A/N: I do not own Twilight.

Thanks to the lovely Laura for being my fantastic Beta and thanks to those of you who are consistently reviewing each chapter :)

The number of reviews on the last chapter plummeted compared to the number on the one before. It went from 36 down to 21. I was very sad. So people who review this time get an extra LONG preview of the next chapter. A bit of shameless bribery going on there but what the hell :)

Chapter 20

Bella

I was blinded by a bright light assaulting my closed eyes. I groaned in annoyance and turned away from the light only to be pulled back to face it.

What the hell?

"Bella!" someone said right next to my ear. I jumped in surprise and brought my hands up to cover my ears while still keeping my eyes closed.

"Get your ass out of bed. Now."

I slowly opened my eyes, squinting slightly while getting used to the light, and saw the silhouette of a short person with spiky hair standing in front of the window. My eyes slowly adjusted and I saw an angry Alice with her hands on her hips.

"Go away," I groaned while pulling the covers over my head only to have them yanked back off a second later.

"No can do Bella," she replied, "I understand that you are upset, but all this moping is getting you nowhere. No-where! You need to get up, take a shower, because no offense but you kind of stink, and then sort you life out."

I pulled myself up to rest against the headboard, "it's not that simple Alice."

How could it be? Everything in my life was a mess. Everything. It was a Saturday and had been a week since Mike and Edward had both found out about each other. Mike had refused to let me back in the apartment so I'd been staying in Alice's spare room for the week. I didn't feel up to anything. I called work saying that I couldn't come in because I was ill and just spent most of my time sleeping, eating and getting drunk. What else was there to do? Mike hated me. Edward hated me. Hell, Alice probably hated me too for intruding in her life like this.

"Well you're not going to get anywhere with that attitude. Come and get up. Jasper has made breakfast."

Ah Jasper. That was one of the things that made me feel even guiltier about being here. Alice and Jasper had just got back together and wanted to spend some quality time together. Alone. I.e. without me being there. I was just getting in the way and felt awful for it. But I had no where else to go. My parents both lived too far away and I had no other close friends here who I could ask to stay with. I probably would have considered Jessica, if it hadn't been for what she did. My anger towards her had faded slightly but there was still no chance of us making up any time soon. Alice had supported me as well and hadn't spoken to Jessica for a week. Alice had been absolutely brilliant. She was my rock. She'd given me a place to stay, she'd comforted me, let me wallow in depression when I needed to and now she was trying to make me get up and get on with my life. I knew she was probably right … but it didn't mean I wanted to do it. I was too scared to face my problems after all the destruction I'd caused. I just wanted to hide away.

I stretched and slipped out of bed dragging my feet as I made my way along the shiny floor to the kitchen. I saw Alice and Jasper serving out some pancakes. Jasper had his hands around her waist and they looked like the perfect happy couple. I felt a pang of jealousy at seeing them, which in truth was one of the reasons that I'd stayed in my room all week, because I knew that the chances of me ever having something like that were remote. I'd had the chance, but I blew it.

"Hey Bella," Alice said when she saw me, "take a seat." I sat down at her kitchen table as Jasper laid three plates out and placed a plate of warm pancakes in the middle. They looked delicious.

"Take as many as you like Bella," Jasper said. He'd also been great to me all week and told me privately one time that he knew how I was feeling as it was how he felt whenever he had an argument with Alice. I knew in reality that he had no idea what I was feeling, but it was a nice sentiment nonetheless.

"Thanks," I said shovelling a load of pancakes onto my plate and drowning them in golden syrup. I was starving. How long was it since I last ate? "Dese are lobely," I said through a mouthful of food.

"Thanks," Jasper replied laughing.

"So Bella," Alice started, "what's the plan?"

Plan? I had no idea. I merely shrugged not wanted to speak while eating again.

"Come on Bella. How are you going to get your life back on track?" she encouraged me.

I swallowed my mouthful, "well I guess I'll go back to work on Monday and say that I've recovered from my flu."

"That's a start," Alice said, "and?"

"And what Alice?" I was getting irritated, "I can hardly go and talk to Edward and Mike because neither of them will listen to me.

"How do you know that Bella?" asked Alice, "I mean they've had a week to calm down. It's understandable that they were angry before but they should be fine now and at least more willing to talk."

"Maybe. Maybe not," I replied while waving about a bit of pancake on the end of my fork before popping it in my mouth.

"Well you're not going to know if you don't at least try."

"Fine then I'll try. I'll go and talk to Mike this morning after I'm dressed and then I'll see Edward this afternoon. Happy now?"

"I'm assuming you still want to be with Edward?" she questioned raising an eyebrow.

That part was non-disputable. Throughout this week the only thoughts going through my mind have been Edward, Edward, Edward. Of course I've thought about Mike and felt really awful for what I've done to him. It would be impossible not to, having been married to him for four years. But it wasn't him I dreamed about being with. Each night I'd dream of running my hands through Edward's soft hair and telling him how much I love him. And each morning I'd wake up knowing that it was only a dream that would probably never come true. But that was the dream I was going to chase. Not being with Mike.

"Yes. No doubt." I answered. I suddenly had a new sense of determination, even though I was in no way, shape or form looking forward to today. But I was certain that I had to face both of them and I was even more certain that I had to get my Edward back.

I finished the rest of my food and then got up, "I'm going to take a shower," I told both of them before going into the bathroom. I peeled off my night clothes and realised how dirty I really was. They stuck to me like glue as I hadn't changed out of them for days and I normally got really hot and sweaty at night. Not nice. I turned the shower on and stepped in as I was covered in warm beads of water.

It felt like heaven.

I grabbed the shampoo and lathered my hair and body in the white fluffy bubbles. I let my mind wander and thought of everything I needed to get sorted out today. Alice was right; I needed to get my life on track. I had to apologise to Mike and set the record straight and get Edward to understand how much he truly means to me.

Once I was completely clean and rinsed I wrapped myself up in one of Alice's soft fluffy towels and went to my room. I sat on the edge of the bed all snug in my towel. It was actually Alice's spare room which I'd been referring to as my room for the week. It probably would become mine as I had no intention of getting back with Mike and the least I could do was let him keep the apartment. Alice had already ensured me that it would be fine, therefore soon I would probably be able to call this room mine. Although I didn't want to impose for too long so another job on my list of things to do today was to find a new apartment. I didn't tell Alice this as I knew she would insist that it would be fine for me to stay here, because she's nice like that, but I couldn't help but feel like I was getting in the way.

I got dressed and applied a light amount of make up and then I was ready to face the day. I grabbed my handbag and walked out into the living area and saw Alice and Jasper snuggled up on the sofa watching TV.

"I'm off guys. Wish me luck." I smiled trying to appear calm although inside my heart felt like it was about to explode.

"Good luck," they both chanted in unison

"Thanks."

"Where are you going first Bella?" asked Alice.

"Mike's. I feel I owe him that after all my lies."

She nodded, "bye. Hope it goes okay."

"Me too," I replied walking out the door. Me too…

I took the lift down to the street and waited for a cab to come by. I then realised another thing I needed to do. I needed to buy a car. I'd got used to using Mike's car if I needed to, but that wouldn't be much use now. I was debating over what kind to get. Maybe I could get a red truck like the one my parents got me in high school.

I waved a cab over and got in giving the driver directions. I was kind of willing the journey to go slowly in order to lengthen the time I had before having to confront Mike. I didn't want to do it at all, but I knew it was unavoidable. We arrived at my apartment block too soon and I paid the driver and stepped out. I looked up at my window briefly before walking confidently inside.

Confidently? Who was I kidding? I felt far from confident.

Once I got to the right floor I took a deep breath trying to calm myself before going in. But before I got the chance to knock the door swung open to reveal Mike standing in front of me. He had dark bags under his eyes and looked like he hadn't been sleeping much, the opposite of me. His hair was a mess and he was wearing a pair of baggy trousers and a t-shirt. I didn't fail to notice that it was the same t-shirt that I used to wear at night.

"Hi," I said shyly.

"Hey," he replied weakly.

"Can I um come in please?" I asked gently, "I need to talk to you."

He hesitated for a second before nodding his head; "sure," he pulled the door back to let me in. The place was a mess. There were empty beer cans and pizza boxes scattered around and a pile of dirty washing up next to the sink.

"Excuse the mess," he said as if I was just a guest stopping by.

"Don't worry," I said. I followed him to the sofa where we both sat down side by the side. Although Mike did scoot over as far away from me as he could.

"So? What did you want to talk to me about?" He asked.

"I'm sure you know Mike. I need to explain."

"You don't need to explain anything Bella." He said dismissively.

"Yes I do!" I insisted, "I need you to understand."

"Understand?" he asked, "Understand how you cheated on me and broke my heart." His eyes were glistening with tears.

"Mike. I truly am so sorry."

"Sorry?" He asked, "How could you be sorry?"

"Please Mike just let me explain and talk for a minute and then you can say whatever you want. Okay?"

He nodded solemnly.

"I came here to apologise and explain. I didn't mean to hurt you, not at all," he looked like he was about to speak, "please wait. I just randomly met Edward and saw him once or twice as a friend and then… well, it blossomed into something more. I didn't mean to start having an affair, I just couldn't stay away from him and then it was too late. I realised that I was in too deep and I had to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I felt guilty the whole time and I wished there was a way I could do what I was doing without anyone getting hurt. But, well, there wasn't. I decided to give it a month and see if it turned into anything more and when it did and I fell in love with him I realised what it truly is to be in love. I thought I loved you Mike. But in all honesty, I don't. I wish I did but you can't force something like that." He looked utterly devastated so I started crying as well. I almost couldn't continue but I knew I needed to.

"Mike you are a wonderful guy." I took his hand in mine as tears began streaming down his face. "You're so sweet and kind and loving and I know one day you'll make some girl very happy." He started sobbing. "But that girl isn't me Mike. I would love us to stay friends but I understand how difficult that would be. So it's your choice completely. I'm happy to move out and live with Alice or get my own place. It's the least I can do after ruining our marriage. I suppose that I should give this back to you." I took my wedding ring out of my bag and placed it on the coffee table.

"T-t-that was my grandmother's ring Bella," Mike stammered, his voice breaking.

"I know. That's why it should go to someone more deserving than me."

We sat in silence for a moment just staring at one another. I'd never actually realised how heartbreaking this moment would be. Even though I didn't love Mike he still held a special place in my heart and I'm sure that he always would.

Just because I didn't love him didn't make what I was doing any less hard.

"Bella," Mike whispered, "can I ask you one more thing?"

"Anything."

"Did you ever love me?"

I had to be honest. "Maybe once. But not anymore. I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you."

I stood up at the same time he did and hugged him gently. "Goodbye Mike," I said kissing him on his wet cheek, "I'll be back tomorrow to pick up my things."

"I probably won't be here," he said, "I think I'm going to stay with my folks for a bit and get my head sorted. So just use your key."

I nodded, "goodbye."

With that I walked to the door and shut it; but not before I heard a pained cry behind me.

-

Yes that was very sad to write. Lots of you are feeling sympathy for Mike and I think I am too. *sigh*

Please review and let me know what you think.

P.S. The next chapter is the Bella and Edward confrontation.