Ch. 13 Hold me closer Tiny Dancer, Count the headlights on the highway
Tony
I hadn't listened to James, the feeling in my stomach was as if something horrible was about to happen. I had followed him through the fog hanging back a bit to the side, once I had thought he glanced over towards me and I got down behind one of the concrete benches and crawled the rest of the way. I hung back a little bit more as James came into view and looking up I saw Kendall hanging onto the rail as if he was planning to jump and James pleading with him to come back. I watched as Kendall hung there like a modern Jesus, crucifying himself on the rail in front of me for his own sins. He didn't shiver in the cold and wind, his arms, neck and face had sores like mosquito bites that had been picked to bleeding point, Kendall was breaking down.
" DON'T come ANY CLOSER!" Kendall screamed at James as he had moved to step towards Kendall, and Kendall removed a hand from the railing.
" Kendall, come back over the rail, we can help you" James pleaded with him.
I watched silenced with shock at the events taking place before me as James tried to move closer while Kendall's back was turned, the ice had broken around the anchorings of the pier and large chunks of ice sloshed around dangerously on chilly dark water.
I decided to take a chance, and I stood up and walked over behind James placing a hand on his arm, he nodded at me as if giving me permission to go on with what I had planned. "Kendall, it's freezing out here" I said " and so many things could go wrong, you could hit the ice down there and shatter every bone in your body, or you could hit the water" I took a sharp breath " the water is freezing, and there's no telling how long it'll actually take to kill you, Kendall can you handle that?" James looked at me as Kendall looked back at us with glassy green eyes. James took a moment and began to move another step towards Kendall who was beginning to slip. Kendall glanced back, "James Stop! right there! if you come any closer I'm going to jump!" there was panic in his voice. I stepped forward my hand on James' arm and Kendall looked at me and I felt the pain in my heart that I saw reflected in those drug infused emerald clouds, and tears began to fall silently from eyes and roll down my cheeks smearing the thin line of black eyeliner I'd applied this morning and making tracks in my foundation. " Fag! I mean Tony right?" I nodded jumping back a bit when I heard him address me " you can come towards me, I want your hands folded in front of you at waist level, and if I tell you to stop, you stop" I nodded following his directions and walking slowly towards the iron railing. What did Kendall want with me?
I had gotten to the railing next to him when he said "stop" in almost a whisper, I stopped "Kendall, I'm going to move my hands up here onto the rail very slowly" I whispered bringing my hands to rest on the railing " don't move them, if you move your hands I'm going to jump" I nodded again my fingertips freezing almost to the iron beneath them as I stand there. " Kendall, it doesn't have to end this way" I said softly, " come back over the rail, James is your friend don't make him watch you do this to yourself" I added. Kendall moved his left hand over slightly and it brushed against my right hand. " I know what it's like to feel hopeless Kendall, I know what it's like to have secrets that you can't tell anyone, I've been where you are right now emotionally" I flipped my right hand palm up " there are people who can help you, I can help you." I said reaching my hand over the sloshing icy lake beneath us. " why do you care?" he snarled at me. " because Kendall, you mean a lot to James it'd hurt me to see him lose one of his closest friends right in front of him, and think of your other friends Logan and Carlos, your Mom would lose one of the two things that matters most to her, and Katie would lose a brother. and your fans would lose their favorite band member and Big Time Rush would cease to exist." I finished and he began to turn around " you'll help me though?" he asked " do you promise?" I looked at him " you have my word" and then he raised an eyebrow " this isn't a trick right?" I shook my head " I have no reason to trick you". Kendall turned now and he began to step up the rail shakily.
I motioned for James to help me pull him up shakily and I removed my coat to place it around Kendall's shoulders he wrapped his arms around James crying into James' chest.
" let's get you home K" James said putting an arm around Kendall's shoulders and helping him to the car.