Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry. The new universe belongs to J.J. Abrams and Paramount.
A/N: This chapter took a lot longer than I intended. But I needed a lot to happen, and I needed to figure out what their next 'mission' was going to be. More on that will be clear in later chapters. You get a good look at nu!Khan in this chapter, as well as poor lovesick!Kirk and oblivious!Spock. Hope you enjoy!
A/N2: Just realized I said in chapter 3 that Spock needed two days to meditate before he would meld with Jim. The time difference has now been changed, and a few more paragraphs have been added to help the transition.
.~.
Ch. 4: Nice To Meld You
.~.
U.S.S. Enterprise, the next day
Kirk bounced out of bed, actually excited about spending time that day with Khan-but-not-Khan. He was pumped about helping the man become a functional member of 23rd century society! Kirk was encouraged by Khan's sincere apology to McGivers the night before. He'd make a gentlemen out of Khan, yet. Maybe.
After going through his morning routine, Jim composed a quick message to Ambassador Selek, assuring him Spock's meld confirmed that Khan had no memory of his past life. Hopefully that would keep Elder Spock from worrying too much about him. Then he commed Sickbay to check in with Bones.
"How's your morning going?" Jim asked.
"Just peachy," the doctor answered. "We transported and revived another one of the Botany Bay's crew an hour ago, just as you ordered. She's recovering well."
"And her memory?" Kirk held his breath. If this woman woke up with memories of her past intact, Kirk's plan to help Khan would go to shit.
"She can't remember who she is."
"That is good to hear." Kirk was relieved. "I mean, it sucks for her, but it's good for us."
"I know what you meant. Jim, I want to release Khan from Sickbay. I've run out of reasons to keep him here. Can you come down and escort him to his new quarters?"
"I'll be there in five minutes," Kirk promised.
.~.
When Kirk arrived at Sickbay, he went straight for Khan's bed. The man was dressed in standard civilian wear. He was sitting up, waiting impatiently.
"Finally, I thought I'd never get out of here," Khan said upon greeting Kirk.
"I'm not fond of this place either," Kirk admitted.
"They gave me shots in my neck of all places!" Khan cried as he got up from the bio-bed. "Whatever happened to good old shots in the arm?"
Kirk shrugged. "Sorry, Bones can get heavy with the hypos. Shall we?" Khan followed Kirk out of Sickbay and into the corridor outside. When they reached the turbolift, a look of pure awe came over Khan.
"You have an elevator on your ship? You must be rich," he stated, impressed.
"Yeah, we have several," Kirk said, amused. "We call them turbolifts. And I'm not rich – I don't own the ship, Starfleet does."
"The military peace-keeping organization that you and your crew belong to."
"That's right." Kirk was glad that Khan had picked that up, at least. "Hey, are you hungry? We can stop by the mess before I show you your quarters."
"I have already eaten my morning meal. But, thank you," said Khan.
"No problem," Kirk grinned. Just then the turbolift opened, and they both went inside. "Deck 7," Kirk said, and the turbolift whisked them away to their destination.
"Ingenious," Khan whispered, as he followed the captain out on to Deck 7.
"It is, isn't it? We have all sorts of cool technology on my ship," said Kirk. "I imagine it will take some getting used to." They walked for about thirty seconds until they came to Khan's new quarters. "Here we are – the VIP suite." Kirk gestured towards the closed door.
"I assure you, Captain," Khan protested, "I don't require such extravagant living quarters."
"You're our guest – I want to make you feel welcome. Also, everywhere else is occupied," Kirk admitted. "Watch me as I enter the access code so you can remember it next time." Khan did, and the doors swung open to admit them.
"Where are you going to house the members of my crew once you revive them?" Khan asked.
"I'm sure I'll have some of my crew volunteer to double up," Kirk mused. "Don't worry – I'll make sure all your crew have decent accommodations. By the way, did you get a chance to talk to the woman that was revived this morning?"
"Only for a little while," said Khan. "She didn't know who I was, but I offered to help her in any way I could, since I supposedly was her captain. She seemed so lost and alone - I almost felt responsible for her. I suppose that doesn't make any sense."
"It makes perfect sense," Kirk assured him. "In fact, I'm putting you in charge of making sure that all the needs of your former crew members are met. My staff will do the best we can, but I know we will over some things. You can be their advocate. Report directly to me, and I'll do all I can to help your people adjust."
"Thank you, Captain. I do appreciate it."
"Call me Jim," said Kirk. "I hope that we can become friends during the short time that you'll be with us."
"I'd like that," Khan said quietly.
Kirk then took the opportunity to show his guest around his room. He pointed out the closet that held enough outfits for a week's wear, and the drawers that held socks and underwear. Then he motioned for Khan to follow him into the bathroom, where he indicated all the different toiletries a man would need sitting by the sink. The toilet was unremarkable – designs for toilets hadn't changed much since Khan's time. The shower was special – Kirk showed his guest how to change the settings from water to sonics.
"A shower without water – most interesting," Khan commented. "I shall have to try it sometime. What is the purpose of a sonic shower?"
"Well, it's a good way to conserve water. Starfleet strongly suggests that we use the sonics most of the time. Also, we have members of alien species who prefer the sonics to water. For example, my Vulcan first officer comes from a desert planet. He hates getting wet!" Kirk's grin faltered when he saw the confusion written on Khan's face.
"Vulcan?"
"Oh yeah, you haven't met Spock yet," Kirk remembered. "Vulcans look a lot like us – the main physical differences are they have pointed ears and slanted eyebrows. They also repress the hell out of their feelings and are usually science geniuses, with help from their eidetic memories."
"I would like to meet this Spock," said Khan, as they returned to the main room.
"You will," Kirk promised. "I'll introduce you personally to him, and to all my department heads. They're looking forward to meeting you."
"Captain – Jim - what am I supposed to do all day?" Khan wondered.
"I'd start by familiarizing yourself with where places are on the ship."
"And just how do I do that?"
"Watch and learn." Kirk grinned. "Computer, pull up the schematics of the ship." A layout of the Enterprise appeared on the viewscreen. "How do I get from the VIP quarters to the mess hall?" A path in red immediately appeared between the decks. Next to it were a set of written directions.
"The computers of my time could do that," said Khan. "But we had to input demands via keyboard. Voice-command recognition was just beginning to be developed. It is quite impressive."
"I'm glad you think so. You can ask the computer any question you want. It may not always give you the answer you want, especially if the information has a high-security clearance. But anything the computer won't tell you, you can always ask me and I'll do my best to find the answer." Kirk smiled at Khan, who smiled back. Jim saw nothing of the cold calculating man that Ambassador Selek described.
"I'm sure I'll learn my way around the ship in no time."
"You're free to go anywhere you like, save for the restricted areas like the bridge, the cargo bay, and engineering," said Kirk. "However, before you start exploring, I'd recommend that you start reading up on your history. You'll need to learn about all the really important events in the past two centuries – the discovery of warp drive, Earth's first contact with the Vulcans, how the Federation was formed, stuff like that. And learning about the different alien species that make up the Federation couldn't hurt."
"I'm looking forward to catching up on two-hundred years of knowledge," said Khan. "I'll get started right away." He nodded at the captain. "Thank you, Jim, for your assistance."
"I'm happy to help," Kirk said honestly. "Oh, and you might want to start thinking of a name for yourself. I can't just call you 'hey you' or 'mister'."
"I guess all of my crew will need to come up with names for themselves," Khan mused. "We might as well."
"Well, happy hunting then." Kirk turned to go, but then he remembered something. "If you want, we could hit the gym together after I get off Alpha shift. Doctor McCoy wants to start you building muscle mass again."
"Sounds good to me," said Khan. "I'll bet my muscles have atrophied quite a bit over the years. I'll probably have to start slow." He did not look happy at the prospect.
"There's no pressure," Kirk reassured him. "Well, see you in about six hours." With that, he left Khan to his own devices.
.~.
When Jim entered the bridge a few minutes late, he immediately apologized.
"I'm sorry I'm late. I was just helping our first guest settle in." The bridge officers knew how important keeping Khan happy was.
"You are forgiven, Captain," said Spock. "Perhaps you should invest in a watch with an alarm."
"Perhaps I should." Kirk grinned at his First. He knew Spock was only teasing him. Thank God the days when Spock had seriously reprimanded him on the bridge were long gone. "What is our status?"
"All systems normal," Sulu reported.
"Captain, I have an incoming priority one message from the Admiralty," Uhura informed him.
"I'll take it in my ready room," said Kirk. "Spock, with me." The Vulcan stood up and followed Kirk without a word. Once inside, Kirk activated the viewscreen and Admiral Pike's face swam into view.
"Oh good, it's you," Kirk said, relieved he didn't have to deal with Komack or one of the other stuffy Admiral.
"Jim, Spock." Pike nodded at both of them in turn. "I have new orders for you."
"I have something to report as well," Kirk admitted. "But let's hear our orders first."
"Your next mission is to make a pact with the planet Pelasia," Pike informed them. "I'm sending you the file on them right now. The inhabitants are a peaceful race of humanoids that are looking to ally themselves with either us or the Klingons. I might add that their planet is rich with dilithium. I don't need to tell you how important it is to get them on our side."
"You can count on us, sir," Kirk promised.
"I know I can." Pike looked at them fondly. "Now, what's your news?"
Kirk told him all about the discovery of the sleeper ship, and the crew inside. He left out any information that would point to Khan's identity, however. Not that he didn't trust Pike, but he'd hate to put Pike in a position that would make him have to report Khan and his crew's identity to Starfleet. It would just be easier if Pike didn't know.
"Ordinarily I'd have you report to the nearest Starbase to have these people rehabilitated, but your mission to Pelasia is the priority," Pike said. "You'll just have to keep these people with you until your mission is complete."
"That won't be a problem," Kirk said smoothly.
"We are seeing that the needs of these people are met," Spock added.
"I'm glad to hear it." Pike smiled at his favorite command team. "Is there anything else you need from me?"
"If I think of anything, I'll be sure to com you," said Kirk.
"Alright. Take care of yourselves. Pike out." The image of the grizzled Admiral winked out on the screen.
"Do you think it was wise that you did not inform the admiral of Khan's true identity?" Spock asked.
"I think the less people who know, the better," said Kirk. "But if we notice any malevolent behavior from Khan or any of the Botany Bay crew…"
"Understood," said Spock.
They returned to the bridge, where Chekov calculated their new course.
"Warp six, Lt. Sulu," Kirk ordered.
"Aye, sir," the pilot responded.
The Enterprise flew through the stars, on course to Palasia.
.~.
As soon as Alpha shift was over, Kirk headed to Khan's quarters. He ignored his growling stomach, vowing to eat right after he worked out. Kirk pressed the button outside the VIP quarters.
"Come in," called the voice inside.
The doors opened, and Kirk strode forward. He found Khan sitting at his desk, intently reading something on the computer screen.
"You could have just come in," Khan pointed out. "You have the code."
"I could have," Kirk agreed. "I was just being polite. I try not to use my captain's override unless I absolutely have to."
"I see," said Khan. "I'm afraid I still have much to learn about the manners and social norms of this century."
"You'll catch on soon," said Kirk. "So what have you been up to since I've been gone?"
"I've been reading up on Earth and Federation history, just like you suggested," said Khan. "Also, I have chosen a name for myself."
"That's awesome!" Kirk enthused. "What is it?"
"I was quite impressed with Zephram Cochrane's discovery of warp drive," Khan confessed. "I've decided to call myself Cochrane, after the man that advanced Earth's development into what it is today."
"That's a great name," said Kirk. "He was one of my favorite historical figures when I was growing up. I'll be sure to call you Cochrane from now on." He clapped the man on his shoulder. "Are you ready to hit the gym?"
"I'm more than ready. I could use a break from all this reading," Khan admitted.
"Then let's not waste any more time." Kirk motioned for Khan to follow him.
"I know the way, Jim," Khan informed him as they left his quarters side by side. "I already memorized how to navigate from place to place on the ship – the destinations that interest me, anyway."
"Is the rec room on the list?"
Khan grinned. "Of course."
"It's our main 'hangout' spot on the ship," said Kirk. "We've got plenty of games, and tables where people can just sit and talk."
"I have never heard of a ship with such a place. It sounds like quite the luxury," Khan commented.
"Yeah, anything for the flagship. We've got the best of the best," Kirk couldn't help bragging. They quickly reached the turbolift, which brought them to the correct deck.
"I believe the gymnasium is to the right," said Khan, stepping out of the turbolift.
"You got it," Kirk confirmed. They didn't have far to walk. The pair came to a halt in front of a sliding door.
"Why doesn't it open?" Khan wondered.
"You have to enter your code," said Kirk, indicating the key pad. "The same one that's to your quarters."
"Why?"
"We can't have everyone crowding the gym at once," Kirk explained as he punched in his code. "We're each given a time when we can visit the gym. Although people switch times all the time, especially if they want to exercise with a specific person."
"Ah," said Khan. He entered his code after Kirk, even though the door had already opened. "I assume it is alright that I am visiting the gym right now?"
"Yeah, my yeoman hasn't worked out a schedule for you yet," Kirk informed him as they stepped inside the gym. "But don't worry – we'll make one for you soon. I wanted you to have a few days to adjust before we put you on a schedule."
"I appreciate that," said Khan. He took in the sight of two men sparring on a blue mat, several crewmembers using treadmills and stationary bikes, and even more using the assorted weight-strengthening machines.
"Hey, I got us a room to ourselves," said Kirk, clapping him on the back. "Ready?" Khan followed the captain into one of the private rooms. There were a few mats, and a bench-press in the back.
"Why did you go to all this trouble?" Khan asked. Kirk was pleased to note that he did not sound suspicious, just genuinely confused.
Kirk gave him a pointed look. "If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want strangers watching me as I lifted weights for the first time in 300 years."
"Your discretion is appreciated," Khan said simply. He sat down on the bench, and lowered himself back so that he was laying down on his back.
"Let's just start with a fifty – no pressure," said Kirk as he loaded up the weights. "I'll be here as your spotter, so just take it nice and easy."
"A fifty?" Khan scoffed. Surely the captain thought him capable of lifting more than that?
"You should start slow," cautioned Kirk. "Who knows what shape your muscles are in?"
"Fine," Khan grunted. He gripped the barbell and lifted it as if it weighed no more than a toothpick.
"Alright – since you did so well with that, I'll bump you up to a hundred." Kirk added the extra weight, and again Khan lifted it without any effort. They repeated the procedure again, at 150 with the same results.
"Damn," said Kirk, impressed. "I can only press 170 pounds myself." He added another fifty, and Khan lifted the barbell, no problem.
"Give me another fifty," Khan encouraged, after he completed a set of ten.
"Okaaay," said Kirk, adding the weight. It looks like Khan was turning out to have superhuman strength after all. This time, at 250 pounds, Khan had to strain a bit to lift it. Kirk let him do another set of ten before adding more weight.
"I'm only adding a 25 this time," Kirk cautioned. He watched as Khan began to sweat and grit his teeth as he completed a set of ten.
"I think 275 is as high as I can go," Khan said, sounding a little tired as he set down the barbell. "Is that good?"
"Good?" Kirk just stared at the man and bit his lip. "It's phenomenal. Only my Vulcan crewman can lift more than that." Jim tried to hide the worry on his face, but didn't quite succeed.
"I should not be able to lift this much, especially after being in hypersleep," said Khan, sounding a bit frightened. "I can't explain how this is possible."
"I think I can," said Kirk, trying to keep his voice light. "Around two hundred years ago, scientists weren't as careful as they are now. They tried experimenting on human DNA, trying to help us evolve faster. They enhanced certain genes, including ones that would make people stronger. It's most likely why you can lift as much as you can. Nowadays, gene manipulation for that purpose is illegal."
"I see. I was proud of how much I could lift, before. Now I feel like a freak of nature." Khan looked down at the floor.
"Hey. It's not your fault," Kirk insisted. "Most likely it was something you were born with. Cochrane, please don't beat yourself up over something you can't control."
"I am glad that the crew did not see," Khan said quietly. "It was fortunate that you reserved the private room."
"I won't tell anyone if you won't," said Kirk. "Although, if you wanted to spar, it will be hard to find you a partner. Unless you wanted to try going against Spock."
"Would he object to my abnormal strength?" Khan asked. "Better yet, would he keep my secret?"
"Spock is the most trustworthy being on this ship. I'm sure he'd keep your secret," Kirk said honestly. "And he'd welcome the physical challenge."
"Then I hope to meet him soon."
Just then, Jim's stomach growled. "Hey, do you mind if we skip the rest of the workout and go get something to eat?"
"I don't mind at all," Khan said amicably, sounded relieved to have a reason to change locations. Jim didn't blame him. "If I want to work out more, I can always come back at another time."
"Great."
The two men left the gym and headed for the mess hall. On the way, Jim nodded to several passing crewmen.
"Do you know all their names?" Khan asked.
"Yeah." Kirk blushed. "I make it a point to memorize my crew's names, faces, and department. I have close to a photographic memory, so it's not that hard."
"Sounds time consuming."
"It took some effort at first," Kirk admitted. "But it was worth it. Getting to know them all is the hard part."
Once they arrived at the mess hall, Kirk immediately strode over to the replicators. Khan was not far behind, eyeing the new (to him) piece of technology.
"So you can replicate any food?"
"Pretty much," said Kirk. "But these can only produce specific food and drinks. The replicator packs can only take so much, and while Starfleet wants its crewmembers well fed, they don't give us an unlimited supply. Here's the list of stuff you can order with the corresponding codes." He handed Khan a menu.
"I don't know what I would like," Khan admitted after perusing the menu. "I have no memory of the foods I used to eat."
Kirk ordered them both waters. "I'm pretty sure you'll like that," he said with a wink, handing one of the cold bottles to Khan. "Doctor McCoy is always getting on me to drink more water. As for food, pretty much everyone likes pasta, so we'll go with that." He punched in the code for noodles with marinara sauce, with the sauce on the side. In a few seconds, a steaming plate appeared with just that.
"Amazing," Khan breathed.
"Now your turn," said Kirk, as he took the plate. Khan punched in the same code, and as if by magic, his meal appeared.
"You use these replicators every day?"
"Yeah." Kirk shrugged, like it was no big deal. "We're only allocated a certain number of meals – our diet cards regulate it. "But since this is your first time eating replicated food…" Kirk punched in another code, and a brownie materialized. "I'll split it with you."
"That is a dessert," Khan said matter-of-factly, inhaling the sweet, chocolatey scent. "But I do not recall its name."
"It's a brownie, and it's one of my favorite desserts. Thank God I'm not allergic to chocolate." Kirk shuddered. He then grabbed them some plastic silverware and napkins.
Khan looked surprised. "You still have allergies in this time?"
Kirk laughed. "Some of us unlucky people do. Our doctors don't know how to cure everything yet. For example, the common cold still exists. But many medical advances have been made, including, thankfully, cures for most sexually transmitted diseases."
"That is fortunate," said Khan with a smirk.
Kirk nodded, and started towards an empty table for two. They sat down together, garnering a few curious glances.
"Do you usually eat with the officers?" Khan asked, noticing the mild attention they were getting.
"Sometimes I do," said Jim, twirling his pasta around his fork and then dunking it in the red sauce. "Sometimes I'll eat here, usually with Bones, Spock, or Scotty – he's my chief engineer."
Khan watched the captain take a few bites, leaving his food untouched. "Jim, can I ask you something I've been wondering about you?"
Kirk swallowed quickly. "Shoot."
"How did you become the captain of the flagship when you're only, what… twenty-eight or so?"
"Twenty-six, actually." Kirk said sheepishly. He should've figured Khan would've wondered about that. "Well. That's a long, somewhat unbelievable story."
"I have time," Khan said wryly.
"Okay." Kirk grinned as he put his fork down. "It all started with a lightning storm in space…"
.~.
For Jim, the rest of the day flew by in a blur. After lunch, he returned to the bridge, where he spent an uneventful shift. As soon as his shift was over, he met Khan again for dinner. He was extremely pleased that Khan was responding so well to his company. Jim saw nothing in Khan's behavior that indicated cruel intentions. Sure, the guy was a big flirt, but then so was he. Unfortunately Khan's flirting often came off as creepy, but Jim was trying to help him change that.
Over the next two days, Kirk followed the same pattern, taking lunch and dinner with Khan and coinciding their gym times. They had plenty to talk about - Khan was eager to discuss what he had learned about various topis from the computer. Kirk would answer his questions the best he could. Jim would also inquire about the members of Khan's crew - they were up to six now. Khan had been doing an admirable job in quelling their fears about their amnesia and helping them settle in to life on the Enterprise.
On the night Jim was supposed to meld with Spock, he was a little bit jumpier than usual. He really hoped that it didn't show to his dinner companion. If it did, Khan was nice enough not to mention it. When the scheduled time approached, Jim excused himself to Khan, and then quickly dumped his tray in the recycler before leaving the mess.
On his way to meet Spock and Uhura, Jim tried his best to contain his excitement and apprehension. He was rather curious as to what melding with his Spock would be like, compared to the meld with the ambassador. Of course it wouldn't be a true deep meld, but Kirk would take what he would get. Any contact with Spock's mind had to be better than no contact at all.
.~.
Jim arrived at Uhura's quarters promptly at 1900 hours. Spock and Uhura were already there, waiting for him. He had claimed to agree to this to help their relationship – clearly, he was fucked up.
"So, you ready to do this?" Jim asked, sitting down at the table. No way was he going to try this standing up, on the off chance that his legs collapsed. They almost had when he'd melded with Elder Spock.
"What, no comment on how you finally got to see the inside of my room?" Uhura teased.
"Why, did you want one?" Jim said automatically, but his heart wasn't in it. He was too busy concentrating on trying to keep his mind as empty as possible, in case Spock just happened to come across any more-than-friendly thoughts about him.
"No, I'm good," said Uhura with a smile. It was the nicest look that she'd ever given him. "Captain, I want to thank you for doing this favor for us."
"No problem," Jim said lightly. "Anything I can do to help my ship's power couple." Anything I can do to add to Spock's happiness, no matter how much it hurts.
Spock sat down in the chair beside him. "I am going to place my fingers on the side of your face. It will be an extremely shallow meld. You should not feel any discomfort, but if you do, just say so."
"I'm sure I'll be fine," said Jim. I trust you. He closed his eyes as he felt the pressure of Spock's hand on his right cheek. He hoped to God that this Spock was just as skilled at melding as his elder counterpart, or else he was really screwed.
Jim felt just the slightest mental nudge, and knew it was Spock prodding his mind. He relaxed completely, and let the Vulcan do his thing. Spock lingered for but a moment, allowing Jim to bask at his presence. Then Spock's mental warmth abruptly left him.
"That was it?" Jim tried not to sound too disappointed as Spock's fingers pulled away from his face. "I barely felt a thing."
"You should not have felt hardly anything," Spock affirmed. "I did not attempt to transmit any thoughts or images – it was a mere brushing of minds."
"And you couldn't tell what I was thinking?" Kirk had to be sure, had to be certain Spock hadn't discovered his true feelings.
"Negative," said Spock. "I only ascertained that you were receptive to the meld."
"Then I say it was a successful test." Kirk glanced at Uhura. "You've got nothing to worry about. Spock has a gentle mental touch." He quickly got to his feet. "But now that that's over, I'd better get back to my quarters. I still have a few more reports to finish before tomorrow morning." Jim shot them a fake smile. "Goodnight, you two."
He barely heard their replies as he hightailed it out of there.
.~.
Kirk wasn't lying – he really did have a few reports to finish. But his mind wasn't on his work. He was too busy imagining what was going on in Uhura's quarters. Spock must have performed the surface meld on her by now. He had no reason to think that Vulcan would be unsuccessful. He'd proved to Kirk that he had no difficulties in melding with humans. Were they celebrating by making out? Having sex? Had Uhura asked Spock to try a deeper meld? For some reason, that thought disturbed him more than the thought of them in flagrante.
The door chime jolted Kirk out of his reverie. Who could it be at this hour?
"Come in," he called. The doors swung open to reveal…Spock?
Kirk blinked. He wasn't imagining things – it was the Vulcan alright. "Spock, what are you doing here? I thought you're supposed to be trying out the meld with Uhura."
"As did I." Although the Vulcan would never admit it, he looked shaken. "May I sit down?"
"Of course." Kirk gestured to the seat across from his desk. "Are you saying you didn't meld with her?"
"She did not give me the opportunity to do so."
"What? Why?" Kirk blanched. "I thought that was the whole point of you trying it out on me. She knows you can meld with humans now."
"I do not understand her reasoning in refusing," said Spock. "All she said was that she needed more time before she was ready."
"I'm sorry," Kirk said, and found that he meant it.
"What is, is."
"Yeah, but it still sucks. I know how much it would have meant to you."
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps she does not trust me."
"No, Spock, I'm sure that's not it," his captain insisted. "Humans are just skittish about stuff like sharing our minds."
"You were not."
Kirk shrugged. "It wasn't my first meld. Look, try not to hold this against Uhura. Don't take it as a rejection - she'll meld with you when she's ready. The fact that she wanted you to try it on me suggests that she plans on letting you meld with her at some point."
Spock nodded, lost in thought. "Captain, would you welcome some help with your reports?"
"Sure, if you want." Kirk knew Spock needed to do something productive to keep his mind off the Uhura situation, but would never come right out and say so. He was pleased that Spock had sought him out in his time of need.
"Perhaps we might have time for a game of chess afterwards?" Spock tried to keep the inflection out of his voice, not wanting to sound too hopeful.
"I'd like that," Kirk said softly. Like he could deny Spock anything after his girlfriend had refused him mental intimacy. He handed Spock one of the PADDs on his desk, and they got to work.
.~.
As soon as Spock left (after soundly trouncing Kirk at 3-D chess) Kirk called McCoy on the comm unit. He knew the doctor would still be up at this hour, so it was safe to call and vent.
"McCoy here." The doctor answered.
"Bones?" Kirk didn't mean to sound so pathetic, so needy. It wasn't very captainly. But the doctor was the only person he could drop his 'shields' with – so to speak.
"Oh Christ." The doctor swore, hating the tone of his best friend's voice. "What happened now? He meld with her?"
"No," Jim said brokenly. "She refused, and he came here to play chess."
"That god-damn, insufferable, unfeeling hobgoblin!" McCoy growled. "Of all people, Jim. It had to be him. You could have had practically anyone else!"
"I know. I-I can't help it." Kirk took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Bones, I don't understand Uhura's reluctance. I'd let him meld with me for real in a heartbeat. As much or as long as he needed. Even if he looked through my memories and found out about my …stuff. If it would help Spock heal, then I would do it."
"I know you would, Jim." The doctor sighed. "I just wish he knew how he makes you feel, coming to you with his relationship problems. It's not fair to you."
"You can't say anything to him. It might tip him off. Please," Kirk begged.
"I won't," the doctor promised. "But, Jim! It's killing you – I can tell. It's not healthy."
"It hasn't interfered with our working relationship," Jim insisted. "Or our friendship."
"No. Not yet."
Jim was eerily silent.
"Shit. Jim, I didn't mean-"
"Yeah you did," Kirk said heavily. "And you're right. I can only take so much. I just, keep thinking that, with all these problems… that he's not going to stay with Uhura forever. And then, after he's recovered, I might have a chance."
"It's possible, Kid," said Bones.
"You don't sound so optimistic," Jim accused.
"When am I ever optimistic about anything?" The doctor had a point there. "I blame the old Vulcan for this, you know."
"It wasn't his fault," Jim quickly defended the ambassador. "I would've fallen for Spock eventually. All he did was speed up the process."
"It was cruel to show you something that you couldn't have."
"He didn't mean to. It just…happened." Kirk sighed. "God. Why does my life always have to suck? Why did the other Kirk get everything I could ever want?"
"I don't know, Jim," the doctor said quietly. "I wish I did."
"Yeah, well." Kirk chuckled nervously. "I'd better get to bed. Sorry to bother you."
"You can bother me anytime," said McCoy and he meant it.
"Thanks, Bones." Kirk yawned. "You're a good friend. Goodnight."
"Night, Kid."
Jim cut the connection and began to get ready for bed. He knew it was stupid, but some small part of him had been hoping that Spock would have recognized their minds as compatible from the meld. But again, it was just a surface meld. Spock barely had time to touch his mind at all. Jim reminded himself that it was a good thing that it had only been a surface meld. If Spock had gone deeper, surely he could have discovered Jim's true feelings for him. That was something that Jim could never allow. Still, as he drifted off to sleep, he imagined what a deep meld would be like if Spock felt the same way about him.
End Ch. 4
A/N: There – a nice long chapter for you guys. Reviews, comments, and suggestions are always appreciated!