The first time I formerly met him was atop Duskwither Spire. I can't remember what he was doing there, but it had been after Jesseira tried to throw me out of Silvermoon, after I had that fight with Maverick. I wasn't doing anything but sulking, but he didn't seem to mind, really. He actually liked the company.
About two or three months ago, he found me again in Murder Row on leave, smoking and relaxing, still half crazy and distraught over my family. Or lack there of. He talked sense into me that day... And I was alone long enough to invite him for dinner the next night. He didn't show up... Or the night after... It was three days before he came to the suite in Fairbreeze Village. By then, I had decided I wouldn't be cooking. I didn't think he would mind.
We smoked and talked, but I can't remember what about. He smelled like strong spices and sulfur and he sat in an arrogant way that would bother me otherwise, but it never did. I liked it...
I wanted to tell him how I felt. But I'd given myself too much credit. We walked to Sunstrider Isle and relaxed somewhere behind the academy. "I used to skip classes and come out here to climb this tree," he told me. And in the silence that followed, the confessions I wanted to spill swelled in my chest and made my eyes water. I figured I would approach it as smoothly as possible, so I asked; "...How are you two doing?"
They were part of each other. With a family. It was like they were one person, like there was some sort of unnatural force that brought them together and kept them that way. Their love was strong and unbreakable.
I was weak and broken. And alone.
I remember trying my best not to cry, but I couldn't help myself. The more I tried to hold it in, the more tears seemed to swell up. I was afraid. And hurt. So I ran, like always. Like the Plaguelands. Unlike Wintergrasp. Like when Ranion died at the hands of the Scourge invasion. Unlike when Kael'thas challenged those opposed to him and the Legion. It wasn't new for me to run from emotions... Especially this one.
When I left him alone on that island, without an explanation, I only could will Corris so far before he felt there was something amiss. His joints hadn't been properly worked that day... And he collapsed. And so did I. Right onto the bank across from the small Blood Knight caravan and the Farstrider messengers. The water was cold and soaked through my robes. The materials got too heavy, and all I could do was crawl beneath the small bridge, back to alabaster, and cry. I must have cried quietly at first, because I heard his horse move overhead. After who knows how long, I screamed. For a long while. One long scream until my throat closed, my vocal chords shrank and the back of my mouth burned like fire.
It hurt.
Not the loss of my voice. Not the pounding headache from crying and hitting my head constantly against the stone.
It was different. Internal and scarring. Something I'd carry around with me; something that hurts even now. It's like a wound that won't stay closed. But I don't think about it anymore. I'll try not to think about it after this. This is the place I put my feelings and my thoughts. A soldier can't have such things about them. They can falter, they can die.
I'm not sure if I regret not telling him, but it doesn't matter, because I wouldn't dare spoil his happiness. And I may not like her, but she's a much better significant other than myself. I'm not much of anything. I lose whatever I care for. It's a frightening thought, but it happens.
These pages, however? These are just for him. Someone I loved for a very long time. I can't tell you if I feel the same way now. I could, but I won't. That's painful for me, and trouble for him. And this is for his happiness.
This is just for him.