I hope you guys enjoy this! There is no song for this chapter because I couldn't find the perfect one. If you guys have any suggestions I would love to hear about them in a review! Enjoy :)

Chapter Nineteen: I Can't Kill

Bella POV

I laid there with my eyes closed…the pain was finally gone…but only the physical pain. After going through all of my memories I remembered a lot of painful things…including being attacked by Jacob. What would I look like now? Would I be a scarred mess? Would I have open wounds still? I wasn't sure how the transformation would affect my bloodied body. I was torn apart…he literally ripped me apart…and turned my life around. That hurt…a lot. But not hearing my heart thudding against my chest…not needing air in my lungs…knowing the blood inside me flowed no more…I was scared. How could I ever adjust to this life?

Everything around me was dead silent…though for some reason I knew I was surrounded by people. I could smell so much…I could now see what Emmett meant about the smells of vampires…they smelled sweet. But good sweet…not like they would smell to the wolves. The wolves…I could smell them too. I could smell Jacob probably…on me. I would have to shower. I could smell the sweet smell of grass…and the crude smell of sanitizer. They must have cleaned my torn body. I could also smell some kind of animal…though that smell was faint…and I'm not sure how I know it is an animal…but I could smell it. I could smell its blood…though the thought of it gave me mixed feelings.

I reached a hand up to wipe away a tear that came from my face…but I couldn't believe how fast I moved. I would have to remember to slow down. Feeling my cold hard cheek made me shed a few more tears. I didn't feel as hard as the Cullen's felt to me when I was human…but I could still tell the difference. My cheek was slightly chilled and smooth…like marble. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of my old guest room. So that's where I was. I sat up slowly and looked around the room to everyone. I saw Carlisle…Esme…Jasper…Alice…Emmett. They all looked terrified…but I was more scared. Is this what they saw? Is this how they saw the world? Every little pixel was exaggerated and magnified. I could see everything… Jasper was covered in little half moon scars…like the one on my wrist. I looked down at my wrist and it was still there…very pronounced. Then I saw my creamy white skin. I looked up and across to the mirror on the wall and gasped. I slowly put my feet over my bed and walked to the mirror. I touched my reflection in awe.

My hair was very long… longer than I remember it. It reached my belly button and was a darker chestnut brown. It was curled in beautiful waves…though I'm sure no one did my hair. My face was flawless…though I had a small claw shaped scar on my cheek. It was closer to the side of my face though…on my temple by my ear. My eyes were blood red… they were bright and very noticeable…and I felt slightly foolish because my eyes didn't match the Cullen's eyes. My lips were a rosy pink colour…nice and plump. My teeth were more pointed…but not much different. They were a dazzling white colour and perfectly set in my mouth. I felt like snow white…with the dark hair and light complexion. My eyelashes went for miles…there was no way I needed makeup. I looked at my attire…I was in a white dress…there was no more blood on me…except some in my hair that would have been hard for them to wash out. The dress had long sleeves that were loose around the arms but tighter around the wrists. It was made of satin I think… and came to just above my knees. It hugged my bust but flared out after that creating the baby doll look. On my exposed skin… I could see scars. I had a few minor ones on my neck…and quite a few on my legs. I gulped and lifted my dress to the top of my thighs and the scars only continued up my legs. I shook my head and let it fall back down to my knee. I brought my hand up and ruffled my hair and looked back up to my surprising reflection. Then the most surprising thing happened…around me was a white aura. I felt very angelic…

I turned around to look at the Cullen's and saw something more surprising. Alice and Jasper were shining too…they both shone green. It was a beautiful summer green…I walked up to Alice and tried to touch her aura…it rippled when I touched it. Alice looked at me sadly and touched my longer, darker hair. My aura didn't move for her like hers did for me…

"That's so weird…" Alice looked at me shocked and I couldn't understand why. I looked to Jasper and touched his aura as well…it rippled too. I then looked to Emmett…he didn't have an aura. I went up to him and tried to touch where the aura should be…but there was nothing there.

"Bella are you alright?" I looked to Jasper and watched as his aura moved along with him. He stood up from his chair and approached me hesitantly…like he was afraid of me.

"Yes…why wouldn't I be?" He looked to Alice nervously.

"Ok what's going on…why are you…what's wrong?" He shook his head nervously and held up his hands.

"Nothing Bella, just making sure you're-"

"Don't lie to me." Somehow…I knew he was lying. He wasn't telling me the truth. His demeanor was all wrong… there was a shift in his voice…and his eyes were slightly darker than his usual gold…but not thirsty…they were more…orange. I looked him dead in the eye…and something weird happened.

"You are just acting very strangely and I am worried something went wrong with your transformation." I looked at him in shock and Alice scolded him.

"Jasper! How could you say that to her!" He looked stunned as well…

"I don't know…it just came out." I then felt myself going into a trance…almost like Alice would. In my head there was like…a computer system. There was a scanning system in my mind and it scanned Jasper over.

Jasper Whitlock

Senses

This vampire is an empath, which means they can alter the emotions another creature is feeling. This is probably due to being very emotionally aware of others as a human.

I came to again and was stunned. I looked around to the worried faces looking back at me. It was obvious they were concerned.

"Bella…are you alright?" I looked to Emmett and half nodded, confused.

"She is very impressive Jasper. Better than any newborn you have ever seen I'm sure." I looked to Carlisle curiously.

"He just means that you are handling this very well Bella." Jasper explained. Right…empath.

"How so?" He motioned for me to sit on the bed so I did. He sat beside me…but everyone else stayed back…weird.

"You are handling your new senses very well. The speed. The sight. The smells. And the thirst…" I nodded. I could feel a slight clenching in my throat but I didn't want to eat right now…I wanted to explore this new system in my head.

"And I'm worried Bella." I looked to Jasper, indicating for him to continue.

"You didn't make a sound during the transformation. I know you were in pain, but you didn't scream at all. Not even a whimper. Then all of a sudden you just…shut off. I couldn't feel anything coming from you Bella." I nodded taking it all in. I remembered shutting myself off from them…but I didn't know it shut my emotions off.

"And Bella…you cried…" I looked to Alice who looked scared. I nodded.

"Yea…so?" She looked at me nervously and then it clicked. Vampires don't cry. Did the transformation go wrong? Was I broken? Was I still part human? I began to feel very emotional and Jasper jumped away from me and held his hands up throwing calm at me, but it was unnecessary.

"Jasper I don't know what you're doing but I'm alright. I-" Then it clicked. I jumped up and looked at Alice. I tried to figure out how I did it before.

"Alice look into my eyes." She did so and I focused…I scanned her and went into my trance.

Alicia Clarke

Premonitions, Child Barer

Due to mental instability as a human, this vampire can tell the future, though it is subject to change based on decision. Because this vampire has a blood relative that is a vampire, this vampire has the ability to have children with their mate, but only their mate.

I then snapped out of it and nodded. I had an idea. I rushed to the mirror and looked myself in the eye. I was in my trance again as I scanned myself.

Isabella Swan

Shield, Humanistic, Gift Analysis, Lie Detector, Gift Giver, Epilepsy, Child Barer

This vampire is a shield meaning they have the ability to block others from using mental gifts they may have and can project a shield around themselves and others to protect them from outside affects. They also have human traits and can easily camouflage into the human world. They can analyze the gifts of other vampires using a mental database and see their aura, which is green, blue, or white. Green indicates a gift that affects the body, while the blue aura indicates a gift that affects the mind. A white aura is given to vampires that can affect both the body and mind. This vampire can easily tell when someone is lying and is very perceptive, though they are able to look into someone's eyes and demand the truth from them. As well, this vampire has the ability to grant any vampire three gifts or wishes. Because of brain trauma, this vampire suffered epilepsy as a human, granting them the ability to immobilize any creature completely when they are upset, like epilepsy would do to a human. Because this vampire has a blood relative that is a vampire, this vampire has the ability to have children with their mate, but only their mate.

I came out of my trance shocked. I was…I had gifts. I turned around and everyone was looking at me concerned…I was kind of concerned as well. I had so much power…and I was used to being a weak human girl.

"I need to sit down…" They looked at me confused and Emmett came up and put his hands on my shoulders. Even as a vampire…the cool still felt nice.

"Bella are you ok?" I shook my head and he led me to the bed for me to sit. This was so weird…and then it also clicked…Alice had another gift too. Oh my God…

"Alice…you have a gift!" She looked at me strangely.

"Bella…what do you mean? Of course I do…" She took a small step toward me and looked very nervous. I then knew that I had to start from the beginning.

"It's hard to explain…"

"Bella…what are you talking about?" I could tell Alice was very worried about my behaviour. I was in shock. I was…useful. I would never again need protecting…I wouldn't ever need to be babysat or hidden away from the world because of how breakable I used to be. I could be helpful…I felt myself starting to cry.

"Don't be scared…I'm alright. The transformation was completed…" I told Alice who had sat down beside me scared. She started rubbing my back and I began to try and explain what I could about my gifts.

"I have this…gift analysis thing…it scans people. I go into a trance and it scans the vampire and tells me their human name, what kind of gifts they have and explains them to me." The Cullen's looked stunned.

"I know… that isn't all though. Because of it I can…see who has a gift and who doesn't. Vampires with gifts have auras."

"Auras Bella?" Carlisle asked. He looked very intrigued as he crouched down in front of me.

"Yes. Green, Blue or White. Those with green auras have gifts that affect the body, blue affects the mind, and white affects both. Alice and Jasper both have green auras around them… I can touch them…" I said as I touched Alice's aura, watching it ripple.

"I assume you guys can't see them though. I have a white aura."

"A white aura? Bella you have more than one gift?" Jasper asked. I nodded. I decided to try and explain this as best I could.

"I'm a shield which means I can block people from getting into my head…I can also extend it apparently…and shield anyone I want from other people's gifts." Jasper nodded excitedly.

"That has to be why Edward couldn't read your mind. And why I couldn't calm you." Carlisle looked to me to continue. I wish I held his same excitement.

"I'm humanistic…which apparently means I have human traits, which would explain the crying…and why I don't sound as perfect as you guys do…" Jasper came to my side and grabbed my hand. He could feel my insecurity I was sure. I squeezed my uncle's hand and continued.

"I'm a lie detector…which is why I made you tell the truth I guess. I am perceptive and just know when someone isn't telling me the truth…and if I look into their eyes they feel compelled to tell me the truth." Alice laughed.

"You were a ridiculously perceptive human." I nodded and half smiled.

"I'm also a gift giver…I don't really get that one." Carlisle perked up and was immediately curious.

"A gift giver?" I nodded.

"Apparently I can give any vampire I want three wishes. So…I'd assume that would include anything? Like…if you decided you wanted to be a gift giver I could make you one and use up one wish?" Carlisle nodded.

"That is exactly what it means. Bella this is extraordinary. You…are extraordinary." I blushed and put my head down.

"Bella! You're blushing!" Alice yelled. I giggled a bit and sighed. I hated blushing.

"There is one more thing…" Carlisle looked to me.

"I…have this thing…called epilepsy. But it's a gift." Carlisle gave me his undivided attention.

"I can make people immobile when I'm upset…like I used to be when I was having an episode." Everyone went silent. I knew they were taking it all in and I let them. I put my head on Alice's shoulder and waited. I decided to keep the child-baring thing to myself until I could talk to Alice about it…that floored me. I didn't even know how that would work. I just sat there quietly until I just couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Who changed me?" I asked. There was more silence. After about a minute Alice took a deep breath, causing me to move my head.

"It was me, Bella." I looked at Alice. She was afraid.

"I changed you." I felt my mouth gap open a bit…I was genuinely surprised. If anything I thought Carlisle would be the one to have changed me.

"I'm sorry…but we couldn't lose you that way…and Charlie was devastated and he was begging me to change you…" I looked to her.

"Jasper mentioned that…didn't he." She nodded. I turned to Jasper and he smiled sadly to me. I hung my head.

"I can remember…his face. I remember looking up at him when I was laying on the grass. He was so frantic…" I let a few tears fall out of my blood red eyes. Jasper didn't give me any calm…but I was glad he didn't. I had to live with this forever…I need time to feel it.

"Where is he?" I asked sadly. I couldn't wait to hug my dad. I just needed to be reminded that I was still his little girl.

"He's at home Bella." Alice told me, comfortingly playing with my hair. I nodded.

"When can I see him?" The room fell silent. I looked around at everyone and rested on Emmett.

"I can see him right?" His face was pained and he looked away. I felt Jasper touch my shoulder.

"We just want to get you fed and adjusted first Bella. Sometimes the smell of human blood is very hard to resist because newborns are so impulsive and act on reflex. We just want you to get a feel of your strength and limits first. You have to be scorching right now, how about we try getting you fed?" I looked to him and knew he had a point. I nodded.

"Alright. I'm not that bad but…you make sense." Jasper looked relieved, but I decided not to pry. Just because I had the ability didn't mean I needed to know everything. Jasper stood up and clapped his hands.

"Alright guys lets hunt." Alice was bouncing and Emmett nudged my side and smiled. I blushed nervously. I still wasn't sure where I stood with Emmett after our kiss…but right now I was more nervous about eating. I don't like blood.

Emmett POV

I couldn't believe Bella. She was beautiful…her natural features were accented but she was still Bella. She still had her traits…the blush…stumbling through her speech. I loved it. I loved Bella's imperfections…its what I was falling for. I don't want some supernatural perfect being…I don't want what Rosalie tried every day to be. I want someone that can embrace herself for who she is…someone like Bella. I looked over at her as we led her out to the forest behind our house and I couldn't believe she was going to be with us forever…

Jasper halted us and looked at Bella.

"I think I should be the one to take Bella out for her first hunt." We looked at him and everyone else agreed. I looked to Bella for a second…I wanted to be the one to do that…but Jasper had a point. He had more experience with newborns. I nodded and shot Bella a reassuring smile. She looked really nervous.

"Have fun Bella! And take it easy on her Jasper." Alice told them with a kiss to Jas and a hug for Bella. I watched Jasper lead her off into the forest and soon I could hear them break into a run and Bella giggle. She is going to be an amazing vampire.

Jasper POV

Bella and I started running and it wasn't long before we got the scent of a deer. I stopped her and held her shoulders.

"Take in that scent Bella. What do you smell?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her nostrils flared and her mouth quivered.

"Deer." She whispered. I smiled. She'd be a natural… I watched her twitch a bit and then it happened. She bolted toward the animal and within seconds she had it pinned. It just laid there looking up at her and she paused. That was when I smelled it. A human.

Bella looked up at the human man walking on a trail about 40 feet away and remained frozen. This isn't good… she is in hunt mode…there is no stopping her attacking that man. I kept my distance because I knew I couldn't fight her off if she attacked me instead. She will have a hard time dealing with murder…but she'd never forgive herself for attacking me. I stayed very still and let her unfortunate nature run it's course.

We waited there for what felt like forever though it was only a few seconds. Then she did something that surprised me. She looked down at the still deer, terrified…knowing it didn't have long left. I could feel it's despair…then I felt…guilt. Bella began petting the deer…she got off of it and let it get up slowly to it's feet and she kept petting it. After a minute she stood up and turned back to me, letting the deer run free. I looked at her in shock.

"Bella…what are you doing?" She began to cry and I wrapped her in my arms.

"I j-just can't do it Jas…I can't." I ran my hand through her hair to comfort her and sighed. The poor girl…it's hard but I didn't think she'd be able to stop herself when she smelled that human. As I picked Bella up newlywed style and carried her sad frame back to the house I knew she would astound us all.

Bella POV

I felt Jasper set me down and I looked around the room. I was standing in the living room of the Cullen house. I knew that before I opened my eyes, which felt weird to me. I am never that intuitive. But I guess it is a vampire thing. I could tell by the smell… and the feel of the room. I could smell Alice…and Carlisle… and Esme…and…Emmett. I looked up to Emmett and knew he was concerned. I wish I could know what they were thinking…

'Her eyes…the red is so…strange. I miss her brown ones.'

I jumped back stunned. Everyone looked at me as I panicked.

'Oh God Bella stay calm…'

'Something had to have spooked her…'

'Poor Bella!'

'Ugh…I wish I could help her…'

Everyone's voices were jumbling together and it was just too much. I couldn't help but clutch my head and close my eyes tight.

"Please stop! Stop talking!" But it didn't stop. I looked around to see no one was talking…it was their thoughts.

"How did I… guys please! Stop thinking!" Then they mentally went into a rant on how they could stop thinking…but at least then they were all thinking the same thing.

"God I wish I just couldn't hear you!" All of a sudden it stopped. I couldn't hear anything…I opened my eyes and looked at them all…they all stared at me like I was crazy… yet I smiled because it was silent.

"Finally… I wonder what that was all about." The only one that looked at me like I wasn't totally insane was Carlisle. I approached him and he put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's alright Bella, I think we can work through this." I nodded and looked to everyone knowing I should explain.

"I could hear you… all of you… in my head." Alice looked shocked…so did Jasper. Emmett seemed uncomfortable and Esme seemed concerned.

"I can't anymore though…" I thought about it and tried to make sense of what happened. They were all looking at me…and I…

"Hold on. I wished it…and it happened."

"Well Bella, that would make sense. You are a gift giver remember?" Carlisle said I laughed.

"That works for me too?" Carlisle chuckled and sat me down on the couch. Everyone else sat too and Carlisle touched my hand.

"There was an issue hunting I understand?" I looked to Jasper and my eyes fell when I saw his curiosity. How could I ever explain this? I was silent for what had to be minutes before Jasper spoke.

"We were hunting, I was teaching Bella to feel for the animal and recognize its scent when we smelled a deer. She pounced on it, expertly really, until a man walked by…" There was a collective gasp around the room and I looked up.

"I didn't do it!" I stood and paced around the room.

"I didn't. When I saw the man… I thought about my human life and my dad…and I looked at the deer and I saw its life flashing through its eyes… and…I just couldn't do it." I started crying and I looked at the Cullens.

"Jacob attacked me and took my life from me because he was mad. Just because I'm hungry I should take the life of something else? I was a human vegetarian. I can't…I can't kill." I hung my head and listened to the silence. I didn't want to know what they were thinking this time. I could hear someone get up and once they were in front of me I could smell that it was Emmett. He tilted my chin up and I could see his sincere golden eyes looking into my blood red ones.

"We can find an alternative then." I looked to the rest of the family and saw Carlisle nodding.

"You have to drink blood Bella, but we could get it another way. I can get bags from a butcher. Many people cook with it." I smiled to them.

"So I don't have to hunt?" Jasper chuckled.

"Even though you're a total natural…no. You don't have to." I grinned. I couldn't have been more relieved. Soon I was in Carlisle's car headed to a butcher in the next town. Because it was mostly country roads Carlisle could drive much faster than he did in town. I now understood why they drove so fast… it wasn't that bad. I could easily process the scenery now. Before we got out of the car Carlisle turned to me.

"Bella you may want to do something about your eyes. I nodded though no one would know me here I would look very odd walking in with red eyes.

"I wish I had brown eyes." I looked into the rearview mirror to see my chocolate eyes staring back at me. I smiled to Carlisle who smiled back. We got out of the car and entered to butcher shop. The smell was overwhelming. I hated meat…I hated blood. There was a reason I had been a vegetarian as a human. Meat repulsed me. It wasn't as bad now that I was a vampire but it still bothered me. I looked around as we approached the counter and my eyes fell on the short plump butcher. He had rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes. He smiled a warm smile to me even though I could sense his hesitation. I smiled back to try and ease him and gave him a cheery 'hello'.

"Why hello dear, sir! Escaping the rain for a bit?" I looked to the window and saw it pouring still and sighed. I hated the rain. I turned back to him and nodded.

"For the time being, yes. How are you today?" His eyes sparkled in delight at the conversation and we chatted for a few moments. I looked to Carlisle who was smiling at me.

"Here with your dad I take it?" I laughed and Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, my daughter has offered to make the family dinner tonight." I felt momentarily shocked when he called me his daughter, though I wouldn't let it show. I looked back to the man and he smiled.

"Well what can I get for you two today?" I looked to Carlisle. I didn't know cuts of meat.

"We will take four round eye marinating steaks and…three…four liters of blood."

"Ahh have you ever tried making gravy with the blood?" Carlisle nodded.

"Yes and my daughter even makes a special dipping sauce that is a bit lighter than gravy. Stocking up again." He nodded.

"Well then let me see what I can do here." The man disappeared into a cooler and came back out with four steaks and a box. He winked at me and rang us through.

"And don't worry about the extra, no charge because you have such a polite, lovely daughter." I smiled to Carlisle and he gave me a side hug.

"Yes, her mother and I are very proud of her." We paid for the steaks and blood and left the butcher shop with a wave and smile. We got into the car and I could feel the scorching getting worse. Carlisle saw me eyeing the box and smiled. He pulled out of the parking lot and waited until we got into the country to open the box with one hand and hand me a packet of blood.

"Wow, good job Bella. This guy gave us a lot more than we asked for. Go ahead, just pull the tab there and drink it. It won't be the best because it isn't warm but it will help with the pain." I looked at it and knew I had to get over my distaste and just drink it. I had no choice…vampires survive on blood. I pulled the tab and slowly raised it to my mouth. I let the cold liquid touch my lips and pulled it away. I smelled fairly good…I'm sure it would smell better warm like Carlisle said. I licked my lips and tasted the bittersweet taste of the cold blood. I brought it back up slowly and sipped from the bag and let the liquid sooth my burning throat. I looked to Carlisle and smiled. He shook his head smiling at me and let me sip from the packet all the way home. He even drove slower so I could eat in peace.

Carlisle POV

I walked into the house somber as the kids approached me, all of them looking hopeful.

"Did she manage to drink darling?" Esme asked me and I nodded. They all took a second to take in my demeanor and I sighed.

"Bella and I had a bit of a disagreement in the car." The confusion was thick in the air as I continued.

"She thought that now that she had eaten she could see her father, to which I expressed that it may not be the best idea yet." Emmett shook his head and huffed.

"I don't know why we thought she would just be okay with this. She isn't going to let us keep her from Charlie for long. I'll just go talk to her." He headed to the front door but when he looked out the window and saw the empty passenger seat he looked to me confused. I sighed again sadly.

"She's gone."

Helloooooo guys. Sorry for the delay just wasn't sure how to finish this chapter off! I know how I want the next chapter to start it was just getting there that I was having an issue with. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope this chapter shocked you! :)