June 20, 2009~

Life goes on for the people who live through misery and depression, sadness and pain, loss and injury. Time passes and heals the wounds that develop through these difficult eras: day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. Sometimes, you need to put the awful memories in a secret box, lock it, and throw the key away. They'll never come back to get you. They'll never come back to haunt you. They'll never come back to hurt you.

I learned to love and to hate, to fight and to surrender; most important, I learned that believing is the most important key. It leads to courage and eventually spits us out on a huge cliff overlooking the deathly pits of fear. Courage gave me the strength to leap headfirst into fear's deepest crevice…and still come out alive.

The hospital is oh so quiet at about two in the morning. The lights in the hallway are switched off, and all that is left is an eerie blue glow streaming in from the glass window in the door. I keep my head propped up on a pillow so that the wires and tubes connected don't choke me. I blink a few times and look around. Kerry is asleep in the corner on the blue leather cushioned bench, breathing steadily, but Max is nowhere in sight. I wonder where he could possibly be, and then I remember that he doesn't have to worry about protecting us anymore. I wish I could have said goodbye to Max…

Wait. Visitor hours do not extend till two a.m. Kerry must've begged or something. At this rate, I know she would do anything to just stay here with me.

I hear a few voices murmuring outside of my door. I crane my neck—without issuing too much pain—to see the figure of a doctor with a white jacket and stethoscope slung around his neck talking to someone else behind the door. I immediately recognize him as Carlisle. I try my hardest to listen in on their conversation.

"…she only has hours left…" Oh crap—they're talking about me. Hours to live? But I feel fine!

The other person coughs and says miserably, "Might as well just bring out…"

Bring out what? Bring out what?! They had better not dare think about putting me to sleep like some kind of dog.

"That may be the only choice we have," Carlisle whispers. He pushes open the door and in walks him and Edward. I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping. Edward places a hand over my fast-beating heart. His hand is shaking and he says very quietly, "I wish we had another way to save you."

"Daddy…," I groan and slowly open my eyes. His eyes widen when he looks into my deep chocolate brown orbs—the same color of my mother's when she was human.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Edward mumbles.

"I know."

Carlisle wheels a bulky machine into the room and sets it beside my bed. "Good morning, Nessie," he greets warmly, but his expression is grave. I smile weakly in response as Edward takes my hand.

"This is the Dream Machine. One setting allows you to see what your life would've been like if you chose a certain path, and the other allows you to transfer yourself to that life."

My eyes bulge. "What are you gonna do?"

Carlisle switches on the plasma screen TV on the wall and says, "We're just showing you what you would be like if you hadn't come to live with us." He hooks something that looks like a blood pressure strap around my arm and presses a few buttons on the machine. It whirs loudly and Kerry jolts awake.

"What the hell is going on?!" she cries, but Edward shushes her. We all watch the TV screen as an image slowly paints itself onscreen. A bunch of pictures of Charlotte and her friends flash through; pictures I don't remember taking. One is at a birthday party—it looks like a party for me and Gabby celebrated together, because all of our friends are there with two large cookie cakes set in front of us. Tears come to my eyes as I stare at a picture of me and Christina Sollino making goofy faces. Another is of me and Michelle Garrison (Chris Grimbo's fiancée) and Lauren Rodie laughing hysterically with ice cream on our noses. Another: Carrie and I diving through the waves at the beach with Anna and Carrie's little sister Catie being wiped out. I look at the floor.

"This other setting that I will put you on brings you there, but only like a short preview. It is displayed for us through your eyes on the TV," Carlisle explains and punches in a few other buttons. I shut my eyes and suddenly, I am lined up behind another girl in my class: Kristinia Colman. She is wearing a long white silk gown that looks like an angel costume. On top of her sandy brown hair is a graduation cap in the same shade of pearl white. "Aren't you excited?" she exclaims. "Were graduating from middle school today!!"

"Yeah," I find myself stammering. "But I have to read a welcoming speech." Whoa, what???

"You'll do fine," Kristinia assures me and the line begins moving as "Pomp and Circumstance" begins to boom from the organ. As if in a trance, I walk forward and turn down the aisle into my seat. The church is packed. There are butterflies in my stomach as I stagger through my pew and saunter to the altar to read this welcoming speech. Sure enough, as I stand up onto the podium, there it is: my graduation welcoming speech. I finish reading it and earn a generous applause from the crowd and then head back to my seat. A few of my friends clap me on the back in approval and ask if I wrote it. I just nod and make sure I don't trip on anyone's feet.

Then it all stops and I open my eyes. "Interesting," Carlisle says, brooding to himself.

"Show me another," I demand and shut my eyes again: I look up to see the sky grey with unfriendly storm clouds. The surface beneath me is cold and wet, and I look down, noticing that I am sitting on a steel dock in the middle of a huge lake. Fog envelops the mountains in the far distance and trees sway in the breeze of the approaching storm. The dock dips and wavers in the murky lake water as fat drops of ice rain plunge from the summer sky. I turn and see Christina Sollino lying there on my back beside me in her bathing suit.

"Isn't so nice to just sit here and be away from everyone?" she asks.

I sigh. "Yeah."

"Maddie's lucky she has a lake house."

Oh. So this is Maddie's lake house. I turn and see a bunch of kids from our school standing on a wooden dock huddled together with vivid colored towels wrapped around them. "She sure is lucky. I live for the nature," I say, closing my eyes and looking up to sky. Raindrops dot my face and stream down my rosy cheeks like tears.

Christina turns to look at me. "I hope we're still friends in high school."

The rain begins to fall in sheets as sorrow washes over me. "Of course. Why wouldn't we be?"

"I don't know."

"We'll always be friends. We'll always be there with each other."

She smiles brilliantly. "It's you and me against the world."

I begin chuckling along with her, but then my face turns serious. "We attack at daybreak." Then we burst out laughing even harder just as a bolt of lightning strikes in the far distance.

My eyes snap open and Edward is paler then usual. "I don't like that one," he croaks. "It wasn't safe with the lightning."

I laugh but that one is my favorite. I wish I could see Christina. I miss her a lot.

"One more," Carlisle tells me. He pushes the buttons and then a vision reoccurs: I am sitting in our mountain house in Pennsylvania at the kitchen table with a bunch of my cousins. We scream and shout as my uncle rolls three dice in his hand, then throws them. They all land on a single black dot. Everyone screams and whoops and hollers excitedly. I know what game we are playing: Left, Right, Center. It is a traditional game we play there and we always got so caught up in it. Suddenly, I feel as if I am part of their family again.

I turn to look behind me at the dark kitchen, but see a mysterious figure lingering in the shadows. As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I notice his white skin, bronze hair, and smoldering golden eyes: Edward Cullen.

I scream at the top of my lungs and the hospital monitors begin to screech with exhilaration at my sudden outburst. Carlisle shuts the Dream Machine off quickly and runs to my side. Edward sits there with a pained expression on his beautiful face as he stares at me in horror.

It is then that I realize he was everywhere—in every vision I saw, he was there hiding. At graduation he was in the crowd; at Maddie's party he was beneath the dock. I realize that wherever I was, Edward would be there with me. Like Bella had told me so many months ago in the restaurant: "You were never alone, because one of us was always watching you…"

"Edward, I must have a word with you," Carlisle says, ushering him out the door. He shuts it, and then there is silence.

"Freaky…," Kerry mutters.

"Ya think?"

"I bet you Carlisle is gonna send us back."

"Maybe."

"Aww I don't wanna—"

"I'm not in the mood to hear it, Kerry," I snort.

Her eyebrows knit together and she glares at me stubbornly. "You're going to die soon."

"I know. I don't care."

Her expression softens. "You don't?"

I shake my head, but it hurts real bad. "I won't be in pain anymore. And I won't have a huge scar on my back. I'll have new clean skin."

A single tear drips from Kerry's right eye.

"I'll watch over you," I say, taking her hand. "I promise."

Then, I woke up.