Baby Blues

"What are we doing in Peterny?"

Albel glanced at the blissfully ignorant bluenette walking at his side and smiled. "Oh, nothing special," he replied airily, surreptitiously slipping an arm around Fayt's waist to stroke his stomach lightly. Fayt, thinking it a sweetly possessive gesture, smiled and cuddled closer, not knowing that Albel was daydreaming about touching a belly rounded by pregnancy.

Which led Albel to consider what effect a baby would have on their (and more importantly his) sex life.

If his lover had a huge stomach getting in the way, it meant Albel would have to remain celibate for at least four months. If a few days without Fayt were unbearable, how was he going to handle four months?

He sighed. Sex would have to wait until after his son (the first Nox child would not dare to be born a girl) was born. After all, he did not want to accidentally hurt the baby before it had a chance to grow up and defend itself.

But surely the sacrifice of a few hot sweaty nights would be well worth it for a baby Nox?

Albel smiled again, imagining how proud he would be when his boy glared at him for the first time. He was so lost in the image of a little Albel (complete with sword and scowl) that he almost forgot to glare at the people milling around him.

"So what did we come here for? Armour? Weapons? Healing items?"

"Babies."

"Oh, right. Babies."

"…"

"… W-What?"

Albel smirked. "I want a baby," he said calmly, as if were the most natural thing in the world for a bloodthirsty and psychotic gay warrior to want.

"Babies? You want BABIES?"

"Quiet, fool! You want the whole world to know we plan to start a family?"

"…WHAT?!"

The swordsman gave his lover an irritated look. Fayt could be so melodramatic at times; one would almost swear that he was a woman. "But I don't want just any baby. I want a Nox baby."

Fayt blinked. "Are… are you… trying to…" then, embarrassingly enough, his eyes filled with tears. "Are you trying to break up with me? End our relationship? Because you want to get married and have babies?"

This time, it was Albel who was at a loss for words- both with what Fayt said about marriage and the fact that he was now sobbing his eyes out in the middle of a crowded street. "I said nothing of the sort! You are going to be the mother of my baby!"

"…WHAT?!"

The tears dried up instantly and Fayt gaped at him, green eyes wide. "How can I be the mother of your baby?"

Albel grabbed his hand impatiently, tugging him along. "Simple. You have all the qualities I need to breed the heir I want."

"Except a uterus."

"…Yes. Obviously, fool."

"You know, most women find those necessary to have babies. Unless I have ovaries planted up my ass, there's no way that's going to happen-"

"-Yet."

"No." Fayt stopped dead, his face frozen in horror. "Hell no! You- you- wouldn't dare-!"

The way the bluenette was swelling with fury, it looked like Albel was likely to either be a) in a world of hurt (hell hath no fury like a pissed Fayt), or b) the victim of a very long, very public tirade about how much of an asshole he was.

Blah, blah, blah…like that was anything new. Besides, all this incessant yapping was beginning to get on his nerves.

"You have no choice in the matter, Fayt," he said testily. "You will be the mother of my child, whether you like it or not. I need a baby-"

"Then have it yourself!"

"…What do you think I am, a woman? I am a warrior, not a wife!"

Fayt glared at him. "Oh, but I am?"

Albel considered that one carefully. If he answered truthfully and said yes, he would get his charred ass handed back to him on a platter. If he lied and said no, Fayt would accuse him of lying and char his ass anyway.

"…"

"Well?" Fayt was tapping his foot impatiently, glaring at him like there was no tomorrow.

"Neither."

"Huh?"

Albel stared speculatively at Fayt and decided that now would be a very good time to seduce him- anything to keep him quiet. Also, the bluenette was looking decidedly unhinged and an angry Fayt was always a turn on for the swordsman.

Fayt, arms folded across his chest and still waiting for an answer, suddenly noticed that Albel was licking his lips and looking at him with a hungry gleam in his eyes. The red-hot gaze was travelling up and down his body, no doubt ripping off every stitch of clothing.

He took a deep breath and gulped, suddenly feeling as if Albel had actually stripped him naked in the middle of the square.

Oh crap… he knew exactly how this was going to end. Fayt shut his eyes tightly, waiting for the inevitable.

"Fayt."

That voice, deep and husky with desire, the same tone that thrust him straight into heaven, broke Fayt's control.

"Goddammit!"

That was how all their arguments ended. Albel usually had Fayt naked within three minutes, writhing on his back in five and begging for release within ten. The only difference this time was location and today they were forced to settle for the Peterny Inn instead of their own bedroom.

Once they had sated themselves and were basking in the afterglow, Albel preoccupied himself with ignoring Fayt, who was sulking in bed and ranting about babies. And he was going on and on and on… damn it, why was Fayt being so anal about having babies? It was one of the most perfectly natural things in the world for a couple to do!

"Did you even consider how I would feel, Albel? Babies are a huge step in any relationship… I mean, they change everything! What about us? What about my feelings?"

Again with the stupid feelings… gods, how he was beginning to hate the word! Albel rolled over with a grunt to face him. "Any man would be honoured to bear my offspring," he replied offhandedly. "And you should be grateful that I chose you for that privilege."

"Grateful? I should be grateful? You- you asshole!"

As Fayt lunged across the bed, Albel caught his wrist and pinned him down onto the pillows. "My, my," he said lazily, "Roughhousing is the last thing someone in your delicate condition should be doing, Fayt."

Fayt froze mid-struggle. "What?"

Albel smirked, running his fingers across the quivering belly beneath him, caressing it with gentle circles and Fayt shivered when the swordsman planted a moist kiss just above his bellybutton.

"What did you do to me?"

"Remember the drinks we had in the tavern earlier? I spiked your glass with a male pregnancy potion."

"Y-You… did WHAT? And then we…we… AAHH!"

Albel smiled, but it turned into a frown as Fayt began to laugh. Was this hysteria or had the bluenette finally snapped? "I fail to see anything funny about you being pregnant with my child, Fayt," he said coolly, letting his partner sit up.

"You would if you knew what I did."

His suspicion grew. "What, fool? Out with it!" he demanded impatiently.

"Remember after we sat down and I asked you to get me a steamed bun?"

"Yes…"

"I knew you were up to something, so I-"

With a horrible sense of doom, Albel realized that Fayt was smarter than he realized.

"-switched our glasses."

A lot smarter.

"You mean I… I drank the pregnancy potion?"

Fayt nodded, a wide grin threatening to split his face in two.

"Welcome to motherhood… mommy."

TBC

A/N: No, no-one is pregnant yet. But someone will be soon... hey, you never know, Albel could still have a few more tricks up his sleeve for poor Fayt!