I'm so sorry it took me this long to update (changed the story at the last minute hehe - its better explained now ) and that its such a short chapter - the next ones longer i promise - also im sorry to those who dont like flashback-heavy stories - i only did it to explain a few things and make the story deeper down the track (hopefully it will work )

PS - italics flashback

big thank yous to Gothic Saku-chan, Tema-chan, cutegerbilofdeath and of course dailyangel for reviewing and encouraging me to write more of my first fanfic - thankyou!

hope you like it

Masked Happiness

Chapter 2: Midnight and Empty Promises

Sakura laid in bed, wide awake and deep in thought. It was always easier to think at this time of night… easily ignored snores rang through the house and it was dark it didn't matter whether her eyes were open or shut. It was also the first time in a long time she didn't have a throbbing arm to help her sleep and clear her mind. The reason was simple enough, she had run out of room on her arm, making the skin harder to cut so she'd decided to leave it for a night, promising her restless mind it would just be one night. She was so used to her routine of pajamas, razor, bed thought that she was finding it hard to sleep. So she lay there, thinking…

Sakura walked home sadly, her backpack dragging on the ground, eyes downcast and droopy. School had been awful, her and her 'best friend', Ino had had yet another meaningless fight over something so pointless they had both forgotten what it was, she had a mountain of homework that she was currently lugging home, Sasuke had been colder than usual towards her (if that's possible), and during training she'd had the now blindingly obvious realisation that she was a complete and utter weakling.

She trudged through the door calling 'I'm home' before remembering her mother was still at work. 'Great' she thought sarcastically before throwing her bag into her room letting out most of her pent-up frustration in that single act before shutting the door really quickly, 'if I cant see it, it didn't cause as much damage as I think it did', she thought as she heard the crashes of the several somethings that fell victim to her momentum propelled backpack.

Opening the door tentatively, she walked into her bedroom and surveyed the damage. It wasn't too bad, just some overturned photo frames and 'damn it' she thought when she saw her small make-up bag empty and the majority of her make-up, most still intact but some annoyingly broken, covering the carpet. She sighed as she knelt to put it all back. 'eye shadow, blush, eyeliner,' she thought as she picked up each item and placed it back in the bag, mentally ticking them off of her list as she made sure she had everything. 'More eye shadow, body spray, talcum powde… ouch!'

As she was reaching for the talcum powder, her finger caught the edge of the razor sitting beside it. Sakura sat motionless and looked at the small cut where tiny, glistening beads of blood were appearing. She was fascinated by the sight of her own blood and although it hurt a little, that small amount of pain seemed to envelope her, making her forget the world in its entirety and focus purely on the sensation pouring over her from her fingertip.

She slowly, carefully tried pulling the cut open a little, bringing a few more beads of blood and a tiny jolt of pain, barely noticeable but there. She sat for a moment staring at it before reaching and grabbing the razor again, this time by the handle. She had heard of people doing this before and couldn't quite understand why anyone would do it… until now. Not that she could have explained it even now though, it wasn't something that could be put into words properly, it was too simple and too complex. So she sat in the middle of her bedroom floor, surrounded by a mess of broken make-up, photos and general clutter, as she slowly, timidly dragged the razor over her forearm and watched, mesmerized, as the skin separated from itself and more blood appeared.

Of course there was the initial jolt of pain that shot through her and made her gasp, but a moment later it had turned to a dull throbbing and she didn't particularly mind it… not at all…

'That definitely was an interesting day' Sakura thought remembering as she slowly began to doze, falling through layers of semi-consciousness.

'finally getting to sleep' she thought dazedly, 'I really should stop I guess though, and its not like its going to be that hard to stop cutting, clearly because im not now am I? Ok then' She thought, trying to keep her brain from fogging over into sleep as she rolled over in bed. 'Never again… never…ever…' and her breathing slowed and steadied as she finally gave into the tug in her mind, telling her not to think any longer.

again, sorry for the shortness - pleeeeease review and let me know what you think - thanx for reading