Chapter 30 - Care
Sam was fidgeting, hands twirling an invisible pen as she bit back another question. At least Jolinar was on her side for this one, she thought. By now, she had decided that Larys was her preferred contact among the Tok'ra medical force. He was kind, open, positive, explaining everything at a level of detail that as a scientist she appreciated. He saw his role as caretaker for patients, only there to keep the Tok'ra alive.
Sam had first appreciated Dorin's counterpart to him, with the intellectual and theoretical approach to medicine that made her more than cool under any circumstances; but now, sitting by her side and discussing Shifu, Sam saw the downsides. Dorin had a cautious way of giving information, making Sam sure that she was holding back important things. Or, it might be that she didn't think Sam would comprehend it.
"Let me get this straight," she finally put in, breaking off Dorin's rambling—as it seemed to Sam—train of thought. "Have or have not you actually done this level of repression?"
Dorin took a deep breath, leaning forward in her chair. "It is manipulation on the genetic level, Samantha. Turning off alleles or even genomes on command is not something to be taken lightly. We have kept it only as a last option, and that option has never been needed."
"Theoretical, then," said Sam, and sighed, her hand stilling and resting on the edge of her chair.
"The strongest theory we have," added Dorin.
"And it has no side affects that you can see?" continued Sam, looking straight at Dorin.
"It is only dealing with the genetic memory," said Dorin firmly. "Were he not human, it might have interfered with later memories, but not so for this child."
Sam nodded. "And how long will it take?"
"Many hours," said Dorin, "not to mention later monitoring of his status."
"Wait a minute," said Sam, putting a finger up skeptically. "If the Tok'ra have no children, how can you be so sure?"
"Samantha, I know that you have strong emotions for this situation, but do not forget that you can answer some of your own questions," Dorin sighed.
*She means the offworld cultures that we mingle with,* said Jolinar.
"You've done medical assistance there?" asked Sam.
"At times, yes; enough to learn what we need," said Dorin.
"Yes, but will that satisfy Sha're," murmured Sam.
"I believe in this case it is only your worries that need be assuaged," said Dorin, sitting up straight. "Sha're has not your understanding of medicine."
"Obviously you haven't been looking at her reading material," said Sam, a weary smile gracing her face. "But no, you are right in a sense."
"I needed not your confirmation of that," said Dorin with a teasing look that barely broke through her demeanor.
Sam sat quietly for a moment, playing back their conversation. Though they sat in the fore of the infirmary, it was still and silent. There were but few rooms, for as Dorin had once explained there were only few times where rest and symbiotic care could not mend all. Even so, after a few moments Sam paused.
"Where is Shifu?" she asked.
"Sleeping," said Dorin, looking up from the datapad that she had turned to in Sam's silence.
"Then it's been quite a long time, since I was here several hours earlier and it was the same situation," said Sam. "You found something to help him?"
"No, Larys has him on a mild sedative for today," said Dorin.
"Oh?" asked Sam, surprised. "Is that healthy?"
Dorin eyed her.
"I mean, for a long time—was it necessary?" Sam continued.
"It will do the child no harm, and the mother much good," said Dorin. "Larys cares for little more."
Sam had a twinge of reservation, but nothing notable. She stood up, saying, "Then I need to talk to Sha're and discuss what you have explained, if she is awake."
Dorin nodded, and continued with whatever work she had.
~This could throw a wrench into the plan,~ said Sam.
Jolinar hesitated, translating the metaphor. *It could,* she said slowly. *Sha're will not be eager to jump into this, but it must be done swiftly if she is to accompany us.*
~And she has to do that, at least,~ said Sam. ~Maybe she'll jump for postponing the whole issue.~
*And leaving her unstable child in the hands of Larys and Dorin? Surely you know her better than that.*
~Right, that's not happening, not when he's so needy of her. I don't think she even trusts Martouf that much.~
*A wise mother, then.*
ooooooo
"Hey there," said Daniel with a smile, hands in his pockets as he stood by Mckay's bedside.
The bedridden scientist licked his dry lips slowly and blinked at the world. "Jackson, I hardly asked for this," he sighed.
"Janet called me when you woke up," said Daniel, grabbing the nearby stool and taking his seat. "We've been worried—Dixon will be along later."
"Great, just what I need," muttered Mckay. "I don't want commiser—wait, how did he get out of here?"
"He just got a bite in the arm, Rodney," said Daniel, a little bemused. "He said Janet patched him up and sent him to his room."
Mckay groaned and closed his eyes. His normally pale face was still downright pasty, his arm heavily bandaged, and two IVs mingled with the other cords attached to him. There was that bit of prickliness in his expression, but Daniel was used to that.
"Well, someone doesn't look so hot," commented Jack, swinging around the corner and clasping his hands together.
"Hello? Someone almost died?" Mckay wasted no time opening his eyes and responding to Jack.
"Yeah, try not to do that again, will you?" Jack nodded to Mckay, as serious as he ever got.
"Try not to let trees eat me? Yeah, great advice—never heard that one before." It didn't take a linguist to see the relief beneath the bluster in that comment. Daniel and Jack shared a look.
"What are you two doing over here?" demanded Janet, marching over in her four inch heels, clipboard in one hand and syringe in the other.
"Nothing, ma'am," said Jack quickly, eyes darting at once to the sizable needle. "Just...um...bugging your patients?"
"Dr. Mckay needs a good amount of rest before he gets any visiting," advised Janet.
"Right," said Jack, lifting a finger in a parody of a salute.
"I'll see if there's any jello to bring down for your dinner," said Daniel, standing up so that Janet could come and inject her syringe into Mckay's IV.
"Only if it's blue," said Mckay.
"I remember," said Daniel with a smile.
"Where's—Teal'c?" asked Mckay, a little groggy now.
"I'll bet he's coming along with Dixon," said Jack, as he turned for the door.
"Dixon? Did he leave?" asked Janet.
"Was he not supposed to?" asked Daniel as he followed Jack.
Janet shook her head and tapped her heel, her muttered "Oh, that man" following Daniel down the hall. He smiled. It was late afternoon again on Earth, almost a day since the mission, and he was ready for a little nap after the suspense of the last night and morning. He had to wonder, if that was the quiet, easy mission, what about the one that SG-5 took? Maybe Mckay had always been right, it was the luck of SG-1. He really needed that nap—he was getting superstitious.
ooooooo
Sha're was dozed in a chair next to Shifu's cradle, one hand reaching in to rest on his tiny blanketed form, rising and falling as he breathed slowly and evenly. Her brow showed the traces of worried lines, but even the presence of her protective hand couldn't deny that there was some peace in her face. Sam stood for a minute or two, letting Jolinar take control for no particular reason.
And then Jolinar sighed and turned the corner, looking to where Selmak and Saroosh lay. They looked so old, so aged beyond a normal lifespan. Sam seemed to see through Jolinar's eyes, seeing through the outer frailty to see the inner source of strength beneath. It was worse than before, worse than if Saroosh was just reaching the end of her days. Like a hammer straight to her heart, Sam saw two losses approaching in that one body lying absolutely still in the infirmary bed before her. She said nothing, and Jolinar turned away.
There was a moment where Jolinar had never felt closer to Sam, and she couldn't tell if she was just feeling Jolinar's grief on top of hers or if they were now one grief melded together, because the edges were blurry and she couldn't see any of it clearly. It was too close, and Sam felt that at any moment she would feel the loss of Rosha and Quinta and Elista and all the others that were buried deep in Jolinar's mind.
Beyond them, Sha're stirred and sat up, looking first to see if Shifu was still sleeping.
The grief was gone in a second, and Sam wondered where exactly it went. Where did they all go?
"Jolinar?" asked Sha're in a voice just above a whisper, standing from her chair and stretching her neck.
"We did not wake you, I hope," said Jolinar in a low voice, stepping forward.
"With what, your silence?" asked Sha're, something approaching a true smile on her face. "Of course not."
"We spoke with Dorin after the meeting with the Council," said Jolinar. "She explained in further detail what might help your child."
"And?" asked Sha're expectantly.
Jolinar took a deep breath. "Samantha thinks it is sound."
"Safe?" Sha're's words were carefully chosen.
Jolinar lent control over to the one who could answer best. "I cannot know," Sam admitted, opening her hands as she spoke the honest truth. "I—the Tok'ra cannot take the time to show me in close enough detail for me to judge. I must take their word."
"Why?" asked Sha're. "Can not you understand it?"
"It's not a 'can I' issue, Sha're," said Sam. "Just an 'am I allowed' one. Dorin is only following protocol, not revealing something so important to someone who is not fully dedicated to the cause." Sam sighed, the last words coming out frustratedly.
There was a brief pause, and then Sha're spoke. "But you think you understand enough?"
"I do, yes," said Sam. "And Sha're," she added, looking the women straight in the eye, "I would never imagine that Dorin would suggest anything she did not fully believe in. Even though I cannot know for sure, I know that she can."
Sha're nodded, her brow creased. Her head tipped to one side, her worry not without its cracks. "Perhaps I shall be convinced soon as well."
"There is one thing." Sam stepped forward, still looking at her closely, hands twisting to each other as she almost frowned. "The mission—it is less than three days from now. And Shifu can't come."
Sha're looked up at Sam, the crease deepening. "And I cannot leave him like this."
Sam nodded. "I know."
Sha're glanced back at her still-sleeping child. "But..."
"I'm sorry, Sha're, you'll have to make a decision tonight," said Sam.
Sha're brought her hands up, hiding her face for a moment as she took a long, deep breath. Lowering them, she looked up straight into Sam's eyes. "That woman was right. Anise. How I hated her, but she was right."
Sam said nothing, just tilted her head in an almost-acknowledgment. Sha're stepped back, sitting down again. She caressed Shifu's downy head with one hand, turning her head so her face was hidden behind the wealth of dark curls. Sam didn't move any closer.
*If she does not choose, what then?*
Sam couldn't read Jolinar's tone, but it almost didn't matter. ~I don't know.~
"If I do this," Sha're said quietly, "and I go with you, what do you think Dan'yel will say?"
"Does it matter?" asked Sam with emotion, stepping closer to her.
Sha're looked up. "Sa'm, he will be Shifu's father—I simply wonder what he would say."
"If he were here," Sam finished for her. "But Sha're, he isn't. He has no say in this. He had the chance, and..." she stopped, letting the volume of her voice lower from its unexpected rise.
"You thought he would come?" asked Sha're, a little confused as she looked to Sam.
"I—I—" Sam broke off, unsure of her own emotions. Was this bitterness she felt? Yes, only this morning she had spoken to the Council of her lack of total trust in her old friends, but that was nothing, it was only caution from them. "I shouldn't have," she finally said.
Sha're watched her as they both had no more words. Sam realized that she had once hoped, somewhere deep down, and it had been an idle one. She had even given it up without a thought when proven wrong. And yet now, all the tension and finality resting on this one mission had led, not to renewed hope, but to fear. Fear that things were going down like before. Fear that Shifu and Saroosh were omens. Unfounded, unconscious, mere visceral fears—and they were oh so real.
"Sha're, if there is anyone who can make this decision, it is you," Sam said earnestly, reaching out to take Sha're's free hand in hers. "Don't listen to me, don't think of Daniel, don't worry about anything. The more you think, the more your judgment will get clouded."
Sha're smiled softly, wearily, the worry sitting in the back of her eyes. "Dear Sa'm."
Sam sat down opposite her, releasing her hand and waiting patiently. She could feel Jolinar's presence, quiet and observant and the backbone of Sam's trust at this moment.
Sha're looked again to her child and some of the worry faded. "I do not doubt my own judgment," she said quietly. "And I know that I have the will to make sure that he is well again, forever."
Sam breathed out a breath she had not been holding. Saying nothing, she just looked Sha're in the eyes.
"But Sa'm, he is still my baby," Sha're said, so softly it could have been a whisper, a trembling one. "I—"
"I will be there," said Sam, nodding.
"Then before he wakes again, I should speak to Dorin." Share rose to her feet and paused, rolling the weight on her feet from heels to balls and then back, looking down at the floor. Then, with a deep breath, she stood up straight.
Sam rose to follow her, her worries for mother and child stronger in this moment than any other. But there was hope for Shifu, and that meant hope for Sha're, and who knew what other hopes could follow. Sam had been forced to leave behind some deeply held ones, and now needed to grasp for new ones to replace them.
ooooooo
"Ow!" Dixon barked, jumping an inch from where he leaned back against the cot. "Come on!"
"Come on, sir," corrected Jack with his Look.
"Not off duty," muttered Dixon, rubbing his bandaged right arm.
After Janet had retrieved Dixon, she had forced him into one night in the infirmary, bed and all. With Mckay across from him, it called for a team debriefing of sorts, and they all had showed up. With no vocal planning at all, Jack was sitting next to Dixon, and Teal'c sat on a stool at the end of his bed, facing Jordan and Daniel in their positions by Mckay.
"So, you're going to live?" Jordan asked Mckay, casting a glance to the brief war of rank across the room.
"Yes," said Mckay, eyes almost rolling along with his obvious tone. "That at least is certain."
Jordan smiled. "Well, I am due in Chicago tomorrow evening, so I needed to make sure before I go."
"A numb left hand, that's all, now," said Mckay, letting his eyes rest behind his eyelids.
"Pain meds are great, aren't they," commented Dixon, readjusting his position on the bed. "I don't feel a thing, so long as I'm not jostled." He tossed a glance to Jack, who plainly ignored it.
Daniel sat quietly, watching the good cheer that came out of relief among his team. He glanced a couple times a couple beds down, noting that Jacob Carter was awake and watching them. He hadn't spoken to the general since their conversation a few days back, but he had a feeling that the man would have been more curious had he not been so far gone. Daniel suspected that all his strength was spent in preparing for his last mission—it hit him hard sometimes, the knowledge of what Sam would be losing, and the fact that Jacob might never see her as she used to be.
"Hey!" Something flew out of the air to smack Mckay squarely on the chest, rousing him from his light doze.
"Where'd you get a bouncing ball?" asked Daniel curiously, turning to look towards Jack.
"You could have hit something!" protested Mckay.
"Punishment, oh Mckay, for your crime of being bored with us here," called Dixon across the way, grinning. "What are you three doing, anyway, moping?"
Mckay picked up the two-inch blue ball with his free hand, juggling it slightly in his palm as he glared at Jack and Dixon. Then the glare left, and he glanced to Daniel and then back to the others. Daniel couldn't read his expression, but it became clear when Mckay tossed the ball with a swift throw. Daniel's eyebrows rose as it bounced right off the top of Dixon's head, and at just the right angle bounced back to Mckay's hand. Oh yes, Rodney Mckay was smug.
"Hey!" protested Dixon.
Daniel saw Jack whisper something to Dixon, which seemed to lighten his face. "Uh oh," he said, turning his head towards Mckay even as he kept an eye on the other side. "You accepted the challenge." Across from them, Jack grabbed an Ace bandage and pinned the ends together, and Teal'c joined them at the top of the bed.
"Projectile wars are always won by the physicist," said Mckay in a low tone, a light of confidence in his eye.
"I think I might want to retire for the night," said Jordan loud enough for them to hear, as he gave a cautious smile.
"What, and leave the geeks one man short?" called Jack.
"Leave what?" Jack's face instantly fell as Janet's voice drifted towards them. "Colonel, what are you doing with my infirmary?"
The doctor had walked in to check on Jacob, but Jack's mini-slingshot with the Ace bandage and his pile of gauze roll ammunition had caught her sharp eye immediately.
"Ma'am, you wouldn't let us leave, what else were we to do?" asked Dixon, half seriously.
"Not hold a war, and certainly not with my medical equipment," Janet said firmly, but Daniel thought he saw the corner of her mouth quiver. She held out her hand like an expectant teacher for the stolen goods. "And who were you intending on attacking? My patient in intensive care?"
"Yes," acknowledged Jack, reluctantly handing over the slingshot.
"Well, if this has gotten so boring, perhaps you should leave Dr. Mckay alone instead of attacking him," advised Janet.
"I don't mind," said Mckay.
Janet glanced over to them.
"We were winning," said Daniel with a cheeky grin.
"Not a good excuse, sorry, Doctors," said Janet.
Daniel noted how Mckay carefully closed his hand around the bouncy ball still in his possession, making sure Janet didn't take his one advantage. Janet cast one last disapproving glance, and then returned to check up on Jacob. Jack sighed and looked up at the clock.
"I shall bid you all farewell, then," said Dr. Jordan as he rose from his seat.
"See ya, doc," said Jack, nodding to him with a respect that belied his light words.
Teal'c bowed his head in a silent farewell.
"Yeah, thanks for the help," said Dixon.
"I couldn't have done it in time without you," acknowledged Daniel, standing and shaking his professor's hand.
"Glad to be of any help," said Jordan, face lightening. "I'm not sure if I'd want to do it again, but...thank you, Daniel, for making this happen."
"No problem," said Daniel, smiling. He glanced to Mckay, wondering why he didn't say anything.
"Winning, eh?" said Jordan, amused, following Daniel's gaze.
Mckay's pain medications had taken over, and his eyes were closed in drowsy slumber. Any moment, Daniel expected a soft snore.
"Well, I know he'd thank you if he was awake," said Daniel.
Jordan nodded and left the infirmary, casting back one last look before he turned the corner. Jack finished putting back the gauze rolls and looked to Teal'c.
"Time for bed," announced Jack quietly, standing up and stretching. Teal'c nodded, putting his chair up against the wall.
Dixon lay back on his bed, sighing. Jack nodded to him before taking his own leave, Teal'c close behind. Daniel walked the other way, passing Janet on his way out just as she was headed towards Mckay, and stopping for a second.
"Janet, what is Mckay's condition exactly?" he asked in a quiet tone. "I know he's out of danger, but what does it look like for recovery?"
"At this point I can't be sure," said Janet seriously, looking only barely surprised at Daniel's question. "The venom in his hand broke down some of his muscle tissues, so that will be a couple weeks on its own, but I'm more concerned about the nerve damage. It's likely that he will have some numb spots from where the surface nerves are damaged, and those will take a few months to heal, but I can only hope that the deeper ones are not fully damaged." She sighed. "Whatever happens, he can be grateful it was his left hand only."
Daniel nodded.
"I think we can be glad that he doesn't know how close a call it was," admitted Janet. "But we'll see how he takes it when the shock and medication begins to fade, and also when he finds out he's not going on your next mission."
"What about General Carter?" asked Daniel, looking over to Janet's other major patient.
"We'll have to see about that too," said Janet with pursed lips.
Daniel exhaled, gave a last smile to Janet, and walked back up to his lab to gather his things. Janet was willing to be cautiously optimistic, so he was too. No point in worrying this close to the event—things would run their course no matter who was there. But there was that niggling doubt in the depths of his mind, telling him that something was going to go wrong. No, he told it. Things have already gone wrong; this will make things right. It must.