June 23, 2009~
Tears are streaming down my face as I run through a dark city. Why am I crying? Where am I? I don't know.
I run into the street and fall, only to be met by a huge truck barreling towards me. The lights are blinding…so, so bright. I hear the faint beeps of the vehicle as everything blurs…
"NOOOO!!!" I scream, shooting upward in the lumpy bed. The darkness is all around me as the tears flow relentlessly down my cheeks. My breathing is labored and heavy as I fall back down onto the pillow and cry.
"Nessie, Nessie, what're you cryin' about?" a familiar voice whispers, shaking me.
"Violet," I find myself moaning, "Violet I was killed by a truck. I saw it…"
"It was just a dream," Violet assures me. "Now go back to sleep before Sister Laney wakes up and yells at us."
"Sister Laney…," I mutter, and roll over beneath the scratchy woolen blanket.
Violet shuffles back to her bed and snuggles under her sheets, the moonlight spilling into the room through the window. The silver light dances across the wooden floorboards and makes shadows as the trees sway in the breeze of night. All is silent…
I awaken to the sound of a bunch of girls talking and moving about the large room the next morning. My cheeks are sticky with dried tears and I have vague memories of a terrible nightmare. Sun streams in through the windows and throws golden beams of light across the bedroom floor. I get up and walk around aimlessly, meandering through the lines of beds and girls scattered all around. Where's the bathroom here? I turn into a room branching off of the large bed chamber with white tiled floors and blue walls. Sinks and mirrors are lining the left wall and stalls and showers are lining the right. I saunter up to one of the sinks and look right into the eyes of the girl staring back at me.
The girl has waist-length bronze curls that flow over her shoulders and frame her head like auburn silk. Her pale face is like porcelain and her eyes are milk chocolate orbs. For a second, I blink and look away, but then notice that I feel…younger. I peer up at the mirror and find the girl staring at me again, her porcelain face full of confusion. She looks about ten years old…
"Ness?" a tiny voice says. I jump and turn around to find a small girl standing before me. Her skin is the same cream ivory as mine and her eyes are smoldering topaz. Her hair is long and pin-straight—black underneath the natural blond streaks.
"Nessie, are you okay?"
"Hey…um, I'm fine," I stutter, my voice sounding squeakier and more youthful. What happened?
She shrugs. "You woke with a nightmare last night. You're okay now though, right?"
"Yeah. I think I'm fine." I pause and look around. "Where are we?"
She laughs nervously. "Don't be silly, Ness. We're in the orphanage."
Orphanage. So that's where we were: an orphanage. The very thought of the word makes me anxious as it echoes throughout my head and bounces off the walls of my skull. I stream of quick memories flashes through my mind, but feel as if they are appearing for the first time. Pain sweeps in with them, reminding me vaguely of a loving mother and a feeling of security. There are also memories of the girl standing before me—a girl named Violet who is supposedly my cousin.
She cocks her head to one side. "Why are ya lookin' at me like that, Ness?"
"No reason," I say quickly.
"Well…c'mon then. We're gonna be late for breakfast and they don't serve lunch 'til one thirty. And I'm hungry," Violet says, taking my hand and yanking me out of the bathroom and down the stairs. As we approach the bottom, I pause.
"You okay?" she asks, her eyes full of confusion.
I shake all of the empty meaningless thoughts away and nod. "I told you before, Vi; I'm fine."
Violet doesn't say anything. She leads me to the breakfast hall and we take a seat a long wooden table with a bunch of other girls. They are wearing the same blue nightgowns as we are, and a young nun comes by with a tray of oatmeal. She places bowls in front of us and I stare down at the discolored mush.
"Are you gonna eat it?" a girl across from me asks blankly. Her silver eyes watch me as I breathe in deeply.
"I don't know. Probably not," I whisper, looking down at the bowl.
Violet's eyebrows are knit together in concern. "Nessie, you always eat the oatmeal. You're sick, aren't you?"
"No," I reply. "I'm a little confused." To start, where am I?
"Confused about what?" the girl across from me asks. "You've been here for the last six years. Nothing's changed since then."
"Six years?"
"Yeah," Violet explains. "You've been at St. Scholastica's since you were four. Don't you remember the day we met? We found out we were cousins…"
Suddenly, I zone out to see a blur of images from the past flashing before my eyes. Everything slows: a small girl staring out a rain-splattered window. Her hair is long and curly, and her pale skin adds to the dreary setting. Her eyes watch each individual drop slide down the glass and she blinks away a single tear. It drips down her ashen cheek and off of her chin as she whispers, "When are you coming, Mommy?"
"Are you alright, dear?" a woman asks, approaching.
The girl turns to see a very young nun standing there. Her eyes are soft ebony and her black silk hair is hidden beneath her habit.
"Mommy said she was coming right back," the girl murmurs, another tear slipping away. "It's been two weeks."
"Oh, my dear child," the nun coos, cradling her in her arms. "I'm afraid your mother isn't going to come back."
*flashback ends*
Time out: SIX FREAKIN' YEARS?!
How did I get here? Who was that girl I saw in that flashback? And…this girl Violet's my cousin?? I begin to sweat and my breathing turns into nervous pants as another flashback approaches, this one only showing brief clips and pictures: "Hi," the curly haired girl says, approaching a small child who looks like a younger Violet. "I'm Nessie Cullen. Nice to meet you." She holds out a hand, but Young Violet simply stands there, tears staining her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" Nessie asks.
"Momma's gone," Young Violet whispers.
"Aw, no she's not. My mommy says she'd be right back. I've only been here a few days, but I'm sure Mommy will come soon. So, what's your name?" Nessie demands just as a girl with short white-blonde hair and silver eyes comes up behind her. "We got a newcomer?" she asks with a slight lisp.
Nessie nods. "Yup. She's not talkin' much."
Young Violet just stands there, her lower lip quivering.
"Well?" Silver says. "You got a name, or what? By the way, I'm Lily."
"I'm Violet," she says quietly. "Violet Cullen."
—
A large playroom is the setting. A bunch of girls are in it, all playing dolls or board games. I find Nessie, Lily, and Violet in the corner sitting cross-legged with wide eyes. Nessie and Lily look about seven now and Violet appears to be six.
"So tell us, Ness," Lily says anxiously, her lisp less noticeable. "What was your family like?"
Nessie takes a deep breath and begins: "All I can remember is Mommy, but I do know my daddy's name was Edward. Mommy had long brown hair that curled on the ends and her skin was really white…like mine! And, um, her eyes were gold like autumn leaves…but when I was born they were brown like mine. And then they were like a dark red." There is a look of perplexity on Nessie's face as she tries to remember correctly. "But that was before the gold."
Violet and Lily stare at her in puzzlement. "Your momma can't have three eye colors," Lily scoffs.
"But she did!" Nessie exclaims. "Brown, maroon, then gold. And she always played with me and brought me to the park." Nessie sighs sadly. "Her name was Bella and I loved her." There is an awkward pause and then Lily says, "You're lucky. I'll never know what it's like to have a momma."
"So, this is what it's like? Bein' orphans, I mean," Violet squeaks, her voice high and cheery.
"Yup," Lily replies. "Been here since I was born. Don't know who my momma is and I guess I don't really care. She didn't want me in the first place."
Violet shrugs. "Whatever, Lily."
—
A large field is laid out ahead of me. I see a group of girls, ones I recognize from the orphanage, and a tall woman standing over them in a baseball cap and a silver whistle around her neck. The brown leaves are scattered across the grass and the chilly air tells me it's late autumn. The girls are wearing blue jerseys and padding underneath them. Nessie and Lily look ten now and Violet looks nine. Nessie looks exactly like me.
"Okay, ladies," the woman in the cap begins, "Play by the rules here. The boys from St. Joseph will not be too rough with you, I promise. If they are they get called outta the game." One girl with two black braids raises her hand.
"Yes, Mable?" the coach says.
"Um, do we have to play, Miss Kana?" Mable asks, her voice shaking softly.
"Mable, you can call me Coach. And c'mon; it's just Thanksgiving football between St. Scholastica's and St. Joe's! It'll be fun, I swear!" Coach Kana encourages.
A little girl who looks younger than Violet raises her hand, but doesn't wait: "Sister Helen says swearing is bad."
"No, not that kind of swearing," Coach Kana assures her.
The girl nods her head and they all put their hands in. "On three, yell GIRLS RULE, okay?" she instructs. "One, two, three…"
"GIRLS RULE!!" all of them holler, off-synch.
"Good enough," Coach Kana mutters. "Now get out there and kick their—" A few nuns are staring at her with raised eyebrows.
"Kick their hineys, that's what I was saying," Coach says, clapping pathetically. "So go get 'em!"
Nessie and Lily race out onto the field with Violet trailing behind them. The St. Joe's boys are gathered on the other side of the field and staring at all the girls suspiciously. The girls gather into a huddle and put their heads together.
"We can beat them," Mable whispers. "Right?"
"Of course," Lily snorts. "They're just a bunch of sissies. Because we all had nails for breakfast, we're all tougher than them, right guys?"
No one answers and Mable whimpers.
"Take it easy, I was just kidding," Lily snorts.
"What's the game plan?" Nessie questions.
Lily shrugs. "I dunno, we'll just play it by year." And with that, the group splits up and races to the spots again. The boys suddenly look a whole lot bigger and meaner than before…
Coach Kana blows the whistle and Lily yells "HIKE!" and passed the ball back to Mable. The small girl caught it with a *thud* against her chest and she stands there, dazed, for a moment. One of the boys leaps forward and immediately tackles Mable, who screams and rolls on the grass. The boys coach takes the tackler out of the game and Coach Kana hollers out, "Hey, Mable, you okay?"
"Nooo," Mable mutters, her eyes still shut closed. Nessie jogs over and offers a hand to her, helping her to her feet in the matted grass.
"Ya took quite a spill there, Mabe," she says.
"I know," Mable murmurs, "but that kid was kinda cute!"
*flashback ends*
"Dude," the girl across from me says, "quit staring. You're creepin' me out."
"Lily," I mutter to myself. "That's right, you're Lily! Of course you are!!"
She and Violet both give me strange looks and she says, "I'm sending you to the nurse."
"I'm fine, I just had a…brain fart," I cover up nervously. "Really, I'm totally okay."
Lily raises her eyebrow and begins shoveling the mush into her mouth quickly. Violet takes a small nibble and shakes her head. These people must think I've lost it…
"Hey Lily, can you help me with Spanish homework?" a small girl with long black hair in a French braid says, leaning over a tapping her on the shoulder.
"Sure, sure," Lily says. "I'll help you in study hall."
"Hey…Mable," I pronounce her name clearly, recognizing the girl who was tackled a few months ago in a football game.
"Hey, Ness," Mable says. "What's up?"
"Nothing. I just love that name; hey do you remember that Thanksgiving football game a few months ago?" I say excitedly, feeling like I know everything around this place.
"Yeah," she mumbles, her high voice going lower than usual. "Um…why?"
"Just wondering…we have school today?"
Mable, Violet, and Lily all stare at me with puzzled expressions. "That's it," Violet confides. "You're going to the nurse."
Part II:
The nun who is the nurse pulls the thermometer out of my mouth and stares at the temperature. "98.6," she mutters. "Healthy as a horse."
Violet folds her arms and sighs loudly. "There's something wrong with her, Sister Georgia. She doesn't know who anyone is or where she is."
"I do to!" I exclaim, my eyebrows knitting together. "You're my cousin Violet, and those two girls were Lily and Mable. We're at St. Scholastica's orphanage. I've been here since I was four."
"Oh really? Who's your science teacher?" Violet asks, looking at me incredulously.
"Sister…Sister…" I decide to take a wild guess. "Sister Ofelia?"
"You're wrong, Ness. You and me have science together: the third and fourth graders are with Sister Quinn." Her voice quivers. "What's wrong with you? Do you even remember your own mother?"
"Yeah," I say, remembering the flashback I had. "Her name was Bella. She had three different eye colors and brown hair. But I can't remember my father because I lived with him for only a little while."
Violet narrows her eyes at me and Sister Georgia says, "Well, Violet???"
"What was his name?" Vi asks, wrinkling her nose.
"Um, er…" I forget that part! Oooh, what was his name, what was his NAME?! It began with an E: Ethan, Eddie, Edgar, Elbert, Evan…Edward!! That was his name. "Edward," I reply matter-of-factly. "Ha."
"Fine," Violet scoffs. "That was a lucky guess. But I think you have abnesia."
"Amnesia," Sister Georgia corrects. She puts the thermometer in a cabinet and turns to us again. "Violet, if she's having any other trouble remembering, take her back here. Understand?"
Violet nods solemnly and leads me out of the office.
"Why were you interrogating me like I was some sort of prisoner?" I ask as soon as we are a safe distance from the open door. "I thought we were family, not lawyer and witness."
"Family remembers family," Violet says coldly. "You didn't even remember who I was this morning! We've been here for six years, Nessie." She laughs bitterly. "You probably don't even know what 'Nessie' is short for!"
Now I am insulted. "Of course I do! It's short for Renesmee! How could I forget that?"
"I don't know how, but you would," she sneers. "Especially the way you've been acting lately."
"I'm not a morning person!" I shoot back. "Sorry if I ever wake up a little dazed after a good night's sleep. But, God forbid, what if I am a little dazed?! Oh my God, alert the police!"
"You didn't even have a good night's sleep last night," Violet snaps. "You woke up with a nightmare."
Suddenly, I pause and a flashback begins: Two girls and two boys are outside of a movie theater, the two boys and one girl standing by the entrance while a girl stomps in another direction. Suddenly, I am in the angry girl's point of view—the girl by the entrance gapes as I trip and fall face first into the road, my Converse shoelace getting caught in the sewer ledge. I bend down and try to wedge it out. Oww…
"Charlotte! What are you doing?!" she hollers, but I ignore her. My cheeks flush with chagrin as I yank and tug at the lace. Damn, it was stuck pretty well in there. Charlotte? Who's that?
One of the workers runs out to me and grabs my arm. His large brown eyes are full of uncertainty.
"Let go of me!" I order, pushing his eager hand away with my elbow. Why am I resisting his aid?
"No, ma'am. You have to get outta the road. Let me help," he says. His voice is young, innocent. He looks no older than sixteen.
"I got this, LET GO!" I shout, wrenching at the string harder. What am I doing? Why won't I accept his help? I need help before something dangerous happens!!
"Ma'am, we will get struck by a—" We both look up inn unison to see a giant truck speeding towards us. Its headlights blind me.
"TRAVIS!!" the other boy yells.
"CHARLOTTE!!" the girl at the entrance echoes.
"Oh…no," Travis says, his voice only a zombie-like drone. I hold my breath and jerk at the lace harder and harder, making zero progress.
"Get outta here, kid," I hiss to him. He doesn't respond with even a slight flinch. Beads of sweat form on my forehead as I pull with all my might at it. "Save yourself, Travis!" I demand, but his eyes are dazed like a blind man's. I'm trying to rip the lace out, but it's stuck! What's wrong with this kid Travis? Why isn't he moving??? Who's controlling my words and actions? I'm definitely not!
I try to get my shoe off, but the tight shoelace is cutting off the circulation in my foot. Right away, I know death is near. So near, I can feel its rotten breath on my neck.
"God, have mercy," I murmur as my life flashes before my eyes. "I love you Bella and Ed—" There is a crack of thunder, the honk of a horn, the striking light of the truck, and then a bloodcurdling screech that will remain in my mind forever—it is none other than my own.
Everything blurs, and it is now that the pain shoots through me so bad that fire would feel nice right now; it dissolves just as fast. Then there is blackness, with only a delicate stream of light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I have met death. Death…death…Bella and Ed…Edward. She was saying 'Edward'. Is she my sister or something?
"See!!" Violet suddenly explodes. "There you go again! You keep zoning out and even when I say your name multiple times you don't even flinch!"
"I'm sorry!" I cry. "I don't mean it, really. I just keep getting these 'blasts from the past' and I have no clue why!"
Violet glared at me. "Blasts from the past? That's your excuse, Ness? That's pathetic." Violet stomps off and doesn't look back, leaving me standing in the empty corridor.
"You better get to your first morning class," Mable says, coming up behind me unexpectedly. I jump and turn around, my heart pounding at the sudden scare. Mable looks just as shocked as I am.
"Do you think I'm alright, Mable?" I ask.
She doesn't say anything. "You're a good friend…I would keep you. But you seem different today. Is that what you're asking?"
I nod. "Everyone keeps saying that something's wrong with me. But nothing is! I just feel like I'm waking up from a very long sleep." Mable stays quiet. "That's not weird, is it?" I say, biting my lip.
"Kinda," Mable murmurs and hurries past me. I sigh deeply and stare at the ground. What is wrong with me? It's not just the fact that I feel rather out of it, but that I feel…inhuman.
I laugh bitterly to myself and shake my head, clearing the thoughts. Yeah, there probably is something wrong with me.
Then, I woke up.