Peyton stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She self consciously pressed her fingers to the bags under her eyes, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. She'd changed five times before settling on a long sleeved, knee length dress and tights that covered every inch of skin. She filled a glass with water, trying futilely to hydrate her dry mouth before loosing herself in her broken appearance. Her fingers clenched around the rim of the cup, the pressure causing it to crack. She didn't hear the smash, didn't feel the shard cutting into her flesh.

Lucas did hear the smash.

'Peyton?' He stormed into the bathroom, startling her. 'Oh Christ'

Her bare feet backed up.

'Stop, Don't move' Lucas gestured to the floor and for the first time she noticed the splinters of glass. His shoes padded across the tiled floor, without thinking he lifted her, her muscles stiffening beneath his hands as he carried her to the toilet seat and set her down out of harms way. 'God, are you ok?'

She blinked, suddenly aware of a dull ache in her palm. 'I'm...I'm...'

Lucas grabbed the nearest towel, pressing it against the small cut.

'I'm ok, it's, it's just a scratch'

He shook his head, crossing the small room and rummaging through the cabinet for a first aid kit, finally coming across a near empty packet of Disney princess plasters. He could remember Peyton buying them a little more over two years ago. She'd thought it was a good idea at the time. Erin had fallen over and grazed her knee and refused to let anyone clean the grit out. Anytime either her or Lucas attempted to tend to her she'd have a screaming tantrum. Fearing it would get infected, Peyton had gone to the local pharmacy and picked up the children's plasters in hope of bribing the three year old. Erin had been all too willing to cooperate once she'd set her eyes on the pretty pink plasters and the next day Peyton had found her covered head to toe with them, claiming she'd hurt herself, they'd not been allowed to peel them off for the remainder of the week.

Lucas hastily unwrapped the sleeping beauty plaster and covered the cut.

'Is it ok?'

'I'm fine' She forced a small smile.

'You sure?' He rubbed her knee.

'Positive'

His concerned stare lingered on her for a further few moments before he began to clean up the shards of glass.

'I'll do that-'

'No, no, it's ok' Lucas insisted, he couldn't deal with any more of her blood being spilt today.

'Why don't you go and get change and then we'll go' He suggested delicately. It had taken a lot of persuasion to get her to agree to this. They were just going for lunch at Haley and Nathan's but the whole crowd were going to be there in celebration of Jamie's ninth birthday.

'Change?'

He glanced back up at her, they were already late, Brooke had picked Erin and Sawyer up half an hour ago to take them for ice cream and to allow Lucas to give all his attention to an antsy Peyton. 'It's really sunny out, Don't you think you'll get hot in that?' He asked gently, she looked like she was dressed for winter.

'I-'

'Come on, I'll help you find something' He put the broken remains of the glass into the bin out of harms way before leading her back into their room where he began to look through her closet of clothes.

'How about this?'

Her eyes fixated on the blue summers dress, her breath catching in her throat. He must have known the last time she'd worn it. She could almost feel the rays of sun beating down on her, could almost feel the sand beneath her, the cool breeze blowing the cotton against her knees. She'd not worn underwear and had made sure to let Lucas know. She'd spent the whole day teasing him until she'd finally given in and they'd made love as the sun set.

He met her insecure gaze. 'No? I like this on you'

'I, I don't, I don't think I'm going to come'

'What?'

'I've got lots of things to do'

'Like what?' He smiled.

She was serious. 'I, I'm going to do some washing and cleaning'

'That doesn't need to be done. Sweetheart, it'll be ok, I'll be right there with you'

'Please don't call me that'

He frowned, she didn't need to tell him why and it made him feel sick.

'I just don't want to go'

'Peyt, you've not left this house in six weeks, it's not healthy-'

'I'm not going' She dismissed.

'Yes' He sighed. 'Yes, you are'

She frowned incredulously. 'You're going to make me?'

'If I have too'

She made a face he'd never seen as she rose to her feet. Hatred. 'I'm not going anywhere Lucas' She made for the exit but he grabbed her arm, preventing her from retreating. This had gone on too long, they'd all just let her hide away and the more time that went by the more scary the outside world was becoming, her whole sense of reality was warped and she couldn't handle it, she didn't want to venture outside of this safe zone, she couldn't.

'Peyton please, god I just want what's best for you'

'Best for me?' She shouted, whacking him unexpectedly on the chest and trying to struggle free from his hold.

He jumped. She'd not so much as rose her voice since returning home from hospital.

'If you want what's best for me, why don't you just leave me the hell alone?' She exclaimed fiercely.

She hit him again and he let her.

'I hate you' She cried. 'I hate you'

She was trying to insight a reaction. Her fists pummelling against his taut chest.

He eventually took a hold of her skinny shoulders and instinctively shook her. 'Stop it'

'I hate you, I hate you all'

'Stop it'

Her face was flushed red and she was breathless as she panted out 'Go on hit me'

His brow furrowed at her words.

'You're pathetic. Hit me. Hit me Lucas'

He'd never hurt her and it sickened him if she really thought he would, if he could. His eyes glazed over and he abruptly let go and turned away.

She stumbled, confused that he was walking away, Ian never walked away from a fight. 'You're a coward, hit me' She whimpered.

'I would never hurt you, never' He growled lowly, his back to her. She heard the sniffle that followed, she knew tears were falling down his cheeks. He staggered over to the chest of draws and exhaled heavily.

An awkward silence filled with laboured breaths echoed painfully in their ears.

Peyton watched him with tears in her eyes.

'You know how many times I've stared at this photo?' His forefinger trailed the outline of her face. It was their wedding photo. 'I wondered, day after day, if this was all I had left of you. Twelve years of memories, a box of photographs. God, I wished for you so much, I prayed that you'd come back to me safely. I prayed that you'd be ok. I'm still wishing for that.' He chanced a look at her. 'Peyton I love you and I'm trying, I'm trying but you've got to let me in'

'What do you want from me?' She threw her hands out dramatically, frustration seeping through her voice.

Her question spurred him to cross the room, he was in front of her in two paces and her eyes widened with the severe look he was giving her. 'What do I want?' He exclaimed. 'Peyton I just want for you to be happy, I want for you to be okay and you're not'

'I am' she argued.

'No, you're not' He stressed. 'You're really not'

Her eyes flickered and she looked down.

'And that's okay' His voice dropped to a gentle whisper. His hand reached out and stroked across her cheek and she melted into his touch because it was real, unlike Ian's fraudulent performances, this caress was fueled with nothing but aching love.

'It's not okay' Her fingers scratched ruthlessly at the skin above her wrists.

Lucas carefully stopped her. 'Don't do that, you're hurting yourself.'

'I don't know, I don't know what to do' She exhaled so quietly and he strained to hear her near silent confession.

'I'm going to get us through this, you just need to trust me. I know it's hard but you need to talk about it, I need to know what you're thinking'.

'Why?' She whimpered.

'Because I love you and you're hurting and I don't know how to help you when you're just shutting yourself away from me and everyone'

She let out a shuddering breath and bit her trembling lip hard. 'How?'

He brushed a dark blonde curl behind her ear. 'How what?'

'How do you still love me?'

His eyebrows knitted together. 'How?'

'I'm not the same girl that you-'

'Yes you are, I'm in love with you Peyton, I don't have a choice there's no how or why? That's just the way it is, I'll never stop, never.'

She shook her head dubiously and that's when he kissed her. He bravely pressed his forehead against hers and he kissed her tenderly and she didn't move, she didn't respond in any way.

Her lips didn't accommodate his like they usually did.

But he couldn't stop himself.

She seemed completely inept when it came to understanding that he was still very much in love with her. She was unable to even consider that he could possibly still want her.

He withdrew his mouth from hers but he held her close.

She was looking down, somewhat perturbed.

'Peyton' He exhaled desperately and one hand caught her chin, angling her head up.

Her eyes of green that always looked at him with such passion and love were dauntingly blank.

'God, look what he's done to you'

Her brow furrowed and she swallowed. She didn't want him to have a hold over her but he so very clearly did.

She'd not realised at the time but Ian Banks had seized a part of her and was yet to give it back.

At the time she'd never imagined that things would be like this. In her head as soon as she was back in the arms of her husband everything would be fine.

Things were not fine. As much as she tried to convince herself that they were.

He'd taken something from her that she couldn't get back.

'I love you Peyt, I love you' Lucas' fingers were running relentlessly over her cheeks. 'It's me'

His lips touched hers again and this time she tried to reciprocate, she tried to be what he wanted.

His tongue evaded her mouth.

Although startled she didn't back away.

He'd not kissed her or anybody for that matter, like this for over two years. He could remember their last kiss. It had been the morning that she'd been taken. He'd pressed her up against the fridge, stopping her from pouring a glass of orange juice for their daughter. It was a rare moment, Erin was yet to stroll in and Lucas would always take advantage if they had any second alone.

A relationship, intimacy, had become something he imagined, it became a fantasy of sorts. A realm of wonderful memories were all that he'd had and he yearned for that physical closeness but felt guilty and selfish for wanting it.

She'd got into a habit of kissing Ian a certain way, doing the exact same motion with her tongue, over and over. It was predictable and customary and exactly how she was kissing Lucas right now.

Lucas' heart ached. It didn't take him long to make that assumption himself.

She'd forgotten how to be impulsive.

She'd forgotten how to do it. Kissing because she wanted to kiss was foreign.

He hated that he couldn't stop. Despite knowing she was acting like a robot, that this wasn't how it was meant to be, he was actually delighted by the feeling of her warm tongue against his and he hated himself for that.

The hankering need in the pit of his belly had him pushing her back against the wall.

She gasped as her body hit the hard surface.

He pulled back for air and she was overcome with guilt when her circles of green met blue. He was hurting, perhaps more than her. That's what was most painful for her, that she couldn't protect him from this, that he had to deal with having this broken girl for a wife. Her mind reeled. This man was beyond wonderful. He'd suffered. He'd spent the majority of his days without her, locked up, he'd been the one that had to deal with her disappearance, more so than anyone else.

Perhaps that's why she felt the need to reunite their lips, to encourage him to take what he clearly wanted so badly.

He hitched her dress up and one hand slid up her right thigh, raising her long leg to hook around his waist. She felt his arousal then and it sent an electrifying jolt down her spine, something she'd not felt in a long time. It stunned her and scared her all at once. She didn't think she'd ever enjoy doing this again but apparently her body disagreed. His hands hadn't forgotten where to touch her, his mouth hadn't forgotten that little spot between her ear and neck that had her eyes struggling to focus, his body still enveloped hers perfectly like two jigsaw pieces.

He grunted into her ear and her body arched to accommodate his.

She gasped loudly when he jerked down the zip of her dress.

Everything stopped for a moment. His movements slowed, his finger tips delicately traced the harsh lines of her collar bone, his eyes fixated on their path.

She watched him, her gaze on his face.

He looked pained.

She knew what he was thinking, she could almost see his torturous visions dancing across his eyes.

He could see Ian touching her.

It was unavoidable. The mental strain boiled in their temples.

He met her stare and immediately hid his anguish. He knew he'd been caught and was determined to not let it show itself again. She didn't deserve to see his sadness. He didn't want her to feel to blame for his agony.

He carried her hastily across the room and dropped her onto the bed and her eyes fluttered shut when his hands disappeared under her dress, hooking her tights and underwear and sliding them needfully down her long, long legs.

She inhaled. The wonderfully familiar smell of the bed sheets reminded her that she was home, in her bed.

He kissed her leg at the knee, his eyes drifting up her body to her face and for a second she didn't see Lucas staring up at her, she saw Ian.

She shook her head in alarm and then she was looking at Lucas again and the concerned expression he wore. 'I'm sorry-I just I don't....'

'It's alright' He understood that fearful gaze and it broke his heart. 'I'm sorry' He said profusely, she was vulnerable and even though he'd had absolutely no intention to, he'd taken advantage of that.

'No' She snapped. 'Don't apoligise' His sincirity only convinced her that this was well and truly the man she'd loved, did love. He loved her so selflessly and she knew that he'd never, ever hurt her.

She watched him fading. She watched him shuffle back and her frown deepened. He could not walk away from her now.

She sat up, her legs hanging off the end of the bed.

He opened and closed his mouth. He needed to tell her that they couldn't do this. Not yet. She wasn't ready for this yet.

But she was unbuckling his belt and her dress was scrunched up at her waist and his eyes were transfixed on the her simple black bra.

He tried to make himself stop. He really did but he couldn't, words seemed to be worthless to her and he needed her to understand, he needed to show her how much he loved her.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and then pushed her back onto the mattress, carefully crawling up her body.

She relaxed a little with the familiarity of him, of his delightful weight and tried futilely to not compare his every action to how Ian would touch her.

He was frightened to speak, frightened to say anything in fear that, that bastard had plagiarized his words and corrupted their meaning, so he spoke to her with his eyes and touched her with nothing but affection and love.

He didn't ask for her permission before he entered her, didn't ask if this was ok and she'd never been so glad. She didn't want him to act differently, everyone had been acting differently around her, him included. They all talked to her like she was a fragile doll and she hated it. She wanted to be treated the same as before and right now, to an extent, he was successfully doing just that and simultaneously obliterating the hell that was the last two years. She didn't have to do everything she'd trained herself to do. She didn't have to whisper words that Ian had taught her to say, she didn't have to pretend and she didn't have to adjust her limbs around him because Lucas knew, he knew her body and knew where to hold her and how to.

It felt just as she'd remembered, he felt just as she'd dreamed, but it wasn't the same. Of course it wasn't the same.

There was so much left unsaid.

So much that needed to be said.

She couldn't talk about what had happened and he was terrified to hear.

His head was buried at the curve of her neck so he didn't have to look at her face and her hand was intent in keeping it there.

But he realised what he was doing and immediately pulled back.

And when he looked at her she emitted a small moan, but what struck him was how different it was, how false it was.

Some habits were hard to kill, her failure to please Ian had always ended in disaster and she had many ways of saving herself from such an aftermath- an appreciative moan here and there always went in her favour.

'Why've you stopped?' She breathed.

His arms were shaking with the tremendous effort of keeping still, to not allow instinct to take hold.

'You don't want this' He panted back.

'I do'

'No, you don't' He tried to move back but her legs were suddenly round his back and he groaned loudly as she pulled him closer. 'Peyton' He exhaled.

'I do' She kissed him forcefully and he melted into her arms. 'Please, I do Luke, I do'

He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and she waited anxiously for him to say or do anything.

When he eventually moved, she gasped. He effortlessly lifted her, switching their positions and she grappled her hands around his neck in surprise. They were both suddenly sitting, him with his back against the head board and she was looking at him with confusion.

He needed her to be in control of this.

'It's me' He declared and her expression reminded him of the first time they'd done this, the vulnerability, her guarded heart open to him, just him. Her eyes flickered shut and she pressed her forehead to his. 'It's me' He repeated.

She nodded against him. 'I'm so sorry for everything Lucas, I know I've been weird. I know I'm not fine, I know I've shut you out' Her lips brushed against his and not because she felt pressured to, not because she was being forced to but because she wanted to. 'I love you' She whispered those three little words she'd not said to him once since arriving home and she meant them, she meant them more than anything and he knew it. He guided her hips and her mouth opened against his and she moaned and it was nothing but real and it was beautiful in every sense.

She cried when she came and he just held her, held her tightly against him, held her until it suddenly dawned on him what he'd done.

He gently laid her down, his stare anywhere but directed at her, he couldn't look at her for fear of crying. He'd lost control and this had been exactly what she didn't need, he was just like Ian and he'd never wanted to be compared to that, he wanted her to have a choice and he'd certainly not given her one- she wasn't in any state of mind to be making decisions like this. He sat up on the bed, sighing heavily. She stayed laid against the mattress, her thick dress around her waist, her cheeks flushed.

The worthlessness and shame came falling upon her with force. She felt dirty and guilt ridden. He couldn't look at her and she didn't blame him. She clearly wasn't how he'd remembered, she was clearly a disappointment.

He reluctantly looked at her, looking so fragile and vulnerable.

'I'm sorry' Her voice was small and so unlike her usual tone, she covered her chest and pulled herself to sitting. 'I know I wasn't...I know I'm not...'

'What?' He shook his head adamantly, 'God Peyton, no, don't you apologise, I'm the one that- I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry Peyt, I, I didn't mean to push you, I don't mean to, I just, I'm sorry'

She turned her body and it was then that he saw the long belt marks, marring her pale back. It didn't matter how many times he saw them, it always took him by surprise. His eyes widened noticeably.

'I want it all to go away, I want there to be just you and me in this relationship but there's not, there's me, you and Ian and I want you to not have to look at me and see him. You should be able to kiss me and I shouldn't think of him when you do but I did Lucas and that's not right'

He laid back down and she exhaled sharply when his hand draped across her scrunched up dress and he spooned her. 'I don't see him'

'How can you not?' She mumbled.

He kissed her shoulder and took a heavy breath before breaching the subject she'd managed to dodge every time he'd bought it up. 'Maybe we should talk to someone. Not you on your own, the both of us, together'

'I don't want to Luke' She stressed.

'Why not, it won't do any harm'

'But it won't do any good' She said surely, turning over to look at him directly. She leant against his chest and his hand drifted up and down her back.

'Just think about it okay?'

She sighed but relented. 'Okay'

'Thank you'

A small smile graced her lips when she next looked at him. 'Do you think we're to late to go to Jamie's party?'

'You want to go?' He sounded surprised, he was surprised.

She took a deep breath and nodded bravely. 'I want to go'.