Chapter 77 - Options
Jean gave a squeak of surprise as the lights went down and the room around them shook violently. She gripped the table, grappling for the delicate equipment, as Rodney all but dove for cover.
Daniel's heart clenched as he held Shifu closer. The babe gave a single high pitched cry when it all went dark, and squirmed to turn towards Daniel's chest.
"Holy crap, we're all dead," Mckay said in a breathless but doomed voice.
"They did it, right, they got through our defenses?" Jean asked tightly, as the loud boom faded and left only dull metal creaks. "Now what?"
Some long dark seconds went by before a flicker of low light came, and the emergency generators started to hum. Daniel tried to breathe slowly, for his sake as well as Shifu's, but this was the very definition of worst case scenario.
"They wanted to take out our headquarters, then get up to an escape route," he said aloud, looking over to the two scientists. Head still throbbing, he could at least think, even if it wasn't seeming good. "They aren't going to go back through the gate, but they don't plan on dying yet either."
"So we're going to keep them trapped here until we can kill them?" Mckay asked, astounded.
"Trapping ourselves in the angry tiger cage while we dash around looking for the tranquilizer dart we know is in there somewhere," Jean said, sighing and leaning over the table.
The building around them shook again, and Mckay's eyes darted back and forth. "We are all so stuck," he said, voice panicky and eyes wide.
Daniel's heart pounded as it dawned on him just how close Earth was to being attacked by invisible aliens who wanted them all dead. And he couldn't move. The need to protect had never been so strong in him, and he could do nothing.
"Rodney, stop it," Jean protested, voice shaking a little.
Trying to take deep breaths, Mckay almost darted across the room. "Phone's down," he said, hanging up the receiver he'd just grabbed.
"All teams please report in," came Hammond's voice over their radio.
But Daniel knew what the answer to their report would be. Keep working on a solution. As Mckay reached for his radio, Jean had already started straightening the mess on the worktable. They still needed other pieces to make this work, if it would. But it had to, if they were to make it through this intact.
"You may have to take it to the parts, instead of the other way around," he said, as the idea dawned darkly on him.
She glanced up, confused for a second, then realizing what he meant. "That's manageable," she said with a sigh, then got to work. "But what about you?"
"We'll deal with that when the time comes," Daniel said, closing his eyes and hoping he'd hear an update from Sha're. This was not the way he planned to go out, but there might not be a choice in the end.
ooooooo
Jacob, Selmak, they would help, Sam had decided. She was getting a grip on this situation, but something told her that it shouldn't be her alone. She took the walk to their quarters slowly, though, still speaking with Jolinar. As she laid out her predicament, something had popped into her mind that she needed to explain and confess.
~I think...I think, Jolinar, that I may have fallen in love with Martouf and Lantash.~
*Was I not supposed to notice, or were you expecting a comment on it earlier?* Jolinar said, and her surprise was plain, not for Sam's declaration but for her belief that it had to be stated.
Sam colored sharply at that, realizing just how far she had let it go. ~I didn't mean for it to happen,~ she said quickly.
*Oh,* said Jolinar, catching quickly onto the subject. The fact that Sam had kept it as private as she could had left some of the details out. *I am sorry, then, I just assumed that you were aware and—I did not think it through.* Sam caught the unspoken words, that it was something that blending influenced.
~No, you don't need to apologize,~ Sam came back quickly, walking a little faster as she wished Jolinar would stop her flush of awkwardness. ~I guess I just, after a while, unconsciously maybe—I guess I just assumed that nothing was going to change. I let myself relax, reach out.~
She stood almost at Jacob and Selmak's quarters, with those words hanging in the air. Jolinar was hesitant, trying to read which words went with which emotion in Sam's mind. *What does that mean for you?*
Sam swallowed and approached the doorway, deciding not to give an answer at that moment. Jacob was in control, and beckoned them in as he stood up and approached to give a hug.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, his smile hesitating for a second at the sight of her face.
"Probably not, I don't know," Sam said. "Can we sit and talk for a while?"
"Well of course not, can't you tell that we are in the middle of something very important?" Jacob teased, indicating the near-empty room.
Sam managed a half smile as she took a seat. "We're a bit confused."
"I would never have been able to guess," Jacob said, looking her straight in the eye with warm humor, and the weight of loving concern behind it.
Sam let her hands clasp in her lap to keep them from flailing about, and Jolinar wasn't offering her anything to start with. She'd have to address her thoughts again, be open. This was so important, she couldn't even begin to start without hesitation.
"The Council wants us to go on another mission," Sam started, looking her father squarely in the eye and letting the words hang.
"And?" he prompted, face neutral.
Sam's brow creased a little. "And, we hadn't planned on that." Jolinar was trying not to bring back those memories, even as Sam also managed to focus on the present. But there was so much history, and she wasn't sure if Sam wanted to remember it.
Sam didn't see understanding in his face until something changed, and Selmak came forward. Then, the dawning seemed potent. "Now I remember," Selmak said in a low voice. "This is problematic, I see."
"I thought I'd be going home now," Sam admitted, leaning forward on her knees. Jolinar didn't exactly flinch at that, but something struck her wrong. The wording, maybe—but analysis wasn't her strong suit. Sam continued, trying to express her thoughts, because surely she needed this. "It was always just temporary, until the mission was done. Now it is, and I don't know what to do."
"You still wish to go home?" Selmak said, and when Sam nodded he answered with another nod. "But you don't think you can?"
At this, Sam had to bite her lip, shake her head a little. Jolinar felt something uncomfortable rising and started trying to block herself off, but Sam didn't want that. "That's the problem," she said aloud. "I'm not sure I want it that much. And—and I don't understand why not. How can I just think about giving up all my friends, my work, my culture? Have I become such a coward?"
Selmak's eyes seemed piercingly perceptive, and Sam saw no confusion on his face. "You consider staying with Jolinar an option, even though it was not the original plan."
It wasn't to spare Jolinar's feelings that Sam answered quickly, "Yes."
A moment of silence hung as the weight of that impressed itself on them. What it actually meant, though, Sam still didn't know. It seemed all just out of reach, just like Jolinar was now trying to be. She couldn't help with this, and after all this time, that seemed new and uncomfortable to both her and Sam.
"Let me tell you something, Sam," Jacob said, as Selmak retired for a few seconds. He leaned over, putting a hand on Sam's clasped ones. "Kid, this conversation shocked me more than it should have. Since Selmak and I got together, I think I kind of assumed that you and I were staying like this. At least, it wouldn't have been a surprise to me if you had come out and said that."
"I know, I think I kind of felt that too," Sam admitted, smiling wryly.
"Well, don't dismiss that," Jacob answered, nodding and looking her deep in the eyes. "You were comfortable, content, with things as they were. Think carefully before you decide that you want something else."
Sam's fear started to rise a little, even as Jolinar quietly listened. "But Earth."
"You don't have to forsake it altogether, it's not entirely either/or," Jacob said, with a slight nudge of his head. "Maybe you can go back, no matter whether it's to stay or not. That's diplomacy, it can be handled at any time. You could have both worlds, if it works out well. But where do you think you want to belong?"
Sam sat for a second, not sure what to make of it. Maybe he was right, maybe she could find a way to go back to Earth for a visit, or two, or more. Maybe if they would just trust her enough, she could see them, satisfy her longing. But she had thought she needed that atmosphere, the science and the military of her home-world. So young, so fresh, so energizing. She had thought. Now? Now, as she considered it at last, she realized that it would involve leaving Jolinar.
And that meant finding a new host. As Sam remembered their search, remembered all the faces they'd seen, she felt a sudden distrust and worry. How could she let anyone like that be so close to her Jolinar? How could she condemn Jolinar to that?
*I would survive,* Jolinar protested, even if it came flatly, as if trying to hide some other emotion.
But at that moment, Sam realized that she would feel jealous, and concerned that her replacement couldn't understand. And hurt that Jolinar might just forget her. Sam knew then that she couldn't forget Jolinar. She didn't want to. She was too protective, too attached, too close. She loved her too much now, more than any idea of Earth.
~Why does that scare me?~ she asked in her mind.
ooooooo
"We've lost structural integrity on levels 11, 15, and 23," Hammond's voice summarized after all the messages had come in.
Jack sighed and looked around what he could see in the emergency lighting. He wouldn't say for sure, but Level 25 didn't look so hot either. Any moment he expected the walls to buckle, and the reddish lighting just made the smoke from the bombs cloud his vision.
"O'Neill?" Sha're's voice came to him from down the hall, from the generator room.
"Yeah," he managed, stretching a little from the tension of holding still as the explosions boomed around him. It was too much like war, not something he wanted here. "All fine here."
"So are we, we think," Sha're said, coming out of the shadows towards him, Dorris following.
"Something fell off the generator and hit my head, but I'll be fine," the scientist said, and even though her voice was high and wispy, Jack's eyebrow raised a little. No toothpick this one, she had gumption. That was all he was looking for at this point.
"We've got a foothold situation," Jack said, drawing his mind back to the crisis, his brows tightening together. Shaking his head a little, the two women became soldiers in his mind. "They're going to try to take out the rest of Earth if they can get there, but they're not going to. Now, we're way down here, and main way's probably blocked, but there are ways around, got it?"
"Will we have time?" Dorris asked, eyes wide in the near-dark.
"There's no timetable that we know of yet," Jack said, jaw tightening. "They're bugs, they may not even have watches. For all we know, we could have a long-term situation on our hands. All that matters is Earth safety. I like this planet, and don't want these Reeses pieces getting their invisible hands on it. The only invisibility I'm interested in is from the Fantastic Four, got it?"
"Possibly," Sha're said, slightly confused by his references, but shaking it off in a Teal'c fashion.
Chloe Dorris nodded.
Jack got ready to go back for Roberts, and grab what weaponry they could. "Come on, let's move. Be quiet and be ready to shoot."
He felt weary as he marched off to war again, but he was damned if he wasn't going to stick it out to the end—theirs or his. He'd request that it be theirs, at every chance he got. With some nice bullet signatures.
ooooooo
After taking a break to eat with Jacob and Selmak, playing a quiet chess game to ease their minds, Sam and Jolinar both knew that they couldn't sleep that night until something had been decided.
Sam felt weariness in her body, and took her time to fully savor each sensation of the hot bath they took. Focusing on the soft smells, the ripple of the water on her skin, the pleasure-almost-pain of the heat that flushed her skin, it didn't seem so daunting.
Slipping into the green silk robe that Jolinar had picked out before, she twisted her wet hair out of the way and made the walk back to their chamber. She sat on their bed, feeling soothed and comfortable and peaceful. Her heart's pace jumped just a little, though, as she noticed how deliberately quiet Jolinar was being. They had both done it all day, but Jolinar more than Sam. Sam had the feeling that she was trying to spare Sam the emotional impact.
Sam's weren't much different, she thought, but they were less deep and more fleeting. And she had to address them now, if she wanted to sleep without tossing and turning. Letting Jolinar take control after she leaned back against the headboard, closing her eyes to the near-dark of their crystal chamber, she let her mind unfurl further.
*This habit of yours, to dissect every situation and explain it to yourself,* Jolinar said quietly, absently arranging the blanket on the bed as Sam prepared to think deeply. *It is more comforting than irritating now. I thought you should know that, before you add yet another bit of guilt to what is on your plate.*
Sam paused for a moment of separate reflection, noting how controlled Jolinar was, wondering what her reaction would be and whether surety had her behaving as if she was already at peace. But then, they were both tired, and none of this was new.
~Well, Jolinar, I think I should first say that I think I'm closer to you than I've ever been to anybody,~ she said in louder thoughts. ~My surprise is a bit ironic, seeing how we've been literally in each other's heads for the better part of a year now. Seven months now, god! I don't think I have a problem saying that I'm bonded to you now. That part's easy; not that you are, to live with I mean, but it's not about that in the end. I didn't think it would happen, but all the crap we've been through has been a kind of refining fire, I think.~
Jolinar nodded slowly, looking at the crystal pattern on the far wall. *And I have been glad to build this bond with you, even if the circumstances have been unfortunate.*
~I'm—I'm not used to thinking in these terms,~ Sam said next, not as smoothly. But she was trying to keep her calm and not get too emotional, and it was mostly working. ~But if I can't think of how I'd live without you here, I think my only option is to...stay. Forever, or however long I'll live with you.~
This time, it was Jolinar's impulse that had their heart racing. *You are sure of these feelings?*
Sam sighed to herself. ~Yes, I can't interpret it any other way.~ Even though it seemed anticlimactic compared to the traumatic beginning—a kind of settling, however willing.
Yet for all that they had been holding back, trying to stay objective, Jolinar's emotions rushed out then in a tidal flow of relief and love. Sam could have laughed, it was so strong, burying her in its power—laughed, not smiled, because this was Jolinar. And when part of you is so affected, what else is there to laugh at your own absurdity, in a sense? Acknowledging what they'd both known for weeks felt sweet and warm, something to curl against and revel in the security.
Jolinar brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, closing her eyes and exhaling as she and Sam found their first moment where they truly admitted what they were. Two beings inhabiting one body, to souls bonded together by more than just physical reality. It was a kind of love that friends strove to reach, but almost never could—and it felt like pure joy
Sam let herself drown in it for a few seconds, her emotions feeding into physical feelings. It had her feeling more and more drowsy as she couldn't help but smile, feeling Jolinar with her the way it was supposed to be from the beginning. ~Okay, that should be enough for tonight,~ she said, tone quiet and humorous.
Jolinar felt the urge to yawn and then gave one of the few real smiles Sam had ever witnessed. *Let us not even think of what else is left, then,* she said, sinking back into the pillow. She closed her eyes for a second, then slipped out of the robe and under the blankets.
~What do I call you?~ Sam mused tiredly, as the familiarity of the trappings of sleep reached for her. ~You're not just a friend, you're not like a spouse, not a sibling either...symbiote doesn't cover it.~
*We are Tok'ra,* Jolinar answered even as it all started to go pleasantly dark. *You are my Tok'ra, I am yours, if you care to see it like that.*
Sam just hmmed one last time to herself before they fell asleep. It wasn't over, but she was happy with what they'd done so far.
ooooooo
Jack could hear the gunshots above him as he tried to squeeze through the entrance to Level 23. They'd gotten turned out of their way on Level 24, going towards the wrong entrance first and then meeting up with someone leaving Level 23.
"There's no point, it's all blocked going up," the lieutenant had said, looking panicked and grungy.
"That's not an option, Lt.," Jack said sharply back at him.
"There are four of us, surely we can make a way," Sha're said, as a heavy sound seemed to shake above. Hammond had ordered radio silence in case of emergency or extreme situation change. All they knew was that it was all about keeping the defense status quo until the scientists reported in.
"It'll take hours," Lieutenant Gorman protested.
"We've got hours," Jack growled at him, pushing at his shoulder and starting to press forward. And it was true—until the Re'tu got out, they would be running in circles until someone died.
ooooooo
"This is it, this is our only option," Jean said finally, hours into the night. Only a few moments before she'd had to shake Daniel awake, and lost a few minutes worrying that he needed to see a doctor. But Mckay had called her back, and she managed to make him disappear with their device. Only for a few seconds, but it was something.
"Except we can't get DNA from every Re'tu attacking this base, even assuming it works with them," Mckay answered back, wearily. "It's idiotic."
"People are dying, Rodney," Jean snapped, slamming her hand down on the table.
"I know that," he shot back with heat.
Daniel's heart clenched; he hadn't heard the news of any deaths, but it would have been inevitable. Thank god that Shifu had fallen asleep, sniffling through his dreams, and Daniel could focus his worry.
"You know what we're going to do?" Jean said, grabbing her equipment in her hands.
"No, no, you can't," Mckay said, darting around the table to her side as he apparently seemed to understand. "They're still in quarantine on Level 16, you'll never get there."
"Mother is the only Re'tu on our side, and she's willing to help. If this will work at all, it has to work like that," Jean insisted.
"How are you going to get there?" demanded Mckay.
"At the moment, I'm considering using you as bait," Jean snorted. "Rodney, don't just dismiss it because it's a long shot."
"If it doesn't work, we'll have to come back here, and assuming we survive it just means that the Re'tu might know what we're up to," Mckay argued, pointing his finger straight at her face.
"Yes, it's called trial and error," Jean said.
"Are you ready for the error?" Mckay asked.
Jean just nodded quietly, dark circles appearing prominent on her eyes. Mckay seemed to swallow, and then grabbed more equipment from the table, not even muttering under his breath.
"You don't have weapons," Daniel offered. "There's an armory a few halls down."
"Right, thanks, Jackson," Mckay said, finding a bag for their equipment.
Even with the rest, Daniel was still feeling as if part of him was out of all of it, his head still hazy. "Good luck," was all he could offer.
They closed the door behind them, and left him alone with his son. The world spun again, and all he could do was focus on staying awake. Whatever happened, he wouldn't know.
ooooooo
"It's hot," Chloe informed as she jerked her hands back from the fallen girder blocking them from maneuvering over the damage in this section.
"Shit," Jack muttered.
"What kind of explosives did they use?" Gorman asked frustratedly.
There was a fumbling sound, and they all snapped to attention, reaching for weapons. Not a Re'tu, though, just settling rubble a few feet off.
"We've got to get through this," Jack said darkly. "Strip your BDUs, use the jackets to get through."
"All the fighting's going to be up near the top, near escape routes," Gorman said under his breath as they strained at the girder.
"And we'll get there, eventually," Jack said.
"What about food?" Sha're asked then. "It's the middle of the night, but we can't last forever."
"We'll figure that out, all right," Jack insisted, pointing back to the girder and the rubble that his knees would not appreciate scrambling over. "Level 19 will be chock full of secret stores of scientist snacks, I'd bet, if all else fails."
"Oh yes, because that's normal defense procedure," Chloe muttered as they grunted as the metal finally shifted.
"And since when is defending the planet normal?" Jack said through clenched jaw. "It goes with the badge, Dorris."
But as the night was wearing on, Jack felt aches and pains of exhaustion start to come on them. It would have been nice for the attack to come in the morning, at least, like in all the movies. And it would be nice if he could keep a light focus on events even as facts became darker. Two civilians and a young lieutenant needed encouragement in the hours to come, and Jack needed to play sarcastic wit for them. And for him, before he went darker than he was prepared to go.
ooooooo
Hammond had been accompanied to the control center, where somehow his aides managed to restore two camera feeds, and were almost ready to broadcast different radio signals to aid in communication.
Reports were coming in fast and heavy, even though he had tried to limit contact. The Re'tu didn't have high numbers, as far as they could tell, but their hearty determination had him scared. Even when the black hole had threatened him, it hadn't been this frightening. This was an unknowable enemy.
And it was one who had damaged this building. He'd never expected that, rather anticipating either complete destruction or nothing. He heard the reports of his people darting about the base, hampered by debris and by random enemy sightings. They were flailing about, hoping for something that would turn the tide.
Finally he got the call from his scientists, they had found a radio, and they were on their way to what might be their last hope. As he watched and listened to the rest of the chaos being reported around him, he knew just how true that statement was. The SGC was spiraling down into the maelstrom, and Earth might easily go with it.