27. Fallen (Sarah McLachlan)
A/N: Takes place after Roy vs. Lust, while Roy's in the hospital, unconscious. (Assuming he was, of course.)
Riza stared at Roy, holding his hand as if letting it go would cause him to disappear. She was tired, even after going home to clean up and change and sleep, per Bradley's orders. Even now, it was still strange to imagine the man commanding such a thing, but she supposed that their unit was like family to an outsider, and Bradley certainly was committed to his family.
She sighed. How had she ever thought that this was a good idea? How could she have ever been so stupid as to believe that anybody, noble intentions or no, could use flame alchemy wisely? No good had come of it before she had released its secret, so she should have seen it coming, but she had chosen to believe that it would somehow be different with Roy.
But here he was, not quite on the edge of death, but all his dreams on the verge of being destroyed. Irrational as it was, Riza's nightmares of Roy taking a sudden turn for the worse haunted her, and she was especially vigilant now. He had not yet opened his eyes, the doctor had told her, though this was normal for someone with so many injuries. Maybe soon, the doctor said. Only time will tell.
Riza had put her trust in time doing its work more than once, only ever to be disappointed. Time and again, she hoped for some sign of a brighter future. All she'd ever seen was a nearly hopeless present.
And yet, she could never give up; she knew that. The moment she did, it would be all over. What would she have if she gave up on those dreams? Nothing, that's what. Whether or not she was around to see those dreams come to fruition, it didn't really matter, anyway, as long as she kept on trying, no matter what.
She had, she really had. It was in the little things. The warm light in Fuery's eyes every time he saw the dog Riza had adopted mostly for Kain's sake. Havoc's rueful sigh that always ended in a grin when he was told to put out that cigarette or there was going to be trouble. The times when Falman would mutter a word or two of encouragement after she'd had a bad day, or just when the paperwork load was heavy. Breda's nods that, even with his mostly serious expressions, said everything would be all right in the end if she kept it up. And Roy… the smiles he gave her in thanks for protection, in happiness that Riza had survived yet another risky mission, after she said that they'd get there, come hell or high water, or both, or, as a joke, neither.
Make it worth it, she had prayed. After everything I've done, all I've given up, please, whoever you are, whatever you are, whether you really exist or not, I want this to happen with all my heart. No matter what else happens. Just let him achieve his goal in the end.
Maybe she shouldn't have made such a desperate bargain. Or maybe she was crazy for even asking some possibly non-existent force for help. There was no use in taking it back because, when all was said and done, every word had been sincere.
Now all she wanted was for Roy to wake up. So, there she sat, minute after minute, hour after hour, quietly retelling stories of their youth, stories her parents and Chris had told her, anything that might spark his brain into reality again.
"Riza…"
It was so quiet that Riza was sure she'd imagined it. She hadn't seen his mouth move at all. But his eyelids had fluttered.
And they did again. And slowly, so slowly that it seemed to take yet another hour or two, Roy's eyes opened the tiniest bit.
"Riza…" He was so weak that he could barely even force out the consonants in her name, but she knew that that was what it was. It took all Riza's military training and all of her self-control beyond that to stop her from screaming and hugging Roy at that moment.
However, a tear slipped out, catching Roy's notice. He tried to pull his hand from Riza's and lift it, but she caught his hand and put it back down. "I know. Just rest, all right?" She had to smile, and somehow, a laugh bubbled up. Roy smiled back, looking sleepy again.
"It's okay, Roy. You're safe. Just rest." She watched him obediently close his eyes, and soon he was breathing evenly.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Riza turned back to her thoughts.
What of when it was all over? There had to be something after. Riza didn't know whether or not she was going to survive, but she couldn't stand not knowing what to do after it all. It couldn't matter that she might not deserve happiness after what she had done. At least she could forgive herself.
But really, what would she do? That depended, she supposed. She would try to make sure things were going well, but there were times, more frequent as of late, when she just wanted to take a break after all was said and done. Settle down, just relax for a while.
There was still a bit of girlish embarrassment that Roy figured into these plans, if only because Maes would have teased them relentlessly if he would have had the chance. Riza was old enough and wise enough to know what she wanted.
And, she liked to think, that she would have done enough by the end of all this to finally have something go right.
A/N: I just have to get a good chunk of text out of me every once and a while. I try to mix dialogue, thoughts, action, and description, but this came out as introspection, and who am I to question my muses? (I honestly wanted to work in Breda or Fuery coming in somewhere, but it just didn't happen.)
Well, this was also inspired, just a bit, by "Adia", another Sarah McLachlan song that I just ADORE.
Ummm… Please push that button and type stuff so that I know what you think about this! Many thanks!