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Chapter 19: Reckoning

Julie pulled away from Jimmy after a minute, her heart beating a mile a minute. She'd wanted this for so long without even realizing it. They looked at each other.

"Oh Jimmy," she squeaked pressing against him. "I missed you so much, you have no idea."

"I missed you too," he swallowed. "But Julie," she looked up at him, her eyes wide and shining, "God, baby," they kissed again. "I can't do this." He pulled away.

"What?" She whispered. "But," she swallowed. "I mean, the way we just kissed! And I love you so much."

"Julie really think about it," he said softly. She blinked. "An hour ago you didn't even want to talk about the possibility of us being together again. You're just upset about your mom and Josh." She swallowed. "And like you said, I'm with someone else now. I really care about her, I love her, actually."

"But you love me," she said.

"Of course I do," he cupped her face. "But I can't do this all over again. I just can't."

"Why not?" She asked.

"Julie when you left, it almost killed me," he said. "I did nothing, I barely went to class, I had nothing. And then Claire introduced me to Bonnie, and I felt like I got my life back." She closed her eyes. "She's been really good to me."

"Right," she said quietly. "Sure, I know, I guess I've just had too much to drink. I'm just going to lie down. Congratulate Kelly for me again." He nodded.

"Yeah," he nodded. They wandered inside and went their separate ways. Jimmy plopped down at the table and Julie was leaning against the door frame. He noticed the music playing and sighed.

She told me baby when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you knew how much I love you
Then nothing can go wrong with you

"Uncle Jimmy," Eva walked over, "will you dance with me?"

"Of course sweetheart," he stood up and hugged her. They walked onto the dance floor.

"You seem sad," Eva said quietly.

"This song makes me sad," he explained. "It's Julie and my special song."

"It was good to see Julie," Eva said, "but I like Bonnie too."

"Yeah?" He said. "I'm glad." She nodded and he picked her up. "How are you doing?"

"I don't like the babies," she admitted. "They're loud and smelly and because Mommy's taking care of them I have to take care of TJ." Jimmy laughed.

"Hey," Tammy said covering Portman's eyes. He laughed. "Guess who?"

"I know it's you Duncan," he turned around and hugged her. "You look amazing."

"Please," she rolled her eyes. "I've aged ten years in the past two."

"Such is the price of fame," he teased and tickled her side. She giggled and shuffled her feet. "Ask away honey, I know you want to."

"How is he?" She said. He sighed.

"Good," he nodded. "He got promoted to lieutenant. He's taking the FBI test in a few months." She nodded.

"Are they still," she swallowed. He nodded. "Oh," she said. "Well, good for them."

"Aren't you still with that guy who was obsessed with Julie in high school?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Steve, and I prefer not to think of him that way." He laughed. "Did you talk to Elena?"

"Yup," he said. He was actually waiting twenty minutes before going to meet her. "Look, Tammy, things with Tanya and Fult, they've gotten really serious." She nodded, pretty sure she understood what he was saying.

"I figured," she said. "It was only a matter of time." He hugged her.

"I didn't think so," he said. "It kind of caught me off guard. I didn't want it to do the same to you." She looked at him.

"You still love her don't you?" She said. He looked at her. "And I don't mean the way that Steve and Julie love each other, in that 'Aw shucks, we're like brother and sister except that time we were sleeping together,' way. You're still in love with her."

"I don't know how I feel about her," he shook his head. "I never have. And now I'll never get the chance to find out." She hugged him. "Tam."

"You needed that," she said pulling away. "Am I going to hear from him soon?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Probably. When was the last time you two talked?"

"Two years ago?" She said. "Maybe, and only because we ran into each other, like he was visiting his parents while I was up for gala, and I stopped in to say hi to his mom." He nodded. "I know, you know about that night, after graduation." He nodded. "Dean, I was in a really bad place at that point, it wasn't what you think it was."

"I'm not really in a position to judge," he frowned. "I've done some less than admirable things with ex girlfriends in the past couple years." He looked at Janet who was chatting with some RDC people. "I just worry about T is all."

Elena sat pacing in Dean's hotel room. She knew Brad wouldn't miss her, for a little while anyway, and after kissing him, well, it was just impossible not to get here. But where was he? If he was much longer and they had sex there was no way that people wouldn't notice she was gone. And by people she meant her future in laws. And Jimmy. And she knew that Jimmy would know and he'd make her feel like shit about it. Her cell phone rang. Speak of the devil.

"James, what?" She said.

"Where are you?" He said, she could hear a slight sniffle in his voice. Had he been crying? "I've been looking all over for you, I need to talk to you Elle."

"I'm um," she bit her lower lip. "I'm in my room, I forgot something."

"Oh," he said. "OK, I'll wait for you then."

"Um, no don't!" She said. "Talk to me now, what's going on?"

"It's really not important," he said, "it can wait." She sighed.

"I'll be right there." She hung up. It had been almost forty minutes, clearly Dean wasn't coming. Plus, the more she thought about it, the stupider the whole plan was. She couldn't just have sex with Dean and walk away. That's not how their relationship worked, not how it had ever worked. Maybe, maybe, she could do that kind of thing with Jimmy, but not Dean. She walked out and saw Bonnie storming up the hallway. "Hey," she said, "I was just on the phone with Jimmy."

"Don't talk to me!" Bonnie hissed. "It's pathetic the way you people are." She continued to walk away. Elena frowned. What was that supposed to mean? She got into the elevator and rode it down.

"Hey," she walked over to Jimmy. "What's the big emergency?"

"I kind of made out with Julie," he frowned.

"Oh and Bonnie saw," she nodded. "That explains it."

"Explains what? Bonnie saw?" He dropped his jaw. "Oh shit." He got into the elevator and rode it up. He walked into their room and saw her packing. "Bonnie," he sighed.

"Don't try to deny it this time," she said, throwing a glass at his head. He ducked it quickly. "I saw you with her! You're still in love with her aren't you?"

"Bonnie, it wasn't like that," he insisted. She snorted. "She just found out her mother's getting a divorce, she needed a shoulder to cry on."

"It had to be yours?" She said. "Tammy and Steve are here, Brad is here." He nodded. "I'm done with this. I've tried to be understanding, I really have. But I can't do this anymore! I'm going home, and call me when you get back, or don't, but I'm not sitting around waiting for you to decide if you'll take her back or not. I love you, and I'm here, and I want to be with you, but I can't spend everyday wondering if you're going to end it. I can't."

"But I love you!" He said. "Bonnie it was a mistake OK?" He walked over and put his arms around her. "I shouldn't have kissed her, but you have to understand."

"I'm done understanding," she said. "It's me and our future, or her and your past James, make a decision." She walked out with every air of dignity she could muster. He stopped and landed backwards on the bed.

Connie sighed sitting on the couch going through an old scrapbook. Ever since Charlie had come home and told her about seeing the baby, well, she wasn't a baby anymore, she'd gotten sentimental. She'd put together all the pictures that Claire and Logan had sent them over the years in this book.

"Hello," Guy walked in. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi!" She said as he sat down and hugged her. "What are you doing here?"

"You're very pregnant," he said, "when were you planning on telling me this?"

"Soon," she said, "it didn't feel like phone or letter news."

"Sure," he nodded. "So ask me why I'm here." He said.

"I did that already," she said. He laughed. "Why are you here?"

"Gabby and I got married," he said. Her eyes burst open in a huge smile and she hugged him.

"Oh Guy, that's wonderful!" She said. "Where is she? I want to congratulate her too."

"She's in New York, talking to her parents, and then starting rehearsals with the New York City ballet," he said. "She's dancing lead for them next season."

"We'll have to fly out and see her," Connie smiled. He laughed. "If Gordon doesn't take up too much of our time."

"Gordon?" He said. She laughed.

"Well, you know," she shrugged. "Coach is very important to Charlie." He smiled. "I'm really happy for you. When?"

"About two weeks ago," he said, "we'd been talking about it for a while and we just decided to do it, so we did." She smiled.

"That's amazing," she smiled. "I'm so glad for you." She hugged him again. They sat talking and catching up for a while. "You'll come again when the baby's born right?"

"I was there last time wasn't I?" He said. She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, I didn't think,"

"No," she said, "It's just, Charlie saw her, I'm stuck on this freaking bed rest so I wasn't with him and it's making me crabby." He laughed.

"I can't imagine what that must have been like," he winked.

"Stop," she said. "I'm pregnant, you have to be nice."

"I've lived with you pregnant, I don't need to deal with it." He shook his head. "I don't know how Charlie did it again." She kicked him playfully. "I missed you Cons."

"I missed you too," she said. "When are you going to stop all of this globe trotting and come home and teach American History at Eden Hall as was always the plan?"

"I believe that if we stuck to the plan that always was," he said quietly, "there's no way in hell that baby would be named Gordon." She laughed.

"No you'd rather something dignified and French," she said. "Antoine, or Collette." He laughed.

"I should go," he said. "I have to see my parents still."

"I was the first stop?" She said. He nodded. "I'm flattered."

"You should be," he said and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I'll call soon OK, give Charlie my best."

"I will," she smiled hugging him close and the baby kicked.

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