Chapter 64 - Age
Sam buried herself in Reyfa and Dru'ri's lab, silent observers. Reyfa held her tongue, not pushing them to conversation. Dru'ri surfaced more often, not as interested in discussion in the first place. Sam just watched, sharing what she could with Jolinar.
~Remember when I thought of having more time for this?~ Sam asked, as Dru'ri ran tests on the latest weapon research that Malek had sent from Risa Base.
*I remember many desires,* Jolinar said. And they ran through her head, too fast to grab onto. Neither wanted to; neither wanted to feel regret.
With all the memories that Jolinar had, she found a way to filter them. More and more she focused on pleasant memories of conversation and love and triumph. So many others needed suppression, now as perhaps always. Sam found herself doing likewise, pushing aside everything but her successes.
Two days after they spoke to Garshaw, Jacob and Selmak returned from their first mission. Jolinar was ready again, and she and Sam spent an evening with them. Jolinar found that she loved chess now, and halfway through the game she almost smiled. Jacob snorted as if brushing off the major strategic loss he'd just undergone, and Jolinar did smile then.
Her play was more aggressive and simple, but it worked. Sam remembered that she wasn't an expert at the game, and almost sat back as Jolinar stretched her mind more. She'd been afraid that the old things wouldn't feel the same anymore, but the power of memory included the power to forget. They could forget just enough to live.
ooooooo
The gate opened in a building of fairly advanced design, as SG-1 went out on their first new mission in quite some time. No people of any kind could be seen, though, and the curtains had Jack jumping to conclusions.
"Looks like somebody's closed for the winter." He sighed.
Daniel wasn't sure, and walked ahead.
"It's not Goa'uld," Mckay commented, casting his own glance around the odd objects curtained off. "Right, Teal'c?"
"Indeed," Teal'c said. "These devices are unfamiliar to me."
Daniel looked around for some organization to it all, his eye catching what looked like a curtain in front of an entrance. Behind him, though, the team was fairly scattered in the room.
"Oh!" Daniel glanced back to see Mckay, looking down at one of the devices.
"Did you touch it?" Jack asked.
"I did not," Mckay said, slightly protesting. "I know the rules."
"They only really applied to him in the first place, that's why the Colonel remembers them," Dixon said with a chuckle.
"Don't forget about Daniel," Jack answered warningly.
Daniel looked away from where his gaze was. "Not anymore, Jack. I promised Sha're I wouldn't touch anything weird." He looked back. "I wonder what's in there?"
A voice came out of almost nowhere, and they all jumped. "I am in there."
"Jesus," muttered Jack, gripping his gun.
Daniel made the connection between the voice and the curtain, and nodded to his team. They were all assembled as an old man appeared. White haired and bent over, he was dressed in long robes.
"I am unarmed," he said, but his question was almost unnecessary.
"Good," said Jack. "Who are you?"
Daniel had been focused on the man, surprised at his appearance, when Teal'c walked up next to him.
"You are the one called Ma'chello, are you not?"
The old man frowned, as did Daniel. "Do I know you?" Ma'chello asked.
"You do not," said Teal'c. He glanced slightly back over his shoulder at the team before continuing. "But I have seen images of you, though your face had not been seen in many years." He turned fully to the team. "Before I was born this man was a fugitive from the System Lords. One of my first assignments under Apophis was to hunt him."
Daniel felt a little thrill. This was strange, but fascinating. "What did he do?" he asked Teal'c.
"Developing advanced technology to battle the Goa'uld," said Teal'c simply. "He was captured and tortured and marked as a Goa'uld host. But before the System Lords could retain his knowledge, he killed several Jaffa and escaped."
Daniel glanced back to the old man, this news even more surprising.
Jack thought so too. "He did that?"
Ma'chello shook his head. "I am not this person you speak of."
"Oh don't worry," Daniel assured, seeing the backtracking in the man's behavior. "We're not Goa'ulds."
Ma'chello looked at him. "We are not?" Then, a strange brightness came to his expression. "Of course we are not! Then if we are not Goa'ulds, who are we?"
Daniel paused, trying not to frown. This was getting stranger, certainly. He glanced back to his team—Jack and Dixon stood with weapons ready, Teal'c stood patiently, and Mckay had a skeptical face. "Well, I—I'm Daniel Jackson from the planet Earth."
"Yes, yes!" said Ma'chello, his face all lit up. "I am Daniel Jackson from the planet Earth. Pleased to meet you."
"No, no," protested Daniel, indicating himself. "I'm Daniel Jackson."
"No, I am Daniel Jackson," Ma'chello protested right back.
"It's not as if his identity matters," Mckay brought up. Both Daniel and Ma'chello turned to look at the new speaker, who then rolled his eyes. "Just ask him if these are the Goa'uld-fighting inventions."
"Ah, yes," Ma'chello said before Daniel could ask him. "Inventions to fight the Goa'uld!"
Now Daniel lit up and Mckay looked a little less frustrated. "Can you show us how they work?" Daniel asked.
Ma'chello paused, eyeing Daniel closely. "And we are sure we are not Goa'uld?"
Daniel had to admit, he understood Mckay's skepticism. But he didn't take anything on first basis in this galaxy. "Yes," he assured Ma'chello.
Ma'chello lit up again, as much as such a frail man could. He beckoned with a hand as he moved to one of the curtained areas. "You, you," he said, pointing to Daniel. "Come quickly, inventions to fight the Goa'uld."
Daniel followed him over, not entirely sure that he would actually learn anything. Ma'chello pulled a sheet off of one of the devices, which looked like a double set of bull's horns. He beckoned again to Daniel, holding onto one set of horns.
"What does it do?" asked Daniel.
Ma'chello, nodded to the other set of horns, indicating that Daniel should grab it.
"Mckay, some help?" Daniel asked, looking back.
"What?" the scientist asked, slightly exasperated. Daniel raised his eyebrows, and Mckay sighed. "Oh, you need the scientific opinion about the strange device?"
"Not to fight you," Ma'chello insisted, still holding onto the horns. "Help you."
Mckay walked over, casting one long glance over the object. "Hmm. Well, it's either a piece of junk or highly advanced, since there's no button or switch."
"Ma'chello was not known for creations without function," Teal'c offered.
Daniel's eye was caught by Ma'chello. The lightness of his face had frozen into place, and Daniel could see him breathing faster, his eyes darting between Daniel and Mckay and Teal'c.
"Daniel?" Jack asked from where he still stood with Dixon, though their guns now hung relaxed.
"Hmm," Mckay said again, brow creased as he looked at the thing.
"What does it do?" Daniel asked again, more slowly, as he looked at Ma'chello.
"Help," Ma'chello said, his voice sounding as if it was on the urge of breaking.
Daniel felt confused, a little frustrated. He thought he'd understood Ma'chello for a moment, a slightly eccentric old scientist wanting to show off his creations. But now there seemed something else, and Daniel wasn't sure if he was worried for Ma'chello or for his team.
"Jackson," said Mckay, pulling Daniel's attention from Ma'chello. "I can't tell a thing about this device without taking it apart, and since I don't trust this guy to remember which of his things are Goa'uld killers and which of them aren't, I'm not going to even touch it."
Dixon hmmed.
"And it's technically against the rules," Mckay added, waving his hand as if that didn't matter.
"You can't tell us anything?" Daniel asked, turning back to Ma'chello. He felt helpless in this strange situation.
Ma'chello's breathing was harder, and his eyes wide as he slowly shook his head. Then, to Daniel's shock, he collapsed to the floor.
"Oh no," Daniel said, hurrying to his side, now truly worried.
"We didn't do that, did we?" Mckay asked, concerned.
Daniel put a finger to Ma'chello's neck, and felt relieved to find a pulse. "He's alive," he said. "We need to get him to medical help."
"Dixon, dial the gate," ordered Jack.
Teal'c came to Daniel's side, picking up the frail old man as if he weighed nothing. Mckay and Daniel followed him back to the gate.
"You know, this was looking like it'd be worth it," said Mckay. "Until the crazy happened."
"My thoughts exactly," muttered Jack.
"Which just adds to the strangeness," said Dixon as the chevrons dialed.
"Let's just hope he's okay," said Daniel, frowning. A part of him felt teased by what Teal'c had said, and the tantalizing appearance of technology of his place, and he couldn't bear to have it end without any answer. He hoped it wasn't a dead end or a trap.
Glancing around at the strange technology that might be weaponry against the Goa'uld, but which they might never know, Daniel followed his team through the gate back to Earth.
ooooooo
Sam and Jolinar had counted every one of the ten days spent on the Tok'ra base, but it was the last three before Garshaw approached them that felt longest. Sam felt like she might falter, and love it too much. The quiet, the peace from facing others if they did not feel like it, and the allowance to learn what she could.
~Tell me about Rosha,~ she finally asked Jolinar.
Jolinar had seen this coming, and knew that her reaction had given Sam permission to ask aloud. She didn't ask for more, but Jolinar was ready to give it.
She stood in their chamber, and walked over to the mirror. Five months had brought Sam's hair to shoulder-length, and Jolinar could almost bring Rosha's face to her mind. She had seen it in the mirror for over 100 years, but it was hard to remember when your own self seemed to change. Jolinar was distracted for the moment by the long thin silver scar that traced from her left temple all the way down to her breastbone—forever a reminder of one thing she couldn't fix.
*Rosha was born on a planet more like yours than you might think,* Jolinar said, finding her focus again. *Once it was protected from the Goa'uld, and Rosha's grandmother could remember living free. Even beaten down by the Goa'uld, strength still ran through the veins of all who lived on that planet. I used her as an ally there, because she always maintained that things would succeed—sometimes I wonder if I misused her optimism. I was captured by the Jaffa, held for questioning. Except it would never come; the Jaffa planned to kill me first, Rosha found out. She offered to become my new host so that I might escape. At first I refused to leave Elista behind, but in the end it was not my choice. I submitted to them both, and let Elista offer herself so that the Tok'ra cause might last.*
Sam kept her thoughts steady, carefully absorbing the information. Jolinar brought up the memory of returning to the Tok'ra, heart broken for more than just the loss of a host. Jolinar had sworn to repay her enslavement of Elista with a life of good purpose; Elista had died, though, and Jolinar felt like she had betrayed her.
It was this, Sam realized as she remembered watching all the faces that she vaguely recognized, that convinced the Tok'ra of Jolinar's loyalty. Her grief for Elista, and Rosha's stubborn efforts to keep Jolinar focused on what could be done, were a marked difference from the impetuous symbiote the Tok'ra had known before. Sam somehow knew this, the same way she knew that Rosha had gone to Selmak at just the right time.
Rosha did not let Jolinar's emotions drag her down in the beginning. Her blending was still new, and she used it to her advantage, spreading an outward appearance of determined joy. Jolinar remembered the brightness of her mind, and she was not the only one.
Sam saw Martouf and Lantash, captivated by Rosha's smile and laughter, rare among the Tok'ra. Jolinar was not so joyful, but Rosha brought her to a comfortable place, and they blended in a way that was fierce and uncompromising. Stubborn, but bright like a star, yet it was Jolinar who fell in love first. Rosha had only a few days of satisfaction in bringing Jolinar to such a place, before she forgot to focus on Jolinar, and found herself looking upward into the face that had Jolinar fascinated.
Then, for a time, Rosha's joy was shared with Jolinar, peace and happiness theirs to hold as they left aside guilt and duty both. Marriage among the Tok'ra was rare, but simple.
Sam couldn't remember a memory of her own with such painful depth. It was only good pain, the kind that comes when there is too much good for a normal heart to hold. Jolinar and Rosha had been as one, with themselves and their love and the Tok'ra and the universe.
*She did not bring new ideas, for all the change that she brought,* Jolinar commented, lingering on that peace just long enough in case it could still heal her emotions. *Only a new will to approach. She felt free to stay silent, leading from behind, but a sharp observer of it all. She could find happiness. My guilt became hers, but she could overwhelm it in a way I had only wished to do.*
~And then?~ Sam asked. She knew something had changed, if only because this Jolinar was not the one that she remembered when they first blended.
*The Tok'ra are not meant to find true happiness at all times,* Jolinar said. *Pain and loss followed, and Netu last of all. Rosha was not so bright after that; she knew why I was what I was. We were closest in those last years, almost identical. And then we pushed, and Chronus' ashrak found us. I lost her on Nasya, too damaged to heal. Quinta found us, and he was to be my host for a short time. Then he died in the same way and—you know what happened afterwards.*
Sam could barely remember that far. Or rather, she knew what happened, but could not feel the emotions. They were too different from what she felt now, too different from the ones she could understand. Jolinar had few words for Rosha, but needed no more.
Jolinar left the mirror, sitting on their bed. She was not lost in grief, or pain, or even the emptiness of some of these days of recovery. No one could call it contentment, but Sam felt it as a kind of acceptance, a shrug of the shoulders because there was no cause yet for strong emotions.
~Thank you,~ Sam said, and Jolinar shrugged again. She found herself wanting to know more, feeling that what was still separate was a kind of secret-keeping somehow. Even so, she knew how there was only so much time. She took what she could have, gladly.
Jolinar was looking back too far, realizing how much she had grown through Rosha, a journey that was not completed, that had gone on surprisingly far into all she and Sam had done together. She shook her head, the openness intriguing even to her. *Will you tell me of some of your life?* she asked.
Sam thought of her father, her mother, and realized just how much she had kept quiet in her life. Things she called insignificant compared to others, but that added up into the shape of her life.
~I had a good start in life,~ she began.
Jolinar sat back, listening, mind calm. Even though Sam knew that it would start to hurt soon, she smiled to herself, and began to share her story.
ooooooo
"He still hasn't told us anything," Janet explained. Like so often, only Daniel and Mckay waited for news of Ma'chello's condition. "And I'm not sure he has any time left." She twisted her hands, frowning at all she couldn't do.
The eccentric but active man that they had first seen on the planet disappeared as soon as he woke from his collapse back in the SGC. Ma'chello had lain brooding and silent since then. The rest of the team didn't see anything else from their mission, but Daniel couldn't put aside his curiosity. He talked to Teal'c, asking for more stories of Ma'chello. Teal'c had none, only regret that they should end like this.
Mckay had seen the technology of Ma'chello's lab, though. Despite the possible danger, he was itching to learn more. And if they really fought the Goa'uld as they were supposed to, Daniel would be feeling the same.
"So what now?" Daniel said. If Ma'chello would not or could not speak, and if he was as near death's door as Janet's continual assessment said, he feared that the mission was just a tantalizing failure.
"It's not my call," said Janet with a sigh.
Daniel nodded.
"I can't imagine that I can't crack the code somehow," Mckay said, shuffling in his seat. "If Hammond can send someone back in protective gear, then surely it'll be safe to bring one of the objects back."
"You're going to do tests on it here?" Daniel asked, a little wary. "What if it really is a weapon?"
"I'm not going to activate anything," Mckay said, rolling his eyes. "There's a kind of notepad with writing on it, and if Ma'chello is as smart as he's supposed to be, it's probably some kind of computer, maybe with instructions. That, and the device that he said would 'help', and I can figure out how the things fit together."
"You think," said Daniel. "Well, I don't know if the General will allow that."
"A possible defense against the Goa'uld, and he's just going to turn his back?" Mckay asked rhetorically.
Daniel shrugged.
An hour later, he was standing by the gate, waiting for Jack and Dixon to come back. Teal'c had returned already with the computer device in a protected carrying case, and Jack and Dixon were supposed to be on his heels.
Suddenly they stumbled through the gate with the horned object, dropping it at the bottom of the ramp. Dixon ripped off his hazmat mask, face frustrated in a way that Dixon's almost never was.
"What is it?" asked Daniel, concerned.
"That," Dixon said, emphasizing the word, "did not go well. At all."
"Yes sir," sighed Jack.
"Wait, what?" Mckay said, shaking his head as if he'd heard wrong.
Daniel hadn't quite placed it when 'Jack' turned to Mckay. "Well, Mckay, hazmat doesn't work."
"Yes, brilliant plan that," said 'Dixon' sarcastically. "And Daniel, why don't you congratulate Mijello on his 'help', which apparently involves body-swapping."
"What?" Mckay said again.
Daniel just stared, hearing Jack's tone coming from Dixon's mouth. It was too well done to be a prank, he somehow knew. "Jack?" he asked, looking at 'Dixon'.
"Ya think?" 'Dixon' asked right back.
"Oh god," muttered Mckay.
Daniel just sighed. Body-swapping. This was just...not good at all.
ooooooo
"Mrs. Dixon, now is not a good time," Daniel said, meeting Clara as she came down the hall towards the infirmary.
Clara frowned. "Why? Has he hurt himself again?"
"No, not really," Daniel assured her, glancing back to the infirmary, but confident in the truth of his words.
Clara gave him a look, and continued walking. "But something's up."
"Yes, but I'm sure he doesn't think you need to know," Daniel said, keeping up with her.
They turned into the infirmary, and Daniel sighed. Too many people, and not in hospital beds, for it to be a normal day.
"Dear gods, this body is old!" exclaimed 'Jack', leaning over and touching his knees.
"Oh, stop it," answered 'Dixon', tapping his foot on the floor as he sat in a chair, glaring at the device that only they had touched.
"Clara," commented 'Jack' with surprise, looking up. He stood up straighter.
"Colonel?" Clara answered, confused. She took a few steps forward.
"Uh, you shouldn't be here," said 'Jack', casting a hasty glance to 'Dixon'.
'Dixon' looked up. "Gah—Daniel!"
Daniel shrugged. It wasn't like he could have helped this from happening.
"What's going on?" asked Clara, putting a hand to her hip. She pointed to the object. "And what is this?"
"Don't, don't touch that," Mckay snapped, coming across the infirmary from where Ma'chello still lay, Ma'chello's computer in his hand. "We don't want any more accidents, or before we know, everyone will be scrambled with no cure."
"Rodney, don't talk nonsense," admonished Clara. "And I wasn't going to touch it."
"I don't talk nonsense," blustered Mckay back. "These two managed to get their minds switched with each others, and guess who was left to figure the whole mess out?"
"Seriously?" Clara asked, slightly incredulous. She turned to 'Dixon', who indicated 'Jack'.
"Sorry, hon," said 'Jack'.
"Oh good god," Clara muttered, putting a hand to her head. "I shouldn't even think about what goes on in here..."
Daniel sighed. It had been a long day already, especially since Ma'chello still wouldn't speak. He seemed to have lost all interest in life too, no longer even brooding. Daniel and Janet were both afraid that he would die.
"Well, if the obvious lesson is over, then maybe I can get back to work without worrying about Jackson letting random people near the body-snatcher of death?" Mckay said pointedly.
Daniel nodded.
"Who makes that kind of device anyway?" Clara wondered, taking a seat to wait for the solution.
"It almost made sense," said Daniel, as 'Dixon' and 'Jack' avoided looking at each other or Clara or the object. "Except, there's no way of reversing the process, that we've found yet. I mean, there has to be one, but it's not the main purpose of this."
"It's Goa'uld, isn't it?" Clara said, in a tone that said she should have expected it.
"Actually, no, it's to defeat them," Daniel said.
Clara snorted. "I should be upset, really, but they've survived worse, right? All this was meant to do was get a bunch of Goa'uld too busy scrambling themselves so they could find the right body again...it's not even deadly."
Daniel nodded, glad to have that interpretation. Jack and Dixon had been much more dramatic about it all, which had almost been entertaining. Then, he paused. "Wait," he said.
Clara's eyebrow rose. "What?"
Daniel tried to remember what she said, one of the words right on the tip of his tongue. "Scrambler," he said. "You said this thing was a scrambler."
"That's what Rodney said," Clara answered, slightly confused.
Daniel's mind was figuring it out faster than he could say it. "You might have an idea we hadn't tried, though."
ooooooo
"We have judged your request now," said Garshaw, approaching Sam and Jolinar in the hall. She stood, calm, arms resting at her sides. "With much dissent, it was decided that you may be fit for duty again."
Sam nodded, though strangely unmoved by this success.
"We do indeed require an underground position on Dorieth," Garshaw continued, her arms coming up to cross loosely across her chest. "However, only the utmost subtlety can be allowed. You will infiltrate as one of the slaves on the planet, and you must go in as understated a disguise as you can. Remain in contact with our other operative, and carry out only what is necessary."
"You don't need to worry about that," Sam said, bowing her head slightly. "We do not want risks." Jolinar agreed; the anger and passion for this mission was naturally finding a slow burn, feelings deep enough to influence everything and yet leave time for planning. If there was any success to be had, both of them knew that strategy was necessary. And would make their triumph sweet enough, perhaps, to replace the guilt of nearly ruining it with impulse and intuition.
"Much of this is not within our usual practices, as Jolinar should know," Garshaw continued, looking directly at Sam.
Sam nodded slowly. So they were a special case, as always.
Garshaw turned to leave.
~How can we disguise ourselves?~ Sam wondered.
Jolinar started to think, and a hint of interest started to come to them, changing the flatness of the past days. It wasn't just something they had to do; this was something they might even want to do.
For the first time in at least a week, they had something that wasn't recovery. Back in the field was where they needed to be.
ooooooo
From what Teal'c said, or didn't say, Daniel was glad that for Sha're's sake he hadn't risked himself by testing his theory on Ma'chello's body-swapping machine personally. Instead, he watched with relief and amusement as everyone protested, and then carried it out with resigned interest.
Mckay and Dixon-in-Jack did it first, and it worked. Jack shuddered, and muttered beneath his breath that he didn't ever want to see Mckay in his body again. Daniel shook his head with silent laughter, because only here could that sentence make sense.
Mckay-in-Jack then switched with Jack-in-Dixon, and Jack stretched and shook the muscles that were now his again. Mckay and Dixon got back to their bodies next, and then Clara ordered Dixon not to touch anything offworld ever again, even through hazmat.
There was one last thing to do, though, and Dixon and Jack, now immune, took the device back to Ma'chello's planet. The man died that evening, his code still unsolved and everyone wondering what exactly had happened to him.