I really must apologise for letting you wait so long. A friend of mine, who is a translater, had offered to translate for me, but her schedule was too tight and in the end we agreed that I'll try to translate myself. Please bear in mind that I had nobody to read it over and be lenient with mistakes - I'm still German.

By the way - the rebellion of Lord Rhys's sons actually happened.

Epilogue

Marian's diary…

Somehow I don't know myself why I'm putting this down on paper. It is only for me to read and no one else will ever set eyes on it, lest of all people Guy. It's still not easy for him to talk about his feelings and seeing it in writing…

I still feel it like yesterday, his heart beating, his lips soft on mine, soft but at the same time fierce, tender and rough. I still hear him breathing, feel his body against mine, holding me as if he never wants to let go. I feel his lips on my throat, his fingers at my breasts and I'm back, back when he kissed me for the first time. But this time everything is different…

Then – I was so ashamed afterwards; he'd been so happy about this first kiss, not knowing that I only gave in for Robin's sake, for his escape. And now his arms around me and there is this feeling I cannot describe; there is only him and nothing else.

Breathing heavily, he releases me, his hands still touching my shoulders; I sense how nervous he is. His beautiful eyes are tender; I see the uncertainty but then – to my surprise – a sparkle. "You made your decision," he says softly, his lips curling in a subtle smile.

We left the castle at dawn, two little groups who merged later on. In the first days after we didn't dare to rest for a long time; we went to sleep late at night and rose at dawn. But nobody followed us and it was weeks later, when we learned about the events at Dinefwr Castle.

Lord Rhys had known what would happen: His sons Maelgwn and Hywel had plotted against him and had imprisoned him on Nevern Castle. Yes, Lord Rhys had been right; disunity like this would be the downfall of Wales, I realised. This realisation had hit him hard, maybe even more than his sons' betrayal. His imprisonment didn't last long. I've never learned what it was that caused Hywel to release his father, maybe a dispute with with brother Maelgwn.

But we didn't know anything about it. Exhausted but unmolested we arrived at our destination; the castle looked exactly as Guy had predicted, more a ruin than a proper building. There were some scattered farms and a hamlet, but fortunately Lord Rhys was held in high esteem here and everyone was willing to help us. And what could have we done, if they had refused? And there we were: Eight adults and a little boy, who would rebuild these walls with the help of a few peasants.

There was even a priest, who married them in the derelict chapel belonging to the castle. Guy was tense and only smiled after the man of God had said all the necessary words. Did he think that I would leave him at the altar like I did before? I knew he hated not even being able to put a ring on my finger; I could see it in his eyes, although he didn't say it aloud. For a second he gazed fixedly at the walls, but then he regained his composure and smiled at me. I swallowed, thinking of this last time when we had stood in front of a priest and how my flight had humiliated him. If I had known of all the things to come… would I have acted differently? I don't know; Guy was a different man then, I really don't know.

But now, here, when I laid my hand in his, it was my own free will to give my oath of love and fidelity and when I saw his eyes, everything else became so irrelevant. Guy, I love you.

Lord Rhys had only wanted us to stay away as long as it was not safe for us, but then he sent us a letter Rhobert read to us. Rhys ap Gruffydd left it up to us to choose between staying here or returning to his court. Reading between the lines, we knew that he rather wanted us to stay where we were. He had succeed in regaining his power, but perhaps he had realised that time was running out for him. I don't know, I have only seen him a few times and I don't know what he had done to antagonize his sons or if he had done anything at all. What I realised, however, was that he loved Bran with all his heart and Bran must have known it, too, despite the sparse words in the letter, for I saw him swallowing and blinking to avoid tears welling up. From the corner of my eye I saw Guy laying a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it gently. Guy has forgotten this for sure, but I think that at this moment he saw the little homeless boy he had been.

Yes, Guy has told me everything and there it was again in his eyes, the fear of rejection, although I was his wife. Time and again he wants to hear that I love him as if he were not sure and maybe he isn't.

We never returned to the Prince's court. It is odd, but this country, whose language I didn't speak at the time when we got here, has become my home, perhaps because here it was for the first time that I saw him laugh, really laugh out loud. I love his laughter; it's still rare and therefore so precious to me. When he's laughing, his whole face changes and I see the man he could have become. But we cannot turn back the clock and I'm grateful for him and everything I have with him.

Thinking back, I know that I had expected our marriage to become kind of a fairytale and Guy the white knight. Now I know that he will never be able to shed his past; he will never be an open a trusting man. Perhaps I was able to leave the past behind because I can see the best in people whereas Guy will always be a wary person. It is not that he is discouraged easily, but he always expects the worst.

During the years I have learned to handle a man, who not only retreats bodily when he has to deal with throwbacks or if he's in one of his moods. I know I have to contain myself, but I know there is someone who will always cheer him up – Alathea, our firstborn daughter.

It's like a miracle to me that all our children live. I don't know of any other family, who has not lost at least one child, but maybe Heaven wants us to compensate for everything we endured. After Alathea, there were Henry, Rhobert, Dillan and Megan. They are as different as day and night. Dillan resembles Guy, the dark hair and grey blue eyes; he laughs easily and with his 15 years he knows how to twist the girls in the neighbourhood around his finger, yes, neighbourhood. The few scattered farms and the hamlet have become a prospering village by now. The only girl who seems to be immune is Rowena, Rhobert's and Gwyneth's daughter – or is it only an act? Sometimes I see a gleam in her eye when he's coming around, but she always suppresses it rather quickly which seems to annoy him. She's the spitting image of her mother and, who knows, in a few years. They are still so young…

Life is not always easy here, but our children grow up free and loved and in the companionship of friends. Rhobert and Gwyneth have become more than friends for me; they are my family and I love them. So I'm happy here in a foreign land with my family.

There is some wistfulness when I think of the two people, whose graveyards are on the hill nearby, marked by two simple crosses, two people, who belonged to us and who we didn't dare to hope seeing again: Anne and Osgood.

I still see the expression on Guy's face when the two of them, accompanied by a few soldiers, rode into the courtyard and see the tears rolling down Anne's face and Osgood, dear Osgood, nearly choked with emotion when he embraced Guy.

It was Rhobert who told me how it all came about. In his answer to Lord Rhys Guy had actually asked for someone to be sent to Anne and Osgood. I know that it is not in his nature to ask for favours, but maybe he had an inkling what Anne and Osgood had to indure. The old Sheriff had happened to have accident and Prince John's myrmidons didn't even try to palliate their actions against King Richard's followers. It didn't matter that Osgood had become oddly quiet after his return from the King's court. Only Anne knew that he would be faithful to his oath to serve King Richard, but that he had lost all illusions about his sovereign's character.

The new Sheriff's men rode into the courtyard, ridiculing Osgood, feeling up the maid servants and even stealing some of the cattle. Anne and Osgood knew that it was only a matter of time when they would be attacked. If they dared to defend themselves, they would be thrown into the dungeon, that much was clear. It was then when they got Guy's message; the same pedlar, who had brought Guy's letter, brought the offer of much more.

I saw how Anne and Osgood flourished here in Wales; it had not only the exhaustion of a long and hard journey that had shown on their faces. They had not been happy for a long time. For our children they became their grandparents and for Guy his parents; I loved them too and I will never forget I had to suppressa smile wehn i saw how Anne treated Guy and how he let her - the expression on his face, like a little boy scolded for fetching a piece of meat out of the pot. It's these memories I carry with me.

I have never regretted having followed Guy, although it is not always easy to live with him. I love him so much and still, after all these years, when I feel his eyes on me and then his hands on my waist, there is this feeling that will never go away. I see only him and everything else is nonexistent. I love his hands and I love what they do with me, I love his mouth on my skin and sometimes I could weep, so happy I am. His beard is grey now and there are grey streaks in his hair; the lines around his mouth and his eyes are deeper now, but they are also proof that he has learnt to laugh.

The castle we found dilapidated upon our arrival stands proud and firm now. It is our home, for us, for our children, for Rhobert, Gwyneth and their six boys and girls. We will stay here… perhaps… Yes, I know that sometimes Guy is not content with what we have here. Sometimes I see his eyes roaming over the woods and plains, know his thoughts. What if? I remember the ambitious gleam in his eyes when he watched Bran and Alathea playing hide and seek and now, years later, see him watching them again, kissing in the darkness. Alathea, our daughter, and Bran, a son of Rhys ap Gruffydd….

He's not always like that; I'm positive that he knows what is really important in life, but he's still Guy. No matter what happens, I'll always love this man and will follow him wherever he may go – Guy, my husband, my lover.