Ch.15 Blue Jean Baby (Reprise)

James

I sat next to Tony in math class on the Thursday afternoon after the incident with Kendall and the pier. We were busy working through a packet our teacher had handed out, and Tony had more trouble with math than me. He smiled as he looked down at my paper "no Jamie, a squared + b squared = c squared, that's a right triangle, they give you c and b" Tony said correcting my answer, our hands brushed as he handed my paper back to me , I took the opportunity to correct some of his answers. Everything was getting better, since Kendall's almost suicide attempt, He wanted help and we were going to give it to him. The air was warmer ever so slightly outside and the snow had melted into slush, filthied almost black by car fumes, the cracked window behind us blew a gentle breeze through Tony's hair, playing in the soft waves. Today we had plans, and Tony's mind was preoccupied with them, we were going to see Kendall after school. We packed our stuff up in the minutes preceding the bell, and my thoughts returned to Kendall, who oddly enough had decided that Tony was the only one who could help him. Rehab would still be needed for Kendall's drug problem because the doctors told us that making him quit cold turkey could and would probably kill him. I still don't know why personally but Tony was determined to help Kendall and try to heal the rift in my broken family, he wanted to make me whole and happy again.

The bell clanged and the classroom slowly emptied and we walked out together but not holding hands, Tony understood that I still wasn't out to most people. Girls still threw themselves at me and giggled while checking me out in the hallways and one little 10th grade girl came over to boldly ask " can I have your number!" a usual occurence around here and I declined politely as she continued on down the hall. As we reached the stairs at one end of the building suddenly there was a commotion as people rushed to the large window on the landing filled with exclamations of "look, look! over there!" a bunch of them were pointing suddenly towards the northern sky, I glanced at Tony, who too pointed upwards as excited whispers filled the air, " James look" he said with a large smile " the first sliver of sunlight" he jumped up and hugged me tight and when he relased me I followed the pointing arms as the stairwell clogged with people trying to get a glimpse of the sunlight that was now slicing through the clouds like a blade of gold slicing through beautiful lace gone grey with age.

Tony slid sideways into the car seat and I smiled handing him the pack of makeup remover wipes from the back seat, " Kendall's orders, no makeup" I said as he opened the plastic and pulled two wipes out and began removing the taupes and satin finish browns that made up the day's smokey eye. As we drove the lone sliver of sunshine glittered brightly on freshly fallen snow, and Tony finished removing all of his makeup including foundation and lipcolor by the time we stepped out of the car at the apartment building. He straightened the cashmere jacket over his black Calvin Klein button down he had worn with a navy blue skinny tie. We went in and up to the Knight apartment and Tony knocked softly and gracefully on the door, Kendall answered it and invited us in. We walked together in silence to Kendall's bedroom, right next to the room where Carlos had slept by himself until Logan left my apartment down the hall. Tony released my hand as he entered the room with Kendall and I followed. Kendall sat down nervously on the bed Tony next to him and me standing by the window looking out lost in thought.

" are you ready to do this Kendall" Tony asked putting a hand softly on Kendall's arm,

Kendall nodded, he was pale and a little shaky ad he looked deep into Tony's eyes.

" Kendall there's nothing to be afraid of, I understand how you feel right now, I've been there myself" Tony said reassuringly.

Kendall took a deep breath, " my life doesn't mean anything anymore, I feel lost and lonely, for years, the memories have been locked away, but when my father came back, so did the nightmares" Tony nodded, " what happened with your father?"

Kendall stared for a minute, " my family has a troubled past" he began

" my mother met my father while she was living in a women's shelter, she was vulnerable he was shallow and manipulative, and one day they got married and she thought she loved him, but he abused her and when I was born she was happy and he was happy for a while and they had their perfect family" Kendall took another deep breath.

" I don't have any happy memories of my dad, though they might be there somewhere, all I remember is the pain" Kendall's eyes glossed over with tears Tony bit his lip fighting back tears of his own " Tony when I was five my father began abusing me, it started one night when he came home drunk it was like October... " he hesitated " no it was November, definitely a few weeks before thanksgiving, my father came home drunk at about three in the morning, usually when he came home drunk he'd go straight to bed or fight with my mom but tonight she was asleep and not waiting to confront him. I was in my room I had trouble sleeping that night, my father came in and got into bed with me" Tony nodded,

"he uncovered me, and started touching me, he ran his hands in my hair telling me he was going to hurt me to punish my mom" Kendall was crying silently now.

" he raped me for the first time that night" Kendall finished collapsing into Tony's shoulder, I bit my lip and sat on Kendall's other side with my arm around him, Tony looked over at me.

" James" he said soft as a whisper touching my arm with his velvety soft hand " I need you to step out for a minute" he said strongly, I looked at him quizzically and he said " I'm sorry James I need to talk to him alone from this point" Kendall nodded " James, you can sit in the living room until we're done" he added.

I stepped out of the room closing the door behind me, I lingered in the hall for a while, listening to what little I could hear through the closed door, a few words and then quiet choked up crying. I turned away from the door recognizing the cries as Tony's, they pierced my heart. Then there were voices from the room behind me.

" Logan, go out there and talk to him" Carlos' voice said

"No! I don't want anything to do with him" Logan cried

"Logie, he's still our friend, he's still one of us, and you need to make up with him, Yes Logan, James is gay, but he's been gay ever since we were kids, he just didn't know it yet, and now that he's had the courage to come out to you, it's not okay for you to push him away or freeze him out." Carlos sounded forceful almost angry with Logan, and Logan sighed and complained for a moment and then I heard a door open,There were footsteps in the hallway behind me and I turned around from my eavesdropping at Kendall's door, Logan was standing in front of me tears in his eyes Carlos smiling from the doorway behind him as Logan ran forward and wrapped his arms around me hugging me tight. " James!" Logan cried into me " I'm sorry James, I'm sorry James," he gasped into my hoodie as warm tears wet the jersey material. "it's okay Logie" I whispered running my fingers through his hair, " James, I should have accepted you for who you are, James I was an ass". I hugged Logan tight " it's okay, Logan I forgive you".

I smiled as Logan let me go and we all sat down in the living room, Carlos coming out of the room. Things are going to be better from now on, I can tell as the door to Kendall's room opens and Kendall and Tony both wiped their own tears away, Kendall hugged him tight and words were whispered between them that I couldn't hear. Tony glided towards me offering a smile towards Logan and Carlos his hand closing gently around my arm.

"James it's all going to be okay" he whispered, Carlos smiled " who wants to play Black Ops.?" he said rushing to turn the TV on.