Warning: this story left me feeling empty inside. If you value your happiness, do not read.
No.
No, no, no, Kami, NO!
"Kudo-kun…" Megure murmured. Shinichi collapsed, his knees hitting the rain-slicked cement. He felt no pain. Nothing could compare to the absolute agony that was tearing his heart to shreds. A shaking hand reached for Ran's face, gently and carefully brushing her wet hair out of her eyes. Crimson blood was washed away by the water that fell from the clouds. Heaven was crying. Was weeping for the Angel they had lost.
"Ran," he croaked. "Ran, wake up. Please." He lifted her head and placed it in his lap with the tenderness of a lover. The detective's hands traced her face, her eyes, nose, lips. He wanted to remember it all. Wanted to have the privilege of learning what had been forbidden to him before. "Please wake up. You can't die, Ran. I love you. I can't live without you." Shinichi's fingers caressed her cheek.
And like that, her eyelids fluttered. The lifted, revealing beautiful dark blue eyes that immediately met his. "Shini…chi?" she murmured.
"Shhh," he hushed, though he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms. "It's okay, Ran. You're going to be okay."
She took a shuddering breath. "Shinichi… I'm dying. Don't try to pretend I'm not." He shook his head in denial. Because it wasn't true. Ran couldn't die, the world wouldn't be so cruel. He had just gotten her back. How was it possible that she'd be snatched away from him so soon? One of Shinichi's hands found her wrist. He pressed his forefinger to the pulse. It was weak. It was weak and slow… but it was still there. She could still live.
He was shocked when one of Ran's hands found his face. His breath caught and he seized her hand. "No, Ran, don't-" She silenced him by threading her fingers between his. They stayed like that for a moment, marveling at the way their fingers locked perfectly together. Then Ran pulled away and replaced her fingers on his cheek. Shinichi hesitated before closing his eyes and leaning into the touch. Her fingers explored his features the same way his had to hers, tracing, committing it all to memory. They ran along his jaw, up the side of his face and to his hair. She brushed her thumb along his messy bangs before moving down to slip over his eyebrows.
Her fingers were so soft. But eventually they fell away, and Shinichi wanted to howl at the sense of pure loss that shook his entire being. He gazed down at Ran's face and she smiled weakly back. She was dying. And so was he. They had been together as long as he could remember. They went to the same Preschool. They slept over at each others houses on weekends. He had never missed one of her karate tournaments. She was always there to cheer him on at soccer games. It was cliche, it was a concept he had always scoffed at before… but she was his other half.
"I…I know of a place
Where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins…"
He didn't even realize he was speaking until the words had faded into silence. He couldn't sing… but this was not a song. It was a poem, one he had read to Ran years ago and stuck in his head.
"…And there the grass grows soft and white
And there the sun burns crimson bright
And there the Moonbird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind…"
He faltered, voice cracking. Tears ran down his face as he looked down on Ran's. She was smiling. The rise and fall of her chest was growing shallower with each breath. The throb of her pulse beneath his fingers grew weaker.
"Let us leave this place
Where the smoke blows black
And the dark road winds and bends
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow
And go where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Originally he thought the poem had been about nature. About leaving the city and the pollution to save the forest. But now, he wondered. Perhaps… it was about departing from earth. Going to Paradise, to Heaven, should it exist. A place where the cruelties of the world were not found. Was it selfish for him to not want Ran to go? Was it wrong for him to try and chain her down with him?
Yeah, we'll walk with a-a-
A sob broke through his words. He watxhed in terror as Ran's face relaxed, her lips curved up in the faintest of smiles. The rise and fall of her chest stopped. The throb beneath Shinichi's fingers ceased to exist. He stared, unable to tear his eyes away. Ran was gone. The Angel had returned to Heaven. She was dead.
No…
"NO!" Shinichi clutched her to his chest, his body shaking with the wails he had suppressed for so long. "RAN! RAN! RAAAAAAAN!" She was gone. He was gone. His heart and soul were in ruins. He screamed at the sky, howling for it to return her. "GIVE HER BACK! RAN! RAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
Shinichi's wails fell into oblivion. Tears still streaming down his face, he flayed her out gently on the ground. He bent down to place a kiss on her still-warm lips. Taking what had been denied to him before. "Hang on, Ran," he whispered. "I'll be with you soon." Then he reached for the gun, the weapon that took Ran's life. Closing his eyes, Shinichi oressed the barrel to his temple.
"Kudo-!" Megure began. The inspector stepped forward.
BOOM!
Shinichi gasped, leaping up out of bed. The blanket tripped him up and he found himself lying on the floor. …A dream? It was a dream?
He barely paused to yank on sweats and a jacket before he was running out the door.
/
BANG, BANG, BANG! Ran yanked the door open, lips parted to snap an angry, "What?!" at the one who woke her at this hour. Instead a shocked yelp left her mouth as Shinichi darted forward and pulled her into a desperate embrace. "Ran, Oh Kami, Ran!"
Ran sighed and wrapped her arms around Shinichi. "Another nightmare?" she asked. All her anger had vanished. "You've been having them a lot lately." Shinichi didn't reply, only hugging her even closer.
"Stay here," he rasped. "Just… stay here. So I know you're okay."
Yeah, we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow
And go where the chalk-white arrows go
For the children they mark and the children they know
Of the place where the sidewalk ends.
…What the heck did I just write? What… the… heck? Dammit, now I'm depressed. Not only did this leave me feeling utterly miserable, it's also completely cliche! I don't even know why I wrote this! I was writing something else (also angsty, by the way, so beware) when suddenly the poem just popped into my head. And then I'm like "Oh! Random depression-inducing plot idea!" …And here we are now.
Um… I don't know if this effected you the same way it did me. I know my writing isn't as strong as some (cause, God, I've read tragedies that left me crying my eyes out.) For your sake, I hope it didn't. Also about the whole dream thing… Well, I hate tragedy. Despise it. (So then why am I writing it, blah blah blah) So it was FAKE! :'D
Anyway, hope I didn't just ruin your day or anything. I'm just gonna go sulk in a corner now, Kay?
Where the Sidewalk Ends © Shel Silverstein