In two minds about how this one worked out. It's a lot more Dasey-ish than previous chapters but I'm not sure if I went a little OOC with Casey. Hopefully it worked out. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: If it was mine then Life With Derek, Again would already be out and making us fan girl (or boy) like crazy. Therefore it's not.

Chapter Nineteen

To my surprise, Laurel seemed genuinely pleased to see me when we pulled up. She was actually waiting outside, and mid February in Kingston isn't all that mild.

"Casey!" She grinned, a look of relief swimming through her eyes. She rubbed at her nose with her sleeve and stepped forward for hugs. Which of course Derek avoided, but I felt obliged to give.

"Hi, Laurel." I said, a little embarrassed. I couldn't help but feel a little idiotic having told her earlier that day that I wasn't coming. It made it look like Derek had talked me into it, and even though he kind of had it made me feel easily led.

"Told you I'd get her here." Derek now had a look of pure smugness on his face which I longed to wipe off, but had no idea how to. I felt myself tense as his pleased and arrogant eyes turned on me, flashing me a triumphant smirk as if everything that had happened to get me here was part of the plan, the emotional strop that got me into the car included.

I fought back a grin, wondering if he really thought I couldn't see through his bull.

When we got inside, I could see why Laurel had been waiting outside, and why she'd looked so relieved at our arrival. Two couples were sat on the beds canoodling and heaven knows what else in a way that made me feel distinctly uncomfortable at being witness to it. I was surprised to see that one of the people involved was actually Derek's room mate; the guy never seemed to be at the dorm and by the way Derek had talked about him I hadn't thought they hung out.

At Derek's firm insistance that they 'either get a room or cut it out' the couples reluctantly separated and an uncomfortable small talk started up until we decided to put on one of the movies. There being more girls than guys, we managed to watch Ghost when a vote was called.

"That vote was fixed!" Derek protested immediately, "You girls would have voted for whatever each other voted for!"

"That is so not true!" Laurel and I said simultaneously, and collasped into a giggling fit when we realised it probably didn't help our case.

Laurel grabbed the dvd and put it in. "Anyway, you rented it, it's only right we watch it." She said, a little flirtatiously.

My laughing grin froze and I turned slightly to see his reaction.

He smirked. "That was just to get Spacey here. Doesn't mean I was planning on watching it."

His room mate seemed to find this hysterical until Derek gave him a death glare.

The suspicions I'd had when he knew to sing 'I'm Henery the eighth' were confirmed over the following one-hundred-and-twenty minutes, as Derek made repeated comments on things as or just before they happened. He'd definitely watched it before. A fact I pointed out as soon as he made a comment about what he would do if he was dead and had one last chance to 'touch' a woman again and how because Sam/Patrick didn't he's gay, before he'd even possessed Oda Mae/Whoopi Goldberg.

"I haven't seen it, but after you watched it every day for a week straight and talked about it all the time, I might as well have." He replied. I wasn't convinced.

By the time it had finished I was watching him and not the screen. It had started because I was trying to judge whether he was feigning dislike or not (I actually think he liked it, especially Whoopi Goldberg's parts), but after I started, I couldn't stop. Every time he quickly hid a grin or stifled a laugh I smiled, and every time he made a rude comment I laughed at the faces he pulled. I'd always liked how expressive his face was; it was how I saw through his 'Lord of the Lies' baloney almost every time, how I knew when he was bored or upset or hiding a grin, and I felt as though his language of facial expressions was well worth learning as well as I had.

When the credits rolled, he noticed me looking at him with a corny smile on my face and he blushed. Actually blushed. And strangely it made me grin instead of laugh at him.

He coughed and made a cave-man, macho speech about putting on something more manly before he grew breasts.

I didn't even attempt to watch the violent, gun filled rubbish they put on next; instead I continued studying Derek whose face was more open now that he wasn't in denial mode. His grins and laughs were no longer suppressed, and I got a perfect view of them. I didn't even complain when they put on another testosterone fest of a movie.

A few minutes through the second macho film he nudged me. "Something wrong Space-Case?"

I shook my head.

"You've been staring at me for like an hour and a half," He stage whispered, "What, did I grow another head I don't know about?"

That shook me out of it. The thoughts that ran through my head were pretty much, oh my gosh, I've been staring at Derek for nearly two hours straight. What am I doing?! I blushed all over and averted my wide eyes abruptly. Why had I been staring? It wasn't like there was a hell of a lot to see; he'd just been watching movies.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked, his face giving away the concern his voice was hiding.

I nodded. "I'm fine." I mumbled embarrassedly, still trying to work out what exactly had been so darn fascinating.

He looked unconvinced but let the matter drop.

I spent the rest on the movie staring fixedly at the screen without really watching. I kept catching my eyes drifting towards their earlier object and pulled them back before he could notice. When it finished at last we didn't bother putting on another as it was late, later than I'd realised, and we all needed to get back to our ever more inviting beds before too long.

I tried some light hearted small talk with laurel and the other two girls, all the while wondering what Derek was thinking, whether he had interpreted my brainless staring as romantic interest. Whether it was romantic interest. Because that was the thing, I still had no excuse for how I'd been looking at him. I hadn't felt any different than before, but then if I was honest that didn't necessarily mean much. After all, my own best friends seemed convinced I'd been interested for a long time.

For the first time I allowed myself to give it some serious thought without instantly condemning the idea and splashing it with reasons I didn't like him. This time I let myself think about why I might like him.

He was funny, and strangely I even liked his sarcasm. He could be ridiculously sweet for someone who was mostly determined to be the opposite of sweet. He was the most loyal person I knew (though maybe not when it came to a lot of his girlfriends). He could manipulate me as well as I could manipulate him, and that was a rare degree of equality in my relationships. He seemed able to make anything happen; after dancing for all of a week he won the competition with me, one he got involved we managed to save the lodge, when we had nothing for Christmas he made it worth celebrating. He was also ridiculously smart. I'd never openly admit it but he was easily as smart as me, maybe, maybe even a little smarter. After all; he'd outsmarted me a few times, and when he put his mind to it he could pass exams everyone else studied the whole year for after only a few weeks. And though I was loathe to admit it, he had a brilliant smile; even his smirk was infectious.

At the last part my treacherous eyes strayed back to look at that self same smirk and a small smile immediately sprang to my own lips.

I shook myself. It was way too late at night to be thinking about this. I excused myself and Derek pressed me into accepting a lift back from him. Part of me was grateful, I really didn't like the idea of walking back in the dark, but another part now felt painfully awkward and embarrassed at the thought of being alone in a car with him while still in two minds about my... Feelings about him.

It took hours for me to fall asleep as I alternately blocked the internal debate and allowed it to shoot thoughts and memories back and forth in my tired mind. In the end I drifted off from sheer exhaustion and woke up sluggish with no memory of my dreams.

As soon as I ingested some caffeine (that morning I needed it) the war waged on. I wondered briefly whether to call Cher or Emily and decided not to. They would just confuse me more.

In the end I called Lizzie. She was my voice of reason always, and though nowhere as effective as getting through to me as Derek, she was my best option given the situation. Though after a moment's thought I decided not to outright tell her what my dilemma was.

I rang as soon as I managed to calm my thoughts enough to be coherent. She would only have an hour before school and I didn't want to waste it rambling.

"Casey?" She answered, sounding a little surprised that I was calling her this early. I was lucky her new hobbies got her up so early.

"Hi, Liz. Hope I'm not being inconvenient?" I asked, a little worried that she might be too busy to talk to me. Since my last visit I'd reluctantly realised that on occasion she might have better things to do than listen to her neurotic sister.

"No, I'm just getting ready for school. I have about half an hour before I'll have to hang up." She reassured me. I smiled a little, knowing she'd told me half an hour to allow for how long it might take to get me off the phone. "So what's up?"

"I just wanted your opinion on something." I paused, trying to remember how I was going to phrase this. "When I like someone, how do I act?"

"Umm, I dunno. You talk about them a lot. Like all the time a lot." She started. "You go all klutzilla when they're around. You make pro and con lists about why you like them... That's all I got off the top of my head. Why?"

I thought about that for a second. I'd always talked about Derek a lot. I had to employ a no Derek talk rule with my boyfriends, and it didn't even work. For me it was hard to tell when I was being Klutzilla or just a klutz, but I had made a lot of embarrassing fumbles around Derek over the years. And as for the pros and cons, I seemed to make separate lists, but lists all the same. It was still a bit of a grey area.

"Casey?"

"Huh? Yeah?" I said, snapped out of my musings.

"Why did you wanna know? You think you like someone?"

"Maybe." I replied cautiously.

"What is he like?" She asked.

I pondered that a second before answering. "He's... Challenging."

"Care to elaborate?"

"He doesn't always let me win. In fact, he never lets me win." I searched for more words that wouldn't give the game away. "He teases me. But he's also... Thoughtful. He knows me well enough to know when I'm upset and how to make me feel better... even if he doesn't always use the knowledge."

"Sounds like a hell of a guy." I could have sworn she was laughing at me as she said that.

"Yeah." I said uncertainly.

"So, what's the problem? Why don't you know if you like him or not?" Her voice still hadn't lost the amused tone.

"Because he drives me insane! He's the very definition of infuriating! The good things he does are always hidden and the bad things out on display!" I stopped myself from saying any more.

"So you don't know if you're more annoyed or enamoured." She stated.

"Exactly." I said, relieved that she got it without me having to tell her any more.

"Would you even be asking me about a guy you didn't like?" She asked.

"I..." I thought about it. "I don't know."

"Think about it. If you didn't like him but he annoyed the hell out of you, would you even be considering the idea of liking him?" She reasoned.

"I guess not." I said doubtfully.

"Well then." She stopped talking to do something. When she came back she changed the subject. "So, Mom says you had a fight with Derek and you don't know when you'll be home next?"

"Yeah. I saw him last night, so hopefully we're not fighting any more." I fidgeted as I thought about spending five hours alone in a car with him.

"She also said you spent the night in his room." She said nonchalantly.

I lapsed into a coughing fit at this. So she had heard that part after all.

"He doesn't have a couch." She mentioned calmly. "So where did you sleep?"

"In his bed... I mean, not with him. He was in his room mate's bed. His room mate was out." I rambled nervously.

"Oh, okay." She was silent a moment, then, "So why did you stay at his place?"

"We went to Cher's party and he got drunk, so I drove him back, but he wouldn't let me leave with the Prince so I stayed over instead of walking back in the dark." I explained hastily.

She didn't say any more on the subject and we talked about school and university for the fifteen minutes until she said she needed to go. I surprised her by not keeping her on the phone and we both said goodbye.

I put the phone down with a sigh of relief. She'd given me more to think about on the Derek front, but I'd felt uncomfortable talking to her like that about her step-brother seeing as she and Derek were actually siblingy. I wondered briefly if it would confuse her if something did happen with me and Derek, but decided it probably wouldn't. She was very grown up for her years, and she knew Derek and I didn't have a family kind of relationship.

I looked at the clock and stuffed a granola bar in my mouth before heading out. I'd think about this some more later.