Damn Chuck and his stubbornness. If he had just ran when I told him to we could have avoided this whole confusing mess, thought Sarah. As it was, she now had an asset who was getting more mixed messages than anyone could be expected to decipher, and to make matters worse, her boyfriend/partner who she thought was dead and had betrayed her was alive, and she wanted answers on the betrayal part.
If it wasn't bad enough that she had just gone and made a confusing situation even worse, she had also potentially jeopardised her career in the process. Sarah was glad that if she was going to compromise herself to that extent with her asset, and she was pretty sure it was going to happen at some time in the near future anyway, at least she had managed to keep it away from surveillance, which was no mean feat considering Chuck's surveillance detail was among one of the most constant in the world.
Yet she couldn't stop thinking that it was maybe worth it, which wasn't what an agent should be thinking. What an agent should be thinking is that she almost got her asset killed by not forcing him to leave. Then there was her display of jealousy-fuelled cover blowing in the nightclub which probably ended up leading to the whole "kiss in front of the bomb that wasn't actually a bomb" thing.
Again, she couldn't help feeling that maybe it wasn't a bad thing that she had essentially sabotaged Chuck's relationship. Sarah couldn't deny it hurt to see him out with somebody other than her, which were very un-agent-like thoughts to have. Sure, she might have been able to justify it as ending a potential security risk to the asset, but considering she had defended Chuck's right to a real relationship, and it still hurt Sarah that that was the one thing she couldn't give him, no matter how much she wanted to, it would be a strange reversal of an opinion.
This Bryce thing was going to lead to trouble, of that Sarah was certain. She thought she had done a good job of compartmentalising her feelings when it came to that; her walls had shot up at his "betrayal", but seeing his still breathing body in that metal box brought back a lot of feelings that she wasn't expecting to ever have to deal with. She didn't think it was love; how can someone trained to push feelings down ever know what that is, for sure? She did know that seeing him again made her feel something, something other than the distaste she was expecting when she looked on the body of a traitor to her country.
One thing she did know was that she didn't feel anything like this when she saw Chuck. Whether that was good or bad, Sarah wasn't sure, but if she had to make a choice, and she had no doubt Bryce would try to make her rejoin him (if he wasn't a traitor, Sarah reminded herself. It disturbed her that she immediately went back to thinking good of him, despite no evidence to prove that her ex/maybe not ex-boyfriend wasn't a traitor to his country), then Sarah honestly didn't know what to do.