Sometimes, Shinichi hated being the hero. Sometimes he would close his eyes at night and wish that someone else could take his place. Someone else could hold his burden, of knowing the truth behind the Black Org, of having to hide for his very life, of being unable to see the one he loved most, even if she was right by his side every day. He would curse his fate for choosing him to be the hero of this story. "Life isn't fair," people would always say. He wanted to scream back, "Why not?" Why couldn't life be fair? Why couldn't the good be rewarded and the evil punished? Why couldn't he just live his life in peace? He had saved many lives, arrested even more criminals.
Pride was a sin. Shinichi wasn't sure of his own religious views, but was this his punishment? Just because he had been too self-satisfied, he was forced to go through this?
Everyone expected him to do the right thing. His parents were off who-knows-where in America, enjoying whatever vacation as their son struggled to stay alive. Every time Hattori visited, the Osakan detective would complain about his secrets. Why didn't he just tell Ran? Haibara was just as bad. She always freaked out when he tried to make things right. He finds a lead on the Black Org, and she refuses to let him follow it. It was at times like those when Shinichi really hated them. Did they think he wanted to lie? Did they think he wanted to risk his life? Falsities flew from his mouth every day and burned his tongue. Every cry of "Ran Nee-chan" was a new deception to be tacked onto his list. All he wanted to do was fix things, but all people saw were his faults.
"Just tell her already."
"Do you want to get us killed?"
"Shinichi, when are you coming home?"
He didn't know. He just didn't know! He was trying his hardest, but no one ever seemed to realize that! Did they ever think of things from his point of view? How would Hattori like to lie to Kazuha, knowing that she could die if she knew the truth? How would Haibara like to hold the responsibility of tracking down the Syndicate without exposing herself? How would Ran like to hear desperate calls from him, asking and pleading for her return? Could they deal with it? Would they be able to go through it all without cracking?
Like hell they would.
Shinichi was not perfect. Sometimes he looked down on people. Sometimes his pride got the better of him. but his heart was in the right place. Even before 'Conan', when he had been arrogant and naive and even ignorant of just how unfair life could be, he always did the right thing in the end. Yet it seemed the world around him only saw the imperfections. Every word was like another weight dropped onto his shoulder. It would only be a matter of time before he collapsed under the burden.
He was always expected to be the hero. Always expected to be perfect, then scolded when he was not. Why couldn't people try to walk a mile in his shoes? To try to see the world from his perspective, where everything was far too big behind a pair of fake glasses. He had to laugh at that. His glasses... they represented him so perfectly. They could do all sorts of things, beyond any other... but in the end, they were nothing but lies.
Shinichi wanted to be the good guy. He wanted to save the day.
but sometimes... Sometimes, he wished he could be selfish, too.
EDIT- Ugh, sorry about the whole B with U thing. Long story short, I wrote this on my kindle, saw spelling errors, didn't want to have to go back and fix it so I used a replacer. Didn't quite work out. Thanks, Alex.
Okay, so here's my latest oneshot. I'm actually not here to talk about it, but rather my upcoming stories. For those of your following Candle in the Dark, sorry. I'm putting that one on hold until I finish one of my "big projects." Like Third Victim. Speaking of which, I will try to focus on that, but no promises. I have written myself into a corner and need to get out. I published THAT one before I knew the importance of planning ahead. Also, about Kizuko. I'm restarting that one. Completely. New title, new beginning, completely redone. Only the plot is the same. I think I'll call it Ace of Spades so be on the lookout. I haven't gotten very far with it, but I have some ideas.
Next is my upcoming stories. I think I'll turn Redeo in Vicis into a multi chapter fic, but you probably won't see it for a while. Gomen (sheesh, I've gotten into a habit of saying that). There's another one I may write but… no spoilers yet.
Let's see, is that all? I think it is. Anyway, thanks for reading, even if it was short.