Chapter Sixteen: Toy Soldiers (Martika)

A/N: Set during Ishbal, so spoilers for that time in the manga, and a little before, actually.

Roy should have put two and two together: Maes' comment, Riza's trust in him, his own dream— how had he not seen it? Of course she would be there, in Ishbal, her hands just as stained as his—

No. She was not, actually, he reminded himself, because he had brought her there. Whether or not she said she had come of her own accord, he knew it was ultimately because of him. And if she died… At least she would be released from the cruelty.

He did not want that. He knew that, when the time came to seriously pursue his dream, he would need her, and she would need him as a justification for continuing.

Roy did not know just how accurate that was.

When Riza asked him to burn her back, to destroy the very secret that had gotten him where he was, he had protested. He had never burned anyone with the intention of keeping them alive. That was his job after all.

But he had to do it. She had given him the secret, and her trust, he admitted guiltily, and he was using it for everything she had stood against it being used for. He owed her at least this much.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you ready, then?"

"Yes."

That time, it was barely a whisper. Riza looked like she was going to be sick. She was already pale and sweaty, and her eyes were wide and panicked. She had left her gun off to the side so that she would not reflexively defend herself with it.

"We can have Doctor Knox mess it up, Riza. You don't have to do this."

"It's only fitting. Now do it!" Riza squeezed her eyes shut and gripped the blanket covering the cot on which he lay, tears already sliding out.

"I'm sorry," he croaked, then snapped.

Riza's first scream pierced his ears, almost stopping before the flames did any permanent damage. He watched her twist the sheet in pain. Roy pressed the back of his glove, manipulating the oxygen away from Riza's back. The fire died, but Riza was still crying out. Roy removed his gloves and grabbed her hands. They were slick with sweat, and cold and clammy. She was sobbing, barely able to breathe through the spasms.

"It… it hurts!... Make it… stop. Stop the burning… please!"

Roy could barely see straight. He dropped Riza's hands and ran from the tent to throw up outside.

"What the hell is going on here?" Dr. Knox's familiar voice demanded over Roy's retching. "I hear a young woman screaming, and here I find you throwing up… it smells… What have you done?"

Roy entered the tent just after Knox, who had stopped dead in tracks. "Dear God, that isn't… Roy, you have a hell of a lot of explaining to do."

"She needs medical attention," Roy rasped lamely, but Dr. Knox was already digging in his bag "Her father… I was apprenticed to him. He did this to her. She showed me. You won't… tell anyone, will you?"

"Dead men are the only ones that truly tell no tales, Roy, but I'll do my damnedest." Knox set to work. "You know my bedside manner. I think you'd better be the one to assure that she'll be okay. Don't tell her it won't hurt, though, because it will." Knox addressed Riza: "Kid, I don't know how you think you're helping any of us right now. Self-mutilation won't help. You'll have scars— lots of 'em."

"Good," Riza whispered. "This secret… never… again…" she passed out.

"That's a blessing; I won't need you to hold her down," Knox explained to Roy. "Come here. I need you to move the light and hand me what I need."

Roy got to his feet and trudged over.

"You look dead," Knox observed. "I know you wouldn't want to burn her from the start, but this is making me wonder, Roy. Why the hell would she want this? There are easier, less painful ways to destroy this thing."

"She said it was fitting," Roy mumbled.

Knox was silent for the rest of the operation.

FOUR WEEKS LATER

Riza was sitting up gingerly in her hospital bed. "Thank you, Roy."

"Don't thank me. What I did-"

"Saved my life," Riza finished seriously. "I would have tried to get rid of this some other way if you hadn't done this, Roy, and I probably wouldn't have made it out alive."

"I can't forgive myself, Riza. Even though I don't feel the pain, I can't. Because I know that behind the emptiness I'm feeling now, there's pain crouching at the edge, waiting for me to let people in. Waiting to come back when I lose someone. I'm not sure I can take it, Riza." He looked at her. "How can you sit there and believe that we're going to be fine?"

Riza looked him straight in the eye. "Because you said so," she answered simply. "You said we'd be able to make everything right. We're in it too deep to stop, even though we've only started. We're taking the steps to healing the hurt, even as we speak. It doesn't seem like it at all, even to me, but I know that your dream is dead only when everyone stops believing in it. I won't let that happen, no matter what. It might send me to my grave, but I'd rather that than see your dream die and know that I could've saved it."

"How can you believe in me after what I did to you?" Roy whispered in a pained rasp.

Riza was silent for a moment. Then, quietly, she threatened, "If you have to ask, maybe I should give up on you. Think, Roy. What on earth could possibly make me forgive you and keep on believing?" She waited for his answer. "You don't know? Fine, I'll tell you: love. Don't tell me you don't deserve it, Roy, because I refuse to listen. That's what's going to accomplish your dream. Are we clear?"

Roy stared at Riza, feeling dazed. Then, realizing her question needed to be answered, he nodded.

"See you at the top."

A/N: The transmutation circle on Roy's glove manipulates the oxygen in the air, so I figure that if it can concentrate it for a fire, it can also decrease the concentration, which would choke out the fire.

For those who care, my updating has been off in the past couple weeks. There was Royai Day on the 11th, so I didn't really feel the need to post something else. I generally update on my Friday afternoons, but I was busy then and most of Saturday, as well. Adding to that, a whole bunch of people have come and gone, and there's been a lot to do with that. (Confusing, I know, but that's the way it is.) This is basically my first chance to update. For those of you who mind, I'm sorry.

Please review.