Peyton was lurking at the end of the dark hallway, her eyes on the soft glow coming from Erin's bedroom. Lucas' soft, calming voice was humming the end of a story and Peyton listened, entranced by the hypnotic voice. He soon finished the book, he'd been sure to encourage her to choose a thin one, he might not have been much of a father to her over the last year but the parenting skills had come back in an instant and he was quick to pick up on her needs. She was tired and sleep was required. He placed the Winnie the pooh classic back on the shelf and tucked her in. 'Good night baby' He kissed her forehead. 'I'm going to go downstairs for a little while and then me and Mummy will be in our room if you want us okay?' She nodded and scooted down into the warmth of her bed. She smiled at him and he laughed. Once Sawyer had safely fallen asleep in her new room, he'd announced it was time for Erin's bath and bed and she hadn't been very keen but being back in her room had, had her smiling and distracted from the fact that she was away from Brooke. 'Night night, I love you'
Peyton watched Lucas pull the door to and go downstairs.
She wrung her hands together and took a deep breath, the orange glow of the night light pulling her legs toward the door.
The floorboards squeaked and Erin peered over the covers, her heart suddenly thumping in her little chest. Monster's haunted her dreams at night and she was convinced that they lurked in the shadows.
'Erin' Peyton breathed out.
The six year old looked up at her timidly through the darkness. It was just her Mummy. No monsters.
Peyton gingerly approached the bed and sunk to her knees beside her. 'My Baby' She swallowed, her hand restlessly flitting over the child's gold hair. She'd not been overly affectionate towards her older daughter, to some that may have seemed uncomprehensible and disgusting but Peyton was only trying to protect her and in her head it made sense. She could see the deamons that were hidden in Erin's deep green iris's and she felt responsible, she blamed herself for every second of this child's heartache and suffering. 'My beautiful baby' She whispered softly. Erin chewed on her bottom lip. 'I'm so sorry. I never wanted to leave you, never. You know that right Erin?'
Erin stayed silent and her wide eyed stare made Peyton uncomfortable and doubting her right to even be in this room talking to her own daughter.
'I never wanted to leave you.' She fiddled with the covers. 'Never, I never' She shook her head, closing her eyes. She didn't know how to convince the little girl. She didn't know how to ever make her understand.
'It's okay for you to talk baby, I'd like it if you did, we'd all like it if you did'
Erin did exactly as Peyton had dreaded then, exactly what Peyton didn't need. She turned away, she rolled over and turned away from her mum.
Peyton opened and closed her mouth, her hands shaking. The worthlessness tumbled down upon her with full force. She sat there on the carpeted floor for a long minute and Erin didn't move or make a sound.
'Okay' Peyton finally muttered, dragging herself to standing. She'd been right, Erin didn't want her, why would she ever want her back? Brooke had perfected the role of mother, she didn't need Peyton, at least that's what Peyton thought. 'Okay, I' She swallowed. 'Okay good night'.
She stumbled her way out of the pretty room, she stumbled away from her daughter.
Her feet carried her down the hall and without a thought she pushed open her own bedroom door and flicked on the light and then she froze, instantly distracted from her relationship or lack there of with Erin. She closed her eyes for a moment. Like a flash her last moments in this room entered her head. She saw a smaller Erin hiding in the cupboard, she saw the two masked men. She saw the black dress she was made to change into. She saw the knife. Her eyes snapped open. There was no one here, she was on her own.
She took a shaky breath and took another step into the room. The bed was neatly made, the pillows arranged fastidiously, no doubt done by Haley and there were fresh Lilies on the bedside table.
She was standing by her dressing table. All her jewellery had been arranged neatly in her jewellery box, no longer in a disorganised jumble as she remembered it to be. She fingered the precious stones, the sentimental necklace that was her mother's, the silver chain that her father had gotten her, the bracelet that Lucas had given her the last Christmas they'd spent together. She hastily closed the lid and opened the top draw, hiding the box of treasures within it. The thoughts running circles around her head were that Ian would come in at any moment, that he'd come in and take her precious box away. It took her a few seconds to realise that this wouldn't happen, that she was home, that Ian wasn't here. She chided herself and carefully placed the box back on the table and messed up the neat arrangement until she was content that it resembled it's usual messy form.
She turned back around, feeling seemingly lost in her own bedroom. She was like a child in a toy shop, gazing around at all these little things that were hers.
She shook her head slightly and smiled at the brand new blue pyjama's laying neatly at the end of the bed. Haley really had thought of everything. The soft, comfy clothing suddenly made her realise just how uncomfortable she was in her jeans and shirt.
It was of course when she started to change that Lucas decided to appear in the doorway.
'I'm sorry' He looked down instantly and he wasn't entirely sure if it was the right thing to do or not. It seemed strange, walking in on her changing had never been a big deal. He was her husband, he was allowed to see her naked but now things were different and neither of them knew how to handle this change.
She shook her head slightly and he hesitantly looked back up at her, this time noting that she was having difficulty getting her top over her plaster cast arm.
With hesitance he approached her and untangled the material to bring the shirt carefully off of her.
'Th-thanks' She'd never really felt self-conscious when she was around him, he always made her feel so good about herself and so beautiful but there were no words that could convince her of that right now. She wasn't wearing a bra because it only served to irritate her back and she awkwardly wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to hide her unhealthy figure from him.
'Peyt' He exhaled softly and his hand ran from her shoulder and down her arm. He didn't want her to feel like she had to hide from him. He didn't want her to be ashamed. He wanted her to trust him. 'I love you'
She misinterpreted his declaration, she completely misinterpreted the way he was looking at her. She didn't see the undying love, she didn't see his heartache and anguish, she saw one thing only.
'Okay' She nodded.
'Okay?' He furrowed his brow and watched concernedly as she migrated toward the bed.
'I'll have sex with you' She elaborated.
'What?' He couldn't fathom how she'd jumped to the conclusion that that's what he wanted right now, he found it completely incomprehensible how her mentality had so blatantly changed. How Ian Banks had managed to do this to her. How he'd managed to break his wonderfully strong independent wife into a vulnerable domineered woman. It made his mind spin, it made his imagination torture him with horrible visions, it made him completely nauseous. 'Peyton' He shook his head and stopped her from unfastening her jeans, he crouched down in front of her, stroking her knee. 'Peyt no, god no I don't, I didn't say, I didn't mean that.'
She swallowed and her face twisted regrettably and she was silent for a long moment. She lulled over his concerned expression, reminding herself that this was Lucas and Lucas loved her so differently to Ian, Lucas loved her selflessly. 'I'm sorry' She suddenly blurted. 'I know you didn't, I-I'm I'm sorry I just I'm, I...' She trailed off shaking her head.
His soothing hand travelled to the cold creamy skin at her side, running over her hip bone that was jutting out more than he liked. 'Peyton you're safe now' He promised firmly.
She nodded and bit her trembling lip. 'How come I don't feel it?' She whispered back and it was probably the first honest thing she'd said to him. She didn't feel safe, she felt completely unhinged, she felt so disconnected from everything that she was, that she'd been.
He stared up at her, sorrow filling his blue eyes. He effortlessly pulled her off the edge of the mattress and she gasped as she fell into his lap and his arms embraced her tightly. His palms pressed against her lower back, avoiding the sensitive marred skin above. He could see the scars over her shoulder, staring up at him tauntingly and he held her tighter. 'I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're safe' He exhaled into her ear. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here. God I love you so much' She sobbed into his t-shirt and her arms encircled his taught chest and they sat there, her half naked in his lap and she cried and he held her, he held her like that for a long forty minutes until she had no more tears left, until she was so physically exhausted that she fell asleep in his arms and only then did he carefully, effortlessly lift her and lay her in the bed, wrapping her in a safe cocoon of arms and blankets.
He didn't sleep. He couldn't. He laid awake, watching her intently. With her every breath, relief washed through him and it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that sleep finally enticed him and he joined her in slumber and for the first time in two years they slept together, in their house, in their home, in their bed. Man and wife.
'Daddy'
Lucas rolled over.
'Daddy'
He jerked up with a start, blinking as he looked at Erin.
'Daddy' She tested the word out again and he smiled sleepily, tugging her into the bed.
'You're speaking' He stated the obvious. He'd heard her talk to Sawyer over two weeks ago and the lengthy gap in between had been a torturous waiting game. He'd thought the words were going to come to her over the next few days but she'd been silent as ever. He was even beginning to think he'd been imagining the little scene in the hotel. He hugged her fiercely. 'I'm so proud of you' He kissed her cheek again and again.
'Daddy'
The emotion and concern in her voice broke through Lucas' ecstatic mood.
He stopped with his kisses and turned her so he could get a better look at her.
'What's wrong sweetie?'
'Mummy's gone' Lucas' eyes narrowed and his head snapped to the empty spot beside him.
He swallowed thickly.
'Where's she gone?'
Erin stuck her bottom lip out and her nostrils flared in her attempt to stop the tears. Lucas stroked her face, noting how brave she was being.
'It's ok, we'll find her. Did you see where she went?'
She shook her head but this time she didn't stay silent, she spoke. 'She went in the Comet'
'Ok' Lucas tried to be calm, but the quick hasty motion in which he threw the bed covers off and quickly dressed did nothing to calm an already scared Erin.
She rubbed at her eyes and then Lucas was taking her wrist. 'It's ok. I'm going to drop you and Sawyer off at Aunt Haley's and then I'll go find her. She's probably just gone for a little drive'
'I want to come'
'No baby' He shook his head dismissively. 'It's best you stay with Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan'.
It was raining. Pouring in fact. The large droplets sung out against the windscreen.
Sawyer had been less than impressed when she'd been awoken from her snugly bed. Lucas hadn't been the most sympathetic when it came to her shrill cries. He tried to calm her but with his head completely occupied with Peyton's whereabouts he'd not been very successful. The one year old was touchy enough as it was what with the complete lack of routine over the last few weeks and she wasn't willing to make things easy for her dad. Erin had put her hands over her ears as Lucas had carried her crying sister to the car and strapped her in. Sawyer had then proceeded to wail for the duration of the short drive to Haley and Nathan's and had still been crying when he'd left.
The dread and complete numbness that had seized his tired limbs was terrifying and terminating his effort in finding her. He couldn't deal with going through all this again and despite his logic telling him that this was different, that this wasn't the same scenario, he couldn't refrain from thinking that she'd been taken from him again.
The comet's shiny black exterior that greeted his eyes in the car park at Tric had his stomach settling and a heavy breath leaving his lips. His knuckles were white, having been holding the steering wheel so tightly and his jaw was aching from having his teeth clenched together.
He was quick to park and even quicker in his race into the building. He stormed through the vacant bar area, he hurried through the studio doors and down the corridors, only stopping when he reached the misty glass doors to what had been her office. He hadn't been here in so long and for a short moment it felt like none of this horrible mess had ever happened, that it was just a normal day and he was coming to pick her up and take her out for lunch. He pushed back the door and took her in, only now could he properly breathe. He took every last inch of her in.
She was standing by her desk looking at some of her records and Lucas was suddenly angry, angry at her for worrying him like that.
'What the hell are you doing?' He all but shouted.
Peyton jumped, dropping the record in her hand. 'Luke'
'Christ Peyton' He exhaled shakily, trying to keep his tears at bay as he approached her. 'Don't do that. Don't do that to me, Don't ever do that' He ran his hand through his hair. 'I need to know where you are, you can't just walk out' He exclaimed hysterically, the whirlwind of stress he'd been under in the last twenty six minutes finally came to a head.
She fiddled with the sleeve of her cardigan. 'You're crying'
'I was scared' He blurted, his pulse only just starting to return to it's normal steady rate.
'I'm sorry' She whispered. 'I just wanted to get out for a bit'
'That's fine but you need to tell me'
'You wouldn't have let me come by myself'
'No' He agreed, he had no intention of letting her go anywhere on her own ever again. 'Peyton we've just got home. You're meant to be taking it easy and you sure as hell shouldn't be driving with your arm like that' He ranted.
She shied away. She didn't care what he said or thought, the short drive here was probably the most uplifting experience she'd had. It had been the first time she was truly on her own, the first time she'd done something for herself in a long time.
'We all, we all need time to adjust you can't just disappear, do you have any idea what you've done to Erin-'
Peyton's eyes of green sparkled and Lucas watched in distress as she backed further away from him, her forehead creased by the sudden frown masking her face. He instantly regretted his choice of words.
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded- it's just, she was scared that you'd gone and the last time you left the house you didn't come back'
'I, I didn't think' Her back to him, she lent against the shelves of dust coated records and tried to blink away her tears, she'd not meant to upset anyone, she just wanted to be by herself, just for a moment.
Lucas made the few steps over to her and she jerked when he rested his hands on her hips. 'Sorry' He pulled his hands back.
'No I'm sorry' She sniffled and he hesitantly pushed a dark curl away from her pale face. 'She deserves a better mother-'
'You're the best mother' Lucas instantly disregarded, he wouldn't have her putting herself down.
'No, she deserves so much more, you all do, you don't deserve this' She flapped her hands, indicating to herself.
'Mummy?'
Both Lucas and Peyton's stare shifted from one another.
'Mummy' Erin's sopping wet figure greeted them and there was a moment where the three of them just stared at each other but then the little girl bravely crossed the unused studio and was flinging her arms around Peyton's waist. 'Don't go Mummy' She begged into her mother's stomach. Peyton's bottom lip trembled and she did what she hadn't done since seeing her daughter, she hugged her properly. She struggled to do so, but she lifted the older child into her arms and she hugged her fiercely.
She breathed into Erin's damp locks and the six year old clamped her legs around her skinny waist and Peyton ignored the pang of pain at her back and pulled her closer, inhaling that sweet smell of Erin Penelope Scott that was just as she remembered.
Lucas watched both touched and concerned. He wanted to know how she'd got here and where her Aunt Haley was and why Jamie Scott was hovering in the door way looking on curiously. He could only assume that they'd found their own way here and although furious that they'd ventured out of the backyard by themselves in the torrential rain, he didn't break the mother and daughter hug because this wasn't just a hug. This was a broken child and a broken woman, who shared the same haunting memory. This wasn't just a hug, this was a reconciliation, a rejoining of two souls that had been unfairly ripped apart.
'I'm not going anywhere' Peyton's voice was thick and raw and real and Lucas believed every little syllable. She wasn't going anywhere, he would hold her to that. 'I'm not going anywhere'.