A/N: I was struggling for an idea for Sizzling Shrimp, but I'll keep up my "one a day" rate of updates for this story. Hopefully inspiration will strike me soon for both the next chapter of this and Security Service. Hope you like my take on Sarah's thoughts after the "Lisa" scene in Wookie.
How had this happened already? What happened to the "no emotional connections" Agent Walker that had caught the plane to L.A? Where was she when Sarah needed her? There wasn't any reason to it, but when she saw Chuck's (the asse...oh what's the point in bothering anymore?) hopeful face looking up at her as he knelt before her, asking her to tell him something, anything, real about her, she just couldn't summon the will to resist.
That same will had enabled her to face down several large men with pointy implements of pain on more than one occasion. It had enabled her to keep her mouth shut as she waited for Bryce to find her, despite the repeated beatings she was receiving at the hands of her captors. Yet it couldn't resist those large, brown, and most of all, hopeful, eyes.
Sarah knew it must have been Carina that planted the idea in his head. She had probably said something along the lines of a spy not wanting to tell you anything real about themselves, no matter who they are. That was true, but apparently only for 999,999 assignments out of a million. Typical that she should land the assignment that got under her skin.
At least one good thing had come out of Carina's fly-by visit. Sarah's decision to keep her relationship with Bryce a secret was guaranteed to come back to bite her in the ass at some point. (Knowing my luck he's alive and waiting to pop back into my life, Sarah had thought bitterly) It was far better to get that particular revelation out of the way quickly; things would have only gotten worse in time if she had maintained her stance on the "we were just partners" front. Casey wasn't going to be any help, in all likelihood. If she had kept the charade up he would likely have ended up letting something slip about her and Bryce's relationship. It hadn't exactly been a secret in the halls of the various agencies.
One thought prevailed once she had got past the anger at herself for letting herself slip again, for letting another emotional connection form, and this time to a civilian no less. It wouldn't work, it couldn't work, and yet for some reason she had had the thought, on more than one occasion, of just kissing him and seeing where it went. I'd never be that stupid though, she was sure. Compromise did not enter her vocabulary. Maybe if she thought she were about to die, and only then, would she allow her real thoughts to come to the surface. But only then. She wouldn't ever get in that deep though, surely? She could, nay; she would fight him and his damn hopeful eyes that always got to her.
The prevailing thought in her mind however, was Thank God I waited until he couldn't hear me.