A/N: This is the second chapter!
Disclaimer: If I owned the Hunger Games most if the guys in the movie would be shirtless and since that didn't happen we must know that I do not own it, however; if you read something in this story that didn't happen in the book or movie it is an original idea and I would appreciate you not taking it.
Remember: please review! It takes a few seconds and means a lot to me. It helps to motivate me to write more.
Enjoy!
-X-
Her tense fingers clutched the edge of the mat so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her head thrashed side to side. She opened her mouth to scream, but nothing left her. A tear snuck its way out of the corner of her eye and burned a hot trail down her cheek. Her left foot kicked into the air, trying with all her might to keep Cato off of her body; to keep him from killing her.
She was asleep and another nightmare was haunting her.
Cato was pushing her neck back onto the cornucopia attempting to cut off her air supply. She was feeling her brain go fuzzy and her vision was leaving her, but Cato's gaze never left hers. His eyes were eerie; they were glossy and black. Whatever soul he had was drained from him and he was taken over by a demon. A murderous and sadistic demon.
The sun shone off of his marble like eyes, causing a glare into her face. She could feel his hand tightening around her throat; she could almost feel the joy he was feeling rushing through his veins and pulsing against her neck. He curled his fingers in so that his nails were digging into her neck and her skin was splitting slowly; the blood was rising to the surface and it was dripping down the back of her neck. Her lips were quivering; trying so hard to pull air into her dying body.
Her limbs began to shake.
Her fingers and toes were cold because the blood was hardly flowing anymore. Her throat was expanding for another fetal attempt to fill her lungs with life; to keep her going for just another second. Her body was shutting down and she could feel it. She could feel every cell give out and let the other side take her. She could see death's warm embrace ready to take her. Her lips opened one last time; attempting to last a little longer, but instead a scream escaped past her lips and her body jolted awake.
As she bolted upright on the mat that lay in front of the fire; the scream continued and rang throughout the broken down home. The scream was loud and rough; it hurt her throat as it left her body, but it didn't stop. The scream didn't stop as her lungs began to deflate and run out of air. She sucked down more oxygen quickly and the scream continued without much of a gap. Her throat felt raw and tears began to burn down her face. The dream was so real and she didn't feel any sense of relief being awake. Her nightmare continued; only in a different way.
Prim had pushed herself off the mat and whirled around to see Katniss screaming and clutching the mat and the dirt floor. She looked like a madwoman in her sister's eyes; clawing feverishly at the dirt ground while screaming bloody murder at nothing. Their mother appeared in the doorway almost immediately and was Katniss' side just as fast. Her gentle hand touched Katniss on her lower back and as soon as the contact was made Katniss' scream became louder for an instant and then it was over, her terror disappeared for the time being.
"Darling," her mother said in a hush as her wrinkled fingers caressed Katniss' firm cheek.
Katniss' face became hot and red as she realized what just happened. She had lost a hold of her sanity in front of her sister and her mother, she was vulnerable. Her mother's eyes searched hers. Blue peered into brown and Katniss felt her body tense up.
"Why don't we get you some tea?" her mother asked, as if she knew the internal conflict going through Katniss' mind.
Her mother stood slowly and purposefully. She bent down and held Katniss' arms softly as she helped to raise her daughter off of the ground. Without saying a word she wrapped her arms supportively around Katniss and walked her to the makeshift table. Her mother slowly started a fire and wrapped a blanket around Katniss.
"Prim, darling," her mother said sweetly. "Why don't you go stay at the Hawthorne's for the rest of the night and keep this little incident to yourself for the time being? We don't need over concerned friends."
Prim's eyes were wide and glued to Katniss. Not wide with fear, but wide with concern. Out of the corner of her eye Katniss could see the concern radiating off of Prim. She could see in Prim's body language just how badly Prim wanted to be the one to make her tea and hold her tightly, to comfort her. But that was Prim, the empathetic sweetheart. Without a word of protest Prim slipped into a coat and scurried out of the front door and made her way to the Hawthorne's.
Her mother placed a bounty of herbs into a dish and ground them up with her back turned towards Katniss. Katniss appreciated the silence and she knew her mother was doing it on purpose. She knew that her mother knew how she operated even though she was absent for so many years.
"You're just like your father, you know?" her mother said, interrupting her silent train of thought.
Katniss looked up from the table. Her eye lids were heavy, but she never felt more awake with the terror still running through her veins. She was sure she looked like a freight with her hair in a tangle, her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks puffy with tear streaks. She sniffed once and her mother turned around with concern clearly shown on her face. She held the bowl of herbs much tighter than necessary, making her knuckles turn white.
"He would do the same thing," her voice was soft and smooth, like honey. "He would keep everything to himself, thinking he had to be strong for me, for all of us. He wouldn't let me in unless I begged; he feared that being vulnerable with me would make him weak."
Once again her mother's eyes searched hers. Her mother's head cocked to the side, allowing her long blonde hair to fall to the side. Katniss watched as the blonde curls bobbed because of gravity. Her mother's fair skin was wrinkled with age, but she looked the same.
"But Katniss," her mother started again, drawing Katniss out of her daze. "Your father didn't realize that family is here to help with everything and that being vulnerable doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. It makes you strong because it means you know that you need help and that you're not perfect."
Her mother set a cup of tea, that Katniss didn't know she had already made, in front of her at the table. Her mother rose and walked off to her bedroom, leaving Katniss to her thoughts.
She didn't know if she should trust her mother. She had been gone for so many years, leaving Katniss to provide for Prim and to raise Prim. She didn't know if her mother would leave again and she didn't want to risk it, but she took a sip of tea and let her mind go blank for the first time in years.
-X-
It felt awkward to hug him; his long slender arms around her instead of short muscular ones. He pulled her tight against him and she felt herself slip further away. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be tucked within herself, but he was there and trying to get closer. He was warm and smelled like pine and dirt, not like sugar and a coal fire. She knew the comparison didn't matter. Gale had been her best friend for years, his arms should feel safe and warm like they always had, but that day they felt restrictive and suffocating.
She kept an unconvincing smile on her face as she pulled away from Gale and said her own hello to him and his family. Prim was gathering what little things she had while Katniss was finishing putting her things into their own little box. Her mother had instructed her that Gale would carry Katniss' things and Katniss would carry the medicines.
"Katniss, dear," a soothing voice cooed her name and she looked over her shoulder to see Hazelle Hawthorne smiling at her. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine, thank you," Katniss gave a courteous nod and smile. "And yourself?"
"Just fine." Hazelle looked deeply into Katniss' eyes. Katniss was tempted to take a step back; she could almost feel Hazelle's concern. Hazelle's face was blank as she looked, and she looked much more like Katniss' mother than Katniss' own mother did. Suddenly a smile spread across Hazelle's face and she turned back to talk to Mrs. Everdeen.
Katniss uncomfortably tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and went back to loading her things into an old fragile box. She carefully folded the dress she wore every year to the reaping. The tucked the fabric in itself like it was the finest silk in the world and needed the greatest care. She laid it on top in the box and stared at it for a few thoughtless moments before standing up right and looking at the mass of people in her tiny home.
She wanted nothing more than to escape the tiny confinements and run. She wanted to run, ran far and fast in the meadow. She wanted to escape Gale, her mother who was now suddenly there for her, Peeta but most of all she wanted to run away from her problems. She shook her head to erase the thought, it was silly to think she could run from problems and it was silly to think about leaving when she had so much to take care of here. She couldn't leave Prim, not a second time.
"Is everyone ready?" Prim asked her voice slightly impatient as she was bouncing on the balls of her feet.
It was clear that she was excited to move, and she would blend right in. Katniss had many thoughts about how her mother and Prim would blend in perfectly in town, but she would be the one who looked out for place for the first time. She would be the one who didn't belong.
She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes for a moment, to build up the courage to leave the home she had known for so long. The home that was only yards away from the fence, the home that had memories with her father. Everything had changed and this home was the only piece of her that felt right, but the capitol had to take that away from her as well. She soon learned after making it out of the arena that no matter how strong willed a person is, or how emotionally unattached they can make themselves, no one wins the games.
"Yea, let's go!" shouted Rory as he was tugging on his mom's long skirt.
With smiles and shouts everyone began to pick up their assigned loads and leave the house. First were the little ones who had the smallest bundles and they bounded down the roads to see who could make it there first. Next were the mothers who had larger piles and walked together reminiscing about the old days and about how things will be much different with the Everdeens gone.
Katniss watched as every person slowly made their way out of the house and she looked around carefully. Not wanting to forget a single thing. She let her hand rest lightly on the dirty wood walls as she made a giant circle in the home. With every turned she made a memory came back to her and she felt her heart drop lower into the pit of her stomach. She wished so badly to stay, to have part of her life stay the same, but she knew the new home would be better for Prim and her mother and she knew that the capitol would never allow a victor to stay in a home that she had. She had no choice.
"Catnip?" she heard a husky voice call out to her.
She jumped a little with surprised and scurried to her box to pick it up. She didn't want Gale to find her and ask her how she was feeling. She had been asked how she was feeling so many times she wanted to scream.
She hurried across the floor and picked up her box off of the kitchen table just as Gale re-entered the home.
"You coming?" he asked with a great big smile on his face.
She wanted to smile back; she felt it was socially appropriate to smile back. She knew it was a joyous occasion for everyone, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to grin.
"Yeah," she almost sighed as she picked up her box and followed him out of the house.
At first they walked in silence. She glanced at Gale every few moments out of the corner of her eye to see him smiling like an idiot. It made her frown. Usually Gale was on the same page as her. He was realistic and had a family to protect and provide for. She had never seen his face like that, and as much as she knew she should be happy that he was happy, it made her angry. It made her angry that everyone else seemed to be happy and she couldn't be.
"What?" she snapped at his idiotic expression a little too harshly.
She hadn't fazed him for he had seen this side of her one too many times. He knew Katniss was the serious type. He only raised a brow and gave no verbal response.
Her irritation grew.
"What are you smirking at?" she asked again, her tone was less harsh, but more irritated.
He didn't respond or even let her know that he heard her. She knew he had heard her; he was only a foot away from her. He was walking with a bounce in his step, a sparkle in his eye and a grin to big all his teeth were showing and it sent her over the edge.
She set her bow down and pushed him with all her might.
He tipped a little to the side, but didn't fall. His smirk was gone, his bounce was gone but the sparkle was still there.
"I said what Gale!" she yelled with her fists balled up at her side.
She was suddenly ashamed and nervous about her outburst. She should have kept herself under control and she was angry with herself for letting go like that.
"Just happy you're back," Gale said with the smile back on his face.
She looked at her feet and sighed. She was furious with herself for behaving how she did and for letting him see that side of her.
"So-" she began to apologize, but he cut her off.
"You were never one to like attention, Catnip. Why would I be surprised that that you're trying to bully me?" he teased with a big smile on his face.
She was glad that he didn't think she had an outburst and that he saw it as a way fall into his teasing trap. He began to walk away from her, laughing. Hearing his wholehearted laugh made her smile, she felt at home again. But after a few moments of smiling she felt guilt weight on her heart and her smile disappeared.
-X-
"I never thought I would be able to say this, but I need to head to the market to fill our cabinets!" Katniss' mother exclaimed with glee.
Mrs. Everdeen's eyes were searching the house. It was easy to see she felt at home. Katniss watched her mother's hands as they dances gracefully across the fine cabinets and the capitol like appliances. Katniss watched her mother and suddenly felt a pang if hurt. This was more like how her mother lived as a child but gave it all up for her father.
Katniss watched with curiosity as her mother seemed to know the perfect place for everything. She imaged her mother as a young girl opening a full cabinet and being scolded for not putting things back in the correct place. She didn't understand how her mother could give up everything for love. How she could give up everything she owned and her comfortable way of life for a feeling- something that wasn't even sure to last.
After a few minutes of her mother dancing around the first level she turned to look at Hazelle. Katniss could see her mother's kind blue eyes fill with sympathy and hurt. She could see how much she wanted to give to the Hawthorns so they could live the same way, but Katniss knew they way they operated. They wouldn't take anything for free from anyone, not even close friends that were more like family.
"Hazelle," Mrs. Everdeen started. "Won't you please let me treat you just this once down at the market? We have plenty to share…"
"Oh no," Hazelle refused politely. "I couldn't…"
"Please," Katniss interjected. She knew it was silly and she knew that Hazelle wouldn't be able to repay the offer. "It's the least we can do for your family helping us to move, and besides I owe Gale for taking care of my family while I was away."
"You owe me nothing," Gale stated firmly.
"I do too." Katniss glared at him. "You took care of my family; let me take care of yours."
Katniss glared at Gale. He had provided for her family while she was gone, he must let her provide a little for his.
"Alright." Gale nodded "Just this once."
Without much hesitation from Hazelle; Mrs. Everdeen and Mrs. Hawthorne were chatting as they gathered a few woven baskets and made their way out to the market with Prim and the little Hawthorne's on the fresh and warm autumn day.
Katniss watched them through the window as the kids skipped along throwing rocks at each other. Prim would squeal as Rory would chase her. Gale's sister was perched happily on her mother's back while his youngest brother was walking happily next to his mother.
She cocked her head to the side as she watched the two women walk into town. She knew Hazelle would feel out of place, but her mother would comfort her and make her feel alright. She watched for a few more moments before gathering her things and bringing them upstairs to her bedroom of choice. Gale was perched happily on her bed in her fully furnished room.
"Well look at how fancily you'll be living!" he teased.
She rolled her eyes and offered no response to him. A few moments of silence passed while she was putting her things away. She was thinking about how her life changed; about how she could feed every mouth in 12 for years with the money that this house cost. She felt guilty pull at her and Gale didn't help.
"Catnip," Gale started as he stood up. "I'm going to head home for a little bit, I'll be back in about an hour."
"Where are you-" she began but he cut her off.
"You'll see!" and with that she was alone.
-X-
After everything was put in a place she liked, she was still alone and she decided to explore around her new home. She opened every door in her upper floor and made her descend down the stairs when she heard people talking outside. None of them sounded like her family or Gale's.
She made her way to the front window in her living room and looked out the front of it and saw no one. She looked to her left and didn't see anyone, but when she looked to her right she saw Peeta and his family moving into his new victor's village home.
Her breathing became sharp and short. Her throat closed up and her eyes got wide. She watched as his family carried things up the steps and into the home. They were carrying too few boxes for a whole merchant class family to be moving into a new home. She was about to turn around and hide in her home when she saw Peeta leave his home and stand on the front porch.
She watched his face as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. She had seen that face before. He had done it a lot in the caves. He was thinking about important things, things that he needed to clear his mind for and things he needed time to think about it.
She found herself yearning for his touch again. His hands were so rough and yet soft. He was strong from lifting flour and kneading dough for hours on end, but his skin was soft and free of calluses. His grip was strong and study, not tight and clingy. She closed her eyes and remembered the scent of him. He smelled like a coal fire mixed with sugar and the smallest bit of melted butter.
She found herself pressed up against the glass window watching him with her hand and palm flat against the glass. She peeled herself away and took one last look at Peeta. It was silly to be so entranced with him. They were done. He had made that clear and she had caused him to do so. She knew it was the right choice, they wouldn't work out and she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had.
She took a few steps back and tore her eyes away from him. She had to forget him. She had to forget what they had been through, that's what she wanted. She had told him she wanted to forget, and so she had to.
She walked into the kitchen and placed her sweaty palms on the stone counter top. She let the rock cool her hand down and she lifted her hand and watched the outline of her fingers disappear. She placed her pointer finger lightly on the edge of the stone and traced it as she walked slowly around the room. She was pleading with her mind to go blank, but as soon as she was close a thought would enter her. A memory from the arena or a vision of her future as a victor, but that day the thoughts of Peeta wouldn't leave her.
The memory of the way he smelled. The memory of the way his blue eyes turned a blue green color when he was thinking intensely; the way his laugh filled a room and made everyone at ease.
She remembered his interview with Caesar and how easily he had made everyone love and adore him. She was jealous of that ability. She was jealous that Peeta could just open his mouth for a few seconds and everyone melts where if she says something it's usually rude or harsh.
She continued to do laps around her kitchen, making circles and pressing her finger harder into the stone. She didn't know why she was doing it other than to feel something that would take her mind away from Peeta and the pain of being away from him. She never thought it could be so hard to be away from someone, but she had to forget him.
She kept telling herself to forget him, but every time she tried he entered her mind again. The more she tried to forget the more he was there and it frightened her.
She jumped as the front door swung open loudly. Gale walked into the kitchen with a smug look on his face.
"C'mon." He nodded over his shoulder at the front door and turned on his heels to leave.
He didn't wait for her and she was thankful. It gave her a few seconds to compose herself. She put her mental wall up, willing herself to push the thoughts aside for a while. She walked outside onto the front porch when she saw Gale's surprise. Her jaw fell a little and her hand went to cover her mouth.
Gale stood in the road holding her bow with new handmade arrows; however, they weren't just any kind of arrow. They looked exactly like the few she had left that her father had made. Gale had remade them by hand and made her a new pack to carry them in with a hide of an animal he had killed.
"Gale," she sighed with joy.
"I figured we could go hunt for a little, you seem stressed." He smiled.
She bounded down the steps and picked up her bow and then hugged Gale. She felt like the world was right again. She was with her best friend and she had her bow and they were on their way to the fence and then off into the woods. She couldn't wipe the stupid grin off of her face. She turned to pick up the arrows and something caught her eye.
She looked up to see Peeta still standing on his porch, watching her. His eyes were full of hurt as he pushed away from his porch railing and back into his house.
-X-
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