Chapter 2 - Fear
Lying on her hospital bed in a barred cell, Sam wondered who was in control. Jolinar had ducked down while working on Sam's injuries, but the pain was still enough that Sam didn't want to try to move. Still, it couldn't hurt to—no, she couldn't even raise a finger.
~I hate you,~ she thought viciously to keep from acknowledging her fear.
She regretted her behavior in the infirmary, driven by that primal fear that had been cultivated over the last year and let loose by a mind uncontrolled due to pain. She only should have shown her fury, her indignation at being taken silently in her sleep again, even if it wasn't her fault. A strong face was all she should have revealed—so that pity wouldn't come into their decision. None of that hesitation. Now she was unsure of what their actions would be.
*Your will is incredibly strong, Tauri*
Sam would have jumped if her muscles were in her power to control—Jolinar's thought rang about her head as if spoken aloud, and her heart was pounding again. She was a host; good god, she was truly a host!
*Oh, don't go on about it,* came Jolinar's rebuke, surprising Sam. *You are mostly likely to escape alive from this, especially if I have anything to do with it. You Tauri may have been protected from the Goa'uld, but that has only made you irrational about their existence. Any other human would be overjoyed that my intentions were only to share and not control. What have you to worry about now?*
~Oh, only that my body has been taken prisoner,~ Sam mentally shot back, glad for a focus to her frustration. ~With only the word of a snake to go on that it wasn't maliciously intended.~
*You saw my thoughts, you know I do not lie.*
~And if I hadn't been dying?~
*This wouldn't have happened. Do you not understand that I was as near death as you?*
~What exactly were you planning to do when I woke up?~ demanded Sam. ~Explain everything and assume I'd just accept it? Oh sure, I've always wanted to give up my freedom to a needy parasite.~
*Your sarcasm is unappreciated,* Jolinar growled. *Would it cause you irreparable harm to think of me as Tok'ra or symbiote?*
~Worm, snake, slimy creature,~ taunted Sam.
*You really do want to make your situation worse,* muttered Jolinar.
~I want you out of me, and that is only a matter of time, so nothing I say has meaning.~
*I can see your thoughts, young one, I know that this situation is without precedent or easy answer to your people. And as being upset hinders my healing abilities, it is within your best interests to remain silent if you cannot be pleasant.*
~I used to heal just fine on my own.~
*Yes, over weeks and weeks of time. How efficient!*
~You are full of yourself, you know that!~
Jolinar fell silent, but Sam couldn't read her thoughts, only feel mixed emotions. It was creepy, to feel someone's feelings as if they were part of her, especially as they were unclear. There was anger, frustration, regret, melancholy even, as if Sam had dredged up some uncomfortable memory. And she didn't know what to think of that—the emotions felt too human to be ignored.
But Sam wasn't anywhere near ready to acknowledge humanity of her Tok'ra invader, or of any Tok'ra for that matter, no matter their professed opinions. And so because it kept her from worrying, she simmered in anger against her oppressor.
"Sam? Or Jolinar?" Janet's hesitant voice broke through Sam's reverie, and Jolinar noticed enough to grant her control.
"It's me, Janet," said Sam. "You can't know that I'm not lying, though, so don't trust anything I say.
"Well, that sounds like Sam to me, giving good advice," said Janet.
The door of the cell opened, and Sam raised her head to see Janet wheel her medical cart in—surrounded by two very alert SFs with raised weapons. Sam lowered her head again and sighed.
"How are you feeling today?" Janet asked, coming over to check her vitals.
"Jolinar is doing her best to try and force me to be grateful," muttered Sam.
"Well, I don't begrudge her that, at least," said Janet, marveling as she looked beneath the bandages. "Whatever her motives, she is doing an excellent job. You're very lucky to be alive at all, Sam, not to mention this much recovered," she added seriously.
But before Sam could open her mouth, she added: "I know, I know, we're all as distressed as you, but don't focus all on the negative."
"It's difficult when the negative insults you in your head," muttered Sam, wincing a little as Janet did her checkup.
Janet said nothing, but eyed Sam as she worked. After a couple minutes, she added: "Are you up to visitors? Your team is very worried about this."
"Have they decided anything?" asked Sam.
"No," said Janet slowly, her face making it clear that she notice how Sam avoided the question. "The initial briefing was short and to the point, and they're reassembling today to discuss things further. We're looking for the best solution, even if it takes time."
"I don't want to wait that long," said Sam.
Janet patted Sam comfortingly on the shoulder, but her eyes were worried as she left her alone again.
*You are very bitter,* commented Jolinar in Sam's head after Janet left, and Sam winced again.
~I can't imagine why,~ said Sam back with a healthy dose of snark that she had picked up from Colonel O'Neill and Daniel. ~I'm the woman on the team, and so far I've proved that I'm just as capable, but there's always that bit of doubt. Well now, no matter what happens, I'll have been contaminated—compromised. Even if I can get rid of you forever, will they ever trust me again?~
*Hasty judgment once again,* said Jolinar.
~Yes, born of experience,~ said Sam. ~You know nothing of this world.~
Jolinar fell silent, but Sam could feel the brooding and asked, ~Why do you care?~
*If you die, I die,* she snapped. *And if you are locked away until your ignorant people come up with some cure that will save you and kill me, I will have failed miserably in my task.*
~Task?~
*I cannot speak of it to you.*
~You know, being a little more forthright would get you a lot of points—this secrecy only makes you look more suspicious.~
*It would only bring you to harm to know; it is a matter for my people, and my people alone.*
Sam got a glimpse of a Goa'uld mothership before Jolinar locked down on all her thoughts and buried them away.
~We fight the Goa'uld as well—any knowledge you have could save lives.~
*Why is that?* demanded Jolinar suddenly. *Are you really so foolish that you stuck out your heads to meddle at the first possible moment? Learning of the Goa'uld, you should have buried the gate again and hoped they wouldn't remember the Tauri, instead of messing with a carefully balanced situation.*
~We didn't have a choice,~ said Sam, almost spitting the words. ~We hid the gate as we knew how, and a Goa'uld came through and took Daniel's wife. Even you should be able to understand how impossible it would be to draw back after that.~
*Amonet.* said Jolinar, and the word sounded unsettling in her voice. *She was taken by Amonet, I recognize her in your thoughts.* She spoke no more for several moments.
~And I am just another Sha're, now~ said Sam. ~Except I will escape.~
ooooooo
"Daniel, stop it!" demanded Jack.
Daniel looked to him, slowed his pacing, and then began it again.
"ColonelO'Neill is right," said Teal'c. "This is of no purpose."
"Jack, we're waiting for a politician to come and decide Sam's fate," said Daniel.
"And what, you're wearing a hole for him to fall through?" shot back Jack. "Sit down, Daniel! This is an inquiry, that's all."
Daniel reluctantly sat down, but he looked at Jack piercingly. "She's just another Kawalsky in your mind, isn't she?"
"Daniel, don't psychoanalyze me," Jack said in a half growl.
"At least answer the question—do you think she's been irreversibly contaminated?" pushed Daniel, more forward that usual in his frustration.
"I'm not giving up on my team," said Jack. "But Daniel, we may not have a choice."
"What if she's telling the truth? What if this Jolinar will leave Sam if we let her?" wondered Daniel.
"Daniel, save it for the meeting," sighed Jack, rubbing his eyes wearily.
Daniel let out a breath, and fell silent. Teal'c watched the two of them with one eyebrow raised, as usual.
As Daniel tapped a nervous rhythm on the table, Jack sighed and put his face in his hands, finally raising it to say in a gentler tone. "Daniel, I know what this means for you."
"Oh, do you?" murmured Daniel.
"This isn't just about Sam for you, I know," said Jack, not speaking the word 'Sha're' but implying it well enough. "But this is a totally different situation, and you need to face it for what it is."
"It's just—if we find a way here—" answered Daniel. "Even if Jolinar is a Goa'uld, she's being more cooperative than Amonet will be; maybe this is the chance we need to find a solution, and we're handing over the power to some politician's aide!"
"Hammond couldn't help it, Daniel," said Jack. "There's a chain of command that has to be followed—deal with it."
A few moments later, General Hammond himself came in the room, followed by a dark-suited man in thin glasses with a briefcase. Jack stretched and made a point of yawning.
"Sorry I'm late," said the man, sitting down. "Mr. Edwards, I'm an aide to Senator Kinsey and I'm here on his behalf."
"Oh, we know who you are," said Jack meaningfully, sitting forward to lean on his arms.
"Can we get this on the move, please?" asked Hammond.
"Of course," said Edwards. "Now, we've all been briefed of the current scenario, so let's just discuss what options we have. Gentlemen?"
There was a pause, as all the rest of SG-1 seemed to silently protest the business-like demeanor. But it wasn't as if they had a choice on the manner of the briefing.
"We could attempt to remove the symbiote from Captain Carter," began Teal'c.
"We could help this Jolinar so that she would leave Sam," added Daniel.
"We could keep them both locked up until a better option comes along," said Jack pointedly.
"Mr. Teal'c," said Edwards, after taking notes on their contributions. "Are you aware of the current research on the symbiote/host relationship in Area 51?"
"Indeed," said Teal'c.
Edwards blinked, but then continued. "Then you know that we still have not found a reasonable explanation for the failure of Major Kawalsky's extraction procedure."
"But hasn't there been some progress?" asked Daniel. "I mean, surely the knowledge that the Goa'uld can be removed without harm to the host has helped, and they know that there are tendrils that have to be dealt with."
"Yes, Dr. Jackson," said Edwards, "the report about Kendra was of some use, but knowing that there is an answer doesn't make it easier to find."
"Which is why we should wait," said Jack.
"But why not explore the possibility that this Jolinar isn't like the other Goa'uld we've seen?" put in Daniel, changing tack. "Surely it's evident by now that something's different."
"A little too perfectly different, don't you think?" said Edwards, letting the heels of his hands rest on the table as his fingers leaned together. "It's as if she knew exactly what information would make us stop and think. Clever, shrewd, but not enough that we should believe her."
"I don't know about that," said Daniel, forehead lined as he thought. "It was hardly the best impression and first contact—a crude attempt, really."
"She knew what to say to get you going, Daniel," put in Jack reluctantly.
"No, she didn't," said Daniel. "She was frustrated with me, insulted me."
"Goa'uld, Daniel. Arrogance? Even being clever won't erase that."
"It didn't feel like that, Jack," protested Daniel.
"Gentlemen, you're missing the vital point here," broke in Edwards. Jack and Daniel both paused to look at him. "It doesn't matter if this Jolinar was truthful or not—there's no reason to trust her, nothing that she offered as a payoff."
"Other than CaptainCarter," added Teal'c.
"A worthy goal, to be sure," said Edwards. "But not enough to risk national security—even Captain Carter would understand that."
"Exactly," said Daniel, looking up. "If it were a plan, wouldn't Jolinar have had something to bargain with? I really think she's winging it—and maybe we can negotiate, then."
"Negotiate with a Goa'uld, Daniel?" said Jack skeptically. "Over my dead body!"
"Not with a Goa'uld, Jack," said Daniel. "If she's a Goa'uld, even Sam wouldn't want that—but what if the Tok'ra really are real? It can't hurt to interrogate Jolinar, in any case."
"I agree with Dr. Jackson," said Edwards, prompting both Jack and Daniel to look up in surprise. Edwards finished taking his notes, and put them back in the briefcase. "At this moment, the government is in no great hurry to do anything with the case—there's just not enough evidence. If and when there is another option, we will discuss this further."
"This meeting is dismissed," said General Hammond with a nod. "Colonel O'Neill? Dr. Jackson? You will either take your turns with the prisoner, or interrogate her at once, but I want some answers out of this creature."
"I will accompany them to verify any information," said Teal'c.
"Good," said General Hammond. "Let's get to it!" He got up and left the table with Edwards.
"That wasn't too painful," muttered Jack, rising and stretching. Teal'c stood up as well.
Daniel still sat, tapping his fingers on the table with a frown on his face.
"Well, Daniel?" asked Jack. "You got extra time, you got permission to talk to the damned thing, what's wrong?"
"What happens if we get nothing?" asked Daniel. "Are we going to get something worse next?"
"Yes," said Jack bluntly. "So, Daniel, get up and do your job! Carter's counting on us."
Daniel sighed and stood up, collecting the notepad and pen he had not written on. It was all too anticlimactic—there was something bubbling under the surface that would erupt soon into something else, and he was worried that he wouldn't see it coming.
ooooooo
Sam just wanted to feel alone. Jolinar's presence gave her no immediate fear, and she wasn't even worried about what the symbiote might be able to do to her—immersion in this world of being host had numbed her to any horror, and now she was merely frustrated. Not merely, though—almost all of her consciousness was full of seething, simmering, boiling, growing frustration, and only Jolinar's control kept it from escaping.
Jolinar was refusing to speak to Sam, which, considering Sam's opinion of her symbiote, was good for them both at the moment. Sam felt a bit of victory at beating her tormentor into silence, even though she had a feeling that Jolinar could give better than she got if she felt like it. But no, the symbiote was hidden in her own thoughts, and Sam didn't want to give anything away by an equal indulgence.
God, she just wanted to feel comfortable in her own thoughts again!
On the up side, she probably could have moved if she was in control. It had been very unnerving to literally be able to feel her body knitting itself together, becoming as flawless as if fire had never touched it. It wasn't there yet—there were still many areas where she could feel the burn of bright red scorches, as Jolinar had addressed nerve damage first. But her head at least was fully healed, and her pain was only moderate. Janet had not administered any further pain medicine out of ignorance of what that would do—Jolinar had informed and even insisted that it would change nothing, but both Sam and Janet were skeptical enough to refuse.
Though Sam was aching to move, to shake off her growing tension, Jolinar had no such desire. Perhaps it was because she was too busy healing, perhaps she did not give over control for fear that Sam would injure what she was trying to heal, or perhaps she didn't feel the need—Janet had propped up the hospital bed in a sitting position, and that's how Sam lay, unswaveringly.
She saw a shadow outside the cell door, and the guards turned as the door opened and Daniel and Jack walked in. Sam's heart leapt a bit, and even Jolinar seemed to pay attention. Jack said something quiet to the guards, and they left their watch on the barred area to stand outside the closed door.
"Well?" asked Jolinar. "Bring you news?"
"As if you deserve any!" said Jack briskly. "You can just stop expecting any courtesy—you won't get any."
"I assume you are not on a social call," continued Jolinar unfazed.
"Not in your presence, I think not," said Jack, settling in his stance a few feet from the door.
"We've been authorized to negotiate with you," added Daniel, more mollifying.
The door opened again, and Teal'c entered.
"Ah, the whole team," commented Jolinar. "You are the highest officials this base has to offer?"
"We are the most qualified for this scenario, yes," said Daniel, avoiding giving information that was unnecessary.
"You know, Daniel here wants to vouch for you," put in Jack. "But all I'm seeing is Goa'uld arrogance, simple and unjustified. You're only asking for a swift end."
Sam didn't know what to think of the opening volley, but she couldn't help but feel that both sides didn't seem to think she was there. She didn't actually know how much she was, or even if she wanted to. Deeply set in her own mind, she watched with worry.
ooooooo
Jolinar glared from Sam's face, a disconcerting sight to anyone who was familiar with Sam's usual expression. "What do you wish?" she asked.
"Actually, the question is more, what do you wish?" said Daniel.
Jolinar snorted. "My freedom—and a new host, for I will not stay in an unwilling one. I have no designs."
"Well, that's—that's good," said Daniel, a little surprised. He exchanged glances with a suspicious-looking Jack.
"Sorry, not going to happen," Jack answered Jolinar. "If you haven't noticed, we aren't the sort of people who offer one of ours as a sacrifice."
"Have you no people who would wish to fight the Goa'uld more effectively than this frail base can?" demanded Jolinar.
"By being a host? You have got to be insane!" said Jack.
True words, Jack, but your delivery?
"No it is only that you are bound by your ignorant prejudices," said Jolinar. "The Tok'ra have only survived because of the willingness of some to forego a little convenience for the sake of all."
"A little convenience, right," drawled Jack. "Losing your body and mind to a snake—sure, that's real small."
"The Tok'ra do not take!" said Jolinar, flashing her eyes again. "Host and symbiote share the body equally, asking permission."
"So you keep saying..." said Jack, but the tip of his head towards her was obviously Jack's implication that actions spoke louder than words.
"We don't have another host for you," said Daniel curtly. "Sorry. Anything else?"
"If you let me go through the gate, I promise that I will find another host and return your Carter to you," swore Jolinar.
Daniel and Jack shared a knowing look, then Daniel spoke. "Jolinar—I'm afraid we can't allow that. Even if we trusted you to follow through, you know too much about our facilities. You have access to Sam's mind, for all we can tell, and everything she knew. We aren't going to let that just walk through our gate."
"Then I am a prisoner with no hope of escape," countered Jolinar. "What possible motive could I have to cooperate with you?"
"It wouldn't be so hopeless if you had demands that made sense," retorted Jack.
"Eventually we will find a way to remove you from Sam," said Daniel gravely. "Your actions now will decide whether we let you live or die then."
Jolinar gave them the silent treatment, and Jack was about to burst in with a biting comment when an SF pulled him to the side to speak to him.
Daniel sighed, squinted, and took off his glasses. Brow furrowed, he rubbed them on his cotton t-shirt and put them back on. Jolinar was still glaring.
"Okay, change of plans!" said Jack crisply as the SF left. Daniel recognized the tone as Jack's over-bright way of dealing with trouble, and waited for the shoe to drop. "So, Jolly, wanna tell us why, since you're so honorable, you didn't let us know about your other Goa'uld friend?"
"I have none," answered Jolinar swiftly, but her brow furrowed.
"Well, an escaped prisoner who left behind a trail of victims claiming attack by a hand device would say otherwise," said Jack, giving a glance over to Daniel.
Jolinar did not look the least bit guilty—instead, she lowered her head a little, and gazed at them squarely. "It is the ashrak."
"Riiiiight," said Jack. He turned to Daniel and Teal'c, eyebrows raised.
"An assassin," said Teal'c.
"Great," muttered Jack.
"He is looking only for me," said Jolinar. "I am his mission."
"And, you didn't tell us about this earlier, why?" asked Jack.
"I thought he might have perished," said Jolinar. "And secrecy was the best option. He does not know my face, nor I his."
"Assassin incognito, just what we need," said Jack.
"We still don't know where he is?" asked Daniel, worried.
"Nope, could be anywhere. And since this is a galactic waste of my time, I'm going to go do something about it." Jack marched off with a final withering glance to Jolinar.
"My services also would be of better use elsewhere, as I can with focus detect the presence of a Goa'uld in its host," said Teal'c.
"Right," said Daniel, watching as his support left the room.
Jolinar settled back into the hospital bed and eyed Daniel. "Well?"
"I don't get it," said Daniel, arms resting crossed over his chest. "You have an assassin after you, and so you insult the only people who could help you."
"You cannot help me," said Jolinar. "Only I can stage my own escape. And this is no new scenario, I have been trailed for over two hundred years by one ashrak or another."
Daniel blinked. "Oh."
"You will not find him," added Jolinar. "He has been studying the ways of infiltration and subterfuge since long before your oldest citizen was born."
"Well, we're pretty secure here—he can't just waltz in," said Daniel, though frowning. "You don't have any advice about how to find him?"
"I have sought to avoid him, not attack him—even I would consider that foolish," said Jolinar.
"Well, we have different resources. Why don't you tell us what you know?" Daniel asked hopefully.
Jolinar eyed him suspiciously. "And why should I offer up information to ones who have no thought of returning the favor?"
"What, you want information?" asked Daniel.
"No, I want my freedom—but you do not seem to want what I can give you in payment."
"Yeah, it's frustrating," said Daniel. "To be honest, I'm not sure what I think about your motives. I know Jack and Hammond are dead set against you, but Teal'c might eventually come to your side. We just need more proof of good will."
"The more you know, the more you are put in danger," said Jolinar sharply. "Especially as long as I am here."
"Well, do you see that changing any time soon?" asked Daniel. "You're digging your own grave."
Jolinar said nothing for a moment, then cocked her head as if remembering something. "I can help you find her," she said.
"What?" asked Daniel, surprised and confused.
"Sha're—I know where she is. If you help me escape—"
"Don't," said Daniel shortly. "I don't know what you've pulled from Sam's head, but bringing it up now only shows desperation, not trustworthiness."
"If you think it a bribe, then go to your superiors—this is not all I know that may be of interest to you, if my freedom is but promised." Jolinar gave a half-smile, but Daniel could feel the manipulation. And maybe, yes, maybe it was only hiding desperation. He didn't like it, and turned to leave.
"Your loss," added Jolinar muttering.
Daniel turned back to face her. "Sam?" he said earnestly, giving Jolinar cause to pause in surprise. "Whatever happens—I'm so sorry." Then he left.
Things were getting more twisted by the hour, and Daniel was losing what hope he had.