Thank you guys for all of your amazing reviews! Enjoy!
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
Chapter Twenty-Three: I Have A Soul
Bella POV
My mom had left yesterday after she had been here for four days. I missed her already but the Cullen's all promised that we would take a trip to see them soon, now that we could explain needing to stay inside during the day. I smiled at the thought as I walked quietly through the forest at a human's pace. I wasn't sure where I was going…or if I really cared. I just wanted alone time to think and process everything. I'm a vampire now. I still have my family…but the whole town other than the Cullen's and Angela thinks I've died. Well, and the wolves. I hadn't heard anything from them since I changed…I wasn't sure if that was because they don't care…or if it's because they feel guilty. Either way…they hadn't been in touch with us, though they no doubt knew what I had become.
I still don't know how I feel about Jacob. He killed me…my best friend. Killed me. I closed my eyes as I walked, remembering the event like it happened moments ago.
"Jake it wasn't them that did this to you it was Victoria, James and Laurent." He waved a hand in my face like what I had to say didn't matter…it wasn't like him. It was the wolf. I remembered sighing as I replayed the events in my head.
"No. I know what this is about. It's about you and the big one getting all chummy."
"…what do you mean?"
"I know you guys kissed and were all romantic and shit Bella don't play dumb." I could feel my anger spiking again at the comment as I shoved a branch out of my way, snapping it.
"Play dumb? Don't use your new wolf attitude with me Jacob or this conversation is over."
"Why can't you admit that I'm better for you than he is?"
"When you can turn back time and make it a vampire that attacked my dad!" I know I shouldn't have said it…I know it was wrong. It wasn't Jacob's fault that a wolf had attacked my dad but he had just pushed me too far. It came out so wrong…
"So this is about me being a wolf? You can love a vampire but a wolf is out of the question. Someone that has a beating heart and blood running through his veins… not for Bella right? God you're fucking weird." I remembered punching him in the jaw...no doubt breaking my hand. I rubbed my hand as I walked and shook my head. It was a dumb move on my part. He started huffing and shaking…which was when I got really afraid. I remembered running back to my house from inside the forest where we had been walking and I remembered the sound of his transformation behind me. When I looked at him I just remember feeling more afraid than I ever had been. I was afraid of James and Victoria…even Laurent. But I knew what to expect from them…they had wanted to torture and kill me. With Jake I didn't know what to expect…would be try and hurt me? Would I be able to calm him? Not knowing made me even more nervous and afraid…
"J-Jake… relax…" Jake growled at me and I remember going stiff. I couldn't back up anymore.
"Jake…p-pl-please… don't d-do this… I'm s-s-sorry." He stalked toward me and I felt a small amount of energy in me… I had reached out to try and sooth Jake in a final attempt to calm him and reason with him but he just growled and lunged at me.
That was when I cold remember the pain… mass amounts of burning pain. My flesh hanging off of me and warm liquid surrounding me…my own blood. I remembered the smell of my yard when I had gone to see my dad…I could hear my own screaming in my thoughts…and Angela's. I saw Jacob… human Jacob… and I began to convulse. I had known I wouldn't survive the attack…and I knew my time as a human was coming to an end quickly I just had never imagined it would be at the hands of Jacob…or that Alice would give me the change that would save my soul. My human life was done… I'm dead. But my soul isn't.
It was then walking through the forest and arriving at my thinking spot that I knew I had been right when I fought with Emmett about his soul. Vampires were not soulless beings…I still felt mine inside me…helping to guide me. It helped guide me to the lifestyle of not killing humans or animals. It helped me maintain relationships with my dad, mom, and Angela. It throbbed when I thought about Rosalie coming back for Emmett. I shook my head at the thought and sat down, not wanting to face that fear but I knew I had to. This was why I wanted alone time…why my feet led me to my spot. I knew I needed time to think and reason out everything I was feeling.
So…what if Rosalie did come back? What would that mean for me and Emmett? She wouldn't be happy that I was a vampire now…and she would probably be pissed about the bond that held me to Alice, and in turn, the rest of the Cullen family. And she wouldn't be pleased that humans know about their existence. She was in no way supportive about me befriending the Cullen's and she would not be happy about this. I could kind of see her point now…it was a huge secret to leave dangling in the hands of a mere human like I was. But at the same time…she should have trusted Emmett. There is no doubt in my mind that had she been better to Emmett he never would have strayed from their love. Which brings me to my next thought.
What if she came back and wanted a second chance? Part of me knew Emmett wouldn't give her that chance. He said he wouldn't. But what if she tried? I knew I would be devastated…which meant I was jealous. But why would I be jealous? I sighed looking out at the water, the smell of wood, the ocean and wet dog floating through the air. 'Hah…that does smell.' I thought without humour.
I know I have feelings for Emmett…but does that give me a right to not want his mate to come back? 'Bella what if Rosalie isn't his mate?' My mind told me and I thought for a moment. I thought about Alice and Jasper…Esme and Carlisle…they were truly in love. Soul mates for the entirety of their existences…I know neither of them would leave the other. I knew they did everything they could do to keep the other happy and safe. I also knew that isn't the relationship Rosalie and Emmett had. Emmett may have thought they were mates but a big part of me knew that was a lie. They weren't mates…and they didn't belong together. That thought made me happy and I picked up a stick, crunching small pieces between my stong, slender fingers.
If Rosalie wasn't Emmett's mate then his mate is still out there. What if he found her? I felt a growl escape my throat and it caught me off guard, dropping the stick and the dust from my hands. I was obviously very possessive of Emmett but…was that my right? I thought back to our kiss and closed my eyes. It had been like…the world moved around us. Everything in my life just…melted away except for him and how he had made me feel. I could also feel him…the way he moved and felt…it was like a connection. That connection has died down quite a bit since that night but I felt it surging inside me the other night when we sat on the couch together…when he rubbed my nose with his. It was screaming at me and trying to claw its way to the surface…but I was afraid. What if he didn't feel the same? What if he didn't want me that way…what if I wasn't his mate either?
I wasn't sure how I felt about that thought…it devastated me…but did I want to be his mate? I wasn't sure. I loved him…that was obvious. But was I in love with him? I had thought I was. Choosing between Emmett and Jacob had been easy, though it was difficult. I couldn't have Emmett because I was human and he was a vampire, which left me with Jacob. Jacob was never my first choice though…Emmett was. I also knew that the issue we faced almost a month ago now, no longer stood in our way. We were both vampires…we would both live forever. I felt like we were slowly falling back into step with each other…and that thought made my still heart flutter. Maybe…things would be better now that I wasn't as breakable? I sighed and shook my head. I never expected it to still feel so complicated in my head. I looked out to the water again when I smelled it.
Very concentrated wet dog.
I stood quickly and spun on my heel to see Jacob in human form stepping out of the forest, his brown eyes meeting my shining gold ones.
I can't really say how long we stood there looking at each other but I wasn't backing down. Jacob finally looked away and hung his head.
"Hello Bella." He said quietly and I nodded curtly.
"Jacob." He glanced up at me…probably to gage if he should continue. He scratched the back of his head and sighed.
"Look Bells…I don't know what to say. I…I just don't know." He mumbled and I stood tall.
"Well how about we start with you attacking me in the woods." He shook his head.
"Bella I'm sorry. I'm so unbelievably sorry. I…I can't live with the guilt. Bella I'm so sorry." He said falling to my feet. He was on his knees in front of me and I started to feel bad for him. I could see it was eating him alive. He looked up to me and reached for my hand. I hesitantly brought it up for him and he took it in his own.
"I will do anything to make this up to you Bella… look what I've done… you're…you're one of them…" I felt tears welling up in my eyes when I saw the tear stains on his cheeks.
"You had so much life… you had so much potential…" I felt confused and looked to meet his gaze.
"What do you mean Jake?" I asked quietly. He hung his head and sighed.
"Now you're one of them and it's all over." I gently took my hand back and gave him a curious look.
"Come on Bells…you're a vampire now. It's not like you can have a life now. It's just a dead existence…forever." I shook my head, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Jake… I still have a life. I see my parents and Angela… they all know. And I have the Cullen's-" He scoffed.
"Yea some prize they are." He stood to level with me, even though he was still much taller than I am.
"I can't believe you would put Charlie in danger like that Bella." I narrowed my eyes, daring him to continue. I suppose he was feeling brave.
"You're a mess Bella. You're a bloodthirsty creature now and you allow yourself to be around him? What happens when you slip, huh?" They smell of wet dog was growing and I could hear others in the woods. Suddenly Paul and Sam appeared on the cliffs with us but I could tell there were others in the woods still.
"When I slip?" I asked dangerously low.
"Jake man, take it easy." Sam said to him with a glance at me. Paul looked a tad disgusted by me…but I could also see sympathy in his eyes.
"No Sam, she's putting residents of Forks in danger."
"Pardon me but if you'd look at my eyes you'd know I don't hunt humans." I spit at him. He scoffed again.
"Yea but I bet human vegetarian Bella wouldn't approve of you killing animals either."
"I'll have you know I don't hunt animals! I get blood from a butcher so I don't have to kill!" Sam and Paul both looked at me in awe…they seemed impressed. Jacob looked stunned for a moment but shook his head.
"I came here to apologize for doing this to you and you have to make it an argument don't you." I laughed without humour looking around the clearing.
"Yea some apology that was… you know. You had me until you started in on how my existence is just dead and unforgiving. You act like I'm ruined."
"Well it's not like you have a soul." That was when I lost it. Sam grabbed Jake and Paul grabbed me. A few more wolves came from the forest and stood on the side lines just in case. I should have been worried about an ambush…but right now I didn't care.
"How fucking dare you!" I yelled at him. I could feel Paul shake, as I no doubt was. I was trying to keep my cool.
"If you remember back to that day you were the one that pushed me. You were the one that called me dumb. You were the one that killed me!" Everyone fell silent and stopped moving. I could feel Paul's grip on me loosen. 'I wish I could hear what the wolves were thinking.'
'I should just let her fucking destroy him.' I heard Paul think and I inwardly smirked. Good to know I wasn't on my own up here. I turned off my wolf-o-vision and watched Jacob. He hung his head and sighed.
"I may have a hard exterior Jacob but I am the same girl I was before. I have feelings and I have morals. I know that I would never have done to you what you did to me. I have a soul. I know I do because I actually feel sorry for you." He looked up at me confused. He seemed to be waiting for me to tear him apart…which was maybe what he wanted. But I wasn't going to do that. By now Paul only had his hands placed on my shoulders and I could step away if I wanted…but I wouldn't. I knew better than to do something I would regret.
"Yea I'm sad. I had my entire human life ahead of me Jacob and you took that away from me. Then my dad begged the Cullen's to change me and I had no say. I couldn't say anything… because I was too busy convulsing on the ground to speak…I was ripped apart and bleeding everywhere thanks to you. I had no control over my future…I didn't ask for this." I could see a faint tear welling in Sam's eye but I knew he wouldn't let it fall. I could also feel Paul gently running his thumbs over my shirt-covered shoulders. I gently pulled away from Paul and took my long sleeve shirt off, leaving me standing there in a spaghetti strap tank with my arms exposed. Sam and Paul both gasped at the scars covering my body and one of the wolves whimpered. Jake just stared.
"I didn't ask for this." I said indicating my scarred body. With my anger returning Paul grabbed me again gently…and I welcomed it. He was warm…he made me feel a bit more grounded.
"I didn't ask for the opportunity to tell my mom that I died and was reincarnated as a vampire!" Jacob hung his head again.
"But that's what I have." I said quietly.
"This is what I was given. This is my life now. I have never had an easy ride Jacob…I have never been perfect, but neither have you. And for you to come in here trying to mask this ridicule with an apology is disgusting. I work hard to be a good person. That's right Jacob. I'm still a person. I have thoughts and feelings and I feel sad. My human life is over and I was killed by my best friend, who yes, I did love." He looked to me with new tears in his eyes.
"And yet I feel sorry for you. Not me, you. I have the self-control to be near my dad without harming him. I have the restraint to always remember that I am Bella and not a monster. Even as a newborn vampire I can control my strength and hunger. But you Jacob…you clearly have an internal struggle between man and wolf. You have to face this guilt of knowing you attacked me and killed me. You have to deal with the fact that you turned me into something you despise. And for that…I feel sorry for you. That's how I know I have a soul Jacob…becauseeven as a bloodthirsty vampire I have the ability to put others and their feelings before myself. And I would never attack you or allow myself to feel an eternity of regret because I got angry." Jacob tried to pull away from Sam but Sam held him still. I felt Paul wrap his forearm around my front protectively as Jacob tried to free himself.
"Bella I'm sorry!" I hung my head and felt tears falling from my eyes. I shook my head.
"So am I Jacob… but I can't accept your apology. Not right now." I told him quietly. I just felt broken down inside…I felt betrayed and angry and hurt. Paul held me a little closer as Jacob started to shake.
"Jacob that's enough. Get into the forest. Now." Sam ordered, pushing him toward the tree line. As Jacob disappeared and I heard the sound of shredded clothing I felt myself collapse. I just felt so drained and I cried. I sobbed there on the ground with Paul beside me holding me to his side.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to him and he just shh-ed me and rocked me gently. We sat like that for a few minutes until Sam came back.
"Paul, go make sure Jacob is headed back to the house please? I want a minute to talk to Bella." Paul nodded and with one last side hug, he got up and headed into the forest. I heard him phase and I wiped my eyes.
"I'm sorry Sam… I know we are sworn enemies now and I crossed a line… I just-" But Sam interrupted me as he sat in front of me, crossing his legs.
"Bella do not apologize. The pack and I feel for you…we really do. We've seen in Jacob's head what happened that day at your house and Jacob was so out of line it actually made Paul sick. Paul hates vampires but if there is one thing he won't stand for and that's hurting a woman. He really feels like Jacob let his anger take over and in turn… he attacked a defenseless woman and killed her."
"But Sam he…Jacob isn't abusive he just-" He held up his hand.
"But that's exactly what he did Bella. What if that was his wife or daughter? When you break it down that's exactly what he did because you're right…he can't control the monster living inside of him. I truly know he feels horrible for what he did to you but at the same time… he let it get that far."
"I know but I shouldn't have said what I did Sam…I shouldn't have swung at him." Sam nodded.
"Well no…but he was out of line before that. He pushed you and pushed you until you did something to set him off and that is just self-destructive behaviour. Jake needs a lot of work but I want you to know that we don't fault you." I felt a few more tears falling down my cold cheeks and he reached up and wiped them for me with his warm hand.
"I thought vampires didn't cry?" He asked curiously and I laughed without humour.
"They don't, apparently I'm just special." He looked at me with a small smile and tilted his head asking for an explanation and I laughed again.
"I have a few gifts as a vampire, one of them is a humanistic gift, which enables me to cry…stutter…snack…you know…blend in a bit better." He nodded with a smile.
"That's pretty cool I suppose eh?" I nodded.
"I gave the gift to Alice too…she's loving it." He chuckled and shook his head.
"It was a nice surprise to see that you're still so…you Bella." I smiled up to him.
"Thanks Sam…it's a nice surprise to still feel like me." He nodded. He started fiddling with a rock and I took this chance to ask him a question I had been wondering forever.
"Hey Sam…that day. At the Cullen's? You and the guys came over and were talking about killing Victoria and Laurent…you would hardly look at me. Why was that?" He sighed and rubbed his face.
"I don't know Bella…I just…felt bad." I gave him a curious look and waited for him to continue.
"The last time I had seen you…you were laying on the forest floor crying and shaking…and screaming… I looked down at you and you were so afraid. I just felt like…I wasn't doing my job as Alpha if I had let three vampires attack a defenseless girl." I put my hand on his as he continued.
"And then when we caught those leeches…the red-head was mocking us… saying that she had fun filming the torture of our little 'pet'. It was disgusting…and I just found it hard to look at you and now feel horrible. I still feel bad…" I shook my head.
"You were the black wolf weren't you?" He nodded and I smiled, remembering that day in the woods. Truth be told I was actually terrified when he stood over me but now I knew it was him being protective.
"Sam look at me. I'm ok. I never blamed you guys…and without you both my dad and I would be dead. The Cullen's couldn't have done it without you guys just as you couldn't have done it without them. Thank you, Sam, for being an amazing leader." He looked to me in shock. I'm not sure how often he gets that praise, but he deserves it.
"Bella…that's very kind of you." I smiled to him brightly.
"Not kind, truthful." He smiled and sighed. I spoke thoughtfully.
"You know…I'm not sure why you guys and the Cullen's were ever enemies. You guys have very similar goals…their whole existence is dedicated to not being a monster…not being what nature intended them to be. I know how hard it is. On my first attempt at hunting when I woke up I ran into a hiker…his blood was…it was hard to turn around and go home." I told him embarrassed. He looked to me with slight worry but seemed relieved that I hadn't attacked.
"I'm uncomfortable giving into that nature given my beliefs as a human but none of the other Cullen's had those views. Carlisle helped them all to see reason and not attack humans…and they work hard every day to keep humans from danger." He nodded and smiled.
"You are all truly remarkable Bella. I think maybe we should all get together soon to adjust that treaty for good like we had spoken about. You're right…we really do have the same morals." I nodded. He patted my hand and stood, helping me up like a gentleman.
"Bella I…I'm so sorry about this." He said motioning to my scars. I nodded looking down to them. They would be just as pronounced to him as they were to me. I looked like I was sewn back together…
"At least it's not all over my face…I can try and forget when I have a long shirt on." He nodded.
"Are you really ok Bella?" He asked so sincerely that another tear fell down my cheek. I wiped it away and sighed.
"I look and act like this strong girl…I'm practically made of marble…I'm bulletproof…I am physically strong on the surface but…inside I'm still the same, scared girl. I can feel convulsions inside when I'm afraid…I just feel so demolished…but I know it will get better. Being around the Cullen's and my dad helps a lot…and getting to keep Angela as a friend is a blessing…I just need time I think. I need time to heal and feel like me again." He nodded and gave me a tight hug. I melted into his warmth, feeling very soothed.
"I never thought I'd say this, because I always loved the cold of Emmett and Alice…but the warm feels so nice." He nodded into my hair. He's a lot taller than I am… so he has to lean down to hug me.
"You just feel like…Phoenix. You feel like the warm sun that I miss." He chuckled and stood back. I found myself missing the warmth.
"Well then we will need to amend this treaty right away! Can't lose our Bella can we?" I laughed and shook my head. Then a thought occurred to me.
"Oh my God…the treaty. Sam I'm so sorry…I didn't even think that this is your land!" He waved a hand at me.
"Bella I didn't give it a second thought. You are welcome here anytime, as are the Cullen's. I just ask that you don't go terrorizing the kids." He told me with a wink and I rolled my eyes. I put my shirt back on and we started walking through the woods.
"Oh yea… let me just go hang out with the people that think I'm dead." I laughed and he sobered quickly.
"Is that what you guys told everyone?" I nodded.
"Yea…unfortunately. Everyone in Forks was told that I was attacked by a bear or something and died." He sighed.
"I really am sorry Bella." I nodded and smiled sadly.
"I know…but you don't need to be. I can give my dad the indestructible daughter he's always wanted!" He chuckled and shook his head.
"Not little miss accident prone anymore?" I laughed and shook my head.
"Nope! I'm like the best and newest technology. I run soooo smoothly." He shook his head and gave me a friendly push. When I didn't move he laughed even harder and I smiled big.
"Don't fuck with a newborn, Sam." He laughed and we said our goodbyes, parting ways. I walked back home at a human's pace and sighed as I saw my new home. It was dark now and the windows were glowing warmly in the dark forest and I could see Alice pacing in her room, talking to Jasper who was sitting on their bed on the third floor. I could also see Carlisle working in his study on the first. Esme was playing the piano in the basement and Emmett was looking out the window in the living room. He saw me and grinned big, flying from the window and out the back door to see me.
"Heyyy Little One! Where've you been?! I was going to send a search par- WOAH! Hanging with some big bad wolves?" He stopped dead once he realized I smelled like wolves I smiled and nodded.
"Yea…ran into Jake at my thinking spot." He shook his head.
"Bella that's Quileute land, you can't go there anymore…" I shook my head.
"No it's ok. I spoke to Sam and he wants to amend the treaty like he and Carlisle discussed. He said we are all welcome there anytime." Emmett smiled big and tossed his arm around my shoulders.
"Look at you bringing the family together!" I laughed and shook my head.
"Yea, yea…Come on, I need to get this smell off me so you can start breathing again." I said, noticing he was holding his breath. He laughed a booming laugh.
"Hey it's not my fault you stink." I playfully pushed him and set off to take a nice hot shower.
Emmett POV
Bella came back down after what felt like forever, smelling of oranges and brown sugar like always. She hadn't changed shampoo or body wash since I met her and it made me smile. I was sitting on the couch playing a videogame with Jasper and she came and sat beside me.
"Mmmmmm you smell much better." I told her mockingly. She stuck her tongue out at me and I winked to her. She sat with us until we finished our race (Mario Kart WIN) and I put my controller down.
"Alright Bella time, maybe Alice will want to play." I told Jasper with a smile. He rolled his eyes at me and I picked Bella up and tossed her on the loveseat. She laughed, I knew she was more durable now and I didn't have to be nearly as careful as I used to be. Alice came down, having heard me and started playing against Jasper. I tossed my arm around Bella's shoulders and she cuddled into my side.
"You abandoned me all day." I told her with a fake pout and she giggled and shoko her head.
"I went for a leisurely walk." I smiled and nodded. I straightened up and looked to her.
"So you ran into Jacob huh?" I heard Alice pause the game and turn to us.
"You what? Are you ok?" Bella nodded to her and smiled.
"Yea I'm ok…he tried to apologize and it just turned into an argument. The pack was there though and they backed me up." Alice looked sadly at Bella.
"Alice really…it's ok. Don't be upset. I had a good talk with Sam and they all think Jacob was way other the line…Paul even feels like he's abusive. I let Jacob try and make amends and I guess he's just not ready to. I can deal." Alice nodded and Jasper nudged Alice. They turned back to the game and I was thankful so I could talk to Bella. Internally I felt a bit jealous that Jacob had tried to smooth things over with Bella. He really didn't deserve to. He'd never recover from what he's done in my books. He just wouldn't.
"I know how you feel about this Emmett, but I had to let him at least try." I looked to her and her eyes held such understanding. I gave her a confused look.
"Are you in my head?" I asked her but she shook her head.
"No…I don't know…I could just tell. Is that weird?" I thought for a moment. I felt that connection too. I could tell she was nervous right now…I didn't need her to tell me or need a gift to know it… I could just tell. I shook my head and smiled warmly.
"No…I know what you mean." I whispered and rubbed her nose to mine. She closed her eyes and settled into my side and I rested my head on hers. I loved this time with Bella…this was my time to really soak her in. I just felt complete holding her close to me. I had my eyes closed to when I could hear Carlisle come into the room.
"Oh good, you're both here. Esme?" I opened my eyes to see Carlisle standing in the room and I heard the piano stop playing.
"Yes dear?" she replied.
"Could you come in here please?" She soon joined us in the room and Carlisle looked to Alice and Bella.
"I've been doing some research on Bella's gifts and the child-baring gift. I have some answers." Bella nodded and sat up a little straighter, though not leaving my side. Alice and Jasper paused their game and gave Carlisle their attention.
"So I found that there actually is a way for you two to have children safely. It's quite extraordinary really. Bella what does your scanner say about the gift?" She shrugged beside me.
"Well it only says that because I have a biological vampire family member that I am able to have children." He nodded and smiled.
"Well it seems that it works a lot like human pregnancy would, with a few supernatural twists. You can only have a baby with your true mate and cannot get pregnant by just anyone. Once pregnant, your inside reproductive organs soften and your blood intake will need to increase in order to keep the baby alive and yourselves strong. Vampire women often feel quite fatigued during pregnancy and they become quite sensitive and need a lot of protection because if injured during the pregnancy, both baby and mother could die because of the softened organs." I looked to Bella and held her a bit closer.
"Now, some vampires experience odd cravings…there are even some cases of vampires craving human food." I internally shuddered at the thought of eating the eggs Bella made me a while back.
"Birthing is natural and you will experience the pain and contractions a human would experience, but you should be able to have a natural birth and produce a baby that is half vampire and half human." Bella gasped beside me and Alice looked to her with the same confusion Bella had expressed.
"But…how is that possible?" Carlisle nodded and continued.
"Well…the baby will be living on human blood…unfortunately you girls must consume human blood during your pregnancy in order to keep the baby alive." Alice stood up in a panic and Bella clutched her throat. Esme looked horrified.
"But Carlisle the girls just can't…" Carlisle nodded again, holding up his hands.
"I know, but that's the price. Now I could probably get packets of blood from a blood bank to sustain you so you do not need to hunt humans but the baby will not be able to survive on the blood of animals." I stroked Bella's arm while Jasper tried to calm Alice down.
"Will that make the baby crave human blood once it's born?" Bella asked quietly.
"I don't think so… the baby should be as any other baby would be…able to survive off of human food or blood, whichever it prefers. But because there is no blood flowing through your veins, you will need to consume human blood to help the baby grow, and it must always be the same type." Bella nodded and looked to Alice. Both girls seemed a bit more relaxed once they realized they wouldn't have to kill humans but I could tell they were still skeptical about drinking human blood.
"What about the girls getting addicted to it Carlisle?" Jasper asked protectively. Carlisle shrugged.
"It doesn't sound like they should…the body goes back to normal about three days after the birth. The insides harden back up, although there are cases of needing a small injection of venom to aid. The cravings and symptoms should be gone within those three days and they should be able to go back to their normal diets." Jasper nodded looking to Alice and Bella.
"How long will the pregnancy take Carlisle? A full nine months?" Esme asked.
"No, it should only take three from what I've read. The growing process of these babies is remarkably quick. You should average a human fourteen weeks every month." Esme nodded and Bella laughed humourlessly.
"That's like three and a half weeks every week!" Carlisle nodded.
"Yes, that is why fatigue is so high during the pregnancy. You girls may even find that you sleep during this time because all of your energy is harnessed into growing the baby." Bella nodded and sunk into me a little more. I could tell she was afraid.
"Is this safe for them Carlisle?" I asked protectively. He nodded and smiled.
"As long as their mates look after them they shouldn't have any problems. Having the mate close keeps them stronger and with the whole family here protecting them it should be a very easy three months to be honest." I nodded and gave Bella a kiss on the top of her head. I'd always protect her.
"But you girls should be warned, contraceptives are absolutely necessary if you do not want to get pregnant. Fertility rates for vampires are surprisingly high." He said chuckling. I shook my head with a smile at his humour. I looked to Alice and Jasper. Alice was smiling softly and looking at Jasper who just shook his head with a grin. He laughed as he spoke.
"We will discuss it." He told her and Esme laughed, tears welling up in her eyes. Truth be told, I was really happy for them. They got to explore this new avenue in their relationship that they never thought would be possible and I could tell Alice was enjoying the idea. Jasper was too but he is more realistic than Alice usually is. She nodded excitedly and Bella laughed and stood up to hug Alice. I looked to Bella and felt a pang of hurt. What if I'm not her mate? I can't give her up… I want so badly to give her a child…make a family with her. I looked to Jasper who gave me a stern look…but smiled. He understood. Bella sat back down after she thanked Carlisle and I gladly tucked her into my side again. I kissed her temple and placed my head on hers as Alice and Jasper went back to their game. I just need a sign… some kind of clue that tells me I can profess my love for Bella and know that neither of us will get hurt. I just need to know that she is meant for me. deep down inside I know she is…nothing has ever felt this right.
There you go guys! Pregnancy details…wolves…an apology? Hmmm…seems like all I'm missing is the return of a few stray vampires? Read and review guys!
Song: Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park