Because of you
Final Chapter.
"Shane i…er" I take a deep breath and compose myself. "Shane I can't" I say finally. He completely deflates and drops his hand. I want to take back my answer but I don't want to lie to him. "Im so sorry" I whisper.
"Can I just ask why?" his voice is calm but also strained. I had completely rejected him, I obviously wasn't his most favourite person at this moment in time. "Why wont you marry me? I thought you loved me"
I drop to my knees so my face is level with his. "I do love you Shane! a lot in fact, it's just…im 19, im not ready to be tied down yet, I haven't even lived my life yet" I touch his arm and I feel him tense, he then moves away from me a little. "Please don't be mad at me"
"Im not" he says bluntly. "Im going to bed" his voice is cold. He stands up and stalks past me. I cringe and sink to the floor when I hear the slam of the bedroom door. Well done Mitchie, way to fuck everything up for yourself. I fall onto the couch and drop my head in my hands. I had probably just ruined my relationship. Fuck!
That's when the tears start to well in my eyes. They come quicker than I expect and they seem like they aren't going to stop, every time I wipe them away, another few rolls down my rosy cheeks. I scramble around the living room in search of my phone. When I find it I bring up Amy's number and press the green button. I impatiently wait for her to answer. "Merry Christmas Mitchie" Amy shrieks into the phone.
I sniff loudly. "Merry Christmas babe" I croak out.
"Mitch, are you crying?" she asks, I sniff again and wipe my face. "Has something happened, what's wrong?" her voice is thick with worry and I feel bad for making her feel like that on Christmas.
"I've fucked everything up Amy" I sigh, my voice shaking from the small sobs rippling up my dry throat. "He proposed" she gasps and asked what I said. "I said no, I told him that I wasn't ready, but he didn't like that answer very much, he just stormed up stairs, Im such an idiot" I cry out. I rake my fingers through my hair roughly and tug on it slightly.
"Shh Mitchie, everything will be ok, just, try and talk to him, explain to him that you just need time to grow up a little more, you haven't ruined anything, you just gave him an honest answer" her tone is soft and reassuring. "just give him time to cool off and im sure everything will be good again" she promised, but I didn't believe her.
"How do you know that?" I huff. "He'll probably want to end things now, I don't want to loose him" I whimper. The thought of loosing him makes me short on air, I loved him, I couldn't let him go, I wouldn't, not again, not after everything that we have been through, I need him.
"I know how much he loves you" she says, her voice soft. "We all do, he wont leave you, he would be stupid to anyway, where else is he going to find someone like you, nowhere that's where" I smile at her answer. I would be so lost without Amy in my life. "And anyway, if things were to turn out bad, which they wont, I will always be here for you, you're my best friend, got that?"
I nod to myself. "I love you Amy, tell Nate and his family I said Merry Christmas, im just going to leave things for the night and talk to him in the morning, have a good night" she says goodbye and then I am met by the dial tone.
I slept on the sofa that night, not very comfortable at all, and when I woke up Shane was just about to walk out the door, he obviously heard me because he turned and looked at me, but he didn't utter a word before walking out. I knew he would be back because he had left his bags, but he had left anyway, and it hurt, a lot. I didn't know where he was going but I know he needed time, away from me, and id let him have that. I didn't want to make things worse.
Most of my day consisted of cleaning the house, I wanted to stay busy so wherever there was a speck of dust, I was on it. I must have been cleaning for hours because the sun had gone down and Shane stumbled inside the house, and when I say stumbled I mean it, he could barely walk. I stand up, dusting off my butt and knees. "Shane? Have you been drinking?"
He holds his fingers to his lips but actually gets his chin. "Shhh, don' tell Mitchie" he snorted with laughter and fell on the sofa. "Not that she'll care, she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to marry me"
"That doesn't mean she doesn't love you" I whisper, tears on the brim of my eyelids. He huffed, crossing his arms like a child. "She isn't ready to get married, she needs to live her life first"
"What's so wrong with living life with me?" he asked, his voice was a lot smaller. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" he slurs out, he recognised me now. "Why aren't I good enough" he asks in a whisper. Then the tears fall. Suddenly the soft face he had worn was gone. Only to be replaced by twisted anger. "You know what, I don't give a shit if you don't want to marry me, im Shane Grey for fuck sake! I can get any girl I want" he spits out, his whole attitude had altered, then he lets out a sort of cackle. "I don't need to be tied down, it was a stupid thought to ask you to marry me, whatever" his voice is dripping with venom and vodka, making me cower away from him.
"We should get you to bed" I gently touch his arm, which he wrenches from me. He gives me one look of disgust before tripping up the stairs and slamming the door shut. Looks like another night of the couch.
That night I had a nightmare. Me and Shane…happy, we were sitting in a living room, an unfamiliar one, as two small children were sleeping peacefully on an armchair next to a dwindling fire. He was staring at the children. "Aren't they beautiful" he asks me. I go to answer but the words don't come from my mouth.
"They sure are" comes an unknown voice, I turn my head to see Ivy, holding a mug, she then sets it down and walks over to Shane, pressing a small kiss to his lips. Horrified, I try shouting, but no words come from my mouth. "I love you Shane," she whispers in his ear. I stare at him alarmed, he won't say it back, he cant, he loves me!
"I love you two sweetheart" he purrs back at her, stroking her blonde hair.
This was all wrong, it shouldn't be like this, he won't marry her, he cant! NO!
I jolt awake, my breathing heavy and a blanket of sweat covering my forehead. That was horrible. I wipe the sweat away and tip toe up the stairs and into the bathroom. I fill the sink with cold water and splash my face a few times, I wasn't tired at all now, and I didn't really want to go back to sleep in fear of having the picture of Ivy and Shane in my head. I dry my face and go check on Shane.
Peaking my head round the door I see him sprawled across he bed, mouth agape, hair askew and his leg dangling off the bed. He was still fully dressed. I creep inside and carefully pull off his shoes. He stirs in his sleep, causing me to freeze, but then he stops and his mouth parts slightly again. I let out a little sigh and I place his shoes next to his bed. "Goodnight" I whisper as I press my lips to his forehead softly before leaving the room.
The next day, nothing was different. He refused to talk to me; he barely even looked at me. the only words he said to me were "I'll be back for dinner" and again, he was gone, slamming the door behind him, a sound I had become so familiar with. I sigh and fall against the couch. 'Pull yourself together Mitchie!' scolds a small voice in the back of my head, 'Talk to him, don't leave it to late!' It's, well, my mind is right, I need to speak to him, I don't want to go days without talking and possibly split up over this, I love him and he needs to know that.
I pull on my boots and sling on my jacket before leaving the house. I stumbled back a little as the cold air slapped harshly against my face, I hadn't been outside in a couple days so I hadn't exactly realised how cold it really was. I zipped up my coat all the way and shoved my hands in my pockets. Shane could have gone far, he had only left twenty minutes ago. As I push on, I search the streets, there aren't many people but you could easily blend in, me being the nosey person I turn my head to someone window. I see a couple kissing passionately, I feel rude for looking but I cant tear my eyes away, they both look so familiar, and when she moves her head I realise why.
It's Shane, and Ivy.
Everything inside me seems to shut down; bile rises in my throat as my eyes cloud over. I manage to drag my feet all the way back home, but I don't manage without stumbling a few times. When I get back inside I fall against the door fighting desperately for air as my lungs refuse to take any in. I then feel myself lunging for the bathroom and that's when I throw up. Tears were streaking my face as I heave violently into the toilet.
Once I had finished I fell against the cold tiles, my face meeting the floor. This couldn't be happening, I was dreaming, this was like the nightmare of him and Ivy, they hadn't really been kissing, it was all in my mind, if I pinch myself I might wake up, so I do. Nothing…I pinch harder…still nothing, I pinch even harder, nothing, but I seem to have drawn blood. Once again, there was pain all over my body, want to know what it was? Realisation.
Realisation that his whole situation was very real and that I had lost Shane. I had lost him to the bottle blonde a few doors away.
A sob ripples up my throat as I slowly curl into a ball and cry. Why had he done this to me? first he slept with my best friend, and now he was kissing a girl he had only met a few days ago…just because I refused to marry him. why did he have to do this? couldn't have he just gone and got drunk again, I would much rather that he go and kiss her, especially the way he was, she was straddling him and he had his hands knotted in her hair, it all looked so passionate, like he really wanted it.
After what feels like an eternity, I manage to pull myself from the floor and hazily stumble back into the living room. I fall onto the sofa and bring my knees to my chest as I stare at the blank wall, my mind reeling. A few moments later Shane walks through the door, he lets out a breath as he takes off his shoes and jacket. His eyes finally land on me. "What's wrong with you?" I don't answer him, I don't even look in his direction, I cant. "Mitchie? What's wrong?" he asks again.
"You want to know what's wrong" my voice is crackling and my eyes are glassy, I still don't look at him. "You" I whisper. "Everything that is ever wrong with me is you Shane, it's always because of you" I scream, finally bringing myself to look at him. he looks startled at my outburst.
"What the hell have I done?" he asks angrily. My blood then begins to boil, does he feel no guilt in what he has just done to me?
"Was she a good kisser?" I ask coldly, he looks confused. "Ivy" and with that word he realised, his face falls and his shoulder slump, his face also drains of colour. "Know what you did now?" I spit out.
"Mitchie let me explain" he begs as he takes a step forward, I just shake my head and step back.
"Why would I listen to what you have you say? It's always fucking bullshit Shane!" I shriek at him. I try my hardest not to crumble to the floor, I need to show him that I am strong enough to walk away, because that is exactly what I am going to do.
"You refused to Marry me Mitchie! Im sorry if I was upset, I went to Ivy for comfort, I didn't go there to hook up with her, I just wanted some sympathy, she kissed me!" he tried to tell me.
I look at him in disbelief. "Don't you dare turn this back on me!" I shout as I slam my fists against his chest, causing him to stumble back a little. "I refused to marry you because I wasn't ready! You should have respected that answer, it may not have been what you wanted to hear but that doesn't mean you go and make out with someone else" I rid my face of the old tears, making room for the fresh ones that fall freely from my deep brown eyes.
"Im sorry" he finally chokes out after 10 long seconds of silence. "I-I wasn't thinking, im a dick, a complete and utter douche, im so fucking sorry, I keep messing everything up, I know this is all my fault, I love you, I love you so much and I don't want to loose you, please" his eyes were fogging up from the tears.
I stare at him blankly. "I'll be back to get my things later" I say coldly. "We're done Shane" it comes out in a croaky voice as I brush passed him and out into the cold air. He doesn't follow me, there would be no point, this was it now, no more second chances. It was all over.
and thats a wrap! i realize a lot of you hate me for not uploading sooner, but i was so busy with exams and revision i just didn't have time, and i re-wrote this a million times, it's still not the best but i tried. i really hope you like it and im sad its ending but there will be a sequel, i don't know when, probably in a couple months, but i promise there will be one, i wont leave you hanging again, i just want to thank everyone for reading this story and reviewing, every one meant a lot, whether it was critism or kind words, every one counted, i love you all and all you have to do now is REVIEW!