Never Again

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence and language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and MATURE THEMES (sex, swearing, violence, etc) and AU-ness!! Ye be warned; seriously, this is VERY mature people. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

Author's Note: sorry for the long wait on the update of chapter five as a result of some reshuffling I had to do with the arrangements of things, but I've decided on what I want now, so updates will go back to regular. (: In other news, HAPPY BELATED EASTER!! I got lotsa chocolates, so parts of this were written on a sugar binge XD Drop me a review? *looks hopeful* Again, thanks a boatload to Decimare, for introducing me to the band VAST, which is creepily fitting with my fic so far!! 'I didn't mean to hurt you, but you're pretty but when you cry…I didn't wanna fuck you, but you're pretty when you're mine…I didn't really love you, but I'm pretty when I lie.' The song 'You're Pretty When You Cry' by Vast was huge inspiration this chapter! Cheers!!

PS. – NEW OBSESSION!! Lysander and Lorcan Scamander (Luna and Rolf's twin sons) *gurgles* SOO HOT! WANT TO SEE THEM SHAGGING!! Expect a fic starring those two soon folks!!

XXX

Sirius grunted, mind struggling through to consciousness. "Sirius," hissed a voice in his ear, "wake up!"

"Whazhapnin?"

"Listen," whispered a rough, frightened voice.

It had been almost three days since Remus' overnight visit at Sirius' flat, and the pair were, once again, back in the comfortable bed in James and Lily's guest room. As Sirius sat up, he saw Remus, knees huddled close to his chest, quaking as though under the icy grip of Death itself, peering at him. His mind was still fuzzy with too little sleep. He glanced at the clock on the guest bedroom night table. That was why, only forty-five minutes of exhausted sleep. He had held Remus until the lycan's eyelids drooped and kiss swollen mouth relaxed; the only thing that eased the man's nightmares was the Animagus' presence.

And anxiety over the fast approaching full moon had Remus on edge even more. Sirius personally thought the bastard deserved to get mauled by Remus' darker half, but knew the love of his life would never be able to live with himself if that happened.

He thought his amber-eyed friend may have had a nightmare and reached out to him, but the loud pounding of fist on wood wafted up the stairs then, along with a murderous voice shouting at the top of its range. "I know you're fucking in there you son of a bitch!"

Sirius froze.

"It's him," whispered Remus. "He found me…I knew he would find me…" His voice was ragged and broken and tears flowed easily from his eyes. "I'm going to die…I'm going to die," he sobbed, burying his face in his arms, which were wrapped tightly around himself.

The Animagus jumped from bed and grabbed his wand from the table. "Wait here Remus," he murmured, but the werewolf grabbed his arm.

"No! No you can't go Padfoot, please don't go…please, he'll…he'll… Stay with me. Please."

Sirius' heart broke for what seemed the millionth time. "Shh," he breathed, sliding back down toward Remus on the mattress, gently prying the fingers from his arm. He cupped Remus' face and kissed him softly, gently, adoringly and reassuringly. "I'll be back Moonshine, I promise. I'll be back before you miss me."

Remus gulped and nodded, eyes filling again as he watched Sirius rise and head toward the door. Sirius whipped out of sight silently, unable to hear Remus whisper three tortured words. "I love you…" Then, "Come back to me… I love you."

The door was rattling in its frame as Michael pounded on it, and Sirius' eyes narrowed as he clenched his wand. "I will break down this fucking door!" His words were slurred. Lovely.

James and Lily were away on Order business and Sirius dearly regretted his best mate's presence and said best mate's fiancée's magical prowess. He crept down the stairs and opened the door, just as Michael was preparing to beat on it again. "What the fuck are you doing?" he snarled, wand concealed at his side.

"I know he's here Black, I fucking know it! Remus, get the fuck down here!!" he bellowed. He started forward as if to enter the dwelling, but Sirius poked him back in the chest, a small round hole burning itself into his chest as the Animagus' wrath flowed unintentionally through his wand.

Sirius could smell the reek of booze coming off Michael's person and see the stains it had made when he'd spilled in down the front of his bright red shirt. "You're drunk. I don't know how many bottles it's taken you into deluding yourself that Remus would be here, but I can assure you; he's not. Now fuck off. I told you what would happen if I ever saw your fucking face again."

Michael looked at the Animagus as though he had just seen him for the first time. "You," he breathed, chest heaving with emotion. "You…you…you fucker." His finger pointed at Sirius' neck, drunk and accusatory. "What the fuck is that then? Huh?"

Sirius' fingers rose to press tenderly against the mark on his neck, flushing slightly as pleasant images of Remus straddling him, biting, licking, and sucking with unmitigated fervor as he lay, groaning and completely under the lycan's spell. Remus had made to apologize afterward, concerned his fervent kissing from the onset of the full had somehow offended, but Sirius had brushed it off. He didn't mind in the slightest having Remus ravage him.

"None of your business," he murmured. He stepped out onto the front stoop and closed the door behind himself. Michael tottered backward.

"Oh, now I see how it is…we're gonna take this one on one, eh? You gonna fight me like a real man Black?" His fists swam before Sirius' face, who tried to control his temper.

It's not worth it, it's not worth it, it's not worth it, the Animagus told himself, repeating the mantra in his head as he counted slowly to ten.

"Y'know, you're nothing but a fucking pussy," Michael slurred, laughing uproariously. Sirius felt his carefully controlled temper inch up a notch. "I can't even see why you would stoop so low as to fuck Remus, though I admit he was alright in bed. You look like you need a real man." His hips bucked obscenely as he made a drunken approximation of a pleasurable look. "How many times have you ridden that piece of shit, eh Black?" he snarled as Sirius' fist balled into tight spheres of murderous rage.

His temper was at boiled and if he could speak past the thick taste of it in his throat, he would tell the blond devil to shut the fuck up right then.

"Tell me," Michael mused, oblivious in his intoxication of presumed power and booze, "have you let the little bitch suck your cock Black? Does he still swallow it all like a good little lad, eh?"

Sirius' carefully, meticulously controlled rage snapped. Thinking ceased as pure adrenaline spiked rage took over him, and his painfully balled fist arced back, the motion smooth and sinuous with purpose, before slamming forward in a blur to fly into Michael's jaw. There must have been a burst of magic to throw the blue-eyed man halfway across the lawn, but Sirius didn't register it as he strode forward purposefully, watching as Michael stirred, too far gone to sit up.

He kneeled over the man, one knee either side of his hips and took the one-time (grudgingly) handsome face in his hand, fingers like iron, painfully pressing the rapidly darkening jaw. "You are going to wish you had never said that," Sirius murmured, smiling horrifyingly, without any humour, his pupils dilated with mind numbing rage, black as his surname and deadly.

"Fuck y-" Michael managed to get out before another fist slammed into his ribs, knocking the wind from him.

"I am going to rip off your motherfucking balls," the brunette purred, a third fist hammering into his nose with sickening pain. Blood splattered daintily.

The Animagus' fist had just come up for the fourth time, when suddenly, iron arms were wrapping around him, pulling him inexorably backward. He let out a cry filled with frustration and pain and immediately started struggling.

"Stop! Sirius stop, stop!" A frantic voice called, soft on the edge of Sirius' hearing. He stopped shouting. "Sirius, please…don't do this. I can't let you do this for me." The pale brunette paused his escape attempts, shaking his head to clear the haze of anger.

"Remus?"

"Sirius," his voice was thankful, mouth hovering tantalizingly over Sirius' neck as his arms turned from restraining to embracing, breath fanning over the exposed flesh. "I…I think I-"

The loud, sudden CRACK of James and Lily's return cut off any attempts at speech wither could think to make, the newcomers quickly gaining the gist of the situation. Lily pulled her wand coldly, satisfyingly, on Michael, who was groaning, holding his broken nose as he rolled on the ground, his buzz surely ruined. James hurried over to his friends, giving Sirius a wondering look before it changed to questioning. "What the bloody hell happened?"

"That…that bastard…" Sirius growled, voice sticky in his throat, husky with only dampened rage.

"He came…for me," Remus muttered, casting a teary-eyed gaze at the messy-haired man. "Sirius…Sirius went to go tell him to leave and…and there was a…fight. I pulled him away. You see, he had to come back to-" He stopped abruptly, ducking his head in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his blush, arms slipping from around the black-haired pureblood's waist. Sirius frowned unconsciously.

"Well I would say congratulations, but…well I'm kind of pissed I didn't get to be in on it," James said, in an attempt to break the palpable tension.

A tear streaked traitorously down Remus' cheek as he shook his head, and he wiped quickly at it. "I don't want Sirius to get in trouble." The soft murmur was full of implications that James didn't care to know right now.

James grimaced suddenly. "I sure hope the Order doesn't find out about this. Or worse, the Death Eaters and papers. Can you bloody imagine?" Sirius could, and he didn't give two flying fucks at the moment.

"I just wish I had time to keep my bloody promise to the son of a bitch." James refrained from asking for deniability (if need should arise).

"Sirius," Remus chastised gently and the Animagus sighed.

"You're right Remus. You're always right." Not always, his subconscious remarked snidely. There was a pause in conversation as James glanced over at Lily keeping an eye on Michael, smiling to see her well in control, a sexy, haughty expression on her face that made him want to take her upstairs and- "Should we…do something?" Sirius added eventually, effectively breaking off James' daydream. "Modify his memory maybe?"

"No," James replied. "It might be traced. I say we make sure he doesn't say anything though."

Sirius didn't see how the spell might be traced, but shrugged. "Fine by me," he said casually, starting forward.

"I will do it," James said firmly as Remus grabbed the Animagus' hand.

Sirius scowled, but at the gentle pressure on his fingers from the lightly trembling Remus, he nodded. As James hurried over to where his fiancé stood, the lycanthrope let out a shivering sigh. Sirius schooled his expression and turned to face Remus, rubbing his hands up and down the goosebumped arms.

The amber-eyed man shrugged, his gaze molten despite the shivering. "I heard what he said…to you," Remus whispered as Sirius pulled him tighter. His face was red, his eyes burning with tears of shame. He felt weak and stupid and foolish for crying so bloody much (why not just cut of his prick now and get implants?) like a woman.

"Shh, Remus," Sirius replied, pulling his one-time boyfriend of sorts against his body, curling protectively around the seemingly frail body. "It's going to be okay." He frowned at his bruising, blood-speckled knuckles and stroked Remus' hair with the other hand.

Remus clung to him, watching with wide eyes as James stepped away from Lily and turned to Michael.

XXX

James couldn't be in the presence of his startlingly…different best friends. He could sense it, the same way he could sense the sheer love and joy Lily exuded as she caught him walking over; something was up between his two best mates and he had a nagging suspicion his hunch about it was right.

But despite the fact he thought his hunch to be right, he didn't dare to question the two about it. Not after making a complete ass of himself that one time. No. Because James knew if he pushed Sirius to anger (and it wasn't really hard to do), the other Animagus would forgive and forget after the heat of the moment, but if he angered Remus, the lycan would undoubtedly stay mad, and that was never good.

Sighing, he hugged his fiancée briefly, before turning to the task at hand. An angry flash of satisfaction rippled through him at the sight of the ugly dark bruise, still blooming, on Michael's jaw and the thickly, startlingly red blood congealing on his face and dripping down the sides of his mouth. The feeling flared as control, raw and uninhibited flowed through James, and he had to grit his teeth to keep his mind on track. Michael's clearly terrified gaze was tempting but it wouldn't do to lose his temper now.

"Get up," he muttered. Michael didn't move and James sighed, jabbing him with his wand none too lightly in the midsection. He had to bite his lip to keep from smirking. "I said, get up."

Michael slowly lifted into a sitting position before gingerly standing, still bent as if the blow Sirius had inflicted upon him had injured him internally. 'Probably hurt his pride worse than anything else,' the Animagus thought uncharitably. But that was beside the point. "Come to finish off what your little friend started?" Michael snarled.

James couldn't hide his amusement this time, and smiled briefly. "I wish. No, rather to tell you to get the fuck out of here before I change my mind and take you up on that very appealing suggestion."

Michael's face contorted, the blood and bruising making a horrific mask. "That little fuck is going to wish he didn't do that. I might not be a wizard but I'm not fucking stupid…I know how the rules in your little freakish world work. I'm going to nail Black's balls to the fucking wall, see if I don't!"

James was shoved aside as a mane of red hair crackled with magical energy. "I would love to see you try," Lily spat. "But first, you're going to have to find the Ministry of Magic. Good luck with that. And then you're going to have to convince have the sodding employees in the building why they should give two flying fucks about a piece of shit Muggle like you." She stabbed the taller, much more formidable, but currently practically cowering man, in the chest with a finger. "Because for all your knowledge of the 'rules' in our world, they aren't going to help you when the storm hits. You'll just be more collateral damage…and good riddance too."

The messy-haired man stared at Lily with wide, astonished eyes. Michael looked rather the same, but hurriedly assimilated his features into a look of menace that wasn't quite convincing.

"You'll regret this," he growled before turning oh his heel and stomping off through the garden gate. James pulled Lily, whose chest still rose and fell rapidly as anger licked up her insides, scorching away common sense, and who looked like she would like nothing more than to follow after Michael and hit him with a few more insults and maybe a hex or two, to his chest.

"Fuck I love you."

The words cleared Lily's head and she wrapped her arms around her fiancé's waist. "The feeling is mutual," she replied grinning, and pulled him down for a kiss.

XXX

Remus twitched in his sleep, eyebrows drawing down as if he were thinking in his sleep, fist clenching unconsciously. His leg jerked again, almost comically, like an animal that dreams of running while it sleeps, and a soft whimpering moan slipped out of his mouth.

His entire frame shivered now and a rogue arm flung outward, as though trying to ward off an invisible monster that panted over him. The limb got tangled in the sheet and he struggled, still in the deep grips of slumber, to free himself. Elbow connected sharply with something warm and definitely solid.

Sirius awoke with a start, his jaw on fire and the taste of his own blood in his mouth. His eyes, rapidly adjusting to the gloom of the darkened room, flicked about perfunctorily, but he saw no grinning, malice-filled attacker looming over him. Instead he saw Remus thrashing, tangling the bedclothes around his legs, head lolling from side to side as the night terror gripped him.

He dodged another attack and pressed himself into the curves of Remus, still amazed at how well they fit together. "Remus!" he said in a low voice. "Mooney, wake up love… You're having a nightmare." Soft hands smoothed over the fair-haired man's back and neck, reveling in the smooth texture of skin crisscrossed with scars. Remus?"

"No," Remus muttered, his thrashing calming somewhat. "No, I love him… Take me, Michael… Yes. No…no, I love you… Sirius…stop!"

Sirius felt as though his heart stopped. Ice froze his veins and jealousy reared its ugly, enviously green head. His lips felt numb as he spoke words an automatic part of his brain controlled and he wondered how he was still alive. Surely, when a heart broke, it meant the person no longer kept living, right? How did one live without an intact, fully functioning heart? It was certainly beyond him, but his heart continued to beat out it's slow, even rhythm, and his chest continued to rise and fall with every breath as he robotically shook Remus, still gentle as ever, awake.

The lycan's eyes snapped open, and for one brief moment, the dream lingered, and hard, tanned hands wrapped around Sirius' neck, squeezing and clenching the life from the body of the man he adored. Then he blinked and reality came back – just Sirius, sitting up in bed, looking at him with hollow eyes.

He didn't bother to think as he threw his arms around the darker haired man, pressed his face into the warm crook of neck and inhaled deeply. "Sirius," he breathed, clinging to him desperately. A heartbeat sounded loud in the silence, and Remus pulled back from the body he noticed was suddenly stiff and hard, completely unresponsive. Fear lapped at the edges of his mind again. "Sirius?"

"You were having a nightmare," the Animagus said formally. The amusingly posh and haughty accent he'd had way back in first year at Hogwarts (and subsequently lost as the pages of the calendars fell away) made the words seem cold and uncaring.

Remus knew this, of course. He'd been the one having it after all. Something was…off, though, with Sirius. He'd only ever seen him act this way when he was- "Did I…do something?" he asked softly. "In my sleep?"

"Well you did elbow me in the face," Sirius admitted, a bit of his usual self coming back, a slight gleam in his eyes, but then they were frigid and cut off again, like shutters had closed over them. "And you were…talking."

Remus brow furrowed in his confusion as he tried to conjure up the gist of his dream again; it wasn't hard. It was confusing, trying to sort out the timeline of his nightmare, now that it had drifted into the ether of his mind, but he focused and bits of it started coming together.

He had been in James and Lily's kitchen, looking for salt (he couldn't recall why) and there had been the slow, grating sound of a door opening. Remus had turned, and even the memory of the dream froze the blood in his veins solid. Michael had been there, clad in a bright red suit, and holding a long, glinting, and dangerously sharp knife…

"You thought you could get away from me, did you?" Michael purred. Remus backed into the counter, feeling trapped and helpless as his ex stepped slowly forward, the knife clutched in his hand. It seemed to draw the lycan's eyes like the scene of an accident draws a crowd of morbidly curious spectators. "Thought I wouldn't come and find you eventually…"

Another step forward, and suddenly Sirius appeared around the corner of the doorway, a greeting half out of his mouth, before he stopped dead at the sight before him.

"Well, well," Michael chuckled, as though Sirius was on old friend he hadn't been expecting to turn up at a dinner party. "Black… This is going to save me so much time."

Remus tried to run forward, even as he watched Michael's hands, impossibly fast, grip the Animagus' throat, spinning him, holding him as a hostage, the knife pressed to the smooth white column of throat, but as in most dreams, he couldn't move fast enough. A strangled cry was wrenched from him as his heart dropped to the vicinity of his toes.

"Stop," he choked out, voice croaky and rough and barely audible. Remus watched as the edge of the knife pressed harder against Sirius neck, a thin ribbon of shockingly red blood skating over the perfect flesh, spotting the dark haired man's shirt. "No!"

Michael laughed, sadistic and without humour. "Why would I stop Remus? This is just so much fun… If only I had a camera to capture that look on your face. I doubt even if I'd started with you you'd look so fucking pathetically dejected. Are you going to miss your little fuck buddy?"

Remus bit the inside of his cheek in an effort to stop the tears. Uncharacteristically, he noted with the very smallest portion in the tiniest corner of his mind, Sirius was silent and quiescent in Michael's grip. Maybe he feared movement would only delay the inevitable death… "No," he repeated stupidly. "I…I love him. Please…"

Michael laughed that frightening laugh devoid of mirth again. "You love him do you?' he drawled softly, and Remus made as if to move forward, but the knife pressed sharper into Sirius' neck, finally wringing a cry of discomfiture from him.

"Take me instead," the honey haired man whispered. "Take me, Michael…"

The blond made a parody of thinking before a wry, nightmare-inducing grin curved his lips. "Tell me Remus…would you give up your own life if I were to spare his? Do you really 'love' him so much as that?"

Remus didn't even have to think and his response came without hesitation. "Yes."

Michael sneered and growled, "Wrong answer," before drawing back his arm. Time slowed, and Remus watched in horror as the knife flashed upward sharply, pausing for a drawn-out heartbeat at its height.

His words flowed effortlessly like the water over smoothed stones in a riverbed. "No…NO! I love you, Sirius!" Then his voice died, and it was a tortured whisper that framed the words, "Stop…Michael, stop!"

...Remus shook himself as his memories of the nightmare dried up. The next thing he remembered was being shaken awake by the cold, stiff-bodied man next to him. He realized that real tears had spilled down his cheeks and scrubbed at them with the edge of the sheet. He didn't understand, and although he feared rejection with such vehemence, he reached out and took Sirius' hand, breathing a sigh when it wasn't immediately withdrawn. "Why are you mad at me?" he whispered before he could stop himself.

That seemed to shake Sirius from his stupor. "Mad at you?"

Remus nodded. "You won't…look at me. It's like you're…jealous?" The lilt at the end of his statement turned it into a question, and the lycan realized immediately he had hit his mark when Sirius looked away again. "What are you jealous of?"

"You were…talking…" Remus merely waited as the silence stretched between them, knowing if it stretched long enough it would break eventually. "And you said you loved…him."

The amber-eyed man blinked once, then again as the words sunk in and he tried to make sense of them. "You…you think I love…? After everything he…? Oh Sirius!" Remus couldn't help himself (or bring himself to care that he was acting like a sodding queen) as he burst into tears again, throwing his arms around the other man. "You stupid, stupid… God you are so thick!"

Sirius, who had melted slightly at the obvious display of affection, froze again, and Remus pulled back, breathless and red-eyed.

"You bloody plank, I don't love him."

"Then who…?" His mind finally kicked into gear and everything clunked into place. "Oh…"

Remus barely had time to smile before a mouth, demanding and hungry was over his again, and the lycanthrope surrendered himself completely to it.

The clock ticked seconds by, but they didn't pass for the two young men as tongues delved and claimed and frantic hands pulled clothing from bodies aching with need.

Sirius practically growled as Remus rolled onto his back, pulling the Animagus over him, and pulled back, panting. "Mooney?" he rasped.

"Take me Sirius… Please, take me…I'm yours." The words, words that Sirius had heard just minutes (or hours, or maybe even days) before, words he had heard out of context and thought Remus meant for Michael, now words that he knew were his and his alone, sent his heart hammering and blood pounding through his veins as lust pooled in his belly and his cock hardened fully.

"Mine," he agreed, capturing Remus' mouth again and the slighter man spread his legs, giving himself readily to Sirius, who eased himself into the tight, satisfyingly familiar heat, too close to wait for preparation.

Remus grunted, and Sirius paused, fearing he had hurt him, but then one long, lithe leg wrapped around his arse, forcing him in deeper, and he moaned in tandem with the lycan.

The charcoal haired man slid almost completely out before slamming back in, forcing a hoarse sound of pleasure from his partner's larynx, and his body shook as he tried to reign in his orgasm. "Say it again," he panted into Remus' ear. "Fuck Mooney…please, please say it again." His thrusts picked up speed, until he was bucking in and out in time to their racing hearts, and Remus was practically screaming, "Yours! Yours! All yours!"

With one final thrust, and a grunted, "Mine," Sirius lost himself to euphoria, hand clenching around Remus length and pushing the other man to release as well. They tensed and arched up against and into one another, arms clutching, legs binding, until sated completion rolled through them after the tsunami of their ecstasy.

They lay, sticky and sweating, panting and gasping, Sirius on top of his lover, Remus fingers stroking adoringly through the Animagus' hair. "In case you didn't realize," he murmured some time later, "that was me saying I love you."

Sirius chuckled and rolled to the side, instantly pulling Remus atop him and sliding his tongue into the lycanthrope's mouth, hands clenched around delectable, perfect arse cheeks. "I think I like the non-verbal version better."

XXX

Author's Note: I KNOW I KNOW!! I'm so late with this it's not even funny. But just think, would you rather this be late, or your period? At least mine doesn't involve nine months of weight gain and hours of horrendous pain. ;D Er, I'm terrible for asking, but…review? I'll grovel if I have to... 'See it's down to me to defend it, the last glimmer of hope in their eyes…' LOVE! Cheers!!

PS. – This is mostly just to Decimare but… I tried to work in the original dream sequence (for an idea of it, check out the video for VAST's 'Pretty When You Cry' *cough-youtube-cough*) and it just didn't want to be written. ): I hope a little smut made up for it though!