Bella's POV.
I woke up in my dark room. It was silent and lonely. There was no light besides the gap of my doorway, it wasn't fully closed and I could see the lights of the hall. I sat up in bed and felt tired, my eyes hurt and my head, I was hungry and for some reason I wanted to be with Emmett right now. I didn't have anymore tears in me because I cried them out last night. I stood up in my room and looked for the switch to turn the light on. When I found it, I was in the bathroom. I looked horrible. My hair looked like a haystack, my make up was smeared, you could see the mascara smeared down my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy, and there was no way of getting around the sadness my face was carrying. I decided on taking a shower, it might make me feel better, and the make up will come off.
I let the warm water cover my body, untangle my muscles, and relax my stress. I wanted to stay away from the reason I cried last night or when ever I did. I really wanted to put it behind me and look at him with admiration and strength. But I wasn't strong enough, I could feel myself getting ready for a whole new batch of tears. I felt myself slip down the shower wall, curl up in a little ball, hugging my knees crying again. Sobbing for my best friend, the only person who could ever get me through my mess. How could I go through life with out him. I needed him like I needed air, as much as I didn't love him the same way I loved Edward, he was my glue, he put my broken heart back together. I missed him, I missed him so much. I sobbed, and sobbed until I knew I couldn't anymore. I got off the shower floor and wrapped a towel around me. I knew it was bad, I knew I shouldn't have done it. It's Alice's fault anyways, she packed it in my luggage. I dressed in Jacob's clothes. A big warm hoddie and his basketball shorts. It still smelled like him, natural and husky.
I walked barefoot towards Emmett's room, guessing that's where Claire was, but I stopped when I heard her laughter coming down the hall. Mom's room. I walked towards it and her laughter but stopped when I heard her speak to Phil.
"It's all my fault Phil." I could hear the regret and sadness dripping on her voice.
"What is Rene?"
"That my little girls broken. It's all my fault. This never would have happened if I never did that stupid thing. It's my fault. She'd probably be happy right now, with Edward, she'd probably have 3 little kids running around our palace, she'd be happy. She wouldn't be in her room crying. It's my fault my little girls suffering." she was crying, and now I was crying. I had my head between my knees crying over my mom's words.
"Rene, I can't tell you what you did wasn't wrong. But if you hadn't done it, nothing would be what it is now. Bella's a strong girl and she'll get through this. But what you did made her stronger, it's taking her a while to come back, but she will. One good thing came out of this, and that's Claire. Not 20 kids can replace her, if you wouldn't have done that she would have never meet Jake and she wouldn't have had Claire. I know it hurts to see your daughter hurting, but she's a big girl and she needs to find her way out. To her, Claire's the only thing she has right now, but it will take a while for her to release she has all of us. Beside's I have a feeling everything will work out again."
"I just wish she wouldn't suffer by her self." I couldn't hear anymore. I stood up and ran down the stairs to my music room. I closed the door and grabbed the frame. I fell on the couch and laid there curled up hugging the picture close to my chest.
"Jake I miss you…
I don't understand why you left. Why did god have to be so cruel and take you from me. You were the only person who could help me through this. I miss you just like I miss him. I know it's bad, but when I'm around him, all I want is to be in his arms. I want to be able to kiss him and feel loved again. But I feel like I'm betraying you. Jake what do I do. Tell me, give me a sign. Something that will lead me away from all this sadness. I can't be strong for our daughter Jake. I feel like I'm not strong enough. I miss my best friend. I miss how you would hold me at night and tell me everything will be okay. When you picked up the pieces Edward left. Like the day he signed the divorce papers, I remember deep down I was hoping he wouldn't, I was begging he would fight harder, for us. That at the end it would work out. But he didn't and you stayed with me those awful 2days. I don't remember anything but crying in your arms. God I'd take that pain 20 times more if I could have you back. My heart may not have belonged with you but you were a big part of my life." I cried and talked to the picture. I must be going crazy, but it was the only thing I could do. I felt sick, and dizzy, I wanted to…
Okay, I did vomit. I hadn't known someone was here until..
"Bella are you okay?" it was Alice.
"I feel sick. Ali."
"EMMETT." she yelled up the stairs. I heard steps getting louder and louder and then.
"What's wrong?" he said coming to my side.
"She just threw up. She doesn't feel good. Carry her to her room. I'm going to get Carlisle's to check on her.""Guys I'll be fine." I tried to argue but I was already half way to my room. Alice was ahead of us getting Carlisle's. All this movement was making me want too…
"Emmett stop." I yelled and he did. I jumped off his arms and….
"Sorry." I told him. I threw up on the stairs.
"Bella, what's going on?" he asked scared.
"Nothing." I tried to say but I was already on his arms.
He laid me on my bed and Carlisle's was already inside holding his medical stuff.
"Bella when was the last time you ate?" he asked.
"Yesterday."
"What did you eat?" he asked.
"What we ate for breakfast."
"Bella this is serious. When was the last time you had your period."
"Um, I don't know… I think last month. I should be getting it soon though. I think."
"When do you get it?"
"At the beginning, around 8-12." he looked thoughtful.
"When was the last time you had sex." it made me sad but I answered his question.
"the day before he died."
"Answer me truthfully. About how many times would you say you two had sex in the month before." I laughed at Emmett's face. He looked very uncomfortable with the situation.
"Honestly." I asked him.
"Yes Bella.""Ugh I think like 2 times a day at least. When Claire wasn't around, he was always very…" I just laughed at Emmett again.
"Carlisle why are you asking me all of this?" I asked him.
"It's required Bella." I nodded and let him check me. I felt him touch my stomach and he had a confirm look.
"Bella were you and Jake on protection?" he asked.
"Nope. He wanted me to stop so we could try and have another baby." I told him.
"Emmett, I need you to get your mom as well as Alice, and Rose."
"Carlisle's what's going on?" I asked getting worried.
"Nothing Bella. I just needed them here for support." he said. I heard movement and then saw my best friends and mom in the room.
"Support for what?" I asked.
"Bella I honestly don't know how your going to take this. Alice I think you should try and cover your mouth, I know you'll be the first to shriek." I was getting ready to cry, he was scaring me.
"Carlisle's just say it before I go crazy." I told him.
"Bella your pregnant."………
Emmett's POV.
"EMMETT." I heard Alice's screams coming from down the stairs. I got up from bed and ran down the stairs to the music room. I saw Bella sitting on the couch there looking a bit sick.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"She just threw up. She doesn't feel good. Carry her to her room. I'm going to get Carlisle's to check on her." she ordered."Guys I'll be fine." She tried to argue but instead I picked her up and carried her up the stairs.
"Emmett stop." she yelled making me stop half way up the stairs and the she jumped off before she threw up.
"Sorry." I picked her up again.
"Bella, what's going on?" I asked.
"Nothing." I carried her up to her room and laid her on her bed. Carlisle's was already inside holding his medical stuff.
"Bella when was the last time you ate?" He asked.
"Yesterday."
"What did you eat?" he asked.
"What we ate for breakfast."
"Bella this is serious. When was the last time you had your period." ugh?? Awkward.
"Um, I don't know… I think last month. I should be getting it soon though. I think."
"When do you get it?"
"At the beginning, around 8-12." Carlisle's looked like he was already guessing what was wrong with her, he had that thoughtful look in his face.
"When was the last time you had sex." I could see the hint of sadness in her face but she answered him.
"the day before he died."
"Answer me truthfully. About how many times would you say you two had sex in the month before." Okay this was getting more Awkward. Maybe I should leave. But I can't she's my sister.
"Honestly." she asked him.
"Yes Bella.""Ugh I think like 2 times a day at least. When Claire wasn't around, he was always very…" I had a bit of a disgusted face on right now.
"Carlisle why are you asking me all of this?" she asked him.
"It's required Bella." I saw him checking her and then his hands were on her tummy.
"Bella when you and Jake on protection?" he asked.
"Nope. He wanted me to stop so we could try and have another baby." She told him.
"Emmett, I need you to get your mom as well as Alice, and Rose." I nodded and left the room. I walked to mom's and found Rose and Alice there with her playing with Claire.
"Mom, Rose, Alice. Carlisle's wants to talk to you." they nodded and stood up.
"Claire bear. Go and find Jasper. He should be in my room." Alice said. I saw her run towards her room and I followed the girls. I heard Bella asked Carlisle's something and he answered back.
"Support for what?" she asked once we were in the room.
"Bella I honestly don't know how your going to take this. Alice I think you should try and cover your mouth, I know you'll be the first to shriek." I was getting nerves at what was wrong with her.
"Carlisle's just say it before I go crazy." she said.
"Bella your pregnant." Oh. My….I think Bella just went into shock.
"Bella. Bella wake up." I said. I saw her slowly come back.
Bella's POV.
"Bella your pregnant."… Oh. My. Fuk. I was in shock. I was confused. What do I do, what do I feel. I wanted this, Jake and I wanted this. But Jake's not here. And if he was he'd be happy. No he'd me ecstatic. But can I really do this on my own. You'll have too. Because Claire needs you and your new baby. I'm right. I have to do this. For Jake, For Claire, and for me.
"Bella. Bella wake up." I heard Emmett say.
"Emmy. I'm pregnant." I whispered.
"I know Bells. But everything will work out. You have me and Alice, Rose, and Jazz." then it hit me, and it hit me hard.
"Oh my gosh Emmett, I'm pregnant." I screamed. I got off the bed and jumped into his arms. I was finally excited. He swung me around."I can't believe it." I heard him say. I was so happy, I had someone else to fight for again. I saw Jasper and Claire walk in the room.
"What's going on. And why are Emmett and Bella doing the happy dance." Jasper asked laughing. I ran to him and hugged him.
"Jazz. I'm pregnant." he looked at me.
"No way."
"Yeah." I screamed.
"Bella I'm so happy for you." I was crying now, happy tears. I picked Claire up and looked at her.
"Baby, remember that baby brother or sister you asked me and daddy for." she nodded a bit confused.
"Well Claire bear. Your going to get him or her after all." I said putting her hand on my tummy.
"Really mommy." I saw her smile brighten up.
"Yeah baby." she looked existed. Alice attacked me then.
"Omg Bella I'm going to have another nephew or niece, this is amazing." she shrieked. Then Rose joined the hug.
"Bella this is amazing. I'm so happy for you." She said.
"Guys you get to shop again." I told them and they laughed. They stopped hugging me and left me share one with my mom.
"Mom, your going to have another granddaughter or son." I told her.
"I'm glad baby." She kissed my forehead. Now everyone was in my room.
"What's going on?" Esme asked.
"Mom I'm going to be an auntie again." Alice chimed. I saw Esme look around the room trying to see who Alice was talking about and then her eyes landed on me.
"No." She said covering her mouth. I nodded and she attacked me with a hug too.
"Bella this is great news. Congratulations." "Thanks Esme." Then I remember there was some one who would be just as happy to hear this.
"Guys. Can you leave me alone for a few minutes, there's someone I need to call." they all nodded and left. Once everyone was gone I dialed the familiar number.
"Bella how are you?" Billy asked.
"I'm great. But I have news for you." I said.
"Hm, I'm guessing they'll be great, since you sound existed."
"Oh they are."
"Well come on. Don't let an old man guess."
"Billy. I'm pregnant."
"Your not pulling my legs are you." he whispered.
"No. Jake and I were trying and I guess it worked. Billy your going to have another grand son or daughter."
"Bella that's great news. Oh god. Jake would be so happy." he said.
"Billy I miss him." I let a silent tear fall.
"I know Bella. But your having a baby, and he wouldn't want you crying, he would want you fighting and being happy."
"Your right, enough of this, I need to go down stairs now. I'll call you later Billy.""You better Bella." he ordered.
"Do you mind breaking the news to the rest." I asked.
"Yeah, I'll call Charlie and then everyone else."
"Thanks Billy. Bye." I hung up and looked out the window.
"Thank you Jake. It wasn't exactly the kind of sign I was looking for. But thank you. I know I can go on now. I love you. And that will never change." I stood up from bed and walked out the room. I walked down the stairs feeling like I just won a million bucks, even if I don't needed them. Everyone was hugging each other and drinking champion. But I saw two missing, Tanya and Edward. I walked in and closed the doors behind me.
"Hey um, where's Edward and Tanya?" I asked.
"They went out. They won't be back until later." Esme said.
"Esme. I can't tell him." I told her. I felt sad now. This was what Edward wanted and he couldn't have it, because Tanya wouldn't give to him.
"Dear, don't. I'll do it, his my son." I nodded and decided to celebrate before I cried.
"Guys, Jazz and I have something so share too." Alice said. I looked at her and smiled.
"We weren't going to tell you because it was to early and well, you know it wasn't really the right time. But I think it's the perfect time. Bella. My nephew or niece is going to have a little cousin to grow up with." I looked at her confused.
"I don't get it." I said.
"Bells, I'm pregnant too." I looked at her shocked and then I attacked her.
"Ali, were pregnant. Your going to be a mom, I'm going to be a mom again. This is great." we were jumping up and down in excitement. Then I heard the doors burst open. Edward and Tanya came in, and Edward had the same expression I did, like he just won a million bucks.
"Mom, dad, guess what." he yelled. He couldn't see us, but we could see him.
"In the family room Edward." Carlisle's yelled. Edward ran inside radiating off happiness.
"Mom, your going to be a grandma." Edward yelled. Then he froze when he saw me. Alice and I both looked at each other and attacked him.
"Oh my god. What is this baby session." I heard Emmett yell. "Well we better get to work Rosie." he joked making me laugh.
"Ahm. Would you explain to me why your hugging my husband." Tanya asked.
"Tanya shut up and don't ruin it for us." I told her. She looked shocked but didn't say anything.
"Girls what's going on?" Edward asked. Alice and I looked at each other.
"We're pregnant." We both yelled together. He looked a bit confused.
"Both of us Edward. Me and Alice are pregnant. You know, Jasper knocked Alice up, and Jake knocked me up." I explained and then it hit him.
"This is great. I'm going to be a dad, Alice's is going to be a mom, Bella's going to be a mom…again."
"And I'm getting bored." I heard Tanya say.
"way to ruing my fun party popper." I told her and stuck my tongue at her. Everyone laughed.
"mommy, when am I going to meet my baby brother." Claire asked running towards me. I picked her up.
"I don't know baby, we're going to have to go home soon and see my doctor. But it's going to take a while Claire." she pouted.
"Well I want to meet him soon." She said.
"him?" I asked.
"Yeah, daddy and I use to talk, we both wanted a baby brother." I looked at her smile, Jake's smile. I took a deep breath, I felt like I was going to cry again, I promised I wouldn't cry, I would be strong.
"Claire bear. What if it's not a boy?" I asked her.
"It's okay. Daddy and I will still love him or her." I looked at Emmett and he had the same sadness I had.
"We'll see baby, we'll see." I told her and kissed her cheek.
"Well we have to celebrate." mom said.
"Rose is there anything you'd like to tell us?" Alice asked.
"Nope sorry." She said and we all laughed.
"Guys I'd like to talk to my mom alone. I'll meet you in the music room?" I asked her and she nodded. I left Claire with Emmett and we both walked down the stairs to my music room.
"So what's on your mind Bella?" she asked.
"Mom, I wanted to tell you that I forgive you and I'm sorry. I know I hurt you a lot, and you don't deserve it, you've suffered enough." I told her. I could see her tear up.
"Honey, I deserve every minute of it. I'm so sorry Bella. It's just I don't know, I guess I was so use to the world revolving around me, I wasn't ready to let that go.""I get it now mom, and I'm sorry that I let it get to me. I should of just let it go. It wasn't meant to be." I shrugged.
"See that's what I don't believe, you and Edward could have been happy. I know it would of worked out."
"Well it doesn't matter now mom. His married and his about to have a baby, my husband died and I'm about to have another baby. It's not possible and I'm okay with that."
"Oh honey. I love you Bella. My little princess." I smiled and hugged her.
"Bella. I wanted to ask you. Come live with me, at least until you have the baby. I miss you, and I want to get to know Claire. I don't want you to go back home to no one honey, I know your hurting inside, let me help you through this."
"I don't know mom, let me think about it. Billy needs me too. His alone mom, he just lost Jacob and well his daughters are older now." she nodded and kissed my cheek.
"I'll give you as long as you want. You know if you want, you could ask him to stay with us for a while. He could use a vacation."
"I'll talk to him. Let's go back upstairs mom. I'm sure everyone wants to celebrate." she smiled and grabbed my hand, dragging me back to the family room. When we were inside I saw Claire playing with Emmett.
"So we need a party. To announce this wonderful news, my daughters back in my life, she's going to have another baby, Alice is having her first, and so is Edward." mom said.
"Ugh.. A party Mom?" she knew I hated parties.
"Oh yes, lets. A big one, everyone can come…." Alice and mom went into full out party mode. I grabbed Claire and we snuck out to the yard.
"Baby, I want to talk to you." I said taking a seat on the grass. I sat her in front of me, facing me.
"what is it mommy." she asked.
"Look Claire bear. I need you to understand that a baby's hard work honey. When your baby brother or sister is born, his/she's going to be a hand full. I don't want you ever to feel like I don't love you anymore. If you feel like I don't pay attention to you anymore, I want you to tell me okay." she nodded and kissed my cheek.
"Mommy, are we going back home?" she had a sad look.
"I don't know Claire bear. Why? You don't want to go back?" I asked.
"Not really. I'm scared to go back home. I miss daddy, and all his stuff are there." I picked her up and sat her on my lap.
"I know baby, I know. Your grandma Rene asked if we wanted to stay while your sister or brother is born, would you like that."
"Oh mommy can we. Please." I laughed.
"Of course honey. But you know we'll have to go back sometime.""Yes, I know. That's okay. I want to go back, just not know."
"I love you Claire bear. You're my life now, you know that right."
"Yes mommy, I love you too." she leaned over and kissed my cheek.
"You know, I hear that people you love that die, they go up to the sky and turn into a star. Maybe daddy's up there in the sky." I told her looking up at the beautiful night sky.
"You think daddy can see us."
"I do Claire bear. I think daddy's looking down at us, I think his proud at his little girl."
"Mommy, will you ever get married again?" ugh…
"I don't know Claire bear. Why do you ask."
"Because it's okay. I know daddy would want you to be happy again." I looked down at my four year old.
"When did you turn into a smart little girl." she giggled and kissed my cheek again.
"Mommy, daddy would be okay with you marrying again. I would be okay too." I kissed her cheek.
"Claire bear, let's leave that for later. Let's just concentrate on your baby brother or sister. What would you like to name him or her."
"Oh. If it's a girl I want to name her Bella. Your names pretty mommy." I laughed.
"Claire bear let's pick another name." I tickled her sides.
"Mommy, stop it tickles." she squirm.
"Oh does it." I tickled her harder and she laughed trying to get away from me.
"Mommy. Okay a give up." she said. I laughed and stopped.
"You remind me so much of your daddy Claire. His smile." I kissed her cheek.
"Is that bad?" she frowned.
"Never baby. You're a very pretty baby, and it's a good thing to have your daddy's smile. Just like you have my eyes and brown curls." she giggled.
"You think Cynthia will have daddy's smile?"
"Cynthia?" I asked.
"Yeah my baby sisters name. I think we should call her Cynthia." I smiled and wrapped Claire with my arms making sure she was warm.
"We should get inside baby. It's getting cold, we don't want you to catch a cold." I said kissing her nose.
"You neither, it's bad for Cynthia." I laughed and carried her inside.
"Mommy, can we go play music." I smiled and took her down the stairs.
"You want me to sing you a song?" I asked her.
"Yeah." she clapped. I smiled and sat her on top of the piano. I let the fingers fly on the keys and the words out.
I found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
But something pulled me back
Voice of reason I forgot I had
I let my tears slip, and for once I wasn't crying over missing him. I was crying because he was a great guy. I had a daughter that was like a copy of him, someone who I'll fight for.
All I know is
Your not hear to say
What you always use to say
But it's written in my sky
Tonight
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner then it seems
Life turns around
& I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
I've seen that rye of light
And It's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
& I won't be free
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is
Yesterday is gone
But right now I belong
Till this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner then it seems
Life turns around
& I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
It doesn't' matter what people say
It doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and flyy highhh
& it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner then it seems
Life turns around
& I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I give up
No I won't break down
Sooner then it seems
Life turns around
& I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me
Someone's watching over me
Claire was crying now, but she was happy. I smiled and kissed her cheek. I turned towards the door and saw my family there. Mom walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me.
"That was beautiful Bella."
"Thanks mom."
"Well, come on. Let's go plan a party." She said picking Claire up.
"Grandma can I wear a princess dress?" Claire asked.
"Of course Claire. You'll have the prettiest dress in the whole party."
"Can it be pink. Daddy said I look pretty in pink." I laughed and followed them out. I was stopped by Edward though.
"You going to be okay?" he asked.
"Yeah I think I am." I told him.
"Can we be friends Bella. I really am sorry." I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Forgive and forget. Jake use to say that a lot. I think it's time I forgive and let it go. We can start over." he hugged me.
"I miss you Bells."
"Me too Edward."
"Well come on. Let's go up to the party planning." I laughed and followed him out.
"Oh by the way. Congrats dad." I told him.
"You to Bells. You needed happiness." he said tapping my belly lightly.
"You know, Claire's already named her." I said laughing at my four year old.
"I had a feeling she'd get ahead of herself." he laughed with me.
"Yeah she says her names Cynthia.""that's a pretty name." he said.
"Yeah I guess. We'll see. I have like 9 months more to decided."
"Yeah I just hope you don't pick something bad like Alice." I laughed.
"that's a pretty name. and I would name my daughter after my two best friends." he laughed and ignored me. I took a seat next to Emmett and mom. Claire came and ran to my lap.
"Mommy, Grandma says she's going to get my own person who can draw my dresses." Claire said.
"Really?" I said looking at mom. She just shrugged.
"Yeah, and there going to be pretty. And different colors like pink and purple and blue. Oh and pink." I heard everyone laugh at her cuteness.
"Bella were having Dinner in 15 minutes. And your eating weather you like it or not." Mom said.
"Okay. Okay I won't argue." I raised my hands up in defeat.