Ch 20: Cranking it Up a Notch

House had an all-knowing smirk on his face when he went into the office, if his fellows noticed, however, they didn't say anything. He figured Foreman and Thirteen were still steaming about their earlier fight and Taub was just not intuitive enough. He was therefore able to order them around presumptuously and take a bit of time to plan out how he would reveal his newfound knowledge about the PPTH love triangle to his friend, who just happened to be one third of that triangle.

He avoided Wilson for the majority of the day, taking lunch alone in the clinic where he was supposed to be seeing sick patients. There were only a few pauses in his leisure time, when an elderly man with early signs of prostate cancer walked in by mistake and House had to send him upstairs for testing, and later when a young couple brought their child in with orange tinted sputum. House was very pleased with himself for having only seen 2 patients in his four hour clinic shift.

The diagnostician left the dreaded clinic at four p.m. and waltzed into his fiancé's office. She looked a bit stressed so he suggested she have a lie down on the couch. She was pleasantly surprised when he set about massaging her feet and legs. Knowing that he was in an exceptionally good mood after his two week period of being thoroughly intolerable, she had to wonder why he was so pumped up. "You haven't been dipping into the opiate well again, have you?" she asked half jokingly.

"No. I'm completely clean. I just have a piece of information that has turned my frown upside down, so to speak."

"And literally," she said, sitting up when he abandoned his efforts on her lower extremities. She was a bit sorry she asked about his mood as it put him off rubbing her feet, but he started talking and she had to admit that he had discovered a great bit of gossip. "Wilson and Thirteen?" Cuddy asked skeptically after he had explained his findings.

"That's right. Who knew the love machine had it in him to go for a younger, wilder woman," House replied with a smirk. Cuddy had to smile as well, not just because of Wilson's apparent sexual exploits, but because House had the twinkle back in his eyes.

"Well I'm glad you got to the bottom of that mystery," she told him. "But does Wilson know you know?"

"Haven't seen him all day. I avoided him really…didn't want to let the feeling of my joy escape too quickly, especially when he is going to be all over my case not to open my mouth to the rest of the hospital." House settled himself on the couch beside Cuddy.

"Well, for good reason, I suppose. He's helping Thirteen cheat on Foreman."

"And he's a department head, sleeping with a younger doctor," House pointed out. "It might seem to the public like she's in it to get promoted."

"We can't exactly say much," Cuddy said a bit sheepishly.

"But it's obvious I don't want a better position."

"I could still give you raises or something to that effect," she replied.

"But you won't," House told her confidently. "Your conscience would be too much for you to bear."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Yes, some of us have morals…"

House got up. "I'll see you tonight for dinner," he told her. "Right now, I have to ruin what was shaping up to be a great evening for my best friend."

"You say that with too much enthusiasm," she said with a grin.

"It's not every day I get to say it," he reasoned. House kissed Cuddy lightly, and then took his leave, making a big deal of zipping his trousers on the way past the nurses' station. He did have a reputation to uphold, after all. He stepped out of the elevator on his floor and walked straight to Wilson's office, a bounce in his step.

"You look jolly," Wilson told him as he flopped down on the couch next to the window.

"Well Christmas has come waaayy early for me," House told him significantly.

"You were in one of the worst moods I've ever seen yesterday, what's changed your mind?" Wilson asked suspiciously.

"Aren't you happy for me?" House feigned hurt.

"Well let's have it. Why are you so pleased? Put a farm of fire ants down Foreman's pants?"

"No, but that's an excellent suggestion!" House beamed. "If I ever said you were boring, I take it back."

Wilson snorted. "You'll be changing your tune later, most likely."

"Oh, I don't think so," House replied, a huge smile still splitting his face. Wilson narrowed his eyes. "You're quite the opposite of boring, actually."

Wilson's eyes started to grow huge for a moment before he was able to control them and take a deep breath. "What are you talking about?" he asked, taking House's bait.

"While I've been off having a ten month love in with the boss, you've been doing my protégé under the table. Well not under the table exactly…or did you?"

"House?"

"Oh, no. I've got all the proof I need. You're on Thirteen every night while poor Foreman's off at his NAACP meeting."

"House!"

"Bounced back from that little failure you had with Amber," House said smugly.

Wilson was thoroughly flustered. "If you tell people, we'll both lose our jobs and Thirteen will be screwed."

"By you, I presume."

"By the world. She's six weeks pregnant, House."

The smile dropped from the diagnostician's face and he simply stared at his best friend. "By whom?" he finally asked.

"She doesn't know…which is why you'd better keep your mouth under control. She was going to wait a few months and have a paternity test…then decide how she was going to handle things."

House was speechless for one of the few times in his life. How had he missed signs that Thirteen was pregnant? "What are you going to do?" he asked his friend.

"If it's mine, I'll take care of her. Obviously if it's Foreman's he'll have some claim of it…she still wants me, but doesn't know exactly what to do if it turns out to be…" Wilson trailed off.

"A s'more?"

"Yeah, House. A s'more."

"Congratulations?" House tried. He had definitely not seen that twist coming.