Callie Khouri's comment that Deacon might not see himself as dad material got me thinking.
Deacon sat on his front porch strumming his guitar. He'd been up at the cabin for 2 weeks now. He wasn't exactly hiding out, but rather spending some time getting reacquainted with his sober self without the prying eyes of the paparazzi looking on.
While in the hospital he'd let the anger continue to consume him, but up here in the woods, in his element, much of the anger had slipped away.
The anger may have dissipated, but it was quickly becoming replaced by fear. He'd been living his life a certain way for the past 14 years. He'd been a bachelor, no one to answer to, no one who relied on him for anything, no one to disappoint but himself. That's how he managed to stay sober all these years. When he started thinking about being a father to Maddie he thought about all the ways he could disappoint her, and that made the urge to drink again ever present. He couldn't go back to Nashville and put her through that. Maybe Teddy was right, maybe he wouldn't have made a good dad, maybe she was better off without him.
And then there was Rayna, he didn't really know where things stood with her. He knew she still loved him, but he could also see the fear in her eyes that he would drink again. As much as he didn't like to admit it to himself, he knew that he'd put her through hell when he was drinking, and that he'd just reawakened her greatest fear. She loved him, but she didn't want to live her life with a drunk.
Maybe he was better off without her too. It was a confusing thought for him considering he'd spent the last decade and a half longing to be with her, but he was scared of the emotions they brought up in each other. He'd been mad before, mad enough to punch a total stranger in the face, but he'd never felt the anger that he'd felt towards Rayna that night, that was something new. All that passion could create the greatest love capable to man, but now he knew it could also create the greatest rage.
He took a sip of iced tea and continued to strum. Yeah, he was better off up here at the cabin for now, better off on his own.
##
Rayna sat at the piano bench trying to come up with lyrics for a new song she'd been playing with. She'd been out of the hospital for over a week now, and Tandy was starting to drive her crazy with all the doting. Frankly she never thought the woman had a motherly bone in her body, but I guess she'd managed to find it hidden under all those buttoned up suits. The girls were still at school so she thought she'd be constructive and write some songs for the remaining spots on her half finished album. Liam had come to see her when she got out of the hospital and they'd agreed to continue recording once she felt up to it. She had just written a particularly heartbreaking lyric when Teddy walked in the door.
"Hey Rayna, how are you feeling?"
She was glad that things seemed to be ok between them since Maddie had found out about Deacon.
"Thanks Teddy, I'm doing ok. My right leg is still a little stiff, but I'm walking pretty well. Though you'd never know it the way my sister's been mothering me."
"Really? Tandy? Are we talking about your sister? The spawn of Lamar?"
"Yeah, well some things never cease to amaze." Rayna smiled and they both laughed a little.
"Are the girls here? I came to pick them up for the week."
"Maddie got caught on an after school project and Daphne just had to see her friend Emma's new puppy. They should both be home within an hour or so though. I can have Tandy drop them off later this afternoon."
"Sure that's fine."
Teddy turned to leave, but Rayna stopped him with her next sentence.
"You should know that Maddie has been asking to go and see Deacon at the cabin."
At that he spun around and his relaxed mood quickly disappeared. When Rayna saw him tense up she partially regretted mentioning it, but they were parents, and she felt that after her recent experience, honesty was always going to be the best policy with everyone moving forward in her life.
"How did she even know he was there?"
"I wasn't going to lie to her Teddy. She asked me where he went and I told her he was up at the cabin, and that I might go up and see how he's doing."
You're not seriously considering continuing to date him are you?
"He's my boyfriend Teddy. We're not over with just because we're having a fight."
At this remark whatever cool Teddy was maintaining went out the window.
"How can you be serious? Can't you see that he reacted in exactly the way you've been afraid of all these years? The moment something upsetting came his way he fell right off the wagon, just like my dad used to. Isn't that why you married me in the first place, because you knew you couldn't trust him to stay sober around Maddie? I may not have been the love of your life, but I'm the one you could trust with our daughters. How do you know it's not going to be our daughters in the car with him next time he drinks?"
"I was the one driving Teddy. I'm not taking all the blame off of him, yes, you're right, he did act in exactly the way I was afraid of, and I'm not sorry for choosing you as Maddie's dad all those years ago, but he is Maddie's real dad, and she knows it. You can't keep her away from him. "
"Well maybe not Maddie, but I can definitely keep Daphne away from him."
"That's ridiculous Teddy. He just found out some shocking news. He knows he fucked up. And if he and I manage to work through our issues he's going to be around the girls. Maybe not right away, but if we were to move in together, get married someday…"
Rayna's voice trailed off as she could quickly see that what she was saying wasn't helping the situation.
Teddy was in a state of disbelief. "Are you kidding me? Damn Rayna, that restraining order didn't stick last time, but it sure as hell will this time. I don't want to do this, but if you continue to see him, I'll have no choice but to sue for full custody. "
"What is wrong with you? You would honestly try to take those girls away from me, from their own mother?!"
"It's for their own protection, because clearly you aren't willing to do it Rayna. You're so head over heals in love with that loser that you'd put your daughters in harms way. Frankly I've never understood what you see in that man, but if you choose to be with him I'll have no other choice."
With that Teddy turned around and left leaving Rayna standing in the middle of her living room in a state of shock. She knew it would be hard for her and Deacon to fix things between the two of them, but she didn't think about the part that Teddy played in the equation. She loved Deacon, but was she really willing to go through the battle it was going to take to be with him, was she really willing to put her girls through that? If she and Deacon were going to make it as a couple it was going to get ugly with Teddy and the divorce. She'd been willing to go through it before Maddie's paternity was revealed, but since the accident and all the fighting with Deacon she just wasn't sure she had the strength anymore.
She sat back down at the piano. She reached out with her right hand to play a couple of cords, but exhaustion from everything that had happened in the last few weeks overtook her and once again she started to cry.