After last chapter's angst fest I figured this would make up for it.

;)

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CHAPTER 30

"It's okay, Booth. I'm here. I'm okay."

We stood together for a very long time. Just holding each other. Or… I think I was holding him, and he was letting me take care of him for once. Booth was very good at shining light onto other people. So good at it, he would be blinded if someone tried to shine it on him.

Unless that someone was me. I knew this, deep inside; that I had a right to. What was that thing he'd said just now…? 'I should be kissing you. That was something I was meant to do'. Well, I was meant to hold him when he needed to be held. And to kiss him when we both needed to be held.

As I became aware of my lips brushing his neck with every breath, I mused about this statement. Something he was meant to do?

Was this really the sort of thing friends said to each other?

Booth and I were more than friends, but less than lovers. We were… partners? What did partners mean? What was happening? Why was I smiling like an idiot into his shoulder? Why wasn't I kissing him, like I should be?

"Booth…" I whispered, at the same time as he said "Bones…"

I smiled again, and drew back a little. His expression was asking me to speak first.

"Can you explain now?"

He nodded, but then seemed to rethink.

"Not while I'm holding you half-naked, Bones. Talking doesn't factor into that equation."

I laughed.

"Would you be more comfortable if I got dressed?"

"No way! That would just be wrong."

He grinned, and let me go.

"Just sit, Bones. Get back into the bed."

I complied, hoping his mood would last.

"What's wrong, Booth?"

"It's pretty simple, actually. I was… worried. Well, worried falls flat but you know what I mean. I kept hearing that last… you know, on the phone."

I nodded, unconsciously holding the sheets tighter, remembering too.

"And when someone's worried for some time, even after the danger has passed, he carries this feeling with him for a while. I couldn't believe you were real. Well, it's not really that either. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. If Bram hadn't been careless with that little camera trick… shit. I can't even say it, Bones. And this has happened to us before, but before we hadn't… I wasn't… I mean, I was, but I didn't really know…"

"Booth, I don't know what that means."

"I just mean that every time is worse. And I kept living because there was a chance I could save you."

The strange solemn way in which he spoke made me shiver. A different, new kind of fear was the cause, but I didn't understand its consequence.

"I'm sorry I was so horrible just now. But Bones, all this emotion, I was angry! At myself mostly, but also at you. You're so… frustrating!"

"I know. I'm sorry…"

"No, don't say you're sorry. I'm sorry. I was… it's just that you make it so hard for me to… no, that's not… shit, I can't say that."

"Can't say what?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Bones, forget it."

"I never forget."

He smiled a little.

"I guess not. But I'm still not explaining."

I felt incredibly frustrated by this fact.

"I meant that I was cruel just now because I've been through a lot this past couple of days. Meaning you."

"Okay. I think I understand now."

"Really?"

"Yes. You were afraid that I would not be alive when you found me." Not if you found me. When. "You care about me, about our partnership and about the victims we save. You care, Booth. You're very good at understanding 'the heart', even though it's an organ with absolutely no ties to the neurological system and can't influence our emotional responses…"

He was almost laughing, so I decided not to explain.

"Anyway, you're good at understanding people. Emotions, all those things. So your fear made you act like you did."

He nodded. "And I was angry, too. Don't forget that."

"I was too emotionally involved in the case." I wasn't trying to justify my mistakes. Just to make the reason for them clear. "I always find it hard not to, but this time was especially bad. Women in danger. Women we could save, not just a killer to catch. Live people, Booth. Not haunted memories of victims."

He took my hand and squeezed it.

"I know, Bones. But you still have to be responsible. I don't know anyone who's more rational or intelligent or competent. You're collected, and effective, but I also don't know anyone who's as careless about herself as you are."

Careless?

And should I care that the only adjectives he could think of were "rational, intelligent, competent, collected and effective"?

"You care so much about everyone else that you forget about you, Bones. That beautiful thing you said once about shining a light… that I didn't shine one on myself… you do the exact same thing."

If I hadn't said what I did next, we would have probably managed to keep this situation controlled. A conversation. A tense one, but also one we needed to have for a while.

Instead, I couldn't help but say:

"I guess we're both together in the dark."

He didn't answer. He just held my gaze, and held my hand, and metaphorically held my all somehow as well.

I would make it his choice, however. His decision, whether momentary peace was worth more complications. But like Booth had said… all that fear, all those feelings…

"Bones…" His voice was low and husky, and his eyes once again reminded me of night and skies and dark, dark deeds…

His hand moved from my hand to my thigh in one soft movement. I felt electrically alive. And revelled in the feeling.

"I don't think you should have said that, Bones…"

He moved his rough, hot fingers up slowly. I burned, alive. His hand was leaving a trail of hot, hot skin. Hot eyes tracked my every blink, every swish of an eyelash and every lick of parted lips… hot mouth half open in wonder, teasing me, so close…

His hand was almost there. And suddenly I had enough.

I didn't want slow anymore. I wanted alive.

I grabbed his hand with my left one and pushed it right into me, wet centre beginning to be touched. With my right I yanked his tie down until my lips meshed with his.

His small gasp of surprise quickly gave to a growl of approval, and he climbed onto the small bed so that he was straddling me, one hand still between my legs.

He tilted his head for more contact, pulling me closer and letting me undo his tie, and the addictive taste of him became all I could think about. Well, that's a lie, because his hand was incredibly distracting. His hand probing gently, softly, teasing, making me hurt with need.

So once again I grabbed it and pushed in. He chuckled and complied, but better than I could have ever dreamed of. Sliding in, out, faster, slower again until the friction with the fabric and his hand, and just the feverish frenzy of it all made me explode.

My loud, long moan of pleasure was stifled by his mouth. He drew back to watch me, following every movement and every spasm with fascination, a smile on his face. His other hand was in my hair, gently pulling it away from my face to see better. Despite what had to be an uncomfortable erection pressing against my thighs, he just looked at me.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt then, having none of this being apart business, and pulled once more. He was smiling when our lips touched, I felt it before they parted and I was drugged by his taste again.

Booth. Booth all around me, Booth inside of me, Booth over me…

"Bones…"

"Hmm…?"

My legs wrapped around him, pulling his waist down so that I could feel him pressing against me. So that every inch of him touched every inch of me and we were glued together…

His face was so close to mine it was blurred. But the intensity in his eyes remained sharp and hot, so very hot, my Booth…

"Nothing."

I kissed him again, deep and long, and then tugged his hair so he pulled back and I could drill into his eyes.

"I never forget, Booth."

"I know." He chuckled, then kissed my earlobe.

I remembered that first time, our first 'slip'. In that car, when we couldn't look into the other's eyes because that would mean the end. How different this felt, now. How complicated, too, but also real, something I would remember forever. Perhaps it was fear that let us give in now, this one last time. But the cause didn't matter. I was living its consequence now.

But suddenly, right after that innocent kiss he sprang back and jumped off me, to stand guard next to me once more. I felt cold with shock. It was so quick, his move.

I couldn't believe it. I felt insecure and exposed, and incredibly embarrassed. This hadn't happened before. He was still aroused, still breathing heavily and of the large, hard lump in his pants he had to be painfully aware. His eyes were still dark, but he was smiling, like a proud little child.

I couldn't speak first.

"I can't believe I just did this." He admitted, staring at me with wonder.

Did what? I stared at him, wondering whether I could cover myself with the sheet conspicuously.

"It was hell but… for you, Bones. If I think it's for you the whole thing becomes easier. You're tired, you've been through hell and every time I see the cast on your hand I can't stand it. I want you, but we can't. You know that, right? I really, really want to. But we can't."

He put his hands on either side of my face and gave a the longest, most wonderful, addictive, best… last kiss we'd ever had.

"I'm going to leave now, okay? We'll be fine. You're all right. I'm very glad you're all right."

He turned away with a smile, leaving me confused, teary-eyed and once again, alone.

So I just blurted out:

"I love you."

Oh fuck.

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I'm a cliff-hanger addict! That's all I have to say for myself!

I'll try not to indulge my addiction so often, promise!!!