ok, i updated faster this time because it may be awhile before i can again (but i will as soon as i can )

big thankyous to cutegerbilofdeath, you.broke.a.promise, and doubly to Gothic Saku-chan, Tema-chan and dailyangel for such kind words and im sorry if anyone doesn't like the cutting theme, its kinda the point... ideas are welcome tho - thanks for reading and i hope you like it

Masked Happiness

Chapter 3: Weakness

Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring!

The bell rang out, interrupting whatever it was Kakashi was going to say next as everyone in the class instantly got to their feet.

'You're only supposed to leave when I tell you…' Kakashi tried to call out above the sudden din of scraping chairs and books being shoved into backpacks as people rushed to leave the class as quickly as possible to avoid any extra homework.

'Agh screw it' he mumbled, pulling out his little orange book, a smile already on his face.

It was lunch time but Sakura decided she wasn't really hungry so instead she walked to the Team 7 training grounds knowing that the others would catch up after lunch. Most of the time they were left to train on their own, although it was fairly obvious that the reason behind this was because Kakashi couldn't be bothered after morning lessons. She absent-mindedly walked around the training grounds, just trying to clear her head of some very irrepressible and completely unhelpful thoughts. Just as she was thinking about how attractive her kunai was beginning to look, she heard Sasuke and Naruto's arguing getting closer and immediately shoved those thoughts out of her mind as she went to meet them with a slightly but unnoticeably forced smile.

'Dobe.'

'Baka.'

'Hn.'

'Baka.'

'Nice comeback.' Naruto thought for a minute before Sasuke lost patience and walked off, leaving Naruto to ponder that.

'Baka.' He murmured before running to catch up.

'Hi guys, good lunch?' Sakura asked, forced smile still on while she desperately tried to stop thinking about her kunai.

'Yeah, great thanks.' Naruto said after a moment's hesitation before explaining the finer details of the ramen now situated in his stomach. Sasuke had noticed it too, the slight tremor in her voice. He glanced at her face, only now noticing the cracks in her façade of happiness that she was trying so hard to hide. They were tiny but they were there and Sasuke wondered why she needed to try so hard to look happy when she usually just was.

He only thought about it for a moment though, before Naruto threw a kunai at him. He dodged it but still…

'What the hell dobe?!'

'I got bored, and besides, we are supposed to be training remember?' said Naruto, throwing another kunai at Sasuke, which he dodged as they faced each other head on and both took fighting stances.

Sakura watched the two face off like usual, and decided to get in some target practice. When Kakashi wasn't there (which was the majority of the time), training usually consisted of fights between Naruto and Sasuke, chakra control (which always meant a competition between Naruto and Sasuke), target practice (another contest between Naruto and Sasuke) and sometimes a small, imaginary, practice mission to 'reinforce teamwork' as Kakashi would say.

In every part of training, Sakura generally did her own thing and left Naruto and Sasuke to it. At first she had tried to keep up, tried to prove herself. But as time went on it became fairly obvious to her that they were both in a different league altogether to her. It had bothered too, but after a while she found she didn't care as much as she thought (after all they were both 'prodigies'). She still didn't like being weak though which was why she separated herself from the others, preferring to train alone and unseen so that they wouldn't see her many weaknesses which seemed so obvious to her.

She walked slowly toward the tree she liked to use for target practice, noticing how the sun, which had been out all morning, had disappeared behind a big, black rather ominous looking cloud, casting shadow over everything and making her feel the slightest bit more depressed. It didn't take her long to reach the tree and as soon as she had, she moodily threw a kunai at it, the blade burying itself deep into the trunk.

'Dammit' she thought, her mood dropping another notch as she went to retrieve it. She grabbed her weapon by the handle and pulled a few times but it refused to move. Getting really infuriated, she pulled as hard as she could until it came free, the resulting force throwing her backwards to the ground as the kunai once again flew out of her hand. 'How's that for weakness' she thought bitterly as she lay in the dirt, thoroughly miserable. She sat up and reached across to grab her kunai. Still sitting, she lifted her sleeve, her guilty secret playing on her mind more than ever as she looked at the latticework of old and new scars running up her forearm. She had made that promise to herself days ago. The promise to stop. But then last night…

'You cheated! I know you did!' Naruto's voice broke the smothering silence, shocking Sakura back to reality and making her realise that she was covered in dirt and had unknowingly pressed the kunai to her arm. She quickly tried to regain composure and shoved the weapon back into her pouch and stood, just as Sasuke and Naruto stepped into the clearing. Both stopped when they saw a very disheveled Sakura standing in front of them.

'Sakura? What happened? Are you ok?' Naruto asked his voice instantly full of worry as he began to scan the sky as if expecting an enemy to fall on them. Sakura's mask was back up in a flash as she smiled and started brushing herself off.

'Nah, I'm fine, just tripped over hehe.'

Naruto and Sasuke looked at her strangely for the second time that day as they both tried to think of reason for her strange mood. After a moments silence, Sakura stopped trying to get the dirt off of her and looked up to find them both watching her, Naruto's face full of concern and Sasuke's, well, completely blank still but with one eyebrow raised in curiosity. She looked from one to the other, 'great, now they think I'm insane'.

She laughed nervously, anything to break the awkward silence that had formed between them. It seemed to wake Naruto up at least, as he smiled and grabbed his kunai, throwing one without hesitation past Sasuke's face (missing it barely) and into a tree to his left. That snapped Sasuke out of his thoughts as he murderously glared at Naruto and drew his own kunai. Sakura smiled in relief and rolled her eyes slightly, 'phew, back to normal'.

'Bye Sakura, see you tomorrow.' Naruto yelled, walked away backwards with his big goofy grin in place before he turned and walked home. Sasuke lifted a hand briefly too before turning on his heel and leaving. Sakura stood smiling and waving as well until they were out of sight. She sat down on a nearby log with a small sigh, her smile falling from her face instantly as she held her head in both hands. Sighing again she rolled up her sleeve and stared at her arm. It was like she never got sick of seeing the proof of her pain as her fingers slowly ran up and down her arm, feeling every little bump of each of the many scars, all holding there own private bad memory of something or other.

She distractedly dug her fingernails into one of the cuts she'd added to her collection the night before and watched as the now re-open cut produced little beads of blood that overlapped the dried blood from yesterday. 'Dammit! I've done it again!' She angrily tried to brush the blood away but only succeeded in smearing it up her arm. 'Why must I be so weak? I have to stop doing this… I will stop doing this! I'm never doing this again' she promised herself as she pulled her sleeve back down, ignoring the blood still on her arm.

She stayed where she was though and her clouded eyes reflected the inner battle she was fighting against herself. Eventually she lowered her head, her soft pink hair falling around her face, her eyes downcast, as she pulled up her sleeve once more and took out her kunai in defeat. 'No more after this' she told herself, desperately wanting to believe that, as she drew line after line across her arm and blood created a red sheen over her skin before dripping and falling into the dirt below.

yay, finally did a longer chapter ... ok so its not that much longer but oh well , please please please review (its the only way i'll learn lol - ideas, suggestions, go for it )

thanx for reading