Here it is. This is the chapter-before-last.
*sniffles*
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CHAPTER 41
A roiling mass of fire-fighters and FBI Agents had completely taken over, and were fighting about situation assessment and control. My arm had been bandaged somewhat patchily and three separate medics had tried (the key word here being tried) to haul me into an ambulance. With two, a look had been enough. I'd kicked the other in the shin, hard.
I knew they were right of course, but perhaps the adrenalin had finally eaten away at the rational thinking left in me. Or perhaps (and this I was afraid to think) I'd used up all my rationality in deciding to run outside and take the long, but safe, way to save Booth instead of sprinting through the fire and dying. This would haunt me forever, this decision to kill all feeling therefore killing my heart.
This would follow me always.
Now I stood in his arms, just being there with my eyes shut, feeling the sting from the burns on my cheeks and hands, the multiple cuts and bruises. Apparently I might have a fractured rib, too. Oh, and of course the bullet wound in my arm, matching his.
Angela had been holding Anne until her aunt came. Her name was Louise and she was Margaret's sister. She had screamed at three Agents until she got to talk to a senior Agent, screamed at him some more, and before her rather bemused niece, threatened to sue the FBI. They had left soon after that, and Anne hadn't looked back.
"Bones… I love you."
I clutched him harder.
"It feels so amazing to say that. I love you. You are my… I love you."
Still I didn't speak, instead I squeezed my eyes shut harder and wished I could block out every sound but his voice. But there were sounds… memories, I couldn't block out. And with my eyes closed, they seemed closer than before…
The rumble of a car I knew made me open my eyes, and turn in search of the source.
And then Hodgins was there, and he ran full pelt into Angela and almost knocked her to the floor. They kissed passionately and I was surprised that I wasn't really surprised. Cam was crying, and she hugged Angela too, and kissed both of her cheeks. Sweets, to everyone's surprise, hugged her and swept her off her feet, spun her around in a circle then let her go again.
They all turned to look at us: Angela clutching Hodgins' hand, Sweets breathing hard and looking younger than ever, Cam quietly crying with fierce happiness. Booth kissed the top of my head and I knew he must be looking right back at them, but I couldn't look at them.
I stared at a place no one else could see: a place alive with flame where I had to choose… suddenly my decision seemed to be the only thing I could see, filling my mind and making the rest just… vanish.
"They both thought the other was dead." Angela said quietly.
The silence was… strange. Solemn. I thought I might be in shock, finally, after everything, because I couldn't bear the walk to them, I couldn't move, I needed to stay this close to Booth or closer. I closed my eyes again and fought the desperate urge to cry. The fire kept burning in my mind. The crunch as my back slammed into the glass wall, the heat scorching my skin, tears evaporating as I cried them, Booth on the floor, or at least it looked like him, a wall of flame chasing me. I began to shake slightly.
Sweets said hesitantly: "Okay. Okay then… maybe they should be alone for a few moments."
But almost as one, they came to us.
I felt them all around me, Angela's hair brushed my cheek, Cam's tears wet my shoulder, Sweets' hand on my arm, Hodgins' weight on my side. And Booth, holding me up.
With them all so close, I realised that the fire was out. That I was here and my decision had saved my life, and that if I hadn't managed to cling to rationality in that moment, Booth would be alive outside and I would be a hologram and Angela would have to recreate my features, Hodgins would have to make sure I'd been killed today, Cam would have to make sure it was me, Sweets would have to help Booth… help Booth cope with my death…
I was alive.
And I began to cry, no longer shaking, because I was alive, and surrounded by people I loved more than anything else.
_*_
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"So Margaret Stoker is dead?"
"Yes."
"You'll have to find her remains."
"We know."
"Where-?"
"There are a million places. It might take us years to find her."
"He was… He began stalking her fifteen years ago?"
"Yeah. Thought her marrying that scumbag Stoker was like a betrayal. What Mr Stoker did wrong was embezzle some money for the mob and get caught by his daughter. Frank Bram murdered five innocent women. Tell me who was worse, will you?"
"And, of course, now we know why she didn't change her name."
At this I looked up. So far I'd been listening to Booth and Sweets in silence, but this, still, I didn't understand.
"Do we? I don't understand."
Booth sat down on the couch next to me, that couch in Sweets' office we knew so well. The look in his eyes was the same as it always was: a caring, strong, loving respect. But this time I recognised it for what it meant.
"Bones, no matter what horrible things her husband did, she'd married him. In spite of herself, she'd loved Kevin Stoker for twenty years, and even though he'd endangered her daughter's life, she couldn't erase what she'd felt so long ago, no matter how angry she was now."
"But what matters is now, not-"
"It was an unconscious manifestation, Dr Brennan." Sweets said.
"After everything, Sweets, you can call me Temperance if you want." I said, thinking about last week, the fire, the burns, the pain… and how it all faded away when my friends and Booth came.
He smiled. "Thank you. I'd like that."
"It was just her own unconscious acknowledgement of a love that had existed and died, and it should have told us immediately that he was never the murderer." Booth continued.
"Why?"
"If he had been, she would never have introduced herself as Margaret Stoker."
I wasn't completely sure I understood, but we had more pressing matters to address. The atmosphere in the room changed subtly as the silence stretched on, and I felt it shift focus, from the memory of Margaret to us.
"So… Sweets." I began.
"Yes, Temperance?"
"What happens now?"
Booth and I hadn't seen each other until today, because we'd been in different hospitals (apparently I kicked that EMT pretty hard). When we got Sweets' call to discuss our relationship, I'd panicked, not really knowing what that relationship was. And Booth was already there when I arrived, and I didn't think he was about to kiss me in front of the kid, so I wasn't really sure…
"You tell me." Sweets said.
I looked at Booth. He looked at me, and gave a small nod of encouragement. He expected me to be spokesperson about our feelings?
"I love Booth." I said bluntly. And in the end that's all I said, because I found I couldn't elaborate on the matter in front of Sweets.
The smile on the psychologist's face was radiant. "I know, Temperance." He said.
I rolled my eyes, avoiding looking at Booth. "When I told Angela, I thought she'd be emotional, or cry, or say 'I told you so' or stuff like that… but she just laughed for ten minutes straight, just fell over laughing!" My indignation was, apparently, very funny too, because Sweets chuckled and Booth… oh, Booth.
"Cam just nodded, she already knew too. And Hodgins was with Angela, but I don't think he really heard me…" I remembered the look on Hodgins' face the first couple of days, when he couldn't let her out of his sight and a kind of panic crept into his cobalt eyes if she so much as coughed.
"And now this. For how long had everybody around me known I was in love with Booth and not told me?" I demanded. "It might have helped a lot, you know. It would have made a lot of things much easier if you'd just put us in a room, said: Agent Booth, Doctor Brennan is in love with you. Discuss."
There was no movement on Booth's side of the couch, and again I didn't dare check why. Sweets was smiling brightly. "Dr Brennan, that would be impossible. Not only would you immediately deny what I was saying as I was saying it, but it wouldn't give you chance to deal with the fact yourself, exposing the knowledge before you were ready for it. Psychologically speaking, that's… not great."
Booth shifted in his seat and I risked a glance. He looked stern. "You do know you've lied to quite a few senior FBI Directors, right, Sweets?"
"Hey, let's be fair: you did too, Booth."
"What?" I said, incredulous.
"To maintain our partnership intact, Sweets never wrote a report in which he included an evaluation of our emotional attachment. Or, if he did, he wrote it off as friendship. Am I right?"
"Yeah." Sweets didn't look like a kid anymore. He looked proud and fierce. "And I'd do it again, as would you."
"Of course."
I felt my eyes moisten a little as I thought about this young man risking his career for us, helping us in his little ways, trying not to lose patience with our obstinacy. I understood, better than I had at the time, why sometimes he snapped at me, and felt myself forgive him as I realised why he'd done it.
"Thank you, Sweets."
"For the record, I love Temperance too." Booth said suddenly, like he'd just remembered he hadn't said it aloud yet. "I know it kind of goes without saying, but that hasn't worked very well for us. Not saying stuff."
I smiled, looking down at my hands. But then his large palm clasped them both, and they looked small and fragile next to his rough fingers, and I looked up at him. His eyes had the intense, blazing look of love he'd only ever let me see in small bursts before… now I saw it for real, and there wasn't turmoil and pain and self-loathing there, just calm.
"When you smile… when I say 'I love you' and you smile… I'd like to see that."
I couldn't speak.
"You'll be allowed to continue working together, by the way." Sweets said. I started, remembering he was in the room, and then felt joy explode in my heart.
"But I thought you said you'd had to lie to protect us…!"
"Well, what's forbidden is an undisclosed relationship. That wasn't your case, but what you had was… worse, in a way. Let me explain. I figured out you had a dysfunctional relationship which, given time, could be counter-productive to your work: and there lay the real danger. You were in love with each other and were attempting to repress or ignore those feelings. Psychologically speaking, that's very unhealthy, and stressful. It would add strain to your work-life, and so to your solving rate." Here he glanced at Booth. "I believe Booth had a worse time with that at first-"
"And dealt with it abominably." Booth muttered darkly, referring no doubt to his strange long periods of anger and brusqueness toward me. I'd already forgiven him.
"Yes, but then you, Temperance, decided to realise what you felt as well, and now both of you were trying to look away from the truth, in thinking the other didn't feel the same."
It was strange to hear the past weeks described to me in such a crisp, scientific way.
"That was bad, very bad, and if I'd written that in one of my reports, the FBI would have immediately severed your partnership, and, I'm afraid, been right in doing so. But now that the air is cleared, so to speak, when you inform Deputy Director Edwards and sign the appropriate papers, you should be fine. Unless, of course, your solving rate falls, which I doubt."
"It won't." I wanted to assure him immediately. I feared I might soar up into the air, if Booth wasn't holding my hands and tethering me to the ground.
"So… is that all?" Booth asked.
"Yes, that's all I wanted to say."
Booth sprang up and pulled me after him, so we were both standing.
"Excellent. Bones and I are going."
"We are?" I asked, bemused.
"Yep. Haven't seen you in a week, you think I'd let you escape my sight so quickly?"
"See you guys tomorrow, right?"
"Sure, Sweets."
And we both left him, owing him our jobs and maybe our lives too. Because, being apart, I shudder to think what would have happened. 'Just coffee' was nothing, 'just coffee' wasn't living.
"So… you came here in your car?" he asked.
"Yes. You know, driving. Myself. Because I can drive. In fact, I might have mentioned this before, but I'm an excellent driver."
"I see."
"What?" My stomach was fluttering nervously, my mouth was dry and my palms perspired. Why?
"Well, I was already in the building, working, and I leant my car to Agent Finn this morning."
It was my turn to say: "I see."
"So maybe you could drive me home?"
I stopped walking and raised my eyebrows at him in surprise. "Really?"
"Please?"
"Yeah, sure."
The elevator ride was silent, and the walk to the car was silent too.
"So, Bones…"
"Yes?"
"Do you, uh…? How do you feel about clearing the air?"
"How do I feel about it?" Then I realised what he meant. "Oh. You mean talking about our feelings without Sweets being present."
"That would be great."
"I agree." I opened the door to my car. "But I already said that I love you."
"I don't know what that means."
I stopped in the motion of getting inside. "Really? You don't know what 'I love you' means?" I asked him. It was hard to believe that he was the one saying that to me. It felt good, for a change.
He nodded. "I know what it means. I just don't know what it means."
"You're confusing me."
"What do you want to tell Edwards? That we're together?"
I couldn't believe it. In all my years of working with Booth, I'd never heard him sound as frightened, as… insecure, as he did now.
"Yes." I answered simply. Together was the best way to describe exactly what we had, what we'd always be.
He smiled, and walked over to me, and kissed my lips.
"Great."
I smiled back. "It's settled, then."
"Yeah." His voice was a bit hoarse. I realised what was on his mind at the same time that I realised what had been on mine for a while now.
"So…" we were standing very close right now. My eyes were level with his jaw, and I remembered all the forbidden kisses we'd stolen before, all the pacts, the 'last time's, all the lies turned to promises to stop… and now, was it really all right? No more walls to take down?
"So do you want to have sex?"
I really hadn't intended to sound so blunt. Really.
I promise I didn't think, I didn't consider the possible reactions to my words, I just said what was honestly on my mind and Booth…
Was laughing.
Well, great.
"I… could I possibly ask you to forget I just said that?"
"No way!" He had to lean against the car to stay upright, he was laughing so hard, and I felt blood rush to my cheeks and a blush that gave me away.
"Please?"
"No, Bones." Abruptly the laughter was gone. I let myself smile in anticipation, because his tone meant one thing, and one thing only. "No way am I forgetting you just said that."
"You sure?" I breathed, playing him. "Because I really can't remember…"
"Sex." He said firmly.
"I… really? I don't recall saying sex…"
"You did. Trust me, you did."
He was leaning closer and closer, but without actually touching me. His breath was warm and his mouth was tempting, but I was having too much fun.
"Hmmm… I might take a bit of convincing."
"Fine. Then I'll say it."
I felt my pulse pounding in my ears and my body responding to his words. An energy, a kind of freedom, spread through my veins and arteries like a drug taking effect: there was nothing wrong with this anymore. It was good, it was all right.
"Sex."
It sounded too good in his voice. I was melting already.
"Stop it." I chastised. But weakly, and I didn't really mean it.
The next thing I knew, he was kissing me, and it was better, oh it was so much better than any kiss we'd ever had before. Better than a passionate moment taken from time, better than anything because it was real, and the knowledge that Booth loved me, and had said so, and he was here, kissing me now… a deep warmth enveloped our bodies and settled inside of me.
We broke apart and went into the car, identical smiles on our faces. There was no need to rush anything, anymore. We could take our sweet time with it.
"Bones…" He said, right before I started the engine. He put his hand over mine to stop me, and I knew he was about to say something important, so I took it and looked back, letting everything I felt for him spill through my eyes.
"Yes?" His eyes were so beautiful. I smiled.
"I never intended for any of this, and you certainly didn't either. But… you know what? I think it was meant to happen."
He kissed me again, softly, the ghost of a touch.
And we were gone.
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Well, this is the end. There's another chapter, yes, but it's an epilogue.
Once again, it's been amazing. I am honoured and thrilled at the response this fic has had, and I am thankful for every line of encouragement, every constructive idea to better it.
Thank you.
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PS1: The epilogue is not a 20 years later about Booth-Bones' kids, mmmm'kay?? ;)
PS2: RemEmber I loVe you If you dEcideto Write your thoughts in that cute little white box. How? Well, you just click the button below and it takes you to the magical land of cute white boxes to write your thoughts in! Also, a free Booth with every click!
REALLY! I'm not bluffing, it's totally true! Trust me!