Because of You
Chapter 10
Cigarette after cigarette, I kept my eyes fixed to the door. I was waiting for my best friend to show up, or was I waiting for Shane. I didn't even know anymore. I needed them both right now, but I needed my best friend more because of Shane. It had been two days since Shane had walked out, two days filled with binge drinking and chain smoking. I was a mess, and my appearance was just as worse. My usually straight hair was wild and greasy, I was still in my PJ's and my eyes were blood shot and sunken. I needed to stop this. is wasn't healthy. I stood up slowly and walked over to the trashcan. As I stared at the lid, I slowly lifted it up and held the pack of 10 over it. Hovering for a second I finally let go and slammed the lid shut. I let out a long sigh as I walked into the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I felt nothing but disgust, I looked worse than I thought. Why couldn't I be pretty enough? Why did Sylvia have to be so beautiful?
After I had cleaned myself up I slumped back into the chair where I had been sitting for the past two days. Letting out a painfully long sigh my eyes fell upon my wooden door. What felt like hours later, the doorbell finally rang. Ripping myself from the seat I sprinted to the door and yanked it open, throwing my arms around Caitlyns neck.
"God I've missed you" I said as I squeezed her tightly. He soft brown curls ticked my nose and I buried my face into her shoulder. I hadn't seen her in over month or spoken to her, and I knew I had some serious explaining to do.
She laughed. "I've missed you to Mitch" she said as she patted my back. "But could you ease up a little, your crushing me"
I pulled away with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, im just so happy to see you" I said as I pulled her into another hug, this time softer and shorter.
She smiled back and looked around. "This is cute" her eyes then fell back on me. "Where's the boys?" she asked. I sighed, they had left yesterday, Nate and Jason had came to say good-bye, but Shane hadn't, the boys said it was because he was very tired and needed his rest, but their eyes gave it away as they looked at me with sorry eyes. He hated me.
"They left for Boston yesterday, Nate told me to tell you that he loves you and that he will call you as soon as he can" I said with a smile. My smile increased when I saw a small blush take over her cheeks and a golden smile dance across her lips. Her and Nate had been dating ever since camp last summer, they were the most in-love couple you could ever see, but yet they were so private about it. The media had no idea as they made sure no one saw when they went on one of their dates, Nate knew the perfect places to go if you didn't want to be seen.
Her smile then dropped. "Back to why I came" she said sternly as she sat down on my worn leather couches. "What happened? Why did you leave so suddenly, without a good-bye" she asked. I winced as I saw the pain in her eyes. I had hurt her; I knew that.
I clasped my hands together as I sat down opposite her. "I couldn't handle my dad anymore, I needed to get away, I needed to start fresh, I didn't want to keep living in constant fear" I sniffled loudly as I wiped away the tears that were falling with the back of my hand. I heard her soft sigh as she came and sat next to me, loosely draping her arm over my shoulder.
"Mitchie, what you did was for the best, I know that, I just wish you would have told me, I would have come with you so you wouldn't have to go through it alone" she soothed as she poked my shoulder.
I cracked a small smile. "I should have told you I know, but you know how terrible I am at goodbyes" I mused. "But I couldn't make you leave your family, that's why I didn't tell you"
She laughed with surprised me a little. "Mitch, you are my family as well, I would have come with you without a second thought" she said reassuringly.
I nodded. I knew she would have and that's why I didn't tell her, she had so much to live for back in LA, me, not so much, I used to have dreams, but they went with my mom. But Caitlyn, she could go places, she was talented, she could make bad music good with her mad producing skills.
She then sighed again. "Ok, onto something else" she said. I knew what was coming. I didn't want to hear it though, but how could I tell her that. I couldn't forbid her from talking about him, that would be stupid, but I just didn't want to hear his name right now. It was to hard. "Shane" she whispered as she looked at me. the familiar pain in my chest shot through me again. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears I had been trying to hold back fell.
"He hates me" I chocked out as I opened my eyes and looked at her. As I saw confusion cross her face I decided to enlighten her on the events that happened two days ago. "Sylvia told Shane I cheated on him with Jason "
"You did what?" she screeched as she ripped her arm away from me. "Mitchie how could you"
I looked at her in alarm. "Caitlyn Chill, she was lying, I would never cheat on Shane, let alone with Jason, he's like my brother" I looked at her. "How could you even think that?"
She shook her head. "Im sorry, its just you said cheat and Jason I kind of freaked out" she then re-took the spot next to me. "Why would she do that then? And did he believe her?" she asked. I laughed harshly as I threw my head down.
"Oh he believed her" I hissed as I dug my nails into my palm, almost drawing blood. "He stormed out of here without even giving me a chance to speak" I looked up at her with glistening eyes. "He's never looked so angry Caity, he really believed that I would do that"
she shook her head in disbelief. "He's an idiot" she said simply. "If he's stupid enough to believe that bottle blonde bitch over someone who has been there for him through a lot, then screw him, your going to find yourself a great guy and forget out him" she said as she stood up and placed her hands on her hips.
"OK" I said slightly un-certain. I didn't want to move onto another guy thought, a large part of me just wanted to wait until Shane came around and realised that he was wrong for believing Sylvia over me. But that wouldn't happen at this rate and I deserved to be happy, even if it wasn't with Shane.
"We're going out tonight!" she declared as she pulled me off of the couch and pushed me into my small bedroom. I groaned, I was in no mood to go to a night club filled with sweaty bodies and greasy half-drunk guys.
"Caitlyn, im not really in the mood to go out" I offered as I looked at her, hoping she would reconsider. But by the look in her eye i could tell she was not going to back down. I sighed and let her lead to me to my wardrobe, where she picked out a small black dress that hugged every curve on my body and A pair of black stiletto heels and some statement jewellery. She unzipped her suitcase and pulled out a neon pink strapless dress with white heels. She always liked to stand out when she was in a crowd, I laughed at her excited expression as she saw me walk to the bathroom, dress in hand.
"We're going to have to invite Trish and Amy, Trish is the one that can get us the drinks," I said. She nodded eagerly as she shooed me away so she could get dressed. I laughed slightly and walked into the cramped bathroom. Pulling of my baggy clothing I slipped on the figure hugging dress and looked in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty good. After I had done my make-up and straightened my hair, I walked out to see Caitlyn slipping on her high white heels. She looked at me with a childish grin.
"You look Amazing Mitchie!" she squealed and she stumbled over to me, she blushed slightly in embarrassment as she fell to the side a little. "Im getting used to them, they're new" she informed me, looking down at her shoes.
I chuckled. "You look great Caity, now let me just call Trish" I said as I skipped over to my bed and dialled in her number. She answered almost instantly.
"Hello?" she said sounding a little odd. I then realised she had a mouth full of food, I rolled my eyes in a amusement, typical Trish.
"hey Trish, it's me" I said quietly. I felt bad that I hadn't spoke to her in days as I had been ignoring her, I hadn't even been to work, but they didn't mind, they said I could come back whenever I was ready, just so long as it was before the week ended.
I heard her swallow loudly and then her mutter a small 'ouch' before answering. "Mitchie! How have you been, is everything ok?" she asked quickly. I sighed; I wasn't going to lie to her.
"I've been better," I answered honestly. "But I wasn't calling to discuss my misery, I have a friend form back home over and we're going out and-" before I could finish she was already talking over me.
"Say no more, me and Amy will be over in 1 hour" she said happily as she hung up, Trish never passed up the opportunity to go out, she was a partier, where as me, I was more of a stay at home watch movies type. That's why I hung out with Amy a little more than Trish, I couldn't seem to keep up with her.
"So, is she coming?" Caitlyn asked as she applied the last pieces of her jewellery. She dashed around the room, stuffing everything she needed in her purse, only to take it all out again when nothing seemed to fit.
I nodded. "Yes, her and Amy will be over in an hour" I said.
"An hour?" she yelled. She then looked down at herself. "Im ready and now I have to wait an hour before we can leave, you know what, we'll just get them to meet us there" she said sternly.
"But-" but it was too late to say anything, she had already grabbed my arm and was dragging me out of my apartment. I sighed and tried to keep up with her as we bundled into her very nice car.
"Your moms?" I questioned with amusement clear in my voice.
She nodded. "Mine's in repair so I borrowed hers, she doesn't mind though, better than taking my dads, probably wouldn't have gotten here alive in that thing" she said as she shook her head. I had drover her dad's car once, never again. I let out a small chuckle as she put the car into drive and pulled into the road.
As soon as we stopped outside the club I could feel the place buzzing already. Here was a long line of people outside and I groaned as I my eyes went way back. "Are you serious" I said as I motioned towards the line of barely dressed women. "It's going to take forever to get in". I fell back against the seat with a thud and a sigh.
"No it wont" Caitlyn said as she hopped out of the car, I looked after her confused but just decided to follow her, while walking over to the bouncers I text Trish to let her know that she was meeting us at the club. As soon as we reached the bouncers I lookd back as Caitlyn charmed them. I saw all the people who were lining up giving me very angry looks as they scoffed and folded their arms. I felt bad instantly, it was cold out and they were having to wait when me and Caitlyn had just got in straight away, that's right, they let us in, didn't even ask for ID.
As I looked around the club I was a little shocked. It was huge, but like I expected, it was filled with whores and guys looking to get lucky. I sighed, how had I let Caitlyn drag me into this. I hated nightclubs. They scared me. I felt so claustrophobic whenever I went in one, which wasn't a lot. I wasn't the best person to take out. As soon as saw Trish walk through the doors with a petite Amy behind her I felt a little relieved. I smiled as both of them hugged me and I introduced them to Caitlyn, who seemed to get on with Trish like a house on fire.
Trish ordered us our first round of drinks, sipping on mine slowly Caitlyn chugged hers down and let an 'Ahhh' when she slammed the glass back onto the bar. "Come on Mitch, dance with me," she said as she pulled on my arm. I sighed, putting my glass down and weaving my way through the mass of bodies. I hated this. As Caitlyn flicked her head in all directions I bobbed up and down nervously as my eyes darted around the room. then, as I felt hands fall upon my waist, thought of the night I left home flooded to mind. The pain I felt, how I scared I was, the thought of his face. I had to get out of here, I ripped myself from the person who had a tight hold on me and pushed my way through the crowds as tears blurred my vision.
As I found Trish and Amy I asked them if one of them could not drink so they could take Caitlyn home, I needed her car, I didn't give them enough time to answer before I snatched her car keys and darted out of club. As soon as I was outside I was practically gasping for air. I never should have come out; I should have stayed at home. As I raced over to Caitlyns car, I ripped open the door, jammed the key into the ignition ad sped off.
When I finally got back to my apartment I kicked off my heels and rubbed my aching feet, I know I hadn't been doing much dancing but I had walked out of that club pretty fast, I was surprised I didn't fall flat on my face. Looking around the room I sighed, everything was so silent but yet I could still here the buzzing from the club. I closed my eyes and flung my head back. My phone then began to rang, I half expected it to be Caitlyn yelling at me for taking her car, but when I answered I didn't expect it to be who it was.
"Mitchie?" came the all to familiar husky voice. I felt my breath hutch in my throat as I heard his heavy breathing on the other line. He didn't sound angry, that was a good start.
"Hello Shane" I said thickly as I warned myself not to cry. Just hearing his voice made me want him here with me.
"Im sorry" he whispered almost inaudibly. "I never should have believed Sylvia, you were right, she was lying, im so fucking sorry, will you forgive me?" he asked, sadness evident in his voice. I found myself giving in, just the tone of his voice made my heart go out to him.
"Of course I forgive you Shane," I said with a sigh. Why couldn't I just stay mad at him, I mean he had put me through hell these past couple days, why did I have to give into him so easily.
He let out a small sigh of relief. "Thank you" he said sincerely. "I was also wondering, if maybe, we could, be friends?" he asked hopeful. I felt my heart break but I didn't want to say anything. Friends? He wanted to be… friends? Of course he did.
I nodded and swallowed back my tears. "Sure, friends" I said, my voice beginning to quiver slightly. I bit down on my lips as I heard him speak again.
"That's great, thanks Mitch, well, I have to get going, Nate just wrote a new song and we need to rung through it, I'll call you soon, goodnight" he said quickly as he hung up, leaving me no space to answer.
We were going to be friends. That was it, that was all we were ever going to be from now on. I wouldn't feel his lips ever so gently touch mine, I wouldn't feel his strong arms securely around me, protecting me from any harm and I wouldn't see the love in his eyes ever again. I knew I loved him, I loved him more than anything, but if all he wanted to be was friends, who was I to say anything, I had royally screwed up my chances of being with him, I lost his trust and I was going to have to work hard to get it back. I was going to work hard to get him back. Im going to make him want me again, whatever it takes.
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