Because of you

Chapter 6

The plane trip seemed like it would never end. I found myself constantly checking my watch to see when we were getting there. I was so eager to get started with my new life. But a huge part of me wanted to beg the pilot to turn back around so I could go and be with Shane again. but I couldn't, and I hated it. I wanted him to love me again, like the way he used to, he wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me, he had insecurities, sure, so did everyone. I wonder if his girlfriend loved him like I do.

Not to soon enough, the plane came to halt. My eye snapped open and I yanked up my hand luggage and fought my way through the crowds of standing people. I managed to get out quicker than expected as I ran into the Airport. After I had gotten my luggage I went outside to call a taxi. As soon as I stepped foot out my face was met with a cold slap of wind. I wasn't in LA anymore. A shiver coursed through me as I wrapped my arms around myself. When I saw a taxi I flicked my hand in the air and they came to a stop right in front of me. The driver got out of the car and helped me dump my luggage in the boot. I gave her a appreciative smile before climbing inside. I was so glad it was a woman.

I didn't know where I was going so I asked her where the cheapest place to rent was. She drove me to downtown New York and stopped outside a bunch of small but pretty apartments. I murmured a thank you as I handed her the money. Once I had pulled my luggage from the car I looked up and stared at the building. Sure it wasn't fancy like a lot of the places in New York but it was good enough to get me started. I dragged my luggage into the building and stopped at the front desk.

"Hello how may I help you?" The man behind the desk cheerily asked. I cringed slightly when he flashed a sickening smile.

I coughed. "Erm, I would like to rent one of your apartments" I said quietly as I looked around. The place wasn't that bad inside either, not very clean in here, hopefully the rooms were a little better.

He looked down at what seemed like a checking book. He nodded his head a few times as he wrote things down. He checked his watch a couple times and when he was finally down he looked up at me with a large smile. "Your apartment is through those doors there," he said pointing towards the door to the right of me. "Here are the keys, you will be obliged to pay rent every month but you will get a letter of warning a week before you have to pay, enjoy" he said as he handed me the keys and went back to his word. I thanked him before walking through the door. I was outside again; I was in an alleyway this time. I looked ahead and saw the number 2 on a wooden door. Great, I have an apartment in an alleyway. I let out a long sigh as I jammed the key into the lock and ripped open the door. I was met by a wave of dust that seemed to assault my nose and cause me to sneeze a couple times. I looked around in disgust. The people before me didn't leave the place in a very god state. Furniture was broken, there were stains on what once looked like a cream carpet but was now a murky grey colour. I couched and brought my things more in the place before shutting the door behind me.

This was going to be a long day.

A few hours later, I had managed to clean up the place mostly. I could fix the broken things though, I would have to replace them when I got more money. I decided to go take a shower then go shopping for some food. I walked into the bathroom, pulled off my baggy clothes and stepped into the now clean shower. Turning on the shower I gasped in shock as the cold water hit my back, I stood completely still for a few moments waiting for it to heat up, I was disappointed when it only heated a little bit so it was barely warm. I then felt myself cry, maybe running away wasn't the best of things. It didn't matter though, it was too late to go back, Shane probably hated me now, I wouldn't blame him, I had left him again.

After my ordeal with the shower I left my hair loose and clipped my straight bangs to the side. I slipped on my shoes and left the apartment. Walking down the streets of New York, I found myself staring around in amazement. Everything was so much bigger than things in LA and everyone seemed to be in such a hurry, al dressed in fancy clothes. It seemed so unfamiliar and I had never felt so out of place, me wearing skinny jeans and a baggy jumper next to some people dressed in fancy suites and elegant dresses. I sighed and kept my head low as I walked into a grocery store.

When I got inside I grabbed a shopping cart and began to scan through the isles to see what I needed. I then hear some one cough behind me. I turned to see a girl that looked maybe a couple years younger than me. "Can I help you?" I asked.

She nodded. "Are you the girl? The one that dated Shane from connect three?" she asked with a glowing smile on her face. I was about to say no and walk away from her but when I saw the look on her face I couldn't.

I sighed and nodded. "Yes that's me, it was a long time ago though" I informed her as I gave her a stern nod. She nodded sadly.

"Oh, well I really admired you, you seemed like such a down to earth girl and when Shane changed for the better because of you, everyone was so happy, I just wanted to say Thank you personally" she said with a smile before running off to what looked like her mom. I found myself standing there like a complete idiot staring after the girl. A small smile tugged at my lips but it didn't last long. It was true, Shane had changed when he started dating me, he became the Shane he once used to be, the sweet and sensitive guy that adored nothing but the sound of Music. But now, I didn't know what he was like, I didn't know if he had changed, but towards me he had, his cold glare would stay with me for a long time, the way his eyes blazed with hurt and fury every time he looked at me.

I hurried through all of the isles before I was done and was rushing back to my place. When I got inside I dumped the shopping bags on the side and slouched onto the almost broken couch. Another thing I had to replace. I had to find a new job and a new school to attend. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and switched it on. Bringing up the internet I searched local school around here. It didn't take long for me to find one.

After I had called up and booked an interview with the head master I closed my laptop and turned on the TV. It stayed fuzzy for a moment before It came clear that It was on a Music Channel. I closed my eyes as I laid my head back, listening to the soft melody of the song. Not to long later a more pop song came on and I didn't even need to open my eyes to know who it was. Connect three. I didn't want to open my eyes because I know what would happen. But I was forced to when I heard the reporter.

"It is being said that connect three had cancelled their first few concerts on tour, sources are claiming Shane Grey is back to his Diva days or is for important reasons, im sure we will find out soon" came a woman's voice. I sighed as a tear fell. I hope to god that he wasn't going back to how he used to be. Maybe it was my fault if he was back to how he was, if it was, I had to fix it. I don't know how I would do it, but I would. Someway.

I turned the TV off and walked over to the phone. I dialled in a number and waited for them to answer. Thank god I memorised it.

"Howdy! This is Jason" came a chirpy voice.

I smiled to myself. I had missed his happy voice. "Hey Jas, it's Mitchie" I said quietly hoping he wouldn't freak out. But It was Jason, of course he was going to freak out.

"Oh my gosh Mitchie its been so long! I have missed you! Where are you? Shane is so worried, we even had to cancel some tour dates because he had refused to play!" he said all in one go. I flinched when I heard the reason. It was my fault. I was the reason for thousands of fans to be pissed and for Shane being mad.

"Jas, look im sorry, but just tell Shane that im fine ok, I will be ok and that I am grateful for what he did for me ok?" I said as I sat down.

"Here, you tell him yourself, bye Mitchie" he said loudly.

My eye widened. "No Jason wait-" I was going to continue but I was cut off by another voice.

"Mitchie" Shane asked in his usually dark voice. I closed my eyes, mesmerised by his melodic voice. I snapped out of it when I heard the edge to his breathing.

I sighed. "Hi Shane, look, im sorry for leaving like that but I just had to get away, start fresh" I said as my voice quivered. When I heard him sigh I felt bad instantly.

"Why did you tell me, we could have started fresh together" he hissed angrily. I felt a shiver run down me. how I wished I could start again with him, but it would be right, we were never meant to be, and he had a girlfriend. "Where are you Mitch?" he asked with a sigh.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter, I just wanted to make sure you knew why I left, and please, don't go back to how you were, stay the way you are now, your fans love you, don't jeopardise it Shane, good-bye" I said as I hung up. As I hung up the phone I realised I hadn't made the number unknown. I sighed as I pulled the phone from the wall and just sunk to the floor as the sobs overtook my whole body. I didn't think I had ever cried like this before, I couldn't fell anything, my heart beat felt like it was pulsing right in my ears, my thoughts were so foggy and I felt like if I opened my mouth I would scream. So I clamped my hand over it muffling my sobs. Why did saying goodbye always have to be so damn hard.

I didn't want to say good-bye, but what other choice would I have, if I went back I would only hurt him over and over again, and he would hate me even more, and I didn't want that, not anymore. I was done being a disappointment to people.

After a while, I managed to lift myself off of the floor and over to the couch where I fell asleep almost instantly. My dreams were filled with nothing but Shane, my mom and my father. I think I screamed but I didn't wake up, I didn't want to open my eyes. I wondered what my dad was doing. I wonder if he even looked for me, I wonder if he cared that I was actually gone or if he was glad he didn't have to put up with me anymore.

I stood up and walked into my bathroom when I couldn't sleep properly. I pulled open one of the draws and took something out. As I stared at the item I ran over in my mind what I was about to do. I placed the object against my arm and dragged it across. I gasped slightly at the sudden sting and dropped the thing. I watched the blood drip from my arm and oddly, I felt like the blood running from my arm was all my worries, and I felt, better. I then picked it up and did it again. I let out a breath.

Why hadn't I don't this before?

Uh-Oh Mitchie has started cutting. do you think she will continue doing it? tell me what you think, reviews please :) it was kind of a boring chapter but it gets better. thanks for reading :)