A/N: Biggest chapter ever! Woo! Just a note, I don't know how to write action, really I don't. I get tired from reading too much of it as well, so I try to keep it to a minimum. In this chapter, I also fulfill a character request made by Razzi an awfully long time ago; this is what I was writing when the request was made. For those of you who enjoy history, the festival is loosely based upon Saturnalia, an ancient Greco-Roman holiday where everything is to be foolish and contrary in a very Bacchic way (Wiki it already; I write to educate!) Thanks for all the great reviews. Happy Reading!

At last, the sun hung low in the sky and the time had arrived for the last competitive event of the day: the fire-breathing contest. Each Koopa would have thirty seconds to produce a flame judged on size, heat, and style. Bowser paced a shaded dugout area as he waited for his turn. He was unpleasantly surprised at how difficult these competitions had been for him. Determined to make up lost ground in the tournament, he focused on his son who had placed so much faith in him, and suddenly realized all that he had on the line. He had expected to sweep the competition and impress Peach and his children.

Bowser eyed Konas Koopinson, the first competitor; he stood with a smirk on his face. This guy's a real jerk; I don't want him anywhere near Wendy. The teen idol raised his face to the sky and blew a dull cherry red flame in the shape of a large circle above him, allowing the cinders to fall around him. Bowser scoffed; a dull red flame like that was tantamount to impotence in his mind. Of course, he had no idea how Peach, a human without much expertise in the matter, would judge a proper flame.

Koolani Kai was up next. He watched her wink at Roy before filling her lungs with oxygen and releasing a clear orange flame in a spherical shape. Good heat, good shape, but a little on the small size. He really hoped that Kai would spend some time talking with Roy. Would be good for him.

Koolani deftly sidestepped to avoid Bowser as he marched up to present his skills. He could feel Peach's eyes on him as he took his position. He inhaled a great deal of air, absorbing and concentrating as much oxygen as he possibly could. He concentrated briefly and closed his eyes, allowing his fire glands time to activate. At last, he exhaled a luminous blast of brilliant white and blue fire in the shape of a miniature supernova. He barely heard the pleased crowd going wild or the announcer's excitement. He opened his eyes and saw his youngest son bouncing up and down in joyful pride. Even the rest of his children looked sufficiently impressed. At last, his sense returned to him and he went to rest in the shade.

Koopin threw back the long sleeves of his black robe as he prepared to demonstrate his ability. Bowser stared at the student with passing interest. Bowser did not normally doubt Ludwig's judgment, but as he looked at the sling on the somewhat small Magikoopa's arm, he was beginning to wonder what his eldest had been thinking.

Lawrence certainly did not have the strongest fire glands in the world, but he did have the ability to use his magic to distill the air for oxygen, and then to control the shape of his flame. He managed to expel six yellow strings of fire, which curled into spirals and sparkled like ornate fireworks. The elderly Magikoopas looked pleased with the youth's fine display of magical prowess. With practice, he could have a bright future ahead of him.

Lastly was Tuntankooopa, who shuffled nervously to the middle of the arena. Unbeknownst to Morton and the rest of the crowd, Tutankoopa did not have functioning fire glands. He prayed to the Stars that, somehow, he might overcome this obstacle by some miracle. He stepped to the platform, made a big spectacle of inflating his lungs, waited, and then—exhaled. The crowd moaned and gasped as the Koopa released nothing but air for six straight seconds until, at the very last moment when Tutankoopa was shaking with the strain of expelling the last bit of air from his lungs; a tiny spark flew from his throat. "Ah hah!" he yelled triumphantly. Unfortunately for Morton and Tutankoopa, neither the judges nor the audience were half so pleased at the spark as Tutankoopa was. As the Koopatrols led the eliminated Koopa away, he smiled foolishly, for today he had breathed his mightiest flame yet.

"The judges' scores are in folks, the unanimous winner is King Bowser Koopa!" The crowd roared and cheered.

Ludwig, the twins, Roy, Wendy, and Larry all stood suddenly. "Excuse us, Mama Peach, we have to go. It's almost time for dinner and we're in charge of the show." Iggy said.

"Show?"

"I am certain Junior would be more than pleased to enumerate the details of the event in our absence. Forgive us," Ludwig said, hurriedly.

"Well, I suppose it's just the three of us now" Peach said, gesturing to Junior and the spot where Morton was previously sitting. It seemed that Morton had gone elsewhere to pout about Tuntankoopa's lack of ability. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, Junior."

"Your Highness, you have half an hour of free time to roam about before you are expected back in the Coliseum for the performance," Kammy said. "Please make sure you know how to get back."

"Geez Grandma, give us a break, I'll make sure we get back in time for the show, I know the way."

Grandma? Why I never! It looks like Bowser Jr. will grow up to be just as rude as his irritating siblings. Before Kammy could open her mouth to reprimand Junior, he had already scurried off, pulling Peach along by her wrist.

Kamek chuckled heartily. "Well, would you care for a grape, Grandma?"

Kammy fixed him with a defeated glare and plucked a plump, tasty grape from his hands.

Outside the coliseum, the mood was bright and raucous. All manner of citizens had cropped up under the exotic tents. Junior was pleased to be leading his Mama about as she marveled at the arcane customs of the Darklandians. Everywhere she looked, people were engaging in acts of tomfoolery and boisterous drunkenness. A Koopa jester came by to tell the young prince a bawdy joke, which made Peach blush. As consolation for "offending the ears of a pure-hearted maiden," he handed her a lustrous glass pendent of inconsequential value.

"Hey, no fair, you got a souvenir!" Junior shouted above the din.

Peach smiled and slipped the pendent over his head. "Now you've got a souvenir."

"Ho, young Lord and Lady, would you care to spin the wheel and win a prize?"

"Yes, yes, let's do it Mama Peach! I wanna win a prize!"

Peach graciously handed two golden coins to the Parakoopa at the wheel. "Mushroom coins? Hah, of course, Mushroom coins! My Lady, you catch on to things very quickly, don't you?" Peach shrugged her shoulders at Junior who shrugged back in return. She let Junior give the wheel a mighty spin. It clicked many times before stopping on a green space, which said "WINNER".

"Yay, congratulations My Lord, you win nothing!"

"What?" Junior yelled, "When you win, you're supposed to get something!"

"I did get something, I got your coins! In this game, when you win, it means you don't have to give me anything, but when you lose, you have to give me more coins!"

Just as Junior was about to open his mouth to argue with the tricky Parakoopa, Bowser came up behind the two royals and swept Peach into his arms. "Guahahaha, no use trying to escape Princess, I, King Bowser, have got you now!"

Peach shrunk away as he leaned in for a big kiss when Junior bit him in the leg, squeezing hard with his teeth.

"Ow, what in the—"

"You're not my dad!" Junior yelled as the Bowser shrunk down in the shape of a Duplighost. "You better leave my Mama alone, Doopliss; or else I'll tell my real dad what happened."

Peach straightened her chiton and glared at Doopliss. "Hey, slick, just tryin' to have a little fun there. No need to tell your pop anything!"

"Tell me what?" A gruff voice boomed as the real Bowser came into sight. "Ugh, it's you. Seen your mistress lately, Worm?" Bowser looked at the Duplighost with extreme disdain; after all, Doopliss had aided those two shadow hags and their queen by putting Peach in harm's way. Bowser had heard rumors that it had taken months for the princess to sleep normally after the awful witch possessed her. "How dare you show your face here, after all you've done?"

"Hang on there, Slick. That was all in the past, I'm just a regular guy now, pullin' pranks, just like I used to do. I don't talk to those shadow sirens no more, I was just a lonely guy, but those broads were scary!"

"King Dad, he was pretending to be you so he could give Mama Peach a kiss!"

"He did what?!"

"Hey guy, it was a compliment, I thought it would work!"

Bowser pressed his thumb and forefingers against the bridge of his nose and scrunched his eyes shut. He uttered in a very low growl, "Doopliss, you have exactly ten seconds to get out of my sight before I have you locked in the dungeons for the rest of your pathetic life. If you ever bother Princess Peach again, I will personally end your game and send you to the Underwhere. Do I make myself clear?"

"Uh huh, crystal. Later Slick!" Doopliss called as he ran as fast as he could away from the enraged king.

"Yeah, King Dad, you're the greatest!"

Bowser turned to Peach apologetically, "We should have had more guards to keep a closer eye on you."

"No, actually, I'm glad you didn't; it's nice to be able to roam freely every once in a while. Besides," she ruffled Junior's hair, "nobody is hurt, and I think that Junior and I had the situation under decent control."

Junior folded his arms across his chest to show off his small, developing biceps.

"Well, regardless, we should get back inside before the show starts. I won the fire breathing contest so I get to eat with you," he said, unable to contain the pride in his voice.

Inside the coliseum, the great feast had begun and every Darklandian had helped themselves to the various buffets. Bowser glanced down at Peach's plate, overflowing with greens, fruits, and brown rice. "Uh, Peach, you missed the steak, or did you already eat it all? Do you want someone to bring you some more? Actually, you can have mine, I'll wait."

"Oh, um, no thank you. Actually, I don't eat meat."

Bowser looked like he had just sat on a needle. "What? Why not?"

"Well, almost everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom is a vegetarian so it's not too hard to do, and I suppose I would just feel bad for eating an animal."

"Peach, animals want to be eaten! I mean, if they didn't, then they should have thought of that before they decided to be so tasty."

Peach smiled and rolled her eyes at Bowser's ridiculous logic.

"Uh," Bowser started, looking at his own meat-filled plate, "it's not gonna make you sad when I eat this, right?"

"Of course not, please, enjoy yourself."

The royals continued eating until blue-hued spotlights shone down on the sandy arena and the orchestra, led by Ludwig, began to tune up.

"The show is starting!" Junior exclaimed, wiping his claws before climbing into Peach's lap.

The twins, who were in charge of the production, sat in the dugout area with radio headsets working as stage managers. As the orchestra began to play a mystical, esoteric melody, Wendy stepped into the arena in all of her fabulously jeweled garb. She danced slowly, with her arms majestically outstretched in various poses.

"Larry says I'm supposed to tell you what's going on," Junior whispered in Peach's ear. "Wendy is supposed to be Ohime, the ancient Koopa spirit of wisdom. She protects and teaches all the girls in the kingdom."

Wendy touched her long feathered fingertips to her mouth in a graceful gesture of blessing to the young Goomba and Koopa girls who now surrounded her. The girls danced in perfect formation as the orchestra changed its tune and a dark, spiked shadow appeared to the side of the stage.

"Roy is Kuppa, spirit of power. He looks really mean, but he's in charge of all the boys in the kingdom. The royal Koopas are supposed to be the great great great times a million grandkids of Kuppa."

Kuppa Roy marched, with a small army of Koopatrols behind him, towards the girls, who scampered away and hid behind Ohime Wendy. Kuppa extended his hand out to the painted goddess who promptly refused it. One by one, each flowered girl behind her danced away with a spiked Koopatrol in ancient armor, ostensibly in love. Finally, when all the flowered girls and spiked soldiers had exited the arena, Kuppa once again extended his hand to the beautiful Ohime. Angered by her refusal, the two performed a dance in which the impatient Kuppa Roy swept Ohime Wendy away. There was silence until a small light and a small tune began to play. Larry marched out into the arena wearing furry ears and a tail.

"Larry's being Tanooki, the spirit of being annoying."

Bowser cleared his throat and whispered, "No, he's supposed to be the spirit of courage, even if he is obviously annoying."

Tanooki Larry did a few hops along with the strange orchestra music before he noticed the plight of Ohime. He rushed to her side and attempted to run away with her. However, before long, Kuppa Roy noticed and initiated a dance symbolic of battle. Tanooki's courage was no match for the raw strength of Kuppa's power. Before Kuppa was to deal the finishing blow to Tanooki, Ohime intervened, once again spreading her arms majestically. With a palm facing Tanooki, she rejected his offer of help and decided to stay by Kuppa's side. The audience roared with applause as the three Koopalings bowed and exited the arena.

Peach looked down, deep in thought, "Junior…why does that story end the way it does?"

Junior looked at her with a goofy expression on his face. "Because that's the way it goes! That's how Kammy and all the other old folks tell it, and that's how their grandmas and grandpas told it."

"No, I mean, why would Ohime reject Tanooki's help? Furthermore, why on earth would she stay with Kuppa?"

Junior thought hard for a moment, it was obviously something that had never crossed his mind. Kamek, who had overheard the question, decided to interject. "It was a matter of respect, Princess. In Koopa culture, it is a matter of great disrespect to offer certain assistance to a person if they have not asked you to do so. Tanooki displayed arrogance and pride in assuming the honorable Ohime and Kuppa could not resolve matters in their own time. For that, the punishment should have been death. However, Ohime, in her wisdom, sought to reduce suffering, so she offered her own life in place of Tanooki's, and vowed to stay by Kuppa's side for eternity."

Peach smiled weakly, her culture would never interpret such a story in that manner. "Thank you Kamek, your explanation was very enlightening."

Lawrence looked dejectedly at his host, who was staring at him in silence. A ways away from the revelry outside, the two Koopas had found a semi-private tent to discuss "tactical plans" for tomorrow's competition. The only other company in the tent was a lone Koopatrol, who was busy polishing his armor. Lawrence's tongue felt swollen inside his mouth, he had so many questions and so much to say, but all he could do was look down at his feet and mumble apologies. He had no idea why Ludwig would choose him so spontaneously, but he hoped that the prince had not expected to win.

Ludwig sat, paralyzed with indecision. He watched his beloved mumble and stutter while looking down at his feet. Ludwig felt he should be the one to apologize; the poor boy was obviously miserable here. Ludwig wanted to offer some comfort, but was unsure of how he should go about doing such a thing. Instead, he sat in silence, listening to the voice of his love in the dim candlelight.

"I-I must apologize…I feel I have disappointed you…I hope you'll forgive—"

"There is naught for which I must exonerate you," Ludwig said at last, a little harsher than he had intended. Softer, he said, "I am—quite exultant over your accomplishments thus far. Failure in the tournament is no great source of trepidation for me. Verily, I did not anticipate any Koopa to vanquish my father in any evaluation of raw aptitude."

Lawrence looked at him briefly before bursting out, "Then why would you choose someone you scarcely knew?"

Ludwig looked down, his eyes betraying everything he had tried so hard to keep secret. He gave an uncharacteristic smirk accompanied by a shrug. "Why not?"

"Roy, you did a great job on stage tonight. I think the ancestors would be proud of you."

"Uh, thanks," he replied. For such a tough looking Koopa, she sure was sentimental. "So what was it cha wanted tah tell me?"

"Well, I've been talking with your dad…" Koolani started.

"You know him from somewhere, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"I knew it; I could tell."

"Listen up now Roy. This might be a shock but…I'm your mom, biologically that is."

Roy frowned in shock. "Whoa whoa whoa, wait just a minute here. You mean tah tell me you and King Dad…" A mixed look of disgust and morbid curiosity covered his face.

Kai fixed him with a look, "Not like that. Don't be dumb. You know, just in the regular way, my genetics created your body."

Roy looked at her with shock, "No, no way…this is…so awesome! Does this mean I can get tickets to tha Glitz Pit tah see ya fight, Mom ?"

"Only if you never call me 'Mom' again, ya little punk," she replied happily as she grabbed her "son" for a noogie. She was so glad he was happy about it and though she did not consider herself fully his "mother", she was proud to see a product of her genetics turn out to be so powerful and successful.

Wendy fumed in disbelief as she stomped through the crowds of revelers. That jerk! I go through all the trouble to invite him, sponsor him as my knight and what does he say to me? I don't have the "raw talent" to be in one of his movies? My looks aren't of "high enough caliber" to be "leading lady material". Nobody talks to a royal Koopa like that! Oooh, I'm so mad!

Wendy sat depressed on a stone step watching everybody else have fun. She thought that, after her flawless performance this evening, Koopinson would jump to costar with a beautiful royal such as herself. "Pompous, stuck-up prick," she muttered under her breath.

Before long, she had settled into her usual habit of people watching. Oh Stars, what in the worlds is she wearing? Um, hello, Mr. Goomba? The Beanbean Kingdom called; Prince Peasley wants his ridiculous haircut back. Ugh, look at that makeup job; she looks like a drag queen! Also, those ratty old extensions aren't fooling anyone, sister.

Somewhere amidst the crowd, while coveting a purse she wanted, Wendy managed to spot Lawrence, who was all aglow, a hand pressed to a spot on his cheek. She admired his dark robes and hair and decided to follow him as he walked straight into his tent.

"Hello. Lawrence is it?"

Lawrence spun around in surprise at the female voice behind him, in his reverie; he had not noticed anyone had followed him. He was shocked to find Wendy so close to him in his own tent. "P-Princess Wendy. How may I serve you?"

Wendy bit her lip to hold back a few licentious words on how he could serve her. Instead, she sat down on his bed with her best "innocent seductress" face she could muster. "Oh, I just wanted to meet you, you know, get to know you…" she trailed off and flashed her mischievous eyes at his.

Instantly uncomfortable, Lawrence took a step backwards. "Oh um, yes, I—well, actually, I think I must be going. Quite regrettable, really. Some other time, perhaps?"

"You don't have to go anywhere, so sit down and stop being so shy," she demanded. "You're pretty cute, for one of Ludwig's dumb friends. Actually, I didn't even know he had friends. You're a smart boy; do I need to spell this out for you any clearer?" she said stuffing her face uncomfortably close to his.

"N-no!" In a panic, Lawrence pushed her away and she fell to the ground. "I—I'm terribly sorry Your Highness! I'm…I'm afraid I'm already in love with…someone else!" He stammered profusely as he ran out of the tent as fast as he could.

Covered in dirt with a small rip to her dress, Wendy fumed more furiously than before. Rejected twice in one night! This is just wrong! Wendy gathered herself up with whatever dignity she had left and smirked as she thought of a perfect revenge. We'll just see what Daddykins thinks about all of this!

Peach stared at the enormous bonfire before her and smiled. In the distance, elderly Koopas were telling youngsters mythical legends about days of yore. Around the bonfire, some Darklandians had started playing a tribal drumbeat. Bowser sat next to Peach in a dreamy content. He had been a little disappointed that he did not get to spend as much time with her as he would have liked, but all of those feelings seemed to melt away when he was actually next to her.

"So, how are you enjoying the festivities, Peach?"

"This is a lot of fun, thank you very much for inviting me. I'm actually a little sad it'll all be over tomorrow."

She wishes she could stay? "Hey, don't be sad, there's still plenty of time left before they crown me the winner tomorrow." Bowser wanted to tell her that she could stay for as long as she liked, but opted just to listen to the sounds of the beating drums and shouts of the Darklandians around the bonfire.

"What happens if you win? Do you get a trophy or a prize?"

"Kinda. When I win, Junior and I are both gonna get a wish. If it's reasonable, everyone in the Kingdom has to go out of their way to grant it."

Peach turned her illuminated face towards his, and casually looked him in the eyes. "So if you win, what do you think you'll wish for?"

He looked back at her playfully, "That's top secret. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

She placed her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes; "A nice friend doesn't keep secrets from his or her friends."

"Alright, fine, I'll tell you my secret if you tell me one of yours."

"Hmm, deal." Peach thought hard about which secret she would want to tell Bowser. "Well, once when I was very young, we had an audience with the Yoshis on Lava Lava Island and they decided to take us on a tour of the island. While I was riding one of the Yoshis, I had…an accident. The Yoshis were very kind about it, but still, it was a very embarrassing fiasco."

"Aww, Peach, gross!" Bowser teased, "Nah, that's nothin'. When I was little, I used to put all kinds of nasty stuff in Kamek's hat and shoes when I didn't get my way. Trust me when I tell you that a little pee was the least of his worries."

Peach scrunched her nose in disgust. Poor Kamek. "Alright, I told you my secret, now you have to tell me what you would wish for."

Bowser smirked at her, "Alright then, when I win, I will wish for whatever I want because I'm the king and everybody has to do what I say anyhow. Ha!"

Peach widened her eyes and opened her mouth in disbelief, "No, that doesn't count; you have to tell me your wish specifically. Tell me your wish, right now, Bowser!"

"Okay, my wish right now is that you will come and dance with me," he said, shaking his tail to the beat of the drum.

"Um, I don't think that's too likely," she said, observing the wild and raucous dance around the blazing pit of fire.

"Hey, if I know anything about Mushroomie etiquette, I know it's bad manners to refuse an offer to dance." Peach rolled her eyes; she knew he was right, but in the Darklands, it just did not seem like the usual rules should apply. "Don't make me tell Toadsworth on you," he taunted, clasping her shoulders and swaying her back and forth with the beat.

"Alright fine, how is it that I'm supposed to dance?"

"Pssh, however you want! Jump around, make some noise, clap your hands, and run around the bonfire! This is the Darklands, we don't waltz, tango, or cha-cha in my kingdom." Bowser was feeling like a smooth operator; she was going to dance with him! He watched in amusement as she joined the crowd hesitantly, first hopping on one foot three times, and then the other, while clapping her hands.

"Like this?"

Bowser shook his head, "No, like this!" Peach let out a shrill scream as he swept her up and started to run and jump around the bonfire with her in his arms. The Darklandian citizens let out an identical scream and started laughing and dancing faster than before. The metal clips in her hair jingled frantically as he whirled, turned, and stomped his way around the mighty circle. Peach clung to the edges of his shell, her face firmly planted against his firm carapace. She felt a little woozy from a combination of the whirls, her exhilaration, his rich smoky scent, and perhaps something else as well.

When he finally set her down, she smiled dazedly, laughed, and said, "I think I understand now." She pulled out all of the pins holding her now messy bun and her hair tumbled in curls down to her waist, where she shook it out like a wild lion. She gave a loud howl, and flung herself around the bonfire, making merry with all she came across.

Bowser watched and silently thanked the Stars for giving him a chance.

Mario tapped his fingers on the table as he waited for Pauline to finish up in the powder room. So far, the evening had gone very well. Pauline had been telling him about her latest show, and about working with Madame Flurrie. It seemed the two stage divas had somewhat of a personality conflict, so Mario had tactfully decided against talking to Pauline about his adventures in Rougeport with the wind spirit.

At last, Pauline reappeared at the table and took a sip of the delightful vintage before her. Her eyes shone with mirth as she offered Mario a bit of her tiramisu and even fed him the bite off her own spoon. Mario was perfectly entranced.

Later that night, he thought about the best way to break it to Mama that he was not seeing the princess. If she knew I still had a girlfriend, maybe she wouldn't be so upset. He knew he would be better for the truth to come out sooner than later, but he had far too much pride to ask Luigi or anybody else for any help.

He placed those thoughts out of his mind and resumed thinking about Pauline, tenderly caressing her bare back. As he drifted off to sleep, he never gave another single thought to the Mushroom Princess in pink.

Father seems to be in an amiable mood, indeed, as am I! Ludwig felt as if he were dancing on air. His soul had never contained so much inspiration in all his life; it was almost too much for him to handle. His hand began to cramp as he scribbled furiously at his musical journal, filling it with compositions that were incredibly arioso with hurried beats, yet intended to be played with a passionate sweetness. The former Ludwig would have looked at these compositions and instantly scoffed at them as pop garbage, but now, he could not care less. He realized as he jumped from one composition to the next, that he would not be able to compose properly in such a state.

For once, he actually felt reasonably sociable. He turned his attentions to his father, who was obviously in a similar state. They engaged in extended banter about the weather and other variously unimportant things.

The mood had been light and congenial until Wendy burst into the tent with tears in her eyes. She pointed a finger at Ludwig accusingly, "Your filthy knight! Oh Daddykins," she sobbed, "Ludwig's stupid friend Lawrence…oh, it was so terrible!"

"What happened? Are you hurt?" Bowser growled, concerned for his little princess' safety.

"I-I don't know!" she howled. "Like, he said he had something in his tent that he wanted to show me. Then when I, like, went inside, he tried to touch me! When I said no, he pushed me into the dirt and my dress ripped, see?" Wendy held up the tattered spot on her silken wrap dress. "Oh Daddy, I ran away as fast as I could, I don't know where he went."

Ludwig recoiled in horror. No, this is utterly unfeasible. How? Why? Wendy is so many years our junior and furthermore, she most perceptibly female! Ludwig once again grew sick with worry as he heard his father outline a plan to ensure "justice" befell his raven-haired love and that the royal family would save face for the Games. He quietly slid out his father's tent and into his own. Once in bed, like many a jealous lover before him, he let his mind slip into hateful envy and suspicion.