Chapter 15 - Distance
"You did what?" demanded Jack, face furious and yet not frightening Daniel.
"Jack, think about it for a moment first," warned Daniel, standing toe to toe with him. Mckay stood off to his left, apparently trying to blend into the background; Teal'c was on his right. He knew Hammond had told Jack something, and he assumed he hadn't blown up in the general's face—hence he was Jack's scapegoat for this.
"I don't have to think about anything!" declared Jack, his hands gesturing violently towards Daniel. "In fact, I rarely do! You're going to tell me what exactly happened on that planet, and you're going to use small words that mean something and not big vague ones that make it seem like you're talking about institutions and not people!"
"No, no, I'm not," said Daniel, voice calm and intended to prickle Jack. "I didn't do anything, Jack."
"No, you're right about that," said Jack. Then he turned to Teal'c. "But you, you had the zat!"
"It would not have been wise to shoot Captain Carter, even had it been possible," said Teal'c.
"Damn it, that's why you shouldn't have been allowed to do this," said Jack, his whole body reacting in his anger and near-disgust. "You believed it! Carter was taken by a Goa'uld, and all you could do was negotiate with it?"
"Come on, Jack," Daniel tried to persuade.
"Don't 'come on, Jack,' me Daniel!" said Jack. "If I was in your position, what do you think I'd do?"
"You'd have captured her," said Daniel with a sigh.
"Damn right!" said Jack. "I'd have knocked that bastard to the ground and brought my team member home safe, and to hell with diplomacy and strategy!"
"And if you weren't sure it was a Goa'uld?" asked Daniel.
"Could Teal'c sense it?" countered Jack.
Teal'c nodded.
"Goa'uld it is," said Jack.
"You're that closed off to any other possibility?" asked Daniel, but he felt he knew the answer.
"What would it have hurt?" asked Jack. "Daniel, what would it have hurt?"
"Oh," said Daniel, fumbling just a little in his growing frustration, "oh, well, I don't know, our relations with a possible new race? Our chance at learning more about the universe, about the Goa'uld at least? At worst, learning a new Goa'uld strategy?"
"We'd have Sam back," muttered Jack.
"We still will," said Daniel.
Jack was standing close, eyes everywhere but on Daniel, hands fidgeting. He then gave him a glance to remind him of how that wasn't a sure thing yet, and turned to leave the room.
"Great, now he'll be off for days," muttered Mckay.
Daniel turned wearily to the scientist.
"Sorry," said Mckay quickly. "It's just—this is a good thing, why get upset about it?"
"You didn't know Sam," said Daniel.
"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Mckay.
"Think about it for a while," said Daniel, walking off in another direction. He could be as logical as possible with Jack, because he had to, but the fact was that until Sam was back and safe with them they'd all be a little upset.
ooooooo
Sam and Jolinar didn't see Martouf or Lantash when they returned to the Tok'ra home-world the next morning, and Sam at least was glad. She had been vaguely satisfied with the mission until Daniel had gone and shown his true colors. In her deepest doubts she might have suspected they'd think that, but so much that it could be vocalized? It was much stronger resistance than she imagined. And worst of all, she wasn't sure she could dismiss it.
*I assure you, your opinions are all that has changed,* said Jolinar. *I should have noticed anything else.*
Sam said nothing for the moment. Then, ~Don't our opinions make us who we are?~
*You would like to recant on some of them, then? Keep the previous status quo?*
~Oh, don't be so sarcastic,~ sighed Sam.
*I'm just wondering what you're upset about. The possibility you've changed, or the fact that others have noticed it?*
~I haven't changed, not enough to make a difference,~ said Sam. ~But my opinions on you, on the Tok'ra in general...they'll appear like more substantial changes to people who haven't lived the evidence for them.~
*True,* acknowledged Jolinar. *So endure your people until they are convinced.*
~You like making everything sound simple,~ said Sam.
The Council did not demand a full report, so after Jolinar conveyed what had been arranged, they were free to go. And as Sam was anxious to see Sha're, they went without further conversation to the infirmary. Dorin was not there, but Larys stood by an observation window, and beckoned them closer.
"She was well enough to move here," he said. "But she has still not woken."
Sam looked into the room, but first noticed how Sha're's face was almost translucent and colorless—and forgot all about Daniel. "And this is better?" she asked.
"Yes," said Larys. "She is no longer actively fighting the poison Amonet put in her system, just recovering from that battle."
"What about Shifu?" asked Sam, looking and not seeing the child anywhere.
"Ah, now there I have better news," said Larys with a smile. "Come, I will show you."
He led Sam into the infirmary but not to Sha're. In a nearby room, though, wrapped in soft blankets under warm lights, lay the child that could only be hers. He was tiny and blotchy-faced, but healthily pink beneath the soft golden brown tones of his skin and with a contented look, one thumb poking out from the top of the blanket to be rhythmically suckled.
"Oh," said Sam, without further words, hands that had been tight at her side relaxing.
"Thankfully, we were able to birth him before Amonet's poison had fully spread," said Larys. "A few hours struggle, and our healing powers, and he was quickly as you see now."
Sam let herself smile, stepping forward to brush the dark fuzz on the baby's head. "This is very good indeed," she said.
Shifu's eyes opened, dark and wide like Sha're's but the expression could have been Daniel's. Sam smiled again, for herself since the child could not see her at this distance, because even though Daniel had not contributed to his birth, this was clearly his child. Or would be, once they met.
"We are only waiting on his mother to wake," said Larys, rubbing his hands together absentmindedly. "And your mission? Will they be leaving us soon?"
"No," said Sam, turning back to the Tok'ra. "Not for another three weeks at least."
"Good, for I would have been hard pressed to allow it any sooner," said Larys.
"When do you think she'll wake?" asked Sam, leaving Shifu's room to walk back to see Sha're again.
"Oh, any day now," said Larys as he followed her.
Sam drew near to Sha're's side and watched her chest rise slightly with each breath. There were small sensors on various parts of her skin, but thankfully no tubes or cords, so that she could have been seen as sleeping instead of recovering. No beeping equipment either—that was something positive to be said for the atmosphere of a Tok'ra infirmary. Sam reached out to touch Sha're's pale hand, and felt a small surge of relief when it was of normal warmth despite the color.
"You'll let me know when she wakes?" Sam asked.
Larys nodded.
Satisfied with this, and with nothing further to do here, they left.
*I'm glad for this,* said Jolinar finally.
Sam was surprised, for Jolinar had stayed relatively silent around Sha're before. ~Why?~ she asked curiously.
*Why not?* asked Jolinar back. *I may pull back, but I do not disappear. I know her well by now.*
Sam thought for a moment, remembering what Martouf had said when Jolinar was hidden away. ~You know a lot of me by now,~ she then said, changing the subject slightly. ~How is that going to work when we separate?~
Jolinar paused. *I had not thought of that. This is such a strange situation...*
Sam smiled. ~I can see you meeting Daniel or Jack and scaring them with what you've picked up from me.~
*You are not equally scared by my knowledge?* asked Jolinar, a little playfully.
~Oh, I trust you not to misuse it,~ said Sam. She paused. ~Should I?~
*After all you have sacrificed for others, I would not dream of taking advantage of you,* said Jolinar firmly. *You will be well remembered, I assure you.*
~Not exactly the legacy I was going for,~ said Sam.
Jolinar grinned at her, taking control as they reached her chamber. Grabbing a more comfortable and less sand-logged outfit, she made her way to the baths for a relaxing soak. Luckily for Sam, there weren't many Tok'ra there that morning, and if any more had shown up later she wouldn't have known, eyes closed to better absorb the comfort. She'd realized one way she and Jolinar were alike, in that they could not relax until it came naturally. It would have been better to do this before they left, to ease the tension, not after all fears had been assuaged and tension was leaving on its own. Not exactly the healthiest stress management, and yet they shared it.
Jolinar had no desires beyond the bath, but Sam had thought of something in it to distract her from yesterday. Returning to their chamber, she retrieved the sphere that Daniel had given her and made her way to Reyfa's science lab.
"You're back," said the Tok'ra, looking up from her work when Sam entered, but in the symbiote voice.
"Dru'ri, right?" asked Sam.
"Yes," said Dru'ri, coming forward to greet her with a slight tip of the head. "But Reyfa is pleased to see you as well. You were successful, we hear?"
"To an extent," said Sam. "That's why I'm here, though." She held out the sphere. "Did I tell you about our GDOs?"
"You did," said Dru'ri, looking but not touching. "If I remember correctly, they are a code that can be used by anyone—useful, I'm sure, but not secure enough for our needs."
"Right," said Sam, the hint of a smile on her mouth. "These are similar to GDOs, except they are sent through the gate to impact our iris, and the unique radiation signature is tied to whoever holds the device."
"Hmm," Dru'ri said, taking the device from Sam and looking it over. Her hands held it carefully, but Sam could see how her fingers twitched to take it apart. She even thought she could read a bit of impression on her face. "But apart from theft, radiation could be easily duplicated by an advanced race."
"That's what got me thinking," said Sam. Dru'ri's eyebrow rose in questioning. "Radiation is common to the galaxy," Sam continued, "but there must be substances that are not. Naquadah, I know, the Goa'uld also possess, but what I've seen of Tok'ra technology is often different from the Goa'uld's. Could something be made of that difference?"
Dru'ri stared at the device, rolling it back and forth between her fingers. Then her eyes lit up, much as Reyfa's had so often, "There may be something." She turned and made her way across the lab to a cabinet.
"Can I know?" asked Sam, following her.
"Yes, yes," said Dru'ri absently, opening the cabinet and pulling out a drawer. Taking a box from it, she glanced around the lab and sighed. Going to the nearest counter, she carefully swept aside the project that had been there, and set the box down.
"What is this?" asked Sam curiously, walking round to the other side of the counter.
"Tok'ra tunnel crystals," said Dru'ri.
"These tunnels are from crystal technology?" asked Sam in awe.
"Oh, had no one told you that yet?" asked Dru'ri. She shrugged. "In any case, yes, we harvest the crystals off-world and alter them with our technology to suit our needs. Sometimes, though, the crystals are too brittle and shatter. I've asked for the pieces before, wondering if they could be put to some other use. Unfortunately, only whole crystals have the structure to hold data securely."
Sam didn't say anything, but her mind was already in a whirl thinking about how that might affect Goa'uld crystals.
"But, the effect of our technology will still be present in remnant form in these pieces, or so it would seem," said Dru'ri. She paused. "But the Tok'ra have no iris."
"You wouldn't want one?" asked Sam curiously.
Dru'ri's face looked slightly pained, as if she couldn't wrap her head around the concept. But even as her brow furrowed deeper, she had no ready answer. "It is not our way," she said finally. "But perhaps it should be."
"I always wondered why we seemed to be the first to think of it," said Sam.
"Wonder no more, for I can answer that," said Dru'ri, her face open again. "The gates were never intended to be like true doors, but rather like arches—no locks, no refusal of entrance, simply a way of passage. It did not cross our minds that they could be fully like gates."
Sam shrugged. "I guess that's what happens when you're close to something."
"I wonder why no host has thought of it before, though?" wondered Dru'ri aloud.
"Have any hosts had knowledge of the gates before joining the Tok'ra?" asked Sam.
"No," said Dru'ri. "That is likely it." She sighed. "It has always been difficult for us, that our hosts feel like they have nothing to offer us. It is a shame that you cannot stay and share your knowledge."
"I wouldn't mind," said Sam.
"No, I meant as commentary on our technology and strategy," said Dru'ri. "And unfortunately, the Council would never approve such foreclosure of all our secrets."
"Oh," said Sam, face falling a little as she remembers. "Yes, I see that."
"But now I am curious," Dru'ri continued, looking closer. "Tell me about how your iris works, and this device with it."
ooooooo
Daniel sat slumped in his lab, flicking his pen at his notebook where he was supposed to be recording the latest developments. It wasn't that he couldn't find the words, it was that he couldn't find the right ones. No matter what he thought of, he could see a hundred ways he could look back and regret them. And it didn't help that he kept imagining what Jack would say, even though he would never let the man read his notebooks.
"Major Dixon has been informed of the events on Abydos," said Teal'c, coming in and drawing Daniel from his reverie.
"Was he upset?" asked Daniel.
"No," said Teal'c, hands behind back. "He and DoctorMckay have understood the reasoning behind our decision. It is only ColonelO'Neill who feels hurt."
"Would it have helped if we had at least told him at the time?" asked Daniel. "I mean, I didn't want him to get upset about something where he didn't have a say, but now it probably looks like we avoided him."
"I do not believe ColonelO'Neill blames you, DanielJackson," said Teal'c, loosening his stance and stepping closer to Daniel. "Nor do I believe he is entirely against your solution."
"He just wanted to see her for himself," said Daniel with a sigh, letting his pen rest in the groove of his notebook. "Maybe, Teal'c, maybe."
"He was no less close to CaptainCarter than you," said Teal'c. "Would you not wish for a chance to see a lost friend?"
"But he thinks it's not her," said Daniel, leaning back in his chair and looking up past Teal'c head to the dark ceiling. "I thought it would make him more upset."
"And yet now you are trying to convince him that she is still there—do you not think he wishes to have the evidence to judge on his own?" Teal'c did not move as he spoke, but he watched Daniel closely.
"Yeah, well, here I go again, not getting him," said Daniel, taking off his glasses to rest his eyes for a minute.
"I do not believe it is beyond your power to understand him," said Teal'c, in a more than usually soft tone. "But perhaps you underestimate how deep you must look."
Daniel smiled weakly and put his glasses back on, sitting up. "Maybe. How did you get to be my confidant, Teal'c?"
Teal'c's face darkened a tinge, and then Daniel realized the obvious answer to his own question.
"I'll keep that in mind, Teal'c, thanks," he said, trying to save the conversation. But he knew they both knew which situation had led to this.
ooooooo
Dru'ri was not as interested as her host in open discussion of her projects, so after a while of watching her do tasks she couldn't quite understand, Sam left the chamber. It had passed the time well, but she was ready to let Jolinar have her turn.
"Samantha."
Sam jumped a little, then looked to her left to see Garshaw standing in the shadows, hands clasped in front of her. "Garshaw," she acknowledged. "Do you need something?"
"The Council has been discussing your results further," the Counselor said as preamble. "And also what future awaits you. You plan to continue your search for another host?"
"Yes," said Sam.
"From your previous reports and from our own history, we see that this may take up many more weeks," said Garshaw. "Would you not agree?"
"Yes," said Sam, a tinge reluctantly. "We hope for a quick success though."
Garshaw nodded twice, then paused for a second. "The Council has a request to make of you, Samantha."
Sam's curiosity was becoming somewhat apprehensive, but she answered, "What is it?"
"As you are probably aware now, the Tok'ra are stretched thin," Garshaw continued with a sigh. "We have never had so few operatives ready on base, nor so many urgent tasks waiting for them once their former one is finished."
Sam began to see where this was heading.
"We are, of course, in a position of debt to you for helping Jolinar survive as you have," said Garshaw, "but there are some in the Council who believe that it would be easier on all if you did more. You were occupied on missions on your planet, were you not?"
"Yes," said Sam, now mostly sure of the conversation and half listening half running through possible answers.
"Would it be possible for you to undertake small missions while searching for a host?" asked Garshaw. "You will not be asked to take on long missions of subterfuge, but even our smallest task may prove somewhat dangerous. Any answer you give will be accepted, but we must ask because of our need."
*What is this, then?* asked Jolinar. *They wish to assign you to missions?*
"Just a moment," said Sam. ~Okay, Jol, what's this mean?~
*Truthfully—nothing,* said Jolinar. *There is, of course, no precedent.*
~So it's just asking for help?~ said Sam.
*Asking?* said Jolinar.
~Begging, then?~
*Demanding, more like, even in her soft tones. The Tok'ra do not approve of wasting resources, that is all this is.*
Sam sighed audibly, and turned to Garshaw. "As long as I can approve each one as it comes up, I don't see a problem. Nothing too dangerous, and nothing too long."
"Of course," said Garshaw, her previously determined face relaxed into satisfaction. She gave a slight bow, and then disappeared down the hall.
Sam stood for a moment, thinking about what she had agreed to. Once she had swore to stay separate and apart from Jolinar's life—now she was taking on all but the whole role. And in a matter of weeks, she would also be serving as ambassador to Jolinar's people. Did it matter that she hoped and assumed it would only be for a short time? Sighing, she pushed it all back, and let Jolinar take over and go inform Martouf and Lantash of all that had happened.
ooooooo
Sam and Jolinar were sound asleep in their chamber when the Tok'ra messenger knocked on the side of the chamber entrance. Suddenly roused, Jolinar sat up and clasped the blanket to her chest.
"You asked to be informed the very minute Sha're woke," said the young female Tok'ra, nodding.
"Ah, yes," said Jolinar.
Bowing, the Tok'ra removed herself from the room.
~I can't imagine what's going through her mind right now,~ said Sam.
*Then we will go and ask her, of course,* said Jolinar, rising from the bed and grabbing for clothes.
They were both fully alert a few minutes later, arriving at the infirmary. Larys stood at the foot of Sha're's bed, concentration on his face as he examined some data on a tablet. Sha're herself looked little different physically, but her face was shining as she looked down at the tousled head of her child cradled against her chest.
"Sha're," said Sam warmly, coming forward.
"Sa'm," answered Sha're, a little weakly and without moving her head, but happily. "Should you not be asleep now?"
"I'm fine, Sha're, really," said Sam, pulling a stool over to sit on. "Are you feeling all right?"
Sha're frowned. "No—but also yes." She closed her eyes for a second. "My demon is gone, but her stain still remains upon me. I can only hope it will fade."
"I'm sure you'll be fine," said Sam, smiling encouragingly even while her heart felt a twinge of concern. "And Shifu?"
"Oh, it is much better with him," said Sha're, looking down. The baby lay on his stomach, head comfortably resting on her chest and thumb still in his mouth as he slept. Sha're had her arms lightly wrapped around him, just holding him to her. "I was glad that he knew me, and is already at ease."
~Do you want to say anything?~ Sam asked Jolinar.
*I am fine,* said Jolinar.
Wondering if that was quite true, Sam continued. "He's beautiful."
"I did not doubt that," said Sha're with another weak smile. But then her eyes darkened. "I am not with my Dan'yel now—did you not see him without me?"
"I did," said Sam, wishing that Sha're had not brought that up just now. "But he didn't believe me; we are meeting again in three weeks to discuss things further."
"Stubborn Dan'yel," said Sha're, a slight frown on her face. "But how was he?"
"He looked well," said Sam, thinking. "Kind of sad and worn, but he was very concerned when I mentioned you, so I'm sure seeing you will bring the old Daniel back."
"As long as your 'old Dan'yel' is the same as my old Dan'yel, I will hope that you are surely correct," said Sha're, looking satisfied. She breathed out, leaning back against the pillow and cuddling Shifu closer.
Sam sat for a moment, letting the stress she thought had been erased by just knowing Sha're was all right fully dissipate. Now she had only to show Daniel this future of his happiness, and things would be fully repaired from the disaster Amonet had caused. If Sha're was right, and the memories of Amonet faded quickly—but Sam had no doubt in Sha're to overcome everything.
"I am fine, Sa'm," said Sha're. Sam looked up, seeing the woman smiling indulgently at her. "You need not stay by my side and forego sleep."
"You're right," said Sam, smiling. "And I'm sure you need even more sleep as well," she added, looking to Larys.
"I have slept enough, surely," said Sha're.
"No, Samantha was right about that," said Larys, looking up then. "You are ordered to rest until you feel that you will go mad with the inactivity." He paused and smiled. "And even then you will stay abed a little longer—I promise, none of my patients have actually gone mad in all the centuries that I have been healing."
Sha're was not quite recovered enough to have a ready answer, so instead she sighed and shook her head a little, resigned. Sam gave her a farewell nod and left to return to bed.
ooooooo
"Yes?" said Daniel, answering his phone gingerly with one hand, hoping the dust wouldn't get it all dirty as he balanced a delicate sculpture in the other.
"Daniel, what the hell are you still doing on base?" came Jack's nagging tones.
"I'm going home, just not yet," said Daniel. "Why are you calling?"
"Just checking—had a feeling."
Daniel rolled his eyes and hung up. Five seconds later, just as he had started a delicate cleaning, it rang again. Giving up on keeping his phone undusty, he picked it up normally. "Not yet either, Jack."
"Doctor Jackson?"
"Oh, sorry," said Daniel, blinking. "Who's this?"
"Technician Banks. We just received Kasuf's signal from Abydos."
"What?" asked Daniel, frowning. "That's only for something important or urgent."
"Yes, we know. General Hammond's been notified, and he says that SG-1 should go early tomorrow and check it out."
"Yeah, that sounds good," said Daniel, brow furrowed. "I don't suppose it's an emergency—we were just there."
"All right then, I'll contact the rest of SG-1," finished Technician Banks.
Daniel sighed and hung up the phone. Jack would have been glad to know he was right, and Daniel should go home and to bed now. It would be an early day tomorrow—whatever Kasuf wanted them for. He only hoped it wasn't too urgent that a six hour delay would matter.