A/N: I do not own Twilight.

I took longer than I wanted to update this chapter as I was verrrry busy but it's here in the end. Hooray! Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter, it means a lot! :)

Chapter 21

Edward

I'd never been asked the question: what was the worst week of your life? But I knew that if anyone did ask me the question now that I'd know the answer. It was this week.

The worst week of my life.

A week ago today my heart was ripped to pieces by the one person I loved the most. Slightly ironic but nonetheless very true. I'd spent the week drowning in my misery and just feeling sorry for myself. I'd tried not to, but it was just too damn difficult. I needed ways to distract myself to stop from thinking about her, but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed back to work as I was still recovering from being in hospital and I wasn't allowed alcohol because of the medication. So the two things I'd wanted to do… I couldn't. I'd been cooped up at home having nothing but my thoughts. Rosalie and Emmett had been to see me a couple of times along with my parents. But it wasn't them I wanted to see. It was Bella.

I was torn.

Torn between hating her and loving her.

Torn between wanting to be with her and not being able to stand the sight of her.

Torn between what my heart wanted and what my head wanted.

A voice in my head was telling me to stay away and accept that she was gone. It was warning me that she would lie to me all over again. But my heart was saying something else. It was telling me that I'd never been as happy and I am with her and that the only way I'm going to be truly happy is if I forgive her.

I knew which voice I wanted to listen to but I didn't know if I could really do it.

It was late morning and as per usual I was still in bed. I decided to get up and embrace the day. Although I didn't know what I'd be embracing. My health? Yes maybe I should be embracing that. I'm alive and healthy even after my close call a couple of weeks ago. Although how can I embrace life if I'm not really living it? Staying at home and feeling depressed is not my idea of living life to the full.

I went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed some cereal out of the cupboard and poured myself a bowl of coco pops. I took a spoon out the drawer and started eating them dry. I'd run out of milk and couldn't be bothered to go and buy some more. I was a mess. Plain and simple.

I flopped down on my couch with my cereal and in doing so sent all the little coco pops flying over the sofa and falling down the little cracks.

"Fuck," I shouted. Why was everything going wrong?

I stood up squishing some of them under my feet. I couldn't find the energy to move them or even care about them so I just left them and walked out the room. I went into the study and sat down at my piano trying desperately to calm myself down. I took deep breaths and placed my fingers over the keys seeing where the music took me. I played the same song I'd been playing all week. Not the original song I'd composed for Bella but a different one. A sad one. The melancholic music drifted throughout the house as I continued to play.

I was suddenly alerted by a buzzing sound coming from the kitchen. It was the sound of the intercom from the gate meaning that someone was here to see me. Great. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the little screen that showed the camera from the machine outside. Then I saw the one face that had starred in my dreams all week. Bella's. I froze for a second before instinctively pressing the button to open the gate. I did it without thinking and watched as Bella disappeared from the screen and walked through the now open gates.

Bella was coming to talk to me. Would I be able to handle seeing her in the flesh? Would my anger and sorrow come bubbling to the surface causing me to have a complete meltdown in front of her? I heard a little knock on the door and knew that I'd find out now. I was still wearing the clothes a worn to sleep in: sweats and a tattered t-shirt. I couldn't bring myself to care.

I walked over to open the door and was met with a flustered and nervous looking Bella. She looked beautiful as per usual but there was worry in her eyes and she looked as if she'd been crying.

"Hi," she said weakly, "could I come in?"

Could she? Did I really want her to? I didn't know if I wanted to take the risk of her hurting me even more but I was sure that there was no way she could do any more damage than she'd already done. So I agreed. "Sure."

She smiled shyly before walking in through the door. I shut the door behind her and just stood there waiting for her to speak.

"Oh um. I was wondering if we could talk Edward. I have some serious explaining to do." She said.

"Yes. You do." I replied.

"So could I? You know, explain?" She seemed nervous and was fiddling with the end of her top.

I nodded. "Take a seat," I said gesturing into the living room. She went to sit on the coco pop infested sofa, "no. not there." I said so she went to sit on the other sofa next to it obviously having just noticed the remainder of my breakfast. I sat next to her as there was no where else to sit.

She turned to face me. "Could I just speak for a moment and get it all out?" she asked, "I just want to explain everything so could you please just let me speak and then say whatever you wish."

"Okay. No interruptions. Go." I ordered.

"Oh. Okay. Edward I should never have lied to you like I did. I know that now. The truth is that I was married to Mike when we met and I still am now, technically."

Technically?

"And," she continued, "when I met you I thought we could just be friends and then I developed these other feelings for you and realised that you meant so much more to me. So I decided that I would keep seeing you and see if my feelings grew and if they did then I'd leave Mike for you. I know it was a horrible and selfish thing to do but I couldn't pass up the idea of finding someone I truly loved."

"You mean you didn't love Mike?" I asked suddenly needing to know.

"No Edward. I didn't. And I don't now either."

Could I believe that after her lies? "If you say so. Continue."

"So I kept seeing you without telling Mike and then I fell in love with you. I mean I really fell in love with you. And then you were in the accident and the idea of you dying was just so terrible for me that I knew that I wanted you more than Mike. So then I decided that I would leave Mike for you and tell you the truth."

"This didn't have anything to do with Rosalie finding out then?" I interrupted, "It seems a bit of a coincidence that the moment my sister threatens to tell me you apparently decide" he made air quotations, "to tell me the truth."

"No Edward," she pleaded, "it wasn't like that. I didn't just decide to tell you. I decided that I wanted to be with you instead of Mike and that you meant the most to me. I think I knew it all along but you being in danger just made me certain. And then the day I saw you in the park was the day I was leaving Mike. I was about to tell him when you turned up. I know you don't have to believe me but it's the truth. And then, well, all hell broke lose and now both you and Mike hate me."

I restrained myself from telling her that I didn't hate her as I didn't actually know what I felt about her. But she'd hurt me so bad. I didn't know if I could forgive her. Ever. But seeing her in front of me didn't make my feelings of hate come to the surface… it meant that my feelings of love did. I so wanted to believe everything she was saying because I loved her so unconditionally. But she had lied to me. She'd kept something so big from me and I didn't know if I could ever forgive her for that. And I also didn't know if I really believed that she was going to leave her husband for me. It sounded a bit convenient. And were they back together now? I looked down at her wedding finger and it was bare.

"What about you and Mike?" I asked, "Are you back together."

She shook her head, "no Edward. I told you that I want you and not him. And even if you don't want to be with me then Mike and I will still be finished because I don't love him anymore. I told him this morning that our marriage was over."

"How was it?" I asked knowing that he must have taken if badly after seeing how in love with Bella he seemed in the park.

"Hard."

She'd really left her husband for me. But did that erase everything she had done? No it didn't. But it didn't make up for some of the things I'd done either.

"I'm sorry too Bella," I said, "About Jessica I mean. I had no idea that she was your friend I just needed someone and she was there. She meant no-"

"It's okay Edward," she interrupted, "you don't have to explain. You'd just found out about my lies. I don't blame you… but I still love you. I always will."

I got a lump in my throat, "I still love you too Bella," I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"Does that mean? Can you? Could you ever forgive me?"

"I don't know. I need time Bella. Time to get my head around this."

"Okay," she nodded, "I just needed to explain Edward. And let you know that I love you more than anything in the world. Anything." She leaned over and took my hand, "don't forget that."

"I won't," I assured her.

We stared into each others eyes for a moment and I knew that I could easily get lost in the depths of hers. I wanted to, but could I? Could I put myself through this torment all over again?

"You should go," I said looking away.

"Okay," she took her hand from mine and stood up, "just think about it Edward. You and I were amazing together. I know you know that. Don't forget that I love you more than anything."

I nodded.

"I'll be staying at Alice's if you ever wanted to see me."

I nodded again. She walked over to the door and I opened it for her to let her out. "Just give me time Bella," I said.

"Of course." I gave her a small smile goodbye and watched as she walked away from my house. My heart felt like it was trying to follow her as if it had a magnetic pull attracting it to Bella. It hurt to see her walk away and although my head knew that having a clean break would be good for me, my heart knew something different…

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