Because of You
Chapter 17
Have you ever accidentally placed your hand on a hot surface for the fraction of a second before pulling away and seeing that it had left a blistering mark? The pain that surges through you at that moment, I felt like that right now, I felt like someone had burned me all over my body. I was sprawled out across my sofa, cigarette in hand and an empty bottle of wine in front of me, and it was only 11 am. Amy burst through the doors with tissues in hand and nicotine patches. "Put one these on your arm" she threw the box at me.
I scoffed and threw them to the side, taking another long drag. "They don't work Amy, they are a load of shit" I spat. "Like every other thing on this damn planet"
She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, stop taking everything out on the world, you should be mad at Shane, not everyone else" she said.
"Oh trust me, I am mad at Shane, I am fucking furious, I just want to kick him right in his baby makers" I seethed. As soon as the words came from my mouth I wanted to kick myself, maybe I should kick him there, so he cant get any other girls pregnant. Stupid purity ring wearing-promise breaking-hormone raging- dick head.
"Come on Mitchie, you look like shit, go have a shower and change out of those PJ's, they're horrible" Amy sighed as she snatched the glass of wine out of my hands. I huffed and walked into the bathroom. I lifted my eyes to look in the mirror and I swear I almost had a heart attack; the girl looking back was not me. This girl had bags under her eyes, which were red and sore, her face was pale and her usual soft brown eyes seemed dull and lifeless. I didn't like this person. Groaning, I tore off my baggy clothes and climbed inside the shower. The one thing I loved about showers is that it was like he water was washing away every mistake, ever wrong decision and every ounce of pain, it was like starting fresh, but once you hit the cold air, it all came back, I know it was weird but that was how I felt. I wrapped a plain towel under my arms and walked out to Amy. She was sat on the sofa, her eyes watching me carefully. "Feel any better?" she asked.
I shrugged. "A little" I lied. I didn't think I could ever feel better I mean, the person I really liked was the father of my best friends kid, that was never going to be ok with me. "So, what are we doing today?" I sighed.
She held up a box set. "Vampire diaries Marathon?" she suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
I felt a rush of happiness. "As long as you pause at the shirtless Damon parts" I smirked and dashed into my room to get into something comfortable. Today felt like it was going to be a good day.
Tuesday.
Today I decided I was going to enrol in Barnard college 20 minutes from me. I was so nervous as I hadn't been in school for almost 6 months, it was going to be hard as I left in the middle of my exams, hopefully they would understand. I tied my hair in a bun on top of my head, some jeans and a white blouse along with my plain black pumps and blazer. I turned to Amy who was dragging her suitcases through the door, she insisted on moving in so she could keep an eye on me, I was glad because I didn't like being alone. "How do I look?" I asked, spinning around once.
She smiled. "You look sexy yet sophisticated" she said with a wink.
I smiled a small smile. "Thanks, right it's 10 past 3, I better go, I'll be back later" I called as I threw on my coat and dashed out to my car, a banged up mini.
As I drove I breathed in and out, reassuring myself that everything was going to be fine, I was going to get a place in this college and I was going to move on with my life, finally get the fresh start I so desperately need. But just as I pulled into the car park for the school my phone began to ring, as I looked at the caller and I felt the familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. Shane Grey jumped out at me as my phone blasted Play My Music by connect three. I gritted my teeth and pressed the little red button. I decided to change my ring tone and what he was saved under. The next time he would ring, Dick head would pop up and an unreleased song by them, move on, would blast out. I smirked and threw my phone onto the passenger seat before I jumped out of the car and walked into the school.
Wednesday.
I was in front of the computer looking at Connect three photos with a bucket of ice cream and tissues next to me. I sniffed and scrolled down to see if there was any news on them.
Amy came through the front door. "Mitchie! Get off that" she demanded as she came over and turned off the screen. I groaned and dropped my head onto the desk. "Come on, all this moping isn't healthy, I mean, you start school next week, you don't want to go back being all depressed do you"
"It's not my fault ok," I yelled. "How would you like it if someone you loved was the father of your best friends baby" I stood up and pointed at her. "It fucking hurts ok and that pain isn't just going to go away" I spat.
"Hey don't yell at me! im only trying to help you here" she yelled back as she threw her hands up.
"Well sometimes I just want to be left alone ok, I don't need you watching over me 24/7 ok" I sighed.
She nodded. "Ok, im sorry for smothering you I just…don't like seeing you upset, you're my best friend Mitchie" she sighed. I felt a rush of affection as I pulled her into my arms, I shouldn't have yelled at her, I guess I just wasn't used to someone wanting to look out for me, I had grown up being so dependant on only myself, it was a little strange. She was a bit caught off guard but wrapped her short arms around my waist for a few moments before pulling away. "Do you know where Caitlyn, went?" she asked quietly, but by how the words came out they didn't really sound like a question, it sounded like she knew, but she wanted to know if I did.
I hadn't actually thought about that, I only really cared about her getting out of my apartment I hadn't really thought of where she would go. I shrugged, "No idea, probably living with Shane or one of his friends"
She shook her head. "Shane still lives at home and she's definitely not there, I spoke to Nate, he told me she's living with Ella for the time being while she tried and finds a job and get a place of her own" she shrugged, her silk hair falling behind her shoulders.
I sighed. "Wonderful for her, to be honest I couldn't give two fucks about where she is right now, as long as she is nowhere near me" I ground my teeth together and turned on the TV, Footage of connect three's summer tour was currently on. As I saw Shane stroll the stage I felt the tears rush to my eyes, why did he have to look so flawless all the time, it made not missing him even harder, the way he put his hand over his chest when he sung a meaningful song always made me smile but now, it made me want to cry. Amy went to take the remote away from me but I moved it away. "No" I whispered, my eyes never leaving the TV. I then heard a familiar song come through the TV speakers. Every time I think im closer to the heart, of what It means to know just who I am. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath through my nose, this was the song he sang to me at camp once, it was one of my fondest memories, something I looked back to when I needed something to cheer me up. I then switched off the TV as it was too painful to watch. "Why is it so hard to forget about him"
"Because it's only been a few day's Mitch" Amy said, her eyebrows raised, I sighed, well it felt like years.
Thursday.
My phone buzzed, I picked up without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" I yawned, my eyes still closed.
"Mitchie, hey it's Nate" came the 18-year-olds chirpy voice.
I arched my back and swung my legs over the bed. "Hey Nate, what's up?" I asked. I was tempted to ask how Shane was but then I decided that it was something I really shouldn't even care about.
"Nothing really, I was just…wondering how you're holding up, after you know, everything that happened" he coughed awkwardly. I sighed.
"I've been a lot better Nate" I said honestly. "Im starting school next week and the coffee shop has been pretty busy as it's getting colder" I shrugged.
"Good to here you're going back to school, aren't you going to ask how Shane is?" he asked.
I sighed, I couldn't hide my curiosity. "How is he Nate?" I bit my lip.
"He's been pretty shit and I don't even know why, he keeps avoiding me too, he said there was something that happened between you but he wont tell me what it is, he wont even look me in the eye any more, I don't know what I've done wrong Mitch" he sighed, I felt like punching Shane right in the face at this moment, when Nate found out that Shane had slept with Caitlyn, he was going to kill him.
"You haven't done anything wrong ok Nate, it's Shane's fault" I told him.
"What did he do Mitchie?" he asked curiously. I sighed, I better tell him now before he found out by someone else or a magazine for that matter.
"Shane's going to be a dad Nate" I said quickly.
He didn't speak for a few moments. "You're pregnant?" he asked in a low voice.
My eyes widened. "No! no, not me, im not pregnant, erm I don't now how you're going to take this Nate" I but down on my lip.
"Tell me Mitchie" he pleaded.
"He's the dad of Caitlyns baby" I said slowly. "Im sorry Nate"
"What?" he whispered, his voice was thick and it sounded like he was going to cry. "Please tell me you're joking" he begged. "Mitchie, you are joking right"
"Oh Nate" I sympathised. "I really wish I was". For one moment I thought he was going to slam the phone down on me but when I heard his shaky sigh I knew he wasn't going to, he was going to need a friend right now.
"I can't believe this," he whispered. "My own brother, my own fucking brother" he croaked. "And you" he hissed. "You knew all along and you didn't tell me! how long ago did this happen?"
I swallowed. "A month ago"
"A month?" he asked breathlessly. "how long have you known?" he yelled. "Im coming to New York, im going to kill him" he spat and with that he slammed the phone down, not giving me a chance to answer. I dropped the phone and began to rub my temples, my eyes then widened, he's coming to New York. Shit! I picked my phone back up and scrolled through my contacts. I stopped at one name, should I call him? before I could really decide my finger had pressed he green button.
"Mitchie" his husky voice filled my ears. "Im so glad you called, I need-"
"Shut up a minute Shane" I hissed. "Im not calling because I want to talk to you, I need to know if you're still in New York"
"Erm yeah I am, I'll be back to LA the day after tomorrow, why?" he asked.
I sighed. I cant believe I was going to say this. "You need to come to my apartment tomorrow" I demanded before hanging up without giving him a chance to say anything. With that little conversation I felt the sting in my chest, but I couldn't cry, I think I was all cried out.
Friday.
"Come in" I muttered as I moved for the side. he took a cautious step inside, I didn't look at him as I walked into the living room.
"Mitchie, can you just look at me please" he begged as he locked his fingers around my wrist. I sucked in a breath and slowly pulled it from his grasp.
"I- I can't" I croaked as I turned my head away. "It still hurts Shane, and it will for a while" I sat down and so did he. "I called you here because someone needs to talk to you" the thought of Shane and Nate being in the same room frightened me. "I told Nate" I whispered.
"You what!" he yelled, his voice so loud he was almost screaming. "You told him! why would you do that, now he is going to hate me" his eyes were wild and his hands were buried in his dark brown locks.
"He deserves to know Shane seeing as it was his girlfriend you slept with that the time" I hissed, before I got the chance to say another word, the doorbell went. "Come in" I hollered.
Nate slowly opened the door and when his eyes fell upon Shane, his eyes were blazing and his face was a void of emotion. "You" his voice cracked with emotion.
Shane stood up and reached his arms out to his brother as if to pull him into a hug. "Nate let me explain"
"Don't touch me" he spat as he pushed him away.
Shane tried to touch him again. "Nate im so sorry-"
"I said don't touch me" Nate yelled louder than I had ever heard him before. "Stay the hell away from me" he backed away, heading for the door.
But Shane followed him, grabbing his arm. "Nate, wait-"
He didn't get the chance to finish. Nate punched him in the face. I covered my mouth as Shane stumbled back a few paces, clutching his mouth and looking at Nate in shock. He had his fists balled and he looked so angry he could spit venom. His chest was heaving and I stared at him in disbelief, Shane was busy groaning in pain and wiping his bloody lip. And just what we needed, Caitlyn ran through the door, well waddled. "Mitchie please we need to talk" she stopped dead when she saw Nate. "Nate" she whispered.
"You lied to me" he hissed. "After telling me you loved me! it was all a lie, one big fucking lie!" he yelled. "My own Brother Caitlyn" he shook his head.
Her eyes clouded over with tears. "Nate I never lied to you, I do love you, I really do, I never meant to hurt you, I promise" she tried to tell him as she went for his hand but he pulled away and darted out of the apartment. Caitlyn covered her face with her hands, Shane looked at her with no sympathy then to me.
"Why?" was all he whispered before running out the door after Nate. I felt tears of my own fall freely down my face. "Leave" I ordered looking Caitlyn.
"Im so sorry" she whispered. "I never wanted for any of this to happen" she said, her eyes lowering to her still flat stomach. I sighed and looked down with her, a little Shane was growing in there and that's all that seemed to invade my mind.
"Get out" I seethed with anger. "Now"
She nodded and walked out with her head hanging. I really hope Nate was ok, this was all my fault, I fell into bed with a heavy heart and pounding head.
Saturday.
I hadn't heard from anyone yet, except Nate who stopped by late last night, I was asleep but I heard him talking to Amy, well he was sort of crying too. I had no idea where Shane was, probably back in LA like he said he was going to be, and as for Caitlyn, probably back at Ella's crying about her all too hard life, should have thought about it all before jumping into bed with Shane.
Sunday.
Jason called, we were on the phone for a few hours and he was filling me in on everything that was happening at home, he said things were awful, even his parents were hardly speaking to Shane, Nate spent most of his time in his room, he didn't talk to anyone, and Shane was hardly ever home, nor did he speak to anyone. He hated his family fighting and I could tell by the way his voice cracked a couple times while talking to me, I felt so sorry for him and I felt partially responsible, I shouldn't have told Nate, I should have left that to Caitlyn. This was my fault, I should just have kept my big mouth shot and maybe Nate wouldn't be so torn and Shane wouldn't have a fat lip (even though he definitely deserved it) I said I'd call Jason soon before hanging up and crying myself to sleep. I had school the next day, fantastic.
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!