Alright, my last entry was angry and irrational. Let's try again...

I have to admit that my situation is annoying, at best. My head feels like it's going to explode, for I've never really thought this much about one thing. Actually, I never imagined I'd be thinking about this. Didn't think there'd be anything to think about, y'know? I mean, hell, I'm dying. Slowly, but it's happening. S'probably what's gotten me so out of whack lately; knowing what's going on and too much time to process it and let it sit... Ugh.

So... Kids. Yeah... Light knows it'll happen again. Don't know if I'm ready. What if it gets sick from me..? I wish I wasn't thinking about it... What if this ends up like the last time? I don't see him a lot either. What if I get tired of being alone? Eh... maybe that's how it's supposed to be? Part of me wishes it's not, but maybe it could be a good thing? Maybe. Whatever... Doing good with not sweating all this around people, though. Especially Faelin.
By the Light, she's a sweetheart. Awfully sad, though. At least I'm able to cheer her up, which makes me happy. I love her smile. Turns out, though, she's Bellamuerte's ex (proving, once again, that I get wrapped up in unhealthy situations and excessive drama). The way she's always sad makes me wonder what the damn woman did to her. I never understood the reasons people have to hurt others just because, and then laugh and profit from it later. I give up understanding people nowadays. A majority of them are arrogant and the other half are, well, they're just so beyond words and they're not worth even my time. And I'm not worth a lot, so that's saying something.

(("Shit! Smudged the damned page!"))
||The last half of the previous paragraph is smudged into the rest slightly, dried ink binding cigarette ashes to the parchment. ||

Anyhow... Lec's acting all odd because he's smitten with me and bent out of shape because I won't tell him my business. What the hell, you know? It's my business. I shouldn't have to tell anyone antyhing. Dammit. Ugh... This is why I'm not a social dragonhawk. If I am, there's too many people trying to get in my business and that's unacceptable and annoying as fel.
Some people know because I choose to tell them. Simple, right? You'd think so. But, no sir!

Fae knows... Vaguely. She's seen under the mask, at least, and that seems to satisfy her, which is good. So has Rakka. I wish he'd only seen the scarring instead of the rot because, let's face it, that's disgusting. Of course, Cel knows, too. He's worrying and fussing... Not too attractive of a rugged bodyguard, heh. Cute all the same, though. He has a boyish charm so, how could I not tell him?

I wish Ari would come back from whatever he's doing in Hillsbrad. I'd like to keep him informed because... I've hidden too much from the others. Hopefully, he'll be back soon. I miss Ari... A lot. It's... Kind of silly, but.. I don't like him not being around...

Also, I think I'm being stalked in Silvermooon... Which... Isn't necessarily uncommon, but it's creepy. I have hunches as to who it is, but we'll wait and see. Unfortunately, the leg is acting up again, so I'm afraid that I have to cut this awkwardly long entry short (...?).

Holding out 'til next time.