Chapter 31 - Healing
Morning came on the Tok'ra home-world, and though the base functioned as usual, it was momentous for a few. Sha're's determination to help Shifu had not changed overnight, and she approached Sam and Jolinar in the Tok'ra mess hall to ask for their assistance. Any worries beyond the normal ones were carefully hidden behind her face, giving Sam cause once again to worry for her. At least with Jolinar, she had some prerogative to persist in figuring out what was wrong—with Sha're, she could only accept what hints the other woman would give.
Sam also was hiding her feelings, however. As much as she had given her support for the Tok'ra to suppress Shifu's Goa'uld memories, it rubbed her in all the wrong ways. Not only was this a very dangerous and delicate operation, it seemed intrusive and mechanical, like something a stereotypical mad scientist would do. And to let Dorin do it to tiny, innocent Shifu, with his chubby face and hands...Sam had to repeat often to herself that it was only for his safety and well-being, two things that could not be achieved without it. Jolinar had no comment, not strange to Sam considering that she was accustomed to technology solving so many problems.
Shifu was still dozing, only one wet trail down his fat right cheek an indication of his former distress, as Sam accompanied Sha're down to the infirmary where Dorin was waiting for them. The Tok'ra doctor was swift and efficient as soon as she had Sha're's consent, not wanting to have to keep the child under sedation longer than absolutely necessary. For once, Sam was glad that Dorin wasn't as open as Larys about what exactly went into the procedure. Her mind made up, Sha're showed no outward hesitation as she carefully transferred the bundled Shifu into Dorin's secure grasp. Sha're planted a last soft kiss on her baby's forehead, whispering soft words that neither Sam nor Dorin seemed to hear, and then nodded to Dorin. The Tok'ra took him inside the lab that she had set up in the infirmary, leaving Sha're to set up a position outside where she could wait comfortably for several hours. Sam hadn't set her mind just yet, and followed Dorin in.
"How long should we expect this to take?" she asked quietly, as Dorin gently put Shifu into the cradle-type bed that would keep him secure for the procedure.
"An hour, possibly," said Dorin, making sure that Shifu's blanket was wrapped snugly around him. His eyes opened as he was adjusted, but he didn't make any sound. "The device works quickly."
Sam's brow creased. It was all unnerving, seeing the tiny baby all swaddled up in blankets and knowing what was going to be done to him. Only Dorin's calm care and assurance countered it, even as she put a powdered anesthetic on her finger and let Shifu suckle it off. She looked to Sam and gave her a small smile.
"It will be fine, Samantha, but I must do this alone," she said.
As Sam turned to leave, she saw Dorin wheeling a large machine over towards Shifu, something that looked similar to an x-ray device on Earth. Except this would be affecting his genetic structure, delicately turning off the parts that made him a victim of the Goa'uld. He slumbered peacefully now under the influence of the sedatives and anesthesia, his rose-gold skin glowing healthily under the lights of the infirmary, thumb comfortably in his mouth.
*And he will be like this at all times once this procedure is complete,* said Jolinar. *He is being given freedom.*
~I know. It's just—if nothing else, it seems a little dangerous.~
*He was born into a dangerous life; there is no escaping it now.*
~And hopefully he'll be with Daniel soon, and all this will be forgotten,~ sighed Sam as she left Dorin and the infant behind.
Sha're had found a barren corner of the infirmary, far away from anything, and sat cross-legged on the floor. Her hands rested lightly on her knees, but as Sam found her she had not closed her eyes.
"It'll be about an hour," Sam said quietly. She hesitated, not as comfortable as Sha're in sitting on what she considered the floor. Hastily glancing around, she found a low crate that would work better than one of the stools, and sat across from Sha're.
"Thank you," said Sha're quietly.
"Do you need me to leave you alone while you...meditate?" asked Sam, indicating Sha're's position.
"No," she said, shaking her head and looking up with suddenly open eyes. "Sa'm—I need you to talk to me."
"Of course," said Sam. "Usually it's the opposite that I have a hard time complying with."
Sha're tilted her head in a feeble attempt to hide the hint of amusement on her face, yet a hint that quickly faded. "I do not find it easy to speak."
"Really?" asked Sam, leaning forward a little to rest her forearms on her knees. "I never would have guessed."
Sha're's head dipped for a second. Jolinar's attention to the strategic side of dress and style had influenced Sam enough that she took that second to ponder Sha're's flurry of dark curls. Oftentimes, when Sam and Jolinar would visit, they would notice how she had to push them back from her face to accomplish even simple tasks. They couldn't be meant to attract anyone, so the only conclusion that Jolinar came to was that they were to distract from her face. Sam didn't quite buy it until now, as she couldn't quite see what emotion colored Sha're's face.
"You cannot understand how it is for me to be here," Sha're spoke up after that brief moment. "I have never been in a place where my speech was so requested; I have always been accustomed to listen." She looked up at Sam. "You have your science that is so needed, the Tok'ra all have information to share, but what do I have? Why would I want to speak?"
*Because speech is all that reveals, and a mystery forever locked will drive all away frustrated,* said Jolinar, and though she was not speaking to Sha're, Sam wasn't sure who was the intended audience.
"Because not all speech is about facts," she said simply aloud.
"I know, but it has been difficult to learn," said Sha're with a long sigh. "At this moment, though, I cannot be alone with my thoughts."
Sam almost asked to hear them, only to have Jolinar say quietly, *She doesn't need that.*
Deciding that Jolinar would know in this matter, Sam waited. She didn't have to wait for long.
"What will my role be for this negotiation?" asked Sha're, firm and to the point.
Sam felt glad that she was not focusing all her thoughts on what was happening with Shifu, but when thinking about the question itself, she found it difficult. "What do you mean?"
"Your people will be there," said Sha're. "Jolinar will be there for the Tok'ra, and you are the one in between. Am I a token, to show that the Tok'ra do more than talk?"
"Of course not," protested Sam. "The biggest reason for this negotiation is to get you back to where you belong; any alliance that gets made will be a pittance."
"Half the reason," Sha're corrected. "You would not have foregone a meeting with your people had I not been a factor."
"Are you worried about that?" asked Sam, frowning.
Sha're sighed, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "I am sorry if I appear so frantic," she said. "It's just—." She murmured a few words in Goa'uld that Sam thought she recognized as curses.
*Her eyes are so dark,* commented Jolinar.
"I haven't slept well in at least a cycle of the moon," admitted Sha're, as if she was following Jolinar's train of thought. "And sometimes I wish that I did not—that this child—" She trailed off almost uncomfortably.
"You've talked to Larys or Dorin, right?" asked Sam, her brow still creased but her frown gone.
"Yes, yes, I know it is all expected," said Sha're shortly. "But Sa'm, I feel lost. The excitement and joy is fading so quickly, and this place does not help."
Sam tipped her head, unsure of what that meant. Jolinar, on the other hand—Sam gladly let her jump to the forefront.
"What troubles you?" she asked, Sha're looking up for a second to recognize the change in voice and words.
"If it were not for my hope that this will all be over in a matter of days, I would admit to feeling like my mind were disappearing into this place," Sha're explained.
"As Larys suggested?" Jolinar followed up, but Sam had the distinct feeling that it was merely a leading question.
"Larys can have no opinion on the subject," Sha're countered firmly. "Was he not born to these tunnels? I long for my desert. The movement of air across my face, not this ever clean stillness. The heat of day and chill of night, not this even warmth. The feel of shifting sand, not the hardness of crystal."
Sam's guess was correct, and a sudden surge of sympathy emanating from Jolinar made her feel confused and a little disappointed when she could not summon any of her own. Jolinar dipped her head towards Sha're, something deeper than a generic nod of understanding. "It is well that we have been so often off-world," she said quietly.
Sha're looked up at her, the cloud of distress in her eyes mingling with the light of shared feelings. "I miss Abydos," she said in the same tone. "And it is likely that I will never return, even after I am united with Dan'yel and Shifu in safety."
"The planet may be safe someday," Jolinar put in, but as her eyes made contact with Sha're's, Sam could tell that they both knew it was a throwaway fact.
"I could be happy on this planet, I think, if I were allowed on the surface," said Sha're. "But I am not, a continuing curse of Amonet, and what happens when I join Dan'yel?"
"Underground halls of mindlessly grey stone," said Jolinar with a sigh. "And even on the surface...roads and buildings and dirt and grass."
Sha're nodded, adjusting herself so that her knees were folded up in front of her. "Sometimes I fear that even Dan'yel will not be enough to counter it, but I know that it is only my desperation."
"You will find that love can overcome many things," said Jolinar with a soft smile that rarely appeared. *More than you know,* she thought silently. Sam was thoughtful, listening.
Sha're answered with a smile of her own. "Even after a full Abydonian year?"
"I have seen your Daniel since then; you have nothing to fear," said Jolinar comfortably. "I have been gone for such a length of time as well. It aches, but it is bearable on both sides."
"Oh, my longing has never been so strong in me," admitted Sha're, her face slowly lightening. "But sometimes—do you know how you can forget him at times? How he becomes your foundation and nothing more, and when you remember there is a moment of fear that you may forget him?"
"But the very worry proves it unfounded," said Jolinar nodding. "So many times, Sha're."
"I am glad then," said Sha're, sighing and closing her eyes for a second.
Sam didn't know what she was thinking. A part of her was happy, seeing how these two friends of hers were coming close in a way that she always thought they should. And yet, she was uncomfortable, the one left out because she could not relate. The looks, the tone, she recognized—but how could one so hate the underground? Be so fully one with another person? She was lost in the emotions.
And as they so often did, Jolinar and Sha're fell silent again. But though Sha're's brow slowly furrowed again, and her mouth tightened in worry, this silence was not cold. They had nothing further to say, that was all. They had found a way to communicate without words, something that Sam was only beginning to fully understand.
ooooooo
Daniel had to appreciate the lack of urgent duties for today as he wandered into the SGC early in the morning. His main priority was supposed to be the mission report, but to give that full credit, he just had to figure out exactly what had happened. Mckay's case had complicated things—he needed to do what he did best, and read between the lines of everything to find the connections. Read between the lines quite literally, in some cases.
Last night he had printed off the photos he'd taken of the parts of the tower that he and Jordan had not translated, and had been quite distracted with the text before getting to sleep far too late. It was amazing, this thing they had so accidentally discovered. Despite the fairly primitive stone construction, the linguistic evidence all pointed towards a civilization far beyond what the Romans had ever achieved while they still spoke Latin.
The more he translated, the more he analyzed, the more he grew excited. The Alterans, as they seemed to name themselves, had done amazing things on this planet. Frightening, to be sure, but it was a huge step for an advanced race. And even more, they seemed to be unaware of its significance. Daniel wished that anyone from his department were on base so he could have someone to bounce this off of, but Barbara Shore was helping SG-2 on some world and Gary Meyers was bringing in Robert Rothman later today. Daniel could wait, he supposed.
But, oh, oh, not this! Daniel grabbed the relevant sheet and leapt to his feet—he had to tell somebody.
"Whoa there, Daniel, where ya headed?" asked Jack as Daniel rushed into the elevator behind him, looking like he was about to stumble over his feet.
"Infirmary," said Daniel, pressing the button twice just to be sure.
Jack nodded, glancing at him, but saying nothing. The elevator went down with a little jerk, causing Jack to glare at it.
"So, what is it?" he finally asked.
"It's about the last planet we went to," said Daniel, jumping at the chance. "Those writings—they knew the Asgard, Jack!"
Jack shrugged. "Not only that, but I didn't even think of this at the time, but they must have been humanoid," continued Daniel, not really paying attention to the expression on Jack's face of slight trepidation. "I mean, some treatment that worked for them might have killed us if they were different enough, but it didn't."
"Did you, by any chance, find out why they made killer trees?" asked Jack, shaking his head a little.
"It was an experiment that went wrong," said Daniel.
"So why didn't they nuke before they left?" asked Jack. "See, I don't get that."
"Maybe they thought they could fix it, I don't know," said Daniel with a slight shrug. The elevator stopped and he got off, walking backwards in case Jack had something further to say. But the older man didn't, and the elevator doors closed again.
Daniel walked swiftly down the hall and into the infirmary, casting a quick look around to make sure nothing important was going on. Dixon had been let loose, but Siler was sitting on his bed as Janet seemed to be stitching up his arm. Apart from that, Jacob was resting, a working oxygen tank making him look weaker than ever, and Mckay was writing on a mini-whiteboard.
"Hey, Mckay," said Daniel, holding up his notebook as he came close.
"What now?" asked Mckay without looking up, putting down the dry-erase pen in frustration as he grabbed the cloth to erase part of his equation. "Do you know how hard it is to write with one hand?"
Daniel decided against reminding him that it was at least his dominant hand that was whole. He was looking decidedly healthier, though the dark circles under his eyes must have been indicative of something. Daniel didn't even realize he was lost in thought until Mckay let his hand drop and looked up with an impatient: "What?"
"Oh, I finished translating the monument on the planet with the," Daniel waved his hand, pencil still in his fingers, in Mckay's injury's general direction. "The science of it is simply amazing! I didn't even notice at first."
"No! You? What a shocker," intoned Mckay, eyes doing the traditional roll. "What, discover that they knew the world was round before we did?"
Daniel responded with his look, and Mckay at least said nothing more. "No...actually, they had a long term terraforming plan that was incredibly intricate."
"Really?" asked Mckay, face perking up as he looked intrigued.
Daniel continued. "Yes. You see, it should have been hitting us in the face with how obvious it was—if the Alterans were messing with genes and created some hybrid, why could we find the plants with the right chemicals to combat it right on that planet?" He paused, eyes wide in an open rhetorical question.
Mckay frowned, all sarcasm gone. "Wait..."
"See—it doesn't make sense!" continued Daniel, tapping the air with his pencil.
"So what, it was a trap?" said Mckay. "Except—no, don't answer that—why would they provide the escape instructions from the trap?"
Daniel nodded.
"But the plants wouldn't be there if there wasn't a reason, but if the killer trees were a mistake, why would they have thought to..." Mckay trailed off, looking up from his train of thought to see Daniel's expectant face. "Let me guess, you have a theory?"
Daniel tried not to grin, but a smile evaded his control anyway. "I was paying attention to the wording of the Alteran text, the tone which it was written in," he started, referring to his notebook. "When we first translated it, we just assumed it was a last effort of goodwill before they escaped with their lives, but that's not what it reads like. Yes, there's a warning at the beginning, but the text is full of a huge amount of detail that wouldn't be needed for someone just trying to escape the planet intact. Including, for instance, the processes of terraforming on the whole planet."
Opening the notebook, Daniel held it out so Mckay could lean over and look at it.
"Your handwriting's too small," Mckay pointed out, sitting up again with a light sigh.
"See this? It says that they were trying to create a new chemical balance in the ecosystem," said Daniel.
"An ecosystem of what, four or five life-forms?" asked Mckay, incredulous. It did not surprise Daniel that he knew so much about what they had discovered while he was unconscious—after all, what else was there to do away from labs and computers, especially when Dixon was bedridden for the night?
"But that's the mistake, not the trees," explained Daniel. "They wanted to work with carnivorous plants as natural barriers for hidden bases, but they were smart enough to know that they needed something to counteract such a deadly life-form. So they bred the other plants specifically."
"They genetically altered mud and grass?"
Daniel nodded, his face bright. "Isn't it ingenious? The fungi grows on the trees that coexist with the killer ones, and the mineral deposit in the grass keeps the killer trees from overstepping their boundaries and taking over."
"So that perfect oval by the gate?" asked Mckay.
"Their natural barrier," said Daniel nodding. "Except, of course, they didn't get it quite right. They didn't take into account that the trees would be that appealing to the life on the planet. Their small patch quickly attracted enough to grow into a forest, which attracted more animals from around the planet, and so on. That gave them enough strength to spread and reproduce until they were overtaking the world. The Alterans had to stop them, and so they put extra mineral deposits by the gate, erected a monument explaining it all, and abandoned the project."
"But they didn't destroy it—oh yes, that's smart," commented Mckay. "No wonder they screwed up."
"Still, they had an incredible level of technology, despite the simple things we saw," said Daniel.
"What did you call them, the Alterans?" asked Mckay.
"That's what they seemed to name themselves," said Daniel, nodding. "And they knew the Asgard—maybe if we see Thor again, we can ask him about them. Looking at their script closely, actually, it seems like a simplified form of one of the ones from the Alliance at Heliopolis."
"The one that obviously doesn't exist anymore..." said Mckay. "Fat lot of help that is."
"We don't know that," cautioned Daniel. "The Asgard are still alive."
Mckay sighed. "Well, until we actually meet them, or find technology that we can use, I have no interest in them." He glanced down at his left hand, tightly bandaged, and sighed.
"How are you doing?" asked Daniel, changing the subject from the history/archaeology that he knew Mckay didn't like.
"Can't feel it, thank god," said Mckay dryly. "But, Frasier doesn't have to tell me that that doesn't mean anything. I'm not getting it back for a long while."
"Mm," said Daniel, frowning sympathetically.
"Honestly, I don't know if I even want to get back to the team," admitted Mckay, his tone surprisingly empty.
Daniel looked up, intent on his face. It was one of the rare moments where Mckay's guard dropped, and it seemed to be willingly this time. "Really?"
"I may not get this hand back," exclaimed Mckay with a hint of bitterness. "And whose fault is that? I always knew it was safer to stay in the lab, not risk yourself in field work, but I let them convince me and now look where it got me."
"You regret it then?" asked Daniel.
"At the moment, yes," said Mckay shortly. He paused. "I just don't know if I can go back to life before all this."
"It's addicting, isn't it," said Daniel, nodding.
"Just think of all the ground-breaking scientific discoveries that could be just sitting on some planet!" said Mckay. "And who's going to find them? Not them, obviously," he said, apparently indicating the rest of the team. "And not you either, Jackson."
"Yeah, not really my area," agreed Daniel, glad there wasn't too much disdain today. "You're right; we need you out there."
"And I need me out there," admitted Mckay.
"You just don't know if you want to risk the possibility that you may not survive to figure out exactly what all that you discover means," said Daniel with a sigh. Oh, he knew that feeling all too well...
Mckay didn't say anything, and Daniel figured that it was a rare moment when they both knew what the other was thinking and didn't jump right out and say it.
A sigh of frustration escaped Mckay.
"What?" asked Daniel.
"You made me lose my train of thought—I can't remember where I was going with this," said Mckay, indicating his whiteboard.
"Sorry," said Daniel. The moment was over, the guard was up again. "I don't have anything else; I can leave you alone now." He turned to walk out, not expecting anything else.
"Let me know if you find anything else!" called Mckay a little absently after him.
Daniel smiled to himself as he continued out into the hall. It was almost a 'thanks', or so he reckoned.
ooooooo
Neither of the parties in the infirmary spoke again as the hour passed away, even as the minutes seem to pass slower and slower. Sha're was again sitting with her legs crossed, eyes closed in some form of meditation. Jolinar was sitting by her, leaning up against the wall with legs bent in a relaxed position as she absently stared out across the room. Her mind was quiet, and as Sam had nothing to think about herself, she didn't feel like she was missing anything.
An hour passed in the unwavering artificial light of the tunnels, and Sha're adjusted herself and looked at the Tok'ra version of a clock. Ten more minutes passed, then twenty, and she grew restless. Jolinar glanced over at her, thought of the time, and began to worry herself. But it was only another five minutes before Dorin appeared in the doorway and they both rose quickly to their feet.
The Tok'ra looked a little worn, but satisfied, and she beckoned to Sha're. "I have done all in my power for your son," she said quietly. "And from all the tests, it seems to have been much. He is well and waiting for you."
"Thank you," said Sha're softly, reaching out her hand to touch Dorin.
Dorin bowed her head, and let them pass.
Sam was reminded of the first time she had seen Shifu, lying in a bed away from his mother, looking up and pondering the ceiling as he sucked his thumb. Here he was again, eyes no longer drowsy from the medication, his little legs kicking comfortably as he squirmed in his blanket.
Sha're breathed in deeply, and then moved quickly to his side, putting out a hand to caress his cheek. He turned his head to her and put out a tiny hand, and a smile wiped all her worry lines away as she scooped him into her arms and hugged him close, planting a kiss at the base of his neck. He gurgled contentedly, and Sha're spun around once, smile broadening until it took up her full face.
Sam was filled with joy inside as she watched, and though Jolinar stood back, waiting for an invitation to approach, her body relaxed and her face lit up in response to Sha're's. "He is happy," she commented.
"Oh yes, Jolinar, my baby is with me once again," said Sha're, coming over to her, her step lighter than it had been in days even with her remaining weariness. "Just look at his face—he is troubled no more, and yet he still knows me."
Jolinar smiled and put out a finger to brush a tuft of Shifu's dark hair that fell in front of his round ear. He was still too young to look at her and smile, but his head turned in her direction, his dark eyes searching even as they seemed to look past her. It was enough for Jolinar, and Sam felt her appreciation of it.
"He will be hungry, I think," said Sha're, rocking him close to her chest. "Do you mind?"
"Not at all," said Jolinar. "You should take your time."
"Yes, yes, we will be leaving," said Sha're. She looked up at Jolinar. "I am glad you were here today."
"So was I," said Jolinar, without hesitation or facade. Sam was a little surprised.
As Sha're's departing worry turned into coos and kisses, Jolinar turned from the infirmary with a satisfied sigh of her own. *All looks well for now.*
~Yes, yes it does,~ said Sam. For the moment her doubts and fears seemed superstitious, and she was in no hurry to change that opinion.
*Did you wish for such a life?* asked Jolinar suddenly.
~A little, yes,~ said Sam. ~Long ago.~
*You regret it, seeing her?*
~No, not the baby part. I'm not ready for that, not sure I ever will be. Why?~
*Just thinking,* Jolinar answered, tone in agreement with her words.
Sam smiled. ~That's new.~
*Excuse me?*
~Kidding, of course; Lantash was right, you are an easy mark.~
Jolinar snorted in response, but it was nothing more than a drop of water slipping down duck's feathers, gone in an instant and leaving no trace. They had the rest of this day and still another one before the final test; Sha're had her child to reacquaint herself with, and Jolinar and Sam had a mission to plan. Nothing to worry about.
—
Author's Notes: This early discovery of the Ancients is a change (I imagine that in canon, they never found the monument in the forest), but it won't have a huge impact on the story. Also, though in canon Sam seems interested in having children (with Joe in 2010 and she mentions it in connection to Pete in Affinity), I don't think she was set on them or would consider them a goal until she was considering marriage. Especially given the upheavals in her life, in this story they're probably the furthest thing from her mind.