jasper and Angela and Charlie were stunned.

"You couldn't see her, hear her…or me. That is what Bella will be capable of when she wakes up…and she won't know how to handle it. She could also be very scared…territorial…and she will be freakishly strong. She could take on my family at once and probably win. Newborn strength wears off within the first year or so…but until then she will be very easy to anger and upset. Her emotions will be all over the place making her very dangerous. We…may need to discuss not having you two here when she wakes up." Charlie's eyes went wide and I knew this wouldn't go over well.

"What do you mean not be here? That's my little girl no matter what she is changing into. I won't leave her." Jasper held up his hands to calm Charlie down, though he refused to change Charlie's mood.

"I know Charlie but hear me out. If Bella slips up and happens to hurt you by mistake, she has to deal with that guilt for all of eternity. She can't ever escape it. It would just be easier and safer for you to not be here. Your blood will be so appealing to her…how would Bella feel knowing for the rest of her existence that she killed her father?" Charlie just looked at Jasper in defeat. A tear fell down his face but he dropped his gaze and wiped it away quickly. He nodded sadly and I knew that he had to be falling apart inside.

"What if…we set up a webcam? You can watch the whole thing from home…" I suggested. Charlie only nodded. He was devastated…but he knew it was for the best.

Jasper POV

It had been two days since Bella was bit. Two of the most painful days of my life. Carlisle insisted we go to school to pay our respects to Bella's human world and be able to give Bella answers when she awoke. This also gave Charlie some time alone with his daughter before the transformation was complete. Who knows how long Charlie will have to stay away form Bella for?

The atmosphere at the school was one of the worst I have ever seen. People everywhere were crying and completely useless. Bella had only been here a few months but she made such an impact on so many people. I even overheard Mike Newton crying as he claimed that he was going to ask Bella to prom. The depression and despair was too much for me. I had tears in my eyes constantly. A few people patted me on the back and told me I was a strong young man. People knew that we were very close to Bella…and it wasn't hard for us to be sad. We knew that Bella wasn't gone…but she would never see these people again. We felt so horrible for what Bella had to leave behind.

Alice had an amazing idea for Bella. She put together a scrapbook and left it in the school lobby with pictures of Bella. People came to put flowers down and would write messages in the book. Little things that they would have wanted Bella to know. We told them that Charlie would be given everything and to just write what they feel. There were some beautiful messages for Bella to wake up to by the end of the first day. The second day at school wasn't much better though emotion wise. People were starting to wonder about a funeral service, which was something I would have to run by Charlie. Emmett was so focused on losing Bella's humanity…and Alice was afraid Bella would be mad that she changed her… Charlie was devastated about Bella's pain… I was the one making the more important decisions for Bella at the moment. I always felt close to Bella…but I never knew how much she meant to me until I realized the hardest part of all. Not feeling anything from her.

At least when Bella was in pain we knew things were going according to schedule. She would seizure and everything…but she was responsive at least. Now…we had no idea what was going on. Bella would convulse but there was no feeling or emotion with it. It was as if she had shut down mentally and was disconnected from the world. She should be waking up by tomorrow afternoon…but we couldn't be sure now. It was the end of the school day and we were all meeting up at Emmett's jeep when Angela called over to us. We turned to see her saying goodbye to Eric and Mike, who looked nervous about her joining us. We hugged her hello, which everyone found surprising and she leaned against the jeep.

"Can I…come back to your place with you? I want to see Bella again before…you know…" I nodded and opened a door for her. We let her know that there was going to have to be a period where she didn't see Bella for a while, at least until Bella could control herself.

"You had quite the audience coming over here Ang." Alice told her while slipping in beside her. I drove and Emmett sat quietly in the front.

"You alright Em?" I asked him. Everyone went quiet waiting for his answer. He hadn't spoken in two days. He shrugged. I started to pull out of the parking lot but drove at human speed for Angela.

"Emmett come on…talk to us." He sighed and hung his head.

"Her heart is going to stop." He said quietly. I knew how devastated he was…I could feel it. This was the guy that would sit outside her bedroom at night just to hear her heartbeat. Angela started to cry in the backseat and Alice put an arm around her in comfort. Within seconds I could sense Alice glazing over it didn't take long for her eyes to go wide.

"STOP!" I hit the breaks and we all turned to look at her. She looked terrified.

"Bella is waking up soon. Quick…get Angela to her place. We need to get home NOW." Emmett jumped out of the passenger seat and took off toward home. We knew he wouldn't want to be away from Bella for another second. Alice was itching to go too so I threw myself in motion faster than humanly possible. Within a minute Angela was home, though I was careful to take back roads. We apologized as Angela stepped out of the jeep and Alice took the time to get out and give her a hug. Angela had silent tears falling from her eyes and Alice promised she would call her. Angela nodded and went up to the house. Once we were sure she got inside we took off for home…not sure what we would find.

Emmett POV

We had just sent a sobbing Charlie home. He knew it was best for him to go…but he had a hard time leaving Bella. Once he left Carlisle began taking off Bella's bandages. I sat beside the bed looking at the new Bella when Alice and Jasper rushed into the house and bee-lined for the guest room. We knew it was a matter of seconds… we could tell by the slowed heartbeat…the far too relaxed pumping of blood. Our attention was stolen by Alice's shock.

"No…it can't be…" She looked stunned coming out of her vision.

"Alice what is it?" Jasper asked. I was looking between Bella and Alice…it was so close…

"She…I can't believe it…"

"What Alice!" I urged. Before I knew it I could no longer hear the faint sound of a heartbeat. I couldn't hear anything…there was no pumping of blood…no heartbeat…no breathing. All of the sounds I loved when I had my Bella were gone. I looked to Bella and I knew…I knew I still loved her. She was Bella. She was the one I couldn't exist without. She taught me how to live in this cold, dead body. I had vowed to never be without human Bella…and I had vowed to be there when her heart stopped beating…when her last breath was taken away. And now…I vowed to be there for her for the rest out of existences. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and looked at Bella as she started to stir. She hadn't opened her eyes…but we knew she was awake. I saw her face contort into a mix of fear, pain, and despair…I couldn't believe it.

Our Bella…vampire Bella…was crying. Real tears.

There you have it guys…I hope you enjoyed! This was just a chapter for Bella's transformation but there is more to come soon!

R&R

Song: If I Die Young – The Band Perry