school holidays...yay:) - although to be fair in year 12 theyre more like a sadistic joke teachers play on students to fool them into thinking they have more time to do the massive amounts of work but oh well lol... also it means ill update sooner so yay :)

big thankyous to all of my reviewers, u guys rock :): Babybugichoo95, yukibozu, torakama, Merridaine, starlit.kiss7, you.broke.a.promise, Gothic Saku-chan, cutegerbilofdeath, amy14, PiratexNinja, Archerelf, angstar54, Aiyo Rei, Kotone111, soojinyeh, Queen-Cocaine and TellerOfLies - you guys rock!!

and especially to Archerelf, amy14, yukibozu, Queen-Cocaine and very much to dailyangel, this chappies dedicated to all of you for taking the time to do the survey and helping me immeasurably with my assignment :D

oh, and quickly (i always do such long intros... sorry!!!) - thanks to Babybugichoo95 for pointing this out :) - their ages... sakura is 17 (and if you need help with the flashbacks ahead... i know more flashbacks, sorry!... the first one is when she's 10, the second when she's 14, and the third when she's 16... although thats pretty easy to work out lol) - and as for the others... sasuke's 18 and naruto's only just turned 18 as well... sakura's nearly 18... all part of the story lol... onwards :D

Masked Happiness

Chapter 7: Selfish

After Team 7 had left Ichiraku, Kakashi had noticed Sakura's unsteadiness and saw her 'unnoticeable' stumble so when they'd said their goodnight's and split up, Kakashi thought it might be a good idea to keep an eye on Sakura just until she was safely back home. Masking his chakra, as he didn't want to scare her off anymore than he already had that day, he began to jump from tree to tree, following her slow, halting progress down the street.

With fast growing concern, Kakashi noticed every one of Sakura's stumbles and when she leant against the tree he was in to catch her breath, he waited with bated breath, knowing that no matter how hard he tried, at this distance she would be able to sense him. It was only when, after pausing for a minute, Sakura kept walking that he realised how out of it she really was.

After she was far enough ahead, Kakashi continued to follow, thinking that if she got much worse he would have to reveal himself to help her. Sure enough moments later Sakura stopped suddenly and desperately grabbed her head, looking as though she couldn't breathe. Without hesitation Kakashi quickly closed the distance between them, appearing right in front of Sakura.

Looking down he could see the fear in her clouded eyes, knowing that she was so close to losing consciousness that she didn't recognise that it was him. She didn't know it was me? She must have been so frightened thinking a stranger was following her… all I did was make things worse…again… seeing her eyes dim snapped him back to reality as her body collapsed, as if in slow motion. Sweeping down he swiftly caught her limp body before lifting it up to cradle it in his arms. As her head lolled against his chest he looked down, again taking in her disheveled appearance. I need to get her home.

Knowing where each member of Team 7 lived definitely had its advantages as Kakashi knew exactly where to take Sakura. When he got to her house he found an open window down one side of it and after climbing through (making sure not to hit any part of Sakura against the window), he realised from the items in the room, especially the numerous photos of Team 7 that it was Sakura's.

It wasn't as girly as he thought it would have been, in fact he thought it resembled more what he expected Sasuke's bedroom to look like. He walked over to the bed on the opposite side of the room and gently placed Sakura on top of it before standing again and looking around quickly. For some reason he always assumed her room would be pink and girly and full of photos of Sasuke. Instead he found himself in a fairly large but mostly empty room with only the bed in the furthest corner from the window, a side table next to it, a black writing desk and a dark wooden wardrobe lining the walls.

The walls were painted a dark green that seemed to soak up all the light, making the room seem darker, and the bed also had matching, dark green quilts and pillows on it making it look as though, if anyone was to lie in the bed, they would appear to be being swallowed by the room. He inwardly shivered at the thought. The photos of Team 7 he had noticed before were placed on the desk but around the edges to still allow space for working, and the middle of the largish room was bare, allowing space for… well, who knows what.

He turned and looked at Sakura again, noticing the dried blood, dirt and, on closer inspection, sand on her skin and clothing. 'How on earth did she manage to get sand on her?!' Deciding that he needed to find out where the blood had come from and to make sure she wasn't still bleeding, he carefully removed her outer clothing so she was left in her underwear. Being a Jounin, Kakashi felt no embarrassment or unease about undressing one of his teammates in order to treat them, he had done it many times before, as had Sakura when treating him.

It did unnerve him however to see the one who he thought of as his most innocent teammate and student covered in blood and dirt and looking so vulnerable. He quickly looked over her body, at first seeing only the bloodstains and not what had caused them. Wondering if it was even her blood at all he glanced at her face and saw how pale it was, 'it must be her blood,' he reasoned, 'simply not eating dinner wouldn't have caused her to pass out'. Eventually as his eyes searched more carefully around the top half of her body, where most of the blood was, he noticed a large patch completely covering one of her arms. Deciding he needed some medical supplies, he opened her wardrobe, searching, and finally grabbed a small kit from the top shelf that the ever-organised Sakura always kept handy and ready for emergencies.

Leaving her alone for a minute, it didn't take long for Kakashi to find her kitchen and get a bowl from the sink. He rinsed it and re-filled it with warm water and, grabbing a cloth, went back to her room. Pulling the chair from the desk over to the side of her bed so that he was sitting beside her still limp body, Kakashi soaked the cloth in the water for a minute before ringing it out and beginning to very gently clean the blood and dirt off of her forearm. As the blood came away bit by bit, Sakura winced a few times in what was now a deep sleep.

As Kakashi cleaned her arm and her pale skin started to show through the blood as it came away, he noticed a long scratch underneath the area he was cleaning. Wondering how she could have gotten a cut quite like that when it looked too straight and even to be a wound received in the heat of battle, he saw another underneath it. As he cleaned her arm off more and more he slowly uncovered the intricate pattern of scars, old and very new that ran up the length of her forearm from wrist to elbow. Kakashi knew exactly what they were, what stunned him was why her… why Sakura of all people… she always looked so happy and carefree…

As Kakashi sat cleaning her arm, Sakura was far away in a deep sleep brought on by exhaustion. As she slept, she had more vivid dreams than usual about things that she would rather have stayed forgotten in the darkest recesses of her mind.

7 years ago…

'For the last time woman, I told you to shut up!' the shout filled the house as the resounding sound of a slap was heard.

He always yells when he comes back from missions. Sometimes he brings his teammates over and they all get drunk and we all have fun, but the yelling always comes eventually. This was one of thoseother missions. The kind that don't go according to plan. This one was especially bad, one of his teammates died. I don't think he blames himself, he wouldn't… but I guess it's a possibility… I mean he is human after all. Maybe he does. Yes, that must be it. He must blame himself and just needs a way to vent some of his anger… that's all it is, and once he's done we'll have fun again. I won't have to sit at the end of the stairs for much longer, he should be better soon and then we'll have fun again. I wonder why he waits until we get home… why he doesn't just do this as soon as he sees us at the Hokages office, I'm sure he wouldn't have quite so much anger if he didn't bottle it up for the extra time it takes to get home and into the house… he never does though, he keeps it in… I guess it's selfish of me really, he does provide for us and keeps us happy most of the time…

I just wish daddy wouldn't hit mummy quite so hard…

---

3 years ago

I cant hear him… he's standing right in front of me but I cant hear him at all… he's standing right in front of me, yelling quite loudly I'm sure but I really cant hear him… he said something and raised his hand but then put it back down… he looks even more frustrated now… maybe he should have just hit me, he wouldn't be as angry anymore… mum's over there somewhere, I cant look because if I do he might too… he might notice that she's more helpless than me right now and he might take advantage of that so I have to stay here and look down or at him… that way I wont upset him… although I think I still am… I'm not quite sure what he wants from me… maybe he's happy just to yell at me… would it make him happier to hit me?... oh… I think I missed something… he just walked away… he's in the lounge room now watching tv… I might go check on mum in that case…

---

1 year ago

He's gone… he left for a mission a few weeks ago and a man came back yesterday and said that his team were just gone…literally gone… no explanation, no bodies, just gone… before he left… the last time I saw him he was angry again… he said that I didn't love him… that I was just trying to get away from him… he was so angry at the thought of losing me, I really cant blame him for yelling and hitting and being so angry when he thought he was loosing me can I… that would just be selfish of me… he even said, just before he left that when he got back he wanted me to want to be with him and try harder… ever since that man came and told us he was gone mum has been different… she seems a little lost, but also happier… and I have to admit it has been quieter and all of the bruises on us both are healing… some have gone away completely… I guess we associated the pain with him though, because in some strange way even though a part of me hates him for what he did to mum and me, I miss the fun times… miss him… miss the pain…?

--

I'm not sure whether or not I deserved it… the pain… not just the physical pain, bruises fade, scars heal… but emotional too, or is that selfish again?… I can tell mum wants to forget… whenever she sees scars, cuts or bruises she isn't herself, but she always ignores it… that was why she didn't want me to be a ninja though… for a long time I think she was scared that I would eventually go missing like him or just bring violence back into the house, but I persisted… its all I've wanted to do, ever since I was little, become a shinobi… I don't think that had anything to do with him but mum does… either way we're ok now…

-

she doesn't think he's alive, I'm not sure what I think about it... whether he's dead or isn't… whether I want him to be or not… selfish… well it is isn't it? Especially to tell anyone this… to live like this is one thing, to do whatever I can to get rid of these emotions… maybe everyone else thinks what I do is bad… disgusting…wrong… but to tell anyone about it would be worse… my life may be bad but isn't everyone else's? And to force my problems on them by telling people about this… about my past… about him…about what my mind is telling me over and over again… the way I repeat his words in my head… I won't do it… I won't tell anyone… that would just be selfish…

Sakura squinted against the rays of sunlight as they broke through her curtains and invaded her dreams, bringing her back into reality. A few stray tears had crept from her eyes through the night. She had had that dream again. Reliving those memories and emotions that went with them left her emotionally drained so that, even though she had slept longer than usual that night, she felt exhausted.

She lifted a hand to wipe the wetness on her cheeks away and found that she was in bed but didn't remember how she got there. As she wiped the tears from her face she also noticed that her arm was uncovered. This made her instantly panic as she thought of her mum, realising seconds later that she was on a mission and wouldn't be back for a few more days. It still made her wonder though because she never left her arm uncovered, even when she was alone. It was force of habit now to keep them covered, and she was still wondering how she got home at all.

She was thinking back to when she was walking home and just as she remembered a flash of silver and then darkness she heard soft breathing that had somehow escaped her attention until that moment. Looking to her side, she saw a sleeping Kakashi sitting in her chair next to her bed, looking quite peaceful. She sat up and looked at him for a little longer, enjoying being able to see him looking so serene, before he began to stir.

As his eyes opened slowly to find Sakura sitting up and staring at him with a small smile on her face he smiled too.

'Good morning' he said, still slightly sleepily as he yawned and stretched before standing.

'Good morning to you too… ah, did you bring me here last night...what happened last night?' asked Sakura, very confused as more memories of being followed by a mysterious stranger and the dizziness came back to her.

'Well if you will insist on not eating anything, especially after a fight like the one you had in training yesterday, then you are liable to faint' He said simply, half stern, half amused.

'Oh, you noticed then.' Sakura said looking down at her hands in her lap. After a moment she remembered her arms and looked at them again, realising again that they were bare and that Kakashi was standing over her. She certainly didn't undress herself and although she had no problems with Kakashi treating what he thought were her wounds and cleaning her up when she was clearly in no state to do it herself, it took her a while to grasp the fact that he would had to have seen her arms. And she knew he wasn't stupid, he would know she did them herself. The question was how would he react? After the dream I had last night I don't really care at the moment, I just hope it's not a repeat of mum… I don't think I have the patience to pretend to listen to a lecture right now…

Apathetic towards the situation but still wondering what he would say or do about it, she was shocked when Kakashi looked at her and said simply,

'Breakfast?'

woohoo longer chapter lol... and another update already on the way :) -- hope u still like my story after the explanation as to why she does what she does... and I'll be adding more to that as well (not to mention... well... no that would spoil it... lets just say it was all important info :)

please review and thanks for reading:)