A/N: Yeah, I know. TWO updates in twenty-four hours. What is the world coming to? Well, I thought it was high time we heard from Seifer in all of this, so that's what this chapter is -- Seifer's thoughts, feelings, and issues that have brought him to this point. Hope you like it ... Post-Ultimecia!Seifer's head is a very scary place to spend too much time in. ;)

Chapter Five

He is tired -- gods-damned tired, and there's no end in sight. Ever since he'd uttered that word -- Absum -- he's felt nothing but pain. He can't stop driving -- he won't. Not till he's far, far away from Balamb. Far away from the accusing eyes, and the terror-filled hallways of that godsforsaken place.

He's had a headache for days now, a wretched burning behind his eyes, and no matter what he does, it's still there. He feels like he's seeing things through a thin veil of smoke, and no matter how many times he blinks, or uses eye drops -- it just doesn't matter. He can taste the acrid burning in his mouth, and it won't go away.

The world is on fire all around him, and it might just be his own goddamn fault.

It takes all his strength just to keep driving, to keep himself moving away. He feels like he's connected to one of those bungee cords, and that at any second, it might snap back and send him reeling.

Goddamnit it hurts. The books never said anything about it hurting this much. Shit. Can't fucking breathe …

Why the fuck can't he just forget about her? Why the hell does he actually feel bad about what he did to the little bitch? Wasn't Absum supposed to release him from all this?

Absum. The act of revoking your Knightly duties. Seifer had taken that at face-value when he'd read it in one of his books, to mean that all he had to do was say that word, and he'd be free of all this bullshit.

He should know better. Fate just loves making him bend over and take it. And the Sorceress seems to be Fate's favorite tool to use against him.

Sorceress. The word makes him sick to his stomach. A Sorceress cannot be trusted, no matter what. A Sorceress only wants to use you for her own good, and then leave you with nothing when all's said and done.

Fuck that. He'd been there, done that, and lost almost everything in the process. He was never doing it again, and he sure as hell wasn't doing it for her.

He remembers all too well, the feeling of being controlled by Her. Her voice in his head, telling him what to do, quelling all of his own thoughts, fears, needs. He'd never particularly liked Leonhart and those other pansies, but he hadn't wanted to kill them. He never wanted to kill or hurt anyone.

But She had made him want to. She had filled him with rage, with despair, until he was nothing but a nihilistic shell of the person he used to be. She'd hollowed out his insides, and burrowed Herself in, like a parasite. And the worst part of it all was that the real him had been able to see it and experience it all happening -- but he'd been powerless to stop Her.

She had bound him to her so tight, it was almost as though they were one mind, one being. He hated that. He never wanted to feel that ever again. Because of Her, he'd almost destroyed the only home he'd ever had, and he'd nearly lost the only people who had ever truly cared about him.

The first time he'd heard the call summoning him back to Balamb, he hadn't known what to think. The force behind it hadn't been malevolent, it didn't feel like Her. At first he'd thought it was one of those freaky psychic episodes, like on the shows Raijin always watched on TV. Like how when someone you cared about was in trouble, you just knew. And that had made him think that either Fujin or Raijin had been in trouble, so he had hurried back.

His mouth is in a firm line now, as he thinks back on the day he arrived back at Garden. The little Messenger Girl had run out to meet him, and as soon as he had looked at her, he had known. He'd felt the familiar stirring of energy, the ripples across his skin. And it had scared him to death. He hadn't had a choice. It was Absum or madness for him.

He knows beyond all doubt that he can't do it again. His mind won't survive it, he can't lose himself again like that. It's a fucking weakness, and he hates it about himself, but he knows. He's just not strong enough to withstand Her taking over him again.

She had told him that all Sorceresses were like Her, no matter what they might say or do. They were all vulnerable, all apt to let the darkness take over. And he had seen that firsthand. Adel, Edea, Rinoa -- they'd all flipped their shit and done some seriously, seriously warped stuff with their Sorceress magic.

Seifer Almasy is not a nice guy -- he isn't even really a good guy, when you get right down to it. But he also isn't evil. And he doesn't want to align himself with anyone that is -- not ever again.

It's raining now, and harder and harder for him to see the road he's on. He pulls over to the side and rests his head on the steering wheel, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't even really know where he should go now. Is there any place where She can't touch him?

Centra. Orphanage. Please.

He doesn't know where the words are coming from, but they feel soothing, welcoming. It's not like before, not like when She had been calling out to him in his mind. This is the opposite of Sorceress, he realizes, the opposite of anything he's felt before -- whatever's summoning him now, whatever's waiting, it's something good.

It's a siren call to him, and he's suddenly filled with a sense of tranquility, the likes of which he has never felt before. It occurs to him that that's the only place he can go and be safe from it all. Once he gets to Edea's, he'll be able to rest at last, and the burning will stop, he's sure of it.

And the burning has to stop. The world is on fire, it's burning to the ground; he can feel it, smell it, taste it. But whatever's waiting for him in Centra will extinguish the fire, and maybe, maybe, at last he'll get some peace.

Without so much as a second thought, he puts his car back in gear, pulls a U-ey, and heads in the direction of the orphanage. Almost immediately, he feels the pain that's been wracking his body for the past week begin to subside, and he thinks to himself that he's won.

Fuck you, bitch. I won't be part of your games any more. Absum, baby. I am free.