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Chapter 23: Prove It

Julie and Casey sat quietly in yet another pathetic auditions. It had been like this all day, no one was doing what they needed them to do. No one felt right.

"Hi," a young woman walked quietly in. They looked at her and Julie's jaw dropped. Kelly Riley, age seventeen had just walked into the room. "My name is Emma Tierney, I'm here to read for Marie."

"Casey it's her," Julie said. "I know it."

"She might be a really shitty actress," he raised his eyebrows. "Why don't you read for us sweetheart?"

"Sure," Emma said. "Just give me a second," she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Julie smiled quietly. "I didn't ask you to come," she started.

"I came anyway," Casey said, carefully delivering Caleb's lines.

"I know, and I'm glad," Emma said. "I missed you. I mean, that's weird right? I'm not supposed to be the one who misses you. I mean, Kayla's your girlfriend."

"Anthony is your boyfriend." He said.

"Right, him," she said softly. "We're friends right."

"We'll always be friends Marie," he said.

"Good," she said. "Do you love her?"

"I don't know," he said. "Why?"

"I mean, you're sleeping with her right?" She said. "Why would you be if you don't love her? I know it sounds stupid and old fashioned, but I know that's why I'm not sleeping with him. I'm just not sure that I'm in love with him."

"Stop," Julie said. Emma nodded. "Casey," Casey looked at her and nodded. "Emma, can you wait outside for a little while? We want you to read again later."

"Sure," the young actress nodded. "Is this a good second reading?"

"Yes," Casey said. "Very good." She squeaked and bounced out. "You were right, she's the one."

"I'm always right," Julie laughed. "You should know that by now."

Tammy curled up on the couch with her sketch pad and started to draw. She didn't think, she just drew, the way she did when she first started. When she finished she was shocked by what she did, when she finally looked at it, really looked at it. She actually audibly gasped. Staring up at the page was the scared girl. She looked different but Tammy knew it was her. Her blonde hair was now pulled into a ponytail, her torn skirt and sweater were gone and her arms were wrapped around a baby, the baby was covered in blood. Tammy gasped and dropped the pad.

"Hey," Steve said walking in. "I had to go to Brooklyn today, so I got us really good pastries for dessert tonight, and I thought we could order from the place in Little Italy for dinner." She nodded. "What did you do today?"

"Um, sketched," she said. He nodded. "Talked to Dave about firing Janet, tried to paint."

"You're firing Janet?" He said. She nodded. "Wow, that's a huge step."

"I know," she sighed, "and I feel awful, I mean, you know I love her, and she's been great for the brand, but the board was right, she's just too, well, old is the wrong word, but she's matured past us, and it's time."

"Anything good come from the sketching?" He asked.

"I think I've figured out what's been bothering me," she said and handed him the sketch pad.

"I don't understand," he said. "Who is she?"

"Well," she sighed, "I've never been exactly sure who she is. I think she's me, or some version of me."

"That's our baby," he said softly. She nodded. "Hm," he said and she snuggled her head into his chest. "I wish you wouldn't dwell on it." She nodded.

"You know I try not to," she said. She kissed him. "It's just gotten harder lately."

"Why lately?" he said.

"I guess because I'm afraid of losing you," she said.

"God, Tam," he kissed her. "Why would you be afraid of that?"

"Because that's what happens," she shrugged, "I lost my father and Fult, why would you stick around?"

"Because I haven't gone yet, have I?" He asked.

"You did once," she said. "Because of me."

"That wasn't because of you," he said. "Tammy, we weren't ready for that baby. I knew it at the time, but I was just so sure that I could handle anything. Do you know what I did that week?" She shook her head. "I went and talked to Brett."

"I didn't know that," she said. He nodded.

"He told me that as much as he loves Aaron, he'd give anything to just see what was down the other road," he said. "Just see if he and Taylor should really be together, or if they could have gone to college. We got to go down that road Tammy."

"But if I'd kept the baby," she said. "We'd have a three year old, Steve, you're telling me that's a road you'd didn't want to go down. I know how much you want to be a father."

"Yeah," she nodded. "When the time is right, when we're both read for it and want it." He kissed her. "OK?"

"OK," she said and sniffed. "You know I've talked to like twelve therapists about this and none of them made me feel better, and you just did."

"I've told you," he teased and kissed her hair. "I am super boyfriend!" She laughed.

"Yes you are," she whispered and climbed on top of him. "It's incredibly sexy when you understand my feelings."

"Yeah?" He laughed. She nodded and they kissed. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered.

Jimmy sat quietly at dinner with Bonnie, she'd boiled a few lobsters that they'd bought that day. She looked at him and smiled.

"So you said you wanted to talk," he finally spoke up. She sighed and nodded. "What exactly do you want to talk about?"

"You said you wanted me to move in," she said. He nodded. "Why?"

"Because I hate taking the subway to see you," he laughed and took her hand.

"James," she sighed, "please, have a serious talk with me. Why now?" He sighed. If he was honest he didn't know why he'd asked her now. IT wasn't like when he and Julie decided to live together, when she followed him to New York. There was no following here, no need for Bonnie and him to live together.

"I haven't really thought about that," he frowned. "I just know I want to be with you."

"You know I'm not like your sisters and Ellie right?" She raised her eyebrows.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked. Her tone was grating him. She was going into condescending grad school mode.

"I mean I don't need to take all of the steps," she said. "I don't need that constant reassurance that you want to be with me." She stood up and poured herself another glass of wine.

"Take all the steps?" He said.

"Yes," she said. "You know, date, live together, get engaged, get married, get a house, have a baby," she shrugged, "the steps."

"That's really insightful," he nodded. "What does it have to do with my sisters?"

"Well, like," she said. "Tammy and Steve have been together since college right? But they're stuck in the living together step." He sighed. "And Kelly wore that engagement ring for six years."

"Tammy and Steve haven't gotten married because Tammy's so freaking neurotic, if they walk through the diamond district, she either has a panic attack or plans their whole life together in two hours." He said. "And Kelly and Scooter were engaged for so long because he was so insecure he insisted she start wearing an engagement ring like super early because of the whole sleeping with Liam Nichols thing. And as for Ellie…"

"This isn't the conversation I wanted to have," she shook her head.

"Well, it's the conversation we're having," he said. "I'm not ready to marry you Bonnie, if that's what you're trying to get at."

"That's not what I'm saying," she sighed, "I just don't feel the need to move in, why change what's working?"

"In case you didn't notice," he said, "it's not really working anymore." She looked at him.

"What?" She said.

"Bonnie," he said. "You left me in Minnesota, when I was trying to tell you that I chose you. Now you're using some bizarre intellectual argument about my sisters to get out of moving in with me. What about this says it's working?"

"The part where we're here together," she said. "James, no one said this was going to be easy!"

"I think it's gotten too hard." He said. She sat down and kissed him. "Bonnie," he said.

"I love you," she said. "I really do."

"I love you too," he said. "Maybe it's just not enough though." She nodded. "I'll leave in the morning, OK?"

"Sure," she whispered. "Just, stay tonight." He kissed her.

"I already said I would," he laughed.

"I know," she whispered and kissed him again, "but I mean, stay." He nodded.

"I will," he said.

"Hey you," Julie said walking in and seeing Peter on her new couch.

"Hey," he said as she sat down and kissed him.

"Thanks for waiting for the delivery," she said. "You'll be happy to know, we found our Marie."

"Spectacular," he said. "You know, I was obsessed with Tell Me About The Girl in high school."

"Were you?" She kissed him.

"Yeah, I always had this thing for Kayla," he said. She rolled her eyes.

"You know that Kayla is based on Janet Lane, right?" She kissed him on the neck.

"Really?" He said. She nodded. "Scott Vanderbilt deflowered Janet Lane and he can write like that? He's a god."

"He's not a god," she shook her head, "he was a huge tool in high school, if Kelly hadn't gotten a hold of him he'd probably still be." They kissed again.

"I don't know," he shook his head, "Janet Lane, God! You know the coolest people." She laughed and kissed him. "Don't you know Dean Portman too?"

"Yeah," Julie nodded. "I went to junior prom with him actually." She kissed him. He stared at her. "Oh, God, you're like done now, right?"

"That may be the coolest thing I have ever heard," he said his voice full of admiration. She laughed. "Look, I can't stay, I have a paper due tomorrow."

"You're still in school?" She said, sliding off of his lap. She knew so little about him.

"Yeah, I'm getting my MBA from UCLA," he nodded. "I'll call you OK."

"OK," she said. "Listen if it's easier for you, with school and everything, we can stay at your place."

"Nah," he said. "I like it here. See you at work tomorrow?"

"Sure," she nodded and kissed him. "Bye." He smiled and walked out.

"Hey," Brad said walking into Jimmy's apartment after Elena buzzed him in. He kissed her softly.

"Hi," she said.

"Lenny, what's going on?" He said. She swallowed. "Since the wedding you've been really weird. What is it?"

"I love you," she said. "I want you to understand that, but I," she swallowed. "I need to know that you're still in love with me."

"What?" He said.

"Brad," she looked at him. "I mean, not just you, me too."

"You're not in love with me anymore," he repeated.

"I don't know," she said. "We've hardly spent any time together in almost a year. Since you started law school, and I just feel like, we've been together for so long."

"Yeah," he nodded. "And you're not in love with me anymore."

"I didn't say that," she said. "I said I don't know how I feel."

"I think it's really interesting that a week or so after you see Dean Portman you suddenly realize you're not in love with me," he crossed his arms.

"You would bring that up and make this about Dean," she said rolling her eyes. "It's not about him, it's about us." He rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever, if you don't want to talk about it, that makes this really easy." She walked over and opened the door and took her ring off holding it out.

"Lena, don't be dramatic," he said. She frowned and shrugged. "Elena, I'm serious, stop it."

"If you love me, make me stop," she said. He looked at her. "Well Brad?"

"God you drive me nuts," he sighed and kissed her, pulling her close.

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