Author's Note: This chapter just came to me, ills in some holes...which incedintely is the name of the chapter. Enjoy! PS the italics are flashbacks, but you could have guessed that.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 10: Holes

"Mom?" Tammy said as she and Julie walked into the house.

"Really Tam," Julie sighed, "I should have gotten a hotel room." Tammy looked at her.

"Do you really think that my mother was going to let you sleep in a hotel?" Tammy said. Julie laughed. "She hasn't seen you since you guys broke up. Which in Ana world means that she hasn't gotten to feed your broken heart." Julie laughed.

"Hi girls," Tom said as they wandered back.

"Hi Tom," Tammy said hugging her step father.

"Julie," he said. Julie smiled. She knew he probably felt as awkward as she did.

"Hi," she said. "It's good to see you."

"You too," he said. Ana ran downstairs.

"Mommy!" Tammy said. Ana hugged her.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so glad you're home." She whispered.

"I'm glad to be home," Tammy whispered.

"Julie," Ana said.

"Hi Ana," Julie said as she hugged her. "It's good to see you."

"Why don't you two head upstairs," Ana said. "Julie you're in the guest room."

"Right," Julie said. "Thanks so much for letting me stay."

"Of course," Tom said simply, "you're family." Julie smiled. There was something so reassuring about hearing him say it rather than Tammy's repeated recitation that they all still loved her. Julie and Tammy wandered upstairs, carrying their bags. Julie stopped seeing the door to Jimmy's room open. She swallowed and glanced in. It was as though nothing had moved, although there was now no longer a picture of them in their USC cap and gowns on the desk. It was replaced by him and Bonnie in a tux and evening gown. Her heart lurched, wondering if when he'd brought her home they'd shared that bed. Jimmy's bed, where she and him had lay on when she saw Jaime for the first time freshman year, or where they'd made love for the first time, or where he'd held her when she cried over Jaime's diagnosis. Or had Bonnie slept in the poolhouse? Where they'd spent birthday eves, and kissed and laughed and ate tacos, or maybe she slept in the guest room? Julie had no memories of the guest room, so she'd rather picture them in there. It was easier. She dropped her bags, as though her body was reminding her that this was where she slept in this house.

"Jules?" Tammy said. "Are you OK?"

"If I say I am will you believe me?" Julie sighed.

"No," Tammy said. "But I think we should close this door for the rest of the weekend."

"I think that's a good idea," Julie nodded.

"Did I just hear what I think I hear?" Tommy popped his head out. Tammy's face spread into a wide grin.

"Hey little brother!" She exclaimed as he ran out and hugged her. "Oh God it's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too," he whispered. "Hey Jules."

"Hi," Julie waved. "So are you flying to Connecticut for the festivities or are you sticking around here with us women folk?"

"Lena said that if I wasn't here for her to escape from her mother with that she would never speak to me again," Tommy shrugged, "when I asked if she was threatening or promising, she said that she'd stay in Minnesota until I got home and then smother me in my sleep." Julie laughed. "That convinced me. So you're sleeping in the guest room, huh? Weird."

"Tommy," Tammy hissed.

"It's totally weird," Julie said. "So when are you getting your own place Duncan?"

"When you get yours," he teased. They both laughed. Tammy rolled her eyes and walked into her old bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. She hadn't lay in this bed in a long time. She rolled over onto her side and saw the wall that she'd painted. There it was, a heart, large and ripped in two. The tree was etched gently on one side, and the rabbit on the other. She remembered too clearly the night she painted it.

"Hey," Tammy looked up and saw Fulton in the doorway.

"Hey," she said. "What are you doing here?" He shrugged and walked in and landed on the bed. He looked at the large half painted wall.

"Your work's evolved." He chuckled. She glared at him. "Sorry, what's on your mind?"

"What do you mean?" She said.

"The tree is you," he raised his eyebrows, "if I remember correctly. And I'm guessing that furry woodland thing is your boyfriend?"

"Ex," she mumbled. He stared at her. "We broke up, if you must know."

"Jesus, Tam," he said, "I'm sorry." She shrugged and sat down. "I asked Connie what was happening and she said to ask you myself, I figured you guys had a fight." Tammy snorted. "Bad?"

"Kinda," Tammy sighed, then it hit her. She started bawling. Fulton didn't say anything else just held her close until she could breathe again. "Oh Fult, I've done something terrible."

"I doubt that," he said very gently. "There's not a terrible bone in your body. Tell me what happened, I promise I'll make it all better." She looked at him.

"I was pregnant," she said. He looked at her, "we were drunk and stupid, and slipped up." He nodded. "And I freaked out, I didn't know, and," she looked down. "I didn't even tell him, not until after." Fulton nodded understanding. She looked at him, Fulton always understood, never judged, how was it possible? "Anyway, I felt really horrible and I was sick, obviously, and he asked what was wrong and I told him."

"And now you're broken up," he said. She nodded. "And Connie is," he sighed. "Well, Connie."

"Exactly," Tammy said. "As if I don't feel awful enough." He hugged her again, he could feel the hole inside of her and wanted to sew her back together. "Anyway, what about you? I didn't think you'd be home, or I guess this isn't home anymore, for you."

"You either," he pointed out. She smiled. "I'm only home for like two weeks, and then I start the academy."

"Right," she smiled. "Is Tanya here too or…" she trailed off and he shook his head.

"She's starting law school like right away," he shook his head. "Plus, we're taking like one of those breathers that people always talk about."

"You fought," Tammy nodded.

"Big time," he laughed. She smiled. "She does not like the whole cop plan, it really freaks her out."

"It always freaked me out too," she admitted, "you know, a million years ago, when we still thought," she trailed off again. He nodded. They looked at each other. "I'm thinking about moving home for a while."

"Really?" He said. She nodded. "Are you having panic attacks?"

"No," she shook her head. "No it's not like then, just being with my mom and everything has helped a little."

"Sure," he said softly. She hadn't realized before that they'd been inching closer to each other. He pushed her hair off of her face.

"Fult," she whispered as he kissed her. She leaned back against the pillows and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was an unbelievable comfort to have Fulton's arms around her again. When they made love that night, she felt something in herself heal.

She sighed and closed her eyes and her phone rang. She saw it and smiled.

"Hi," she said picking it up.

"Hi," Steve said. "Just calling to give you some courage before heading to see your father."

"Thanks," she smiled. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," he said. "So, how's our girl doing?"

"Jimmy's bedroom door was open," Tammy sighed. "Then she and Tommy were doing their broken hearts club banter."

"He's a good egg your little brother," Steve smiled. "Call me later, I've got a tween queen emergency here. Apparently my client decided spending a night in Vegas with her boyfriend was a good idea."

"Ouch," Tammy said, "good luck keeping that off Perez." He snorted.

"Perez is the least of my problems, he can be bought," Steve said, "TMZ however has no price."

"Good luck," she said, "I love you."

"I love you too," he said. She hung up and closed her eyes. She had an amazing job, a fantastic family and a man who loved her. But there was still that hole inside of her that was never full.

After Fulton and Tammy lay quietly and she smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks and she snuggled close to him. Had he been so big before? She couldn't remember. He was definitely more toned. His body felt right, the safe haven it had always been.

"Fult," she whispered.

"Mm," he grunted softly.

"Do you miss it?"

"What?" He asked, although he was pretty sure he knew.

"Us," she sadly. "Me and you, and, and Eden Hall, and sitting in the kitchen at my mom's apartment, eating spaghetti and meatballs and goofing around."

"Sure," he said. "I miss seeing your skates by the door, and the way you used to rub my shoulder when it got sore." She smiled. "I definitely missed that cute little face you make at the end of sex." She blushed, Steve commented on the face too. Suddenly she started to cry. "Tam," he said. "Honey, I'm sorry, what did I say?"

"No," she said, crying into his chest, "I shouldn't have done this to you, I'm so sorry."

"Done what?" He said softly. "Baby, you didn't do anything to me." He kissed her. "If you stay, I stay."

"No," she shook her head, "oh Fulton, don't say that!" It was like he was built to absorb her tears. "You have a life in Chicago, and Tanya, and," she pulled herself close to him. He closed his eyes. He hadn't even thought about Tanya since he breathed in Tammy's scent. "You can't throw that away because of we decided we missed high school." It cut into her to say it. But she was not dragging him down with her, she would go down alone.

"I don't want to hear that," he said, as if he could hear her thoughts. "That's not what this was Tammy!"

"Then what was it?" She said. "I was hurting and you tried to fix me! Isn't that all we ever were? My parents splitting, my dad marrying Pauline, my mom choosing Tom, what happened that night in the alley," she shuddered, "and now this. I can't ask you to do this anymore. I have to learn to fix myself." He kissed her hard. She felt his heart breaking along with hers. He didn't let go, wouldn't stop kissing her. She gave in, relaxing her body, allowing him in again.

"I want to fix you," he said. Tammy was in terrified ecstasy. It felt so unbelievably good, but she was frightened of his intensity. This time when it was over there were no smiles. They lay quietly slightly away from each other. "You're going back aren't you?"

"I have to," she said. "It's a mess back there, but it's my mess. I have to clean it up." He looked at her. "I love you for wanting to clean my messes Fult, I always will." They slept in each other's that night, they couldn't not.

Tammy got back to New York a few days later and looked at the now mostly empty townhouse. Guy was in France, permanently with Gabrielle. Charlie and Connie were in Minnesota and even if they were here, Connie wouldn't speak to her. And Steve…she sighed wondering if she would ever see him again. One thing was for sure, this place was way too big for her by herself. Maybe Julie and Jimmy would want to move in, or maybe she should just sell it, Tom had given her the deed for graduation. Either way she didn't have to decide tonight. She wandered into her room and changed into painting clothes and then into the studio. Steve was sitting in an old armchair he'd place in there years ago, slumped and asleep. She decided not to disturb him and started painting a canvas recreation of the mural she'd painted on her bedroom wall a few days earlier, it was the kind of work Craig had been begging her for, something like her old work. She heard Steve snore and wake himself up and she shook her head and laughed.

"Hey," she said, glancing at the clock. "Good morning."

"What time is it?" He mumbled.

"Around 7," she said.

"When'd you get here?" He asked.

"Around ten," she said. "I didn't sleep."

"Yeah, that canvas was blank," he nodded. He looked at it. "Whoa."

"What are you doing here Steve?" She sighed. "You dumped me remember?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he said. She nodded. "I overreacted." Tammy felt two feet tall. "I know, you did it, and I wish you'd talked to me, but," she looked down. "You shouldn't feel guilty, not on my account, and if you'll take me back,"

"Don't be so quick," she whispered, "I mean," she sighed. "Something happened, while I was at home." He blinked at her. "I was upset and he just came over and," she sighed. "It was a mistake, it was a huge mistake."

"You slept with Fulton," he said, reading between the lines. She nodded shamefully. "I need some time on this."

"OK," she whispered. He kissed her softly.

"I'll call you," he said. She nodded again. There was a brand new hole ripped inside of her now, to replace the one Fulton had healed.

Please review, as usual, and Happy 4th to all the others here in the states!