Because of you

Chapter 13

"Mitch?" Trish asked, her voice full of concern, she gave Amy a look and stood up, making her way over to me.

I held my hand up to stop her, my eyes were closed and tears were rolling. "Please, just leave" I whispered. My head was spinning out of control, I hadn't felt like this since mom died, the feeling of complete loneliness seemed to cloak over me completely. I opened my glistening eyes and I saw that they hadn't left. "Please" I begged brokenly. I just wanted to be left alone. Trish nodded and left with Amy. As soon as they were gone I ran into my room and broke down. I didn't know why I was so upset, I mean, he was the one that had caused me so much pain the last couple years, but he was my dad, and I did love him, no matter what I did, and I know I should be slightly relieved that he would never be bothering me again, but I just couldn't, I didn't feel any remote of happiness, all I felt was pain, heavyhearted, joyless and sorrow. He had left the face of the earth, and he was never coming back.

"Mitchie?" came Caitlyns small voice through the door. "Is everything ok?"

"Just go away please" I croaked, my voice raspy. I think she got the message when I heard her footsteps soon fade. I know I wanted to be alone but there is one voice I was dying to hear. Shakily grabbing the house phone I clumsily dialled Shane's number, it was sad I still remembered it off by heart.

"Hey Mitch" he said happily.

"Shane" I croaked out, my voice thick with tears. I pulled the phone away from my ear and shook my head, tears were falling faster and the sobs were getting harder. "Oh god" I whispered.

After a good minute I put the phone back to my ear I heard his frantic voice. "Mitchie, you're scaring me, what's happened? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head and tried to steady my breathing but it sounded more like I was chocking. "It's my dad," I whispered. "He's dead" I covered my free hand over my eyes as I whimpered.

"Oh god Mitch im sorry" he said sincerely. "I wish I could come over sooner, I really do, but im so busy up until the weekend, but I have a few hours so I m here if you need to talk" he said softly, the kindness in his voice made me smile slightly.

"Thank you Shane," I whispered.

Like he said, we spoke for the few hours he had, he let me cry and rant and he tried to give me the best possible advice, most of it I threw back at him but he didn't get angry, he just told me to take deep breaths and try to keep calm, but i didn't know if I could do that, I had lost too much, I had no one anymore, everything was fucking gone. Shane promised me an unforgettable weekend before hanging up, he promised, and I was hoping that was a promise he could keep.

My eyes then fell on my bathroom, and something on the side caught my eyes. no, no, no, I wont do it, I wont sink that low.

10 minutes later the blood was trickling down both of my arms, what do you know, I sunk that low. I closed my eyes as I felt the blood pump from my arms, I wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be happy, that's why I came to New York, to get away from everything, but all of it seemed to follow me, my dad, my mom, Shane, Caitlyn, just everything I wanted to leave behind. It was like I could never get away. I wanted to know what it felt like to really laugh again, to smile for no reason, to have a day where I don't think about tomorrow or what I might be doing, just one day, that's all I could ever want, and I wanted to have that one day with Shane, he's the only one that could possible make me happy for no reason at all.

I looked down at my arms and shook my head, why couldn't I just stop. Shane would be so disappointed in me. I quickly mopped up the mess on my arms and tried to tidy up as much as I could around my room, but I didn't get far because of the ache in my arms.

The weekend seemed to roll around quickly and Caitlyn had gone back home, but she was coming back, her step dad kicked her out, but he mom gave her enough money to get started, she was going to be living with me until she found herself a place of her own. She was staying with her real dad for a little while, he was a lot more understanding of the situation. I had told Trish and Amy about my dad so they knew that I was in the best state of mind right now and they agreed to help me be great a host for when Shane and his brothers got here, which was in an hour and I wasn't even dressed.

I jumped out of the shower and placed a towel around me. I walked into my room to see Trish standing over my bed, looking at the possible outfits I would wear. She tapped her chin as she analysed each piece of clothing. I chuckled, "Trish, there clothes, not murder clues" I joked.

She turned to me with a smile; she then turned back to the clothes and picked the middle outfit, which was a pair of faded distressed skinny jeans, a white floaty top and a black blazer. "Here, go put this on" she ordered as she pointed to the bathroom.

Once I was all ready and dressed, I was in the kitchen getting the food together, I had decided on pizza because well, everyone loves pizza and I knew Shane adored it.

The ding of the doorbell made me jump slightly. "There here!" I almost screamed. Amy laughed and ran to the door. She opened it and greeted them with her usual polite self and moved aside so they could walk in. as soon as they were in my sight I ran into all three of their arms. "I missed you guys"

Jason chuckled. "We haven't been gone long Mitch, but we're all glad to see you".

I smiled and pulled away; I then turned to my two friends. "Guys, this is Trish and Amy, Trish, Amy, this is Shane, Nate and Jason" I said, moving out of the way so they could Shake hands. When Shane and Trish shook hands I saw a familiar look appear in her eyes. She moved so she was closer to him and I noticed how her hand was placed on his arms slightly. No! She knew I did all of this to impress Shane, fill the house with food, look nice and be a good host, and she was supposed to be my friend! She knew how I felt about him. Amy caught my look and took hold of Trisha's arm and led her into the kitchen. I smiled after her and turned to the guys. "So, what did you want to do today? I mean, we can't exactly do much because we'll probably get stalked by paps and that story of me is still out there" I sighed.

"We could watch the game" Shane suggested. I completely forgot about that. I smiled and jumped onto the sofa. I heard them all chuckled behind me at my eagerness as they came at sat down with me.

Nate looked around and swallowed. "Is Caitlyn here?" his voice was ful of nerves and emotion. I really felt sorry for the poor kid; he looked so upset at even the mention of her name.

I shook my head. "She went to stay with her dad for a little while, but she's coming back, she's moving here, her step dad kicked her out" I told them sadly.

Nate's eyes widened. "They kicked her out? Why would they do that, I thought she spoke to her mom"

I nodded and leaned back into the sofa. "She did, but when he mom told her step dad he didn't approve so he told her to pack her things and get out, and her mom didn't say anything"

"Im going to go call her" he said quickly as he jumped off the couch and disappeared down the hall. I sighed and switched on the TV. Trish and Amy then walked back out, and I felt like screaming when Trish placed herself in-between Shane and me. I looked at her but she wasn't looking back, her eyes were to busy focusing on Shane. I rolled my eyes and moved over so I was further away from her. From the corner of my eyes I saw her cross her leg so it was leaning against Shane's thigh. Amy noticed and was looking and Trish like she was insane, but she wasn't paying any attention at all. I tried to focus on the game on the TV but I just couldn't.

I was happy when it was finally finished and everyone had their food in front of them. We joked and talked for a long time but I couldn't keep my eyes of Trish and how whenever Shane made a joke she would laugh a little too loud and lean into him. after food we were all sitting on the living room floor.

"Hey Mitchie, can I get a drink" Shane asked.

I nodded. "Of course, there are things in the fridge" I told him.

He went to get up but Trish grabbed his arms and pulled him back down. "No it's fine, Mitchie can get your drink, you're our guests" she gave him a sickeningly sweet smile.

He turned to me with a smile. "Thanks Mitchie"

I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Of course" I said through gritted teeth. I stood up and gave Amy a look so she would come with me, she made up some excuse before walking into the kitchen with me, when the door was closed I turned to her. "Is she fucking for real? What the hell is she doing?"

"You know what she's like Mitch, she loves the thrill of a chase," she said simply.

"I know but with Shane! She knows how I feel about him, I know she's done things like this in the past but really, with Shane, of all people" I spat. "I mean, I don't even know why your still friends with her after her and brad-" I stopped myself short because I knew that was a hard subject for Amy to talk about. "Im sorry, she has just really pushed my buttons"

Amy nodded. "She pushes a lot of peoples buttons, that's why we are her only friends"

"Not if she keeps this us," I muttered as I walked back out with Shane's drink and a beer for myself.

"Did you get me one?" Trish asked, not moving her gaze from Shane who was looking up at me as I gave him his drink.

"You know where the fridge is" I spat.

She frowned and stood up, strutting into the kitchen, making sure her hips swung. I took that opportunity to place myself right next to Shane. He smiled and clicked his glass with mine. When she walked back out she glared at me when she saw where I was, I smirked and raised my glass at her. She huffed and sat on the couch next to Amy, who didn't look to pleased about it, but she threw me a playful wink. I giggled slightly and turned back to the TV. I felt Shane placed his arms over the back of the sofa, which was above my head. I made sure I didn't move but I did smile a little more.

Nate looked at hi watch. "Guys I think we should head back to the hotel" he said as he stood up.

I shook my head. "You can just stay here, I mean, I have the space and its not good weather out, I mean look" I motioned towards the window, it was in facet pelting it down with rain.

They all looked at each other, Jason nodded. "Thanks Mitch, we appreciate it"

I smiled. "Well, there's the spare room, my room, and there a pull out bed on the sofa" I told them.

Shane looked at me. "Where will you sleep though?" he asked.

I shrugged. "On the floor most probably"

He shook his head. "No I can't let you do that"

"I have a room at my place, one of you could stay there" she said, clearly looking at Shane. I rolled my eyes, and it almost looked like he did too.

He shook his head. "Its fine, we can just share a bed, no problem" he smiled. I smiled back and I was happy to see the scowl form on Trish's lips, I felt like sticking my tongue out at her to rub it in but I didn't bother, She left and Amy followed shortly behind, saying goodbye to everyone. I waved at her.

I then turned to the guys. "There fresh towels if any of you need a shower in the morning" I told them motioning to the bathroom down the hall. "Night guys"

"Night Mitch" They both said before walking into the bedrooms. I then turned to Shane. "here, help me get this bed out"

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