Chapter 8: Treacherous Third
A/N
Son of a gun. I am terribly sorry but it must sound all the same. Goodness, OKAY! Consider this as a burdening reminder for me that I OWE YOU 10 CHAPTERS so that means my back log of updating has brought it to this and thus, I have a very long way to go to write stuff and whatnot. Whew, but that's fine because you guys deserve it and I'm infinitely sorry. This is the worst. Thanks dearly to all you patient readers/followers/favoriters! Also thank you to angelmeerkat2 for reviewing last chapter. Here is the long awaited next chapter. I will get back to you guys on the delayed 10 chapters but for now: enjoy! I AM SORRY TO THE MAX!
It took another couple of checkups and final tests for Natasha to be clear and discharged from the medical department. Call it inadequate treatment for the very fact that they couldn't treat or cure her arm's appearance condition but Natasha couldn't blame them. She didn't know exactly either how her arm had formed into the worrisome sight but she knew exactly who was responsible for such a thing. She couldn't tell it though as it would cause more chaos and panic as it had been with her diagnosis and attention from everyone else on her deteriorating health during the meeting.
Somehow, her mind was still blocking out Loki and providing temporary peace. She hadn't been making any major flinches of pain at the mention of Loki so it proved to be quite an amazing record. Returning back to the headquarters of SHIELD only meant one thing though: more directed attention or concern and many questions. Most likely from Nick Fury altogether. Also returning to the headquarters and more towards her room meant that she could relapse and be reminded once more of the anguish that Loki had inflicted upon her. Natasha closed her eyes and inhaled deeply to remain tranquil. She wanted to keep this calm and intact streak in her mind going. She didn't want to go back to the terrible and shameful form that she was individually against.
Natasha's eyes flew open to the sudden idea she was to achieve in order to keep herself in this preferred state. She had spent those morphine drugged days in the hospital hazily sulking over her frustration involving Loki. Natasha had even admitted to herself that she was to blame for allowing this mental obsession to get out of hand. She had a lot of regrets and realizations of how she was quite foolish. Yet, this new idea forming in her mind could prove a form of redemption. To retrieve her complete normal self that was much more sturdy and resilient. Natasha was going to have to prepare against Loki and his schemes. To fight back now against her personal demon instead of falling helplessly to upper control. She had lost herself to Loki and his wickedness.
This was the way to rebuild her mental strength. She always had a good state of mind especially against enemies and their torments or questions. Physical perseverance or strength wasn't the only thing needed in her job. All things rooted back to the mind. This was going to be a suitable challenge for her. If Loki had been able to actually break the full strong focus of her mentality, she wasn't going to let it continue. Natasha was going to stop him once and for all. Perhaps with her mind being able to partially block out Loki and not bring painful reaction, it was already the reproduction of her proper mindset. Things weren't looking so bad after all. The hospital did after all provide recovery.
Once Natasha was onboard and inside the headquarters, Nick Fury was already waiting. "Agent Romanoff, had a good rest I assume" They walked together through the hallway. "Never felt better sir" They turned the corner and Natasha knew they were heading to the main deck where the other Avengers were most likely waiting. It was about 11am so just maybe, they would still be there at order by Director Fury. He continued "So the one day I have to head out, one of my best agents fall ill unexpectedly and has to be sent to the hospital in emergency. Care to share any certain details?"
Natasha paused trying to express sensibly for him but also keeping the information that was too confidential in her terms. Their pace was equal through the stretching labyrinth of hallways aboard the headquarters and it seemed to Natasha like a universal stalling. She attempted to keep her face neutral without any trace of oddity in behavior but her mind was racing through the database of reasons or lies to cover up in reason for her condition. What felt like an eternal pause that soon enough turned to acceptance, Natasha simply spilled out a subtle lie. "It was stress sir along with hyperactivity on my behalf. I was overly focused on work and the mission"
Nick Fury glanced at Natasha trying to identify any break of her composure. Of course he trusted Natasha but most agents like her had the common stubborn private disposition to not reveal ulterior information. He finally replied "I do like your attitude of holding complete commitment to the job Agent Romanoff but we all have limits. You seem so worried about missing out on work so much that you ignore what your body is trying to tell you. I can assure you that I'm not that strict on work but I am strict on the wellbeing of everyone working here. Make sure to keep that in note next time" Natasha nodded in understanding of Nick Fury's intended serious note. She was going to take it into account next time but it was honestly hard to even admit her own personal situation involving the targeted enemy of the whole work place. It was her own battle but she still took Director Fury's advice. "To show you further how less strict I am on work is that I didn't exactly send any files during your few days in hospital recovery but I will tell you that you have some catching up to do. Go join the others to receive all required information"
Around the bend was the entrance to the main room where they normally held the morning meetings. Nick Fury had stopped behind Natasha as he was going to head elsewhere. Before Natasha entered the room, Director Fury parted with final words "I think they've been missing you. After all, welcome back Agent Romanoff" He was walking down the hallway the other direction and Natasha half smiled. "Thank you sir" She turned around and headed into the wider room holding her other team-mates.
It was a grand hour that held her surprising welcome by her team-mates. It was then she realized how much she had missed or felt quite weirdly empty without the daily dose of regular entertainment or amusement by the combined dispositions of each male individual. There was Tony with his witty sarcasm, Steve with his gentleman manner, Thor with his flamboyance and Bruce with his gentleness. They all somehow made this whole group and experience a lot warmer and distinct. Natasha couldn't help but think of Clint who would've made the mix alongside the other guys if it weren't for the god of mischief taking him under his dark control. It was a sense of incompletion without him in the team but Natasha knew soon enough that they'd be able to retrieve Agent Barton soon enough along with capturing the enemy who she had to personally battle against. It was a matter that would occur sometime sooner or later.
Natasha left the crowded room of the raucous group to retreat to her room. She already threw down the files she had collected and were made to be rifled through to update on information and research. Yet, she didn't exactly feel like going over them at the moment. In fact, Natasha couldn't. Not at this exact hapless moment that gave her the same wretched sensation in her stomach. The atmosphere was almost frigid. Natasha stood still taking in the familiar presence she had grown to despise. She quickly knew too well of who was lurking in a shady spot of her room. This already called for bravery in order to begin the mission of self-recollection. This was a definite time to confront Loki.
She gulped before sharply turning to face her room. It had never looked more spacious and eerie. The dim light definitely amplified the feeling of slight fear but Natasha carried on. She took slow steps while her eyes shifted back and forth through the room on alert for the sneaky god of mischief to appear right before her. Scanning the room back and forth for the fifth time without any sight of Loki meant he could possibly be in the smaller space of the bathroom. Natasha's focus was directed to the dark room where she could vaguely make out the outlines of the objects like the sink and mirror. Her hand reached around the door frame to switch the light on and to her surprise: the bathroom was empty as well.
Could it be the paranoia creeping up again? Was she overreacting to assume suddenly that her favorite acquaintance would stop by? The questions concerning her sanity were almost diminishing her motive of strength and resilience against Loki. The various thoughts had flooded her mind but everything was shut and answered instantly when she looked up at the mirror. The same piercing, malicious green eyes were right behind her in the reflection. The emerald green stood out brightly amid the dimness of the room. Natasha froze but it was only her mind and heart that had flinched to the shock appearance of Loki. Yet, her outer physical form had remained neutral and especially Natasha's expression. Was this already the beginning of her returning strength? All that the moment held was the silent exchange between Loki and Natasha.
She turned around completely to look Loki straight in the eye as the silence remained. Yet in her ears, she could feel the pounding of her heart that had almost travelled up her throat. It was amazing how she was keeping up the stable image rather than turning into the trembling form she was before. Natasha knew Loki was staring her down on purpose in hope for a break of reaction but she tried her best to persist the same poise. After a frozen moment and amused response from Loki, he commenced his long awaited interaction with her. "Feeling better are we?" He had asked simply as if initiating general conversation. Loki's focus also turned to his scepter as he fiddled with it waiting nonchalantly for Natasha to answer. She was still staring at him coldly and felt her fist tighten by her side while her other hand had been placed over her back holding a gun. Natasha was going to complete the whole act correctly this time.
Loki had begun pacing back and forth between his spot and the other wall while fiddling more with his scepter. He wasn't finding Natasha's silent treatment any different. "I am since you don't ask" Natasha's expression shifted slightly with annoyance due to the thought "What and why would he possibly try to gain sympathy from me for?" He was still taking casual steps back and forth while observing the room again until he stopped to face Natasha completely. It seemed as if her stance and expression hadn't changed at all. Loki raised his eyebrow and half smiled. "You weren't the only one harmed or affected to a health extent. Even I faced my own challenge with wellbeing but what would that matter, especially to you. Yet, don't go being so selfish since the world doesn't solely revolve around you" Loki could see Natasha's expression toughen and he had to take note of the less afraid form or façade she was holding. "I must say, I am impressed with your stability now unless it has been a charade you have practiced whilst in the hospital" He commented.
Natasha brought her arms to fold together and decided to not leap straight into the gun act. She straightened her stance and finally spoke back "Why are you here?" To think about it, she had never actually asked this question even though the endless inevitable answers were able to be created. Already knowing Loki, he was most liable to respond with answers that were never straight forward or direct but she had to stall some time. Loki retorted "You know too well of my purpose here Natasha. I also need some specificity of which place you exactly ask of reason why I am in current presence –"
Natasha groaned loudly and rolled her eyes in order to make Loki shut up. He truly enjoyed annoying her and surprisingly, she wasn't acting as frightened as before. This could be the lucky visit for his revelation of purpose for both sides. He switched his scepter to the other hand and continued.
"You were expected so quickly to return to this doghouse that is a huge hoarder of your service. You seem so loyal or at home to this place even though you really don't belong here"
"Excuse me?"
"Don't play the foolish one Natasha. We both know that your first run in with this pathetic incorporation wasn't such a welcoming, nice one. You weren't always on the side of the angels. It would be hard to believe I was once on that side until I found out I wasn't one at all. I didn't belong one bit" Loki sliced the air with his scepter due to the internal rise of anger. He made to keep his composure especially in front of Natasha. She watched calmly while tapping the handle of her gun.
Loki cleared his throat. "Focusing on this whole company and their minor power, it proves of some relevance to how you expect to be treated of such supremacy of a man but you still take orders from them. You seem to be surrounded by a majority of them. Yet, you were so much better taking your own"
That very statement made Natasha stop and think for a minute. She even let go of her gun bringing her arm to fold together with the other in contemplation. Natasha was surprised at another direct mention of her past until she realized again that he knew perfectly well about everything concerning her background. She couldn't let Loki use it to lengthy twists and advantages.
"You were so much better with power and unrestricted choice. You could abide by your own. It altogether is quite ironic with that attitude quality of yours that makes you…such a desirable or worthy woman. Deception is a best friend of ours"
That was another bold declaration that hadn't been mentioned in a long while: Loki's references to things involving romantic attraction and with the added mix of more things involving her past. She had enough of these games that always ridiculed or claimed victory over her. It was time to battle back and get to the bottom of everything. No more playful distractions or evasions from Loki. No longer. "What the hell did you do to me?"
Loki acted in disbelief yet again but this was no time for entertained reaction. Natasha was being completely straightforward and wished to make herself at same status to the god of mischief.
"You've infiltrated my mind and thoughts and what the hell is with my arm?" She wriggled her jacket off and exposed her right arm to him. Loki stared at it with the same scornful look.
He tilted his head tracing the path of the pulsing veins but it wasn't anything new. "Half of your question is answered already as it involves you. Particularly since I have the same predicament to return to you"
Loki pulled his left sleeve and bared his arm with the similar effect but it wasn't as intense as Natasha's.
"There is somehow a connection Natasha. A connection between you and I" Natasha looked back and forth between the two arms comparing them and almost not believing the similar image set on their arms. How was it even possible for them to have the same effect? "There is in fact so many things that we share in fact and call it fate, coincidence or the universe making our lives come across to tangle and show how much we are alike" Loki suddenly slipped his sleeve downwards again in a swift motion.
Natasha slipped her jacket back on before looked back up to meet respectively to the wicked green eyes "It doesn't matter about the fate and universal crap. This is most likely to be some voodoo you're pulling. It's your whole doing isn't it?"
He shook his head "You know you can't always play the victim. We can both say that you have also been a culprit so don't judge and assume too soon. We don't want any hypocrites"
"Are you doing this on purpose? You're so proud to keep me in your hold or whatever but I've had enough and I am just equal enough to you to stand a fight against you. To hold some resistance against your stupid business"
"You owe me a much more pleasant nature. Then again, I will give you the benefit of the doubt to that fact that you're finally showing your true self that was hidden behind that cowering, feeble image that you held before me for the past few visits. I know how you actually are Natasha. Inside and out but then again, if you were genuinely so frightened and meager of me beforehand without any charade then consider me rather….disappointed"
"I told you to stop with the fun and games. Your own kind of fun and games. I want and need it to stop. Those are the only circumstances I'm willing to 'show my true self' along with the answer of your real reason. Also, wipe that stupid grin off your face"
Loki released a slow breath while almost giving a smoldering look towards Natasha. He automatically teased "Then I suggest that you make me"
Natasha's gun finally made its appearance through the furious annoyance that couldn't be held in anymore. It was of course a reflex for her to play the gun card but she knew it wouldn't exactly have any effect against the devilish Asgardian but she needed to get some form of point across. She added "Gladly". In enhanced amusement of the repeated action, Loki actually chuckled with Natasha's rash action. "I think we know too well what sort of display this position will lead to"
"It's different this time. I told you to just leave me alone! This time, nothing is going to stop me" Her grip on the gun tightened as she reached for her phone placed in her pocket. "I may not be able to stop you alone but more could. Leave now or I will tell" Natasha stared straight at Loki keeping her finger close to the speed dial button on her phone.
Of course, Loki was undisturbed and returned the same gaze. It was probably the most worthless threatening move ever pulled and he wondered if it was possibly the only adequate move that could be pulled by mortals. Loki was almost waiting for Natasha to leap into combat as he saw through the simulation of his dream. It could take a while but he was going to make it achieve to that direction. Loki refrained from bringing another smile on his face even though this was a complete moment of conquest that he genuinely felt happy about. He didn't want to show it though. To show how satisfying it felt to see the very fact that the development of Natasha and her true responsive actions were breaking through. Loki could finally hear and see her properly after shattering through the display of her poorly kept silent shock or fright from the past two encounters. It was time to further explore the Black Widow's persona.
The whole run of glorious thoughts that filled his head made him subconsciously near closer towards Natasha. She automatically backed away as her arm quivered. Loki finally uttered "Your threats are quite volatile. Either way, I know you don't want me going anywhere. Therefore, what you would already know –"
Natasha backed into a wall which startled her focus. She dropped her phone and her whole form was trembling now. She had automatically lowered her gun that was held limply in her hand. Natasha faced once more to Loki who stopped a foot away from her. He eyed her phone that had fallen then shifted back towards Natasha. Loki couldn't resist a smug grin before finishing off "Is that I'm not going anywhere"